sugarmomma Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Ok ladies, We've been dating for 7 months just got back together after a few weeks. We are official and in a serious relationship. Should I inform him that V-day is important to me or do I just sit back and see if he'll hang himself?
crosswordfiend Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Sure. Why not. While you are at it, you can also tell him what special plans you have prepared for him to show him your love...
Els Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Definitely tell him, if it is. It's just inconsiderate of a woman to expect her bf to read her mind and then get upset when he doesn't, IMO. But check to make sure that you don't have unrealistic expectations either. The whole bouquet of a dozen roses at the office, etc... different men have different ways of pampering you and expressing love, and it may not necessarily be exactly what you want. So yes, tell him, and try to go into it with an open mind as long as time and effort is put forth. Also, do something nice for him!
tigressA Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Yes, tell him it's important to you. Just 'seeing if he'll hang himself' sounds mean.
Author sugarmomma Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Well for sweetest day in october i bought him something. He didnt buy me anything so i dont think he should get anything. It should be about me since it was all about him that time. Fair?? I think so.
Els Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Uh... I guess. I gotta say, though, sugarmomma, the way you talk about such things just makes me go . Maybe it's just how you come across via text. Hopefully.
Onlyjonley Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Definitely tell him! I made sure to let my boyfriend know V-day wasn't a huge deal to me and just to keep it simple ... that way he wouldn't be stressing over it.
salparadise Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Well for sweetest day in october i bought him something. He didnt buy me anything so i dont think he should get anything. It should be about me since it was all about him that time. Fair?? I think so. I had to google 'sweetest day' because I had never heard of it and I've been hanging around this planet twice as long as some of the youngsters on here. Wikipedia says it was invented/promoted by the confectioners industry with unabashed profit producing incentive. So now you're in 'what have you done for me lately' mode with respect to Valentine Day, have your expectations ratcheted up, are planning to stiff him on giving side, and asking for advice as to whether to tip him off regarding your expectations or just let him hang himself––guess I should ask if I'm hearing you correctly? Why don't you just be a sport and give him a heads up on the whole deal? Tell him that he'd damn well better be prepared to drop some serious cash on V-Day, that the chance of you actually being grateful is just about nil after the confectioner's promotion fiasco, so he shouldn't expect any words of appreciation, and he certainly shouldn't expect reciprocation since he is officially in the doghouse unless... and just let him know the dollar value and type of gifts it would take to even the score with you, or avoid getting his balls whacked off. Suggamomma, you are one serious catch; what a lucky guy he is.
somedude81 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Sure. Why not. While you are at it, you can also tell him what special plans you have prepared for him to show him your love... Hi-five! Frankly, I'd expect somebody named sugermama to be a little more giving.
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Well for sweetest day in october i bought him something. He didnt buy me anything so i dont think he should get anything. It should be about me since it was all about him that time. Fair?? I think so. First, I don't know a single soul who actually does anything for Sweetest Day. Second, you should not be in a relationship if you're so focused on tit-for-tat and what you can get from him, nevermind wanting to try him to see if he'll read your mind and "hang himself." Third, you sound very selfish and like a very poor relationship partner.
USMCHokie Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Well for sweetest day in october i bought him something. He didnt buy me anything so i dont think he should get anything. It should be about me since it was all about him that time. Fair?? I think so. Hmmm...so with this logic, if I feel that a girl doesn't need to give me anything because being with her is enough for me, then I would never have to do anything for her...? You do stud because you want to, not because you're bartering for services or maize...
Els Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 First, I don't know a single soul who actually does anything for Sweetest Day. Second, you should not be in a relationship if you're so focused on tit-for-tat and what you can get from him, nevermind wanting to try him to see if he'll read your mind and "hang himself." Third, you sound very selfish and like a very poor relationship partner. Yep, agreed.
O'Malley Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Ok ladies, We've been dating for 7 months just got back together after a few weeks. Why did you get back with this guy, when he was apathetic about committing to you the last time around (from your other posts about him)? It shouldn't be a big deal to bring up how you'd enjoy celebrating the day together, even if you differ in how you express affection. You sound cynical about the relationship overall, not just about V-Day.
zengirl Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 If you're more interested in collecting data, hang back and watch what he does. If you care about him and are more interested in nurturing the relationship, share anything that's really important to you. There's nothing wrong with V-Day being important to you (though you do sound super-cynical and selfish about it) but choosing not to share it is only an exercise in game-playing and data-collecting, not actually being IN the relationship.
LexiB Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Well for sweetest day in october i bought him something. He didnt buy me anything so i dont think he should get anything. It should be about me since it was all about him that time. Fair?? I think so. Ew. Why are you keeping score like this?
Author sugarmomma Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 SG you are in no position to judge anyone. Move along. Anywho thanks zengirl you seem to be the only one that gets what im saying.
cerridwen Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Ok ladies, We've been dating for 7 months just got back together after a few weeks. We are official and in a serious relationship. Should I inform him that V-day is important to me or do I just sit back and see if he'll hang himself? Communication is key. Let him know, SM. And it would be nice if you bought him something too. It's about love after all, isn't it?
Author sugarmomma Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 I guess its not so much a gift but making sure we spend the day together. I make way more money so i should hav been clearer in my op. Thx everyone. I am not selfish at all and if u knew me you would know that. I will talk to him.
KathyM Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 If you've been together seven months and are exclusive, then doing something special is definately in order. Why not ask him if it would be OK if you made some plans for the two of you for Valentine's Day? I think most women are better at this than men are anyway. Valentine's Day is a big deal, and plans should be communicated and established beforehand, rather than wait and see what he does. And I think the expectation that some women have about celebrating every little thing can get to be a big burden on a guy. I had to instruct my two youngest sons that they shouldn't feel obligated to celebrate every little thing with their gfs, like one month anniversary, six month anniversary, etc. It gets to be too much of a burden in dating, I think.
cerridwen Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I guess its not so much a gift but making sure we spend the day together. I make way more money so i should have been clearer in my op. Thx everyone. I am not selfish at all and if u knew me you would know that. I will talk to him. I prefer a shared experience over gift exchange for V-Day too, especially if there's an income disparity. Why apply undue pressure and stress? Why set anyone up for potential "failure"? I'm glad you're going the "experience" route, SM. Have you thought of what, just yet? And just as an idea, a friend of mine and her man are going to a tiny cabin for an overnight stay near the ocean. More romantic than an iPod, I'd say.
salparadise Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 And I think the expectation that some women have about celebrating every little thing can get to be a big burden on a guy. I had to instruct my two youngest sons that they shouldn't feel obligated to celebrate every little thing with their gfs, like one month anniversary, six month anniversary, etc. It gets to be too much of a burden in dating, I think. Yes indeed, and especially when it's a one-way street. Regardless, it's just a old-school mentality that's antiquated and can get out of hand. A guy should not have to devote a huge amount of mental or emotional energy or income trying to woo or keep a woman happy through gift-giving. And he should not have to endure big anxiety due to her potentially being unimpressed or outright dissatisfied with his effort. My ex-wife managed to create this paradigm and I came to dread any occasion with gift-giving expectations attached. It always felt like I was suppose top what I had done previously, there was little or no reciprocation, and since it was an expectation there wasn't much joy or graciousness on either end. No wonder the relationship imploded. I won't be lured into that trap again. Gifts for my new gf will be well thought and symbolic, fun, tasty, etc., but not going to even attempt to buy appreciation.
KathyM Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Yes indeed, and especially when it's a one-way street. Regardless, it's just a old-school mentality that's antiquated and can get out of hand. A guy should not have to devote a huge amount of mental or emotional energy or income trying to woo or keep a woman happy through gift-giving. And he should not have to endure big anxiety due to her potentially being unimpressed or outright dissatisfied with his effort. My ex-wife managed to create this paradigm and I came to dread any occasion with gift-giving expectations attached. It always felt like I was suppose top what I had done previously, there was little or no reciprocation, and since it was an expectation there wasn't much joy or graciousness on either end. No wonder the relationship imploded. I won't be lured into that trap again. Gifts for my new gf will be well thought and symbolic, fun, tasty, etc., but not going to even attempt to buy appreciation. I think it's important to celebrate and give gifts for important occasions, like Valentine's Day, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. You do want to show them this is something special. And certainly occasional thoughtful gifts are a good thing in keeping a relationship strong, but I think some people get carried away with expectations on this, and it's hard to live up to that for men. I'm trying to teach my sons to go for less expensive, fun dates, rather than thinking they have to do something major, and limit the gift giving to important holidays and occasional small tokens of romance. I think, if it appears that men are going overboard with the gifts, expensive dates, etc., women lose respect for the guy, and he comes across as wanting to buy affection. I know guys who have been dumped for that very reason--the women didn't respect them because they were trying too hard to impress with gifts, expensive dates, etc. It can be overdone, for sure. Both my sisters dumped guys who were trying too hard to buy affection.
veggirl Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 OP. You should dump your BF and date musemaj instead. I think you two would get along swimmingly!
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 SG you are in no position to judge anyone. Sure I am.
veggirl Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Anywho, I am not super big on gifts in general. I like gifts on birthdays, other than that, I'm fine with me and my bf not doing gifts. I'd rather do an activity together. Perhaps that would be better for you and your BF, that way you won't be keeping score. I mean what if he spends less than you do?
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