joeyanna Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Hi fellow Loveshackians Quite a complicated story so please stick with me, I could appreciate some support. Four months ago I formed a friendship with someone I met online, we had both come out of relationships and a bond was formed. However, there is a major problem and that is that we live 4000 miles apart. Saying that, we quickly decided that we wanted to meet and so I have been planning to visit in February (although due to personal circumstances this was looking unlikely). We realised early on that we were also developing feelings for each other that went beyond friendship and eventually declarations were made on both sides...however, a few weeks in he decided that he wasn't ready to get into another LDR having just come out of one and we reverted back to being friends. Weeks of daily communication passed and we both admitted how much we loved spending time in each others company and our feelings began to rise again and we started talking about a possible future together if I could relocate to be with him, which I was more than willing to try (though couldn't do immediately as I'm currently in my second year of University) and I guess we both got swept along by the emotion of the situation. Up until the weekend things were amazing (mostly apart from some miscommunication occasionally). We talked on the phone as well as online and neither of us could wait to meet. He talked to his kids about me as well as his friends and colleagues so I knew he was taking this seriously. He had begun to ask me to text a picture of myself which I was scared to do given I had come out of two relationships (including my marriage) where I had been made to feel bad about my appearance so my confidence in that area is sometimes low and I worried that things would change once I had sent one, (a fear, it turns out, that was not unfounded) but in the end I backed down. It wasn't as if he had never seen a picture of me, he had and had told me that he thought I was beautiful. Anyway over the weekend, things were going so well I decided to take the bull by the horns and send a picture, partly because he was going to start asking why I wouldn't oblige but I was terrified of his reactions given my history. Well he eventually texted to say thanks for sending it and he hoped we could chat about it soon but then he went quiet. Now I know he had a busy weekend so wasn't around much and I know he had tried to chat with me twice online but I hadn't been around but I responded when I could but he didn't get back to me so I started to have a feeling that something was amiss so I finally asked what was happening and that, if things had changed for him, he should tell me. Yesterday I finally received a lengthy email from him. He said that he had had plenty of time to think over the weekend and decided (after discussing our situation with his friends), that he didn't want to pursue a romantic relationship as he wasn't quite sure if there was a physical attraction between us, although we'd exchange pictures before, he was willing to make the call from a terrible picture taken on a phone camera and he said that he had been swept along by the feelings of us having an amazing life together and that he didn't want to invest in another LDR but he hoped we could still be friends as he didn't want to lose me but we couldn't base a future relationship purely on the fact that we get along well.....OH! It's going to be hard now going back to chatting as if we had no feelings for each other at all, I for one, cannot erase my emotions so quickly (I know some find it easier than others though). He said he would still like to meet me someday but was worried that we would both get hurt if we were suddenly thrust into spending a week together and found that there was no physical attraction...which I admit, had crossed my mind on more than one occasion but then I figure, how will we know there is nothing between us if we don't at least try? I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking 'what if'!! I'm sorry that this is long winded but I had to get it off my chest. I don't know how to move forward from here!? And I feel very sad right now!
xpaperxcutx Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 The both of you dove headfirst into a virtual fantasy that wasn't real to begin with. I understand that you guys bonded over the commonality of having left recent relationships, but given that you guys haven't taken the time to " heal" and move forward, you basically became each other's " rebound". What he had done is very cruel, but not uncommon. If relationship develop in part due to 70% looks and 30% personality, it wouldn't have mattered how long you've been communicating with him. But what I don't understand is why is that you guys never webcammed? I think for an LDR, that would've done you more justice than iming and texting back and forth. OP, I'm really sorry he pulled the plug like this, but if you want to move past this, I suggest you go NC. His extension of the olive branch is very selfish and as much as it may seem polite, it's done without any considerations about your feelings.
Author joeyanna Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 The both of you dove headfirst into a virtual fantasy that wasn't real to begin with. I understand that you guys bonded over the commonality of having left recent relationships, but given that you guys haven't taken the time to " heal" and move forward, you basically became each other's " rebound". What he had done is very cruel, but not uncommon. If relationship develop in part due to 70% looks and 30% personality, it wouldn't have mattered how long you've been communicating with him. But what I don't understand is why is that you guys never webcammed? I think for an LDR, that would've done you more justice than iming and texting back and forth. OP, I'm really sorry he pulled the plug like this, but if you want to move past this, I suggest you go NC. His extension of the olive branch is very selfish and as much as it may seem polite, it's done without any considerations about your feelings. Thank you for your kind words. I really don't think I could go NC, as he said in his email yesterday, I'm one of his best friends and he mine. I'm sure the initial first few days will be awkward but I want to try and make the effort and see if we can salvage a great friendship. We emailed a couple of times during the night and I was hoping we could IM a little this morning as we haven't since Saturday (which is the longest we've gone without in four months). I don't have a webcam besides which, it took him a while to even talk to me on the phone because he was nervous about doing so. I think you could be right with the rebound thing, I'm two and a half years out of my marriage and have dated someone since for several months. He however, was just out of his relationship when we 'met'. It's all very raw as it only happened yesterday, I think I need to keep my head down, concentrate on university and take each day as it comes. I just feel a little lost right now!
Author joeyanna Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 The both of you dove headfirst into a virtual fantasy that wasn't real to begin with. I understand that you guys bonded over the commonality of having left recent relationships, but given that you guys haven't taken the time to " heal" and move forward, you basically became each other's " rebound". What he had done is very cruel, but not uncommon. If relationship develop in part due to 70% looks and 30% personality, it wouldn't have mattered how long you've been communicating with him. But what I don't understand is why is that you guys never webcammed? I think for an LDR, that would've done you more justice than iming and texting back and forth. OP, I'm really sorry he pulled the plug like this, but if you want to move past this, I suggest you go NC. His extension of the olive branch is very selfish and as much as it may seem polite, it's done without any considerations about your feelings. Thank you for your kind words. I really don't think I could go NC, as he said in his email yesterday, I'm one of his best friends and he mine. I'm sure the initial first few days will be awkward but I want to try and make the effort and see if we can salvage a great friendship. We emailed a couple of times during the night and I was hoping we could IM a little this morning as we haven't since Saturday (which is the longest we've gone without in four months). I don't have a webcam besides which, it took him a while to even talk to me on the phone because he was nervous about doing so. I think you could be right with the rebound thing, I'm two and a half years out of my marriage and have dated someone since for several months. He however, was just out of his relationship when we 'met'. It's all very raw as it only happened yesterday, I think I need to keep my head down, concentrate on university and take each day as it comes. I just feel a little lost right now!
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