lalalandman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I've been reading on these forums for about 8 months now, and I can say, it feels truly great to take the power back. Is it really worth allowing yourself to be hurt over someone who doesn't want to be with you? No, it's not. You don't need all the answers. That person made a decision to leave you, and that's it. There's no real explanation. Call it GIGS, but in my opinion, every breakup is technically GIGS. That doesn't mean a damn thing. So take the power back. Move on. Be yourself and be happy with yourself. If your exes are contacting you and leaving breadcrumbs, just ignore. It's difficult to get that magic back once the trust is gone. It's just not worth the pain. And if they've given you hope for reconciliation, but nothing has come of it, then really, move on. That's immaturity. It means they are afraid, and they feel guilty, and it hurts you. You have to realize when words are just words. I too have had an ex contact me saying she wanted me forever. That was in November. She decided to tug the strings again after many NC attempts on my part. Look at where I'm at now. She saw me once, then backed off and got cold. Still made promises to talk, but really, no. And I ended up chasing her, the dumper. This is 8 months later. Now, I have 2 exes contacting me, her included. In the past 2 weeks. I've decided to ignore them both. Someone said something in another forum, that there is nothing wrong with indirectly communicating to the other person, 'hey, screw you'. Why are you sacrificing your happiness over someone who doesn't want you? They don't need you, so why should you need them? Stop caring about what they think. And even if they do decide to tell you, don't take it for face value. Pretend that there are no phones in the world, no email, no FB. If they really truly wanted to be with you, it's true, that they would move mountains to be with you. And if that magic is gone, then would you really want to still be with that person anyways?
The Poster Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) This is all so nice and inspirational...but it's a lot easier said than done. Trust me, I'd love to be able to just let go and forget and move on, but it's a constant struggle. I'm fighting though. Edited January 24, 2012 by The Poster
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I've been reading on these forums for about 8 months now, and I can say, it feels truly great to take the power back. Is it really worth allowing yourself to be hurt over someone who doesn't want to be with you? No, it's not. You don't need all the answers. That person made a decision to leave you, and that's it. There's no real explanation. Call it GIGS, but in my opinion, every breakup is technically GIGS. That doesn't mean a damn thing. So take the power back. Move on. Be yourself and be happy with yourself. If your exes are contacting you and leaving breadcrumbs, just ignore. It's difficult to get that magic back once the trust is gone. It's just not worth the pain. And if they've given you hope for reconciliation, but nothing has come of it, then really, move on. That's immaturity. It means they are afraid, and they feel guilty, and it hurts you. You have to realize when words are just words. I too have had an ex contact me saying she wanted me forever. That was in November. She decided to tug the strings again after many NC attempts on my part. Look at where I'm at now. She saw me once, then backed off and got cold. Still made promises to talk, but really, no. And I ended up chasing her, the dumper. This is 8 months later. Now, I have 2 exes contacting me, her included. In the past 2 weeks. I've decided to ignore them both. Someone said something in another forum, that there is nothing wrong with indirectly communicating to the other person, 'hey, screw you'. Why are you sacrificing your happiness over someone who doesn't want you? They don't need you, so why should you need them? Stop caring about what they think. And even if they do decide to tell you, don't take it for face value. Pretend that there are no phones in the world, no email, no FB. If they really truly wanted to be with you, it's true, that they would move mountains to be with you. And if that magic is gone, then would you really want to still be with that person anyways? For you, all your breakups are GIGS breakups. Doesn't mean all breakups are GIGS breakups. You need to take a cold hard look in the mirror. Why would you NC someone that said they wanted to be with you forever? How are you going to go through life and relationships without feeling pain? Life hurts. Its a test of your character. Its not easy and you are taking the hard way out by the way. Lets just ignore it like it never happened and start over. What will you have learned by going this route?
Author lalalandman Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Listen, I've read a lot of what you say, and I respect your opinions, but at this point, I sincerely disagree. People break up to find something better, whether or not you did something wrong in the relationship. Isn't that the nature of a break up? The grass may not be greener on the other side, but at least it's not the same grass they'd been rolling around in, right? It's a new experience. Why is it that dumpers don't generally give a crap about GIGS? Because they don't need that crutch. They left you. It's a dumpee's cause. Sometimes, words are just words. If she really meant what she said back in November, do you really think I'd be on these forums right now? Why am I chasing someone who left me? What does that say about me? What does it say about her to contact me, saying she wants reconciliation, only to back off when she pulls me back in? What if in her mind she really means "I want you to be wrapped around my little finger forever"? The truth is, I've already dealt with the really difficult pain. What I feel now, is toyed. What I've learned is that somebody else and I shared a truly real, benevolent love, and we have some damn good memories together. And that's fine. I can walk away with that. But how long do you expect people to let old feelings linger on. How long do you expect me to let her pull strings? I mean really, are you against all break ups? I've been looking in the mirror, and you know what I've noticed? I'm not getting younger. I'm 29. And 8 months on, this has gotten nowhere. At some point, you just have to move on, or she has to make a decision. For god's sake, at some point, someone has to make a decision.
Author lalalandman Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 This is all so nice and inspirational...but it's a lot easier said than done. Trust me, I'd love to be able to just let go and forget and move on, but it's a constant struggle. I'm fighting though. Stop struggling and let go. I'm not saying to forget. I know it's difficult, but for your own well being, yes. Something out there is looking out for you. Just trust in yourself.
Philosoraptor Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 While I agree we must strive to become happy within ourselves, there seems to be quite a bit of anger in your post. What you are saying is correct, but the tone shows you are not in the peaceful place you need to be. I agree waiting for someone who clearly wasn't happy with you is incredibly stupid. The reason that a relationship ends is that someone isn't getting what they need. Whether it be emotional, physical, or even just exicitement. But do you truly want to be with someone who can't be happy with you or stay with you for the person that you are naturally? All we can do is wish them luck to find what they want in this world and move on ourselves. There is no reason to pine for someone who did not accept us for who we are. We find forgiveness inside and that is followed by inner peace.
lolita jade Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I understand what you are trying to say Lala and for us that are further down the line, yes, it is easier to put into practise, if we haven't already. When you have just been dumped or coping with the grief of it all I think you need to naturally go through the stages of grief to get to this point. I don't believe there is much of a short cut, just some things you can do to help yourself, like nc and focusing on you. It does get better and when you accept the break up you are ready to start to move on.
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