joeyanna Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Hi fellow Loveshackians Quite a complicated story so please stick with me, I could appreciate some support. Four months ago I formed a friendship with someone I met online, we had both come out of relationships and a bond was formed. However, there is a major problem and that is that we live 4000 miles apart. Saying that, we quickly decided that we wanted to meet and so I have been planning to visit in February (although due to personal circumstances this was looking unlikely). We realised early on that we were also developing feelings for each other that went beyond friendship and eventually declarations were made on both sides...however, a few weeks in he decided that he wasn't ready to get into another LDR having just come out of one and we reverted back to being friends. Weeks of daily communication passed and we both admitted how much we loved spending time in each others company and our feelings began to rise again and we started talking about a possible future together if I could relocate to be with him, which I was more than willing to try (though couldn't do immediately as I'm currently in my second year of University) and I guess we both got swept along by the emotion of the situation. Up until the weekend things were amazing (mostly apart from some miscommunication occasionally). We talked on the phone as well as online and neither of us could wait to meet. He talked to his kids about me as well as his friends and colleagues so I knew he was taking this seriously. He had begun to ask me to text a picture of myself which I was scared to do given I had come out of two relationships (including my marriage) where I had been made to feel bad about my appearance so my confidence in that area is sometimes low and I worried that things would change once I had sent one, (a fear, it turns out, that was not unfounded) but in the end I backed down. It wasn't as if he had never seen a picture of me, he had and had told me that he thought I was beautiful. Anyway over the weekend, things were going so well I decided to take the bull by the horns and send a picture, partly because he was going to start asking why I wouldn't oblige but I was terrified of his reactions given my history. Well he eventually texted to say thanks for sending it and he hoped we could chat about it soon but then he went quiet. Now I know he had a busy weekend so wasn't around much and I know he had tried to chat with me twice online but I hadn't been around but I responded when I could but he didn't get back to me so I started to have a feeling that something was amiss so I finally asked what was happening and that, if things had changed for him, he should tell me. Yesterday I finally received a lengthy email from him. He said that he had had plenty of time to think over the weekend and decided (after discussing our situation with his friends), that he didn't want to pursue a romantic relationship as he wasn't quite sure if there was a physical attraction between us, although we'd exchange pictures before, he was willing to make the call from a terrible picture taken on a phone camera and he said that he had been swept along by the feelings of us having an amazing life together and that he didn't want to invest in another LDR but he hoped we could still be friends as he didn't want to lose me but we couldn't base a future relationship purely on the fact that we get along well.....OH! It's going to be hard now going back to chatting as if we had no feelings for each other at all, I for one, cannot erase my emotions so quickly (I know some find it easier than others though). He said he would still like to meet me someday but was worried that we would both get hurt if we were suddenly thrust into spending a week together and found that there was no physical attraction...which I admit, had crossed my mind on more than one occasion but then I figure, how will we know there is nothing between us if we don't at least try? I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking 'what if'!! I'm sorry that this is long winded but I had to get it off my chest. I don't know how to move forward from here!? And I feel very sad right now! Edited January 24, 2012 by joeyanna details
TMichaels Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 If he's that shallow you don't need him in your life. Full stop. Best, TMichaels
cerridwen Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 He said that he had had plenty of time to think over the weekend and decided (after discussing our situation with his friends), that he didn't want to pursue a romantic relationship as he wasn't quite sure if there was a physical attraction between us, although we'd exchange pictures before, he was willing to make the call from a terrible picture taken on a phone camera and he said that he had been swept along by the feelings of us having an amazing life together and that he didn't want to invest in another LDR but he hoped we could still be friends as he didn't want to lose me but we couldn't base a future relationship purely on the fact that we get along well.....OH! It's going to be hard now going back to chatting as if we had no feelings for each other at all, I for one, cannot erase my emotions so quickly (I know some find it easier than others though). He said he would still like to meet me someday but was worried that we would both get hurt if we were suddenly thrust into spending a week together and found that there was no physical attraction...which I admit, had crossed my mind on more than one occasion but then I figure, how will we know there is nothing between us if we don't at least try? I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking 'what if'!! I'm sorry that this is long winded but I had to get it off my chest. I don't know how to move forward from here!? And I feel very sad right now! It's not unreasonable to stop contact for awhile, until you've adjusted to a platonic relationship. Have you considered asking him for space? Perhaps explaining it would help you make that shift? Is a friendship even what you want at this point? Propose a break from talking/emailing so you can get some clarity on what you want from the situation. Take the time. Let feelings settle. Think in terms of what YOU want (from life and so forth) and see if picking up with him again appeals.
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 tell him you dont think he looks so hot either...but you liked his personality. but now he blew that too, because u never thought him to be so shallow
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 truly..... you recover by knowing how amazing u really are. and how u deserve so much more. and you take care of yourself as best as you can inside out. and pray that the Lord leads u to a better fit. and know you are not alone and there is some one who is truly a right fit out there for u! dotn give up hope : )
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