They all Suck

[Oxy Moronovich]

OH. My. GOD. I just wrote a response full of disdain and venom. But it's not worth it. You're not worth it. I just warn you not to assume. You have no idea about anyone's past, and just because you're able to hide behind an anonymous avatar doesn't give you any right to be an ass hole.

Incidentally, I always liked your posts because they're reasonable. Plus, your small avi says you're most likely a cutie. I'm not trying to slag you, sweetheart. Nor am I against single mothers in general.

 

My main problem is not against the child but the single mother's relationship with her child. Single mothers have a problem with letting other men be father to their children. I've read about it on the internet and seen this in real life.

 

Example: I knew a mother who married a man without kids but she never liked the idea of him calling referring to her son as "our son." She actually said, "I cringe everytime I hear him refer to Michael as 'our son'."

 

Another example: A classmate of mine said, "Technically, John is the stepfather. But he'll never be the father of my kids. He doesn't have that priviledge."

 

The worst example was my college English Literature professor who ocasionally trashed talked her husband as being boring and lame. She had one child before she met him and two with him. She used to say, "John and Kathy are our children and Isaiah is my son." Despite the fact that he was the breadwinner and faithful, she trashed him and never be the father.

 

That's one big reason why most childless men steer clear of single mothers because the women will always exclude you from being the father no matter what you do.

[dreamingoftigers]

I actually have hope that my husband will hit bottom and come through for his daughter because he truly does love her. He was a very caring father before his addictions and double-life ripped him apart.

 

If he doesn't, it will pretty much be because he can't get himself together. Although there have been clear oversights of her. The next year will be the most telling on which way things will go.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Seriously, the people who think they have it figured all out on how to spot what someone is going to be like in 5, 10, 20 years are the ones who will probably get very burned.

 

I wouldn't worry about what a single, unmarried, young man has to state about having to completely restart life with child(ren) when the person that was supposed to spend the rest of his life with you developed emotional, mental or character problems.

 

We are the ones who stuck by our kids and protected them and continue to provide for them.

 

I am curious what their situation will be in 5, 10, 20 years. Whether they will be married and have children, whether those marriages will last etc.

I just have a problem believing the OP. I don't think she's a great catch like she says she is. From what she's wrote about herself, it's easy to see why dudes aren't answering her "man wanted ads".

 

I also think that excuse about her husband changing into a killer when she was on her 3rd child is phony. How is she not going to know what kind of dude her husband was while she was married to him? So he was a good father, but on her 3rd child did a 180 and turned into an abusive psycho? Yeah right.

[colliejoanie]

When I met my husband he was successful, charasmatic, a family man, humble, and very smitten. I had never felt more loved by any man. We had fun, we laughed, we were both determined to succeed in our careers.

 

Then his mother died of a misdiagnosed cancer. Suddenly the family skelatons came out. And they were NOT pretty. He completely changed. Everything changed. We lost our business, his family completely fell apart, and he started drinking and gambling every single night. We moved to another part of the country for a fresh start, and things were good for a while. I got pregnant. He stayed sober while I was pregnant, we were doing really well as a couple as well as financially. But the second my daughter was born he went right back to drinking and gambling. We lost our house and our cars because of his debt.

 

I am not a meek and mild person. I let him know constantly how I felt about all of this......that I was going to leave him. So he beat the crap out of me. That's when I left.

 

My daughter was 9 months old. He obviously hasn't sobered up. I'm trying to build the life I thought I'd have with him on my own. And I'm doing a good job of it.

 

If you don't want to date a single mom that's your prerogative. I'm not judging you for your choice. But please don't think you know anything about my choice in husbands based on the fact that I'm a divorced single mom.

[Dust]

When I met my husband he was successful, charasmatic, a family man, humble, and very smitten. I had never felt more loved by any man. We had fun, we laughed, we were both determined to succeed in our careers.

 

Then his mother died of a misdiagnosed cancer. Suddenly the family skelatons came out. And they were NOT pretty. He completely changed. Everything changed. We lost our business, his family completely fell apart, and he started drinking and gambling every single night. We moved to another part of the country for a fresh start, and things were good for a while. I got pregnant. He stayed sober while I was pregnant, we were doing really well as a couple as well as financially. But the second my daughter was born he went right back to drinking and gambling. We lost our house and our cars because of his debt.

 

I am not a meek and mild person. I let him know constantly how I felt about all of this......that I was going to leave him. So he beat the crap out of me. That's when I left.

 

My daughter was 9 months old. He obviously hasn't sobered up. I'm trying to build the life I thought I'd have with him on my own. And I'm doing a good job of it.

 

If you don't want to date a single mom that's your prerogative. I'm not judging you for your choice. But please don't think you know anything about my choice in husbands based on the fact that I'm a divorced single mom.

 

Thats quite a story. You're pretty and you come off as a very kind person. Still for the most part I don't want to date a single mom. But their are plenty of single fathers out their who "shouldn't" have that bias.

 

You seem like you have a great life in spite of "demon" man. So you have good things comming your way.

[colliejoanie]

Incidentally, I always liked your posts because they're reasonable. Plus, your small avi says you're most likely a cutie. I'm not trying to slag you, sweetheart. Nor am I against single mothers in general.

 

My main problem is not against the child but the single mother's relationship with her child. Single mothers have a problem with letting other men be father to their children. I've read about it on the internet and seen this in real life.

 

Example: I knew a mother who married a man without kids but she never liked the idea of him calling referring to her son as "our son." She actually said, "I cringe everytime I hear him refer to Michael as 'our son'."

 

Another example: A classmate of mine said, "Technically, John is the stepfather. But he'll never be the father of my kids. He doesn't have that priviledge."

 

The worst example was my college English Literature professor who ocasionally trashed talked her husband as being boring and lame. She had one child before she met him and two with him. She used to say, "John and Kathy are our children and Isaiah is my son." Despite the fact that he was the breadwinner and faithful, she trashed him and never be the father.

 

That's one big reason why most childless men steer clear of single mothers because the women will always exclude you from being the father no matter what you do.

 

Not in my case!!! Look, I'm sorry to pull out the ass hole card. I truly don't blame a guy for not wanting to date a single mom. But don't judge so quickly. Don't think you can lump us all together. Don't assume we deserve our loneliness because we chose the wrong guys. It's really hurtful actually.

 

Also, I know I'm not perfect. I am a fighter. I should have kept my mouth shut instead of constantly badgering him. I know "nagging" a man has the opposite effect than what's actually desired. I also valued "things" too much. Humble pie tastes like caca, I'm learning. But I'm learning.

 

I just don't like how this board seems to have suddenly turned "mean". Isn't the name of the board LOVE shack????

[colliejoanie]

I actually have hope that my husband will hit bottom and come through for his daughter because he truly does love her. He was a very caring father before his addictions and double-life ripped him apart.

 

If he doesn't, it will pretty much be because he can't get himself together. Although there have been clear oversights of her. The next year will be the most telling on which way things will go.

 

I'm sorry. I almost think this would be worse than my situation. My ex started his drinking and gambling literally while I was still in the hospital after having our daughter. i never have gotten the sense that he truly loves her as a father should. So, she doesn't miss him. She doesn't ask about him. And I don't think he will ever realize what has happened.

[KathyM]

I don't want to be one of those bitter women with no use for me. Who thinks all men are lowlifes out to use others. Who sees guys are just overgrown children with no redeeming characteristics.

 

But its getting harder and harder not to see them that way.

 

I'm a catch. I'm beautiful, I'm smart and friendly and loyal and generous. I have a quirky sense of humor and I'm willing to try new things and to give almost anyone a chance. I am not overly picky about who I talk to.

 

And yet . . . these guys. They just . . . suck.

 

Unemployed. Don't visit their kids but want to know all about mine. Live with their parents. Are broke, but wont go out with me until they can pay for everything.

 

I hate to be negative or bitter, but maybe its all true. Maybe they really are all shallow, worthless asshats with no redeeming characteristics.

 

I know if I meet many more ignorant, clueless, losers, I am going to just decide to be single for the rest of my life.

If you're only finding loserish men, then you must be looking in the wrong places, or you're not screening the guys you meet well enough. One of the first things you find out about a person, either on the first date or before, is what kind of job they have, what their living arrangements are (who they live with, etc.), what kind of things they like to do. That's the secret to dating men who are not losers--look in the right places; screen them early on, preferably before even going out on the first date.

[Dust]

When I met my husband he was successful, charasmatic, a family man, humble, and very smitten. I had never felt more loved by any man. We had fun, we laughed, we were both determined to succeed in our careers.

 

Then his mother died of a misdiagnosed cancer. Suddenly the family skelatons came out. And they were NOT pretty. He completely changed. Everything changed. We lost our business, his family completely fell apart, and he started drinking and gambling every single night. We moved to another part of the country for a fresh start, and things were good for a while. I got pregnant. He stayed sober while I was pregnant, we were doing really well as a couple as well as financially. But the second my daughter was born he went right back to drinking and gambling. We lost our house and our cars because of his debt.

 

I am not a meek and mild person. I let him know constantly how I felt about all of this......that I was going to leave him. So he beat the crap out of me. That's when I left.

 

My daughter was 9 months old. He obviously hasn't sobered up. I'm trying to build the life I thought I'd have with him on my own. And I'm doing a good job of it.

 

If you don't want to date a single mom that's your prerogative. I'm not judging you for your choice. But please don't think you know anything about my choice in husbands based on the fact that I'm a divorced single mom.

 

Thats quite a story. You're pretty and you come off as a very kind person. Still for the most part I don't want to date a single mom. But their are plenty of single fathers out their who "shouldn't" have that bias.

 

You seem like you have a great life in spite of "demon" man. So you have good things comming your way.

[MrWombat]

I'm a catch. I'm beautiful, I'm smart and friendly and loyal

 

woah! Loyal? Now, I'm just asking, I'm just trying to assist you, to help you locate the problem:

 

You have three kids, right? And are unmarried now? So ... How many different baby daddies are we talking? How many times were you married? Were you the one who filed for divorce?

 

Seriously! Loyal? Go get a dictionary are and find out what the word means. Also look up the words "commitment" and "vow". Prepare to be shocked.

[colliejoanie]

Thats quite a story. You're pretty and you come off as a very kind person. Still for the most part I don't want to date a single mom. But their are plenty of single fathers out their who "shouldn't" have that bias.

 

You seem like you have a great life in spite of "demon" man. So you have good things comming your way.

 

I don't blame you Dust . when I was your age and single I wouldn't have dated a man with children. It's a sticky situation for everyone involved.

[SJC2008]

For every woman who says "men are pigs" there's a man saying "women are bit*es". Take me for example. I've been on 4 dates in the last 10 months and do you know how many second date's I've gotten? NONE. Why? because if you show one flicker of shyness it's fkn over that's why. Then you end up with the jerk who gets in the panties and leaves, or won't commit and cry about it here. I have worked on my "skills" so hard this last year. I show confidence, flirt and make good eye contact and all that bs women sopposedly like and it has gotten me nowhere. But something strange has happened, I went from being almost crushed after not getting a 2nd date to not giving a ***. For starters I'm used to it lol, secondly the more women I'm with I realize they are nothing special and can be pretty boaring, no wonder on the OLD sites they want "someone who can make me laugh" lol. Out of those 4 women even though I would of accepted a 2nd date with all of them even though not one of them really intrigued me. Why? Because you can't sum up a person in one date that's why. Unless a she shows signs of being crazy or super slu**y I'd give 3 dates to see if she is worth pursuing. Too bad many woman wont do the same. I'm not bitter, I was headed there but had an opiphone. I'm gonna keep trucking untill I meet a woman who respects herself and won't give it up for at least a month and who can appreciate a man who is going to take the time to get to know her. A woman who can appreciate a man who will be supportive and loyal and not looking for the bigger better deal.

[joystickd]

I don't know you, so I have no idea about your particular situation. But, in general when someone marries or settles down with someone who ends up being considerably less than ideal in terms of character it can be an indicator that someone's "people picker" was off when they chose that person.

 

Settling down with someone is an investment, not just about "love" (although emotions do play a role to be sure). Marrying the sexy guy who works at Jiffy Lube or at various odd jobs simply because he tickles your fancy is not wise. Meanwhile the slightly nerdy engineering student who was just a bit socially awkward might have been a better choice. Again though, I don't know if that was the case for you or anyone else posting in this topic, but it is something that happens often enough for jobaba to have made what I deemed a "good point".

 

I totally agree. There are bad men and women out here but the thing is the common denominator in all these relationships is YOU. Its either an off people picker or just your failure to catch red flags. It sounds like you are burned out from dating. You need to take time and focus on what it is you really want in a man and reflect on the bad past relationships and figure out things that person did or said and use them in a future relationship as indicators of when to end it before you get hurt

[Titania22]

For every woman who says "men are pigs" there's a man saying "women are bit*es". Take me for example. I've been on 4 dates in the last 10 months and do you know how many second date's I've gotten? NONE. Why? because if you show one flicker of shyness it's fkn over that's why. Then you end up with the jerk who gets in the panties and leaves, or won't commit and cry about it here. I have worked on my "skills" so hard this last year. I show confidence, flirt and make good eye contact and all that bs women sopposedly like and it has gotten me nowhere. But something strange has happened, I went from being almost crushed after not getting a 2nd date to not giving a ***. For starters I'm used to it lol, secondly the more women I'm with I realize they are nothing special and can be pretty boaring, no wonder on the OLD sites they want "someone who can make me laugh" lol. Out of those 4 women even though I would of accepted a 2nd date with all of them even though not one of them really intrigued me. Why? Because you can't sum up a person in one date that's why. Unless a she shows signs of being crazy or super slu**y I'd give 3 dates to see if she is worth pursuing. Too bad many woman wont do the same. I'm not bitter, I was headed there but had an opiphone. I'm gonna keep trucking untill I meet a woman who respects herself and won't give it up for at least a month and who can appreciate a man who is going to take the time to get to know her. A woman who can appreciate a man who will be supportive and loyal and not looking for the bigger better deal.

 

I wish you would go post something on the One issue with making a man wait for sex thread, because over there the men seem to feel that any woman who would wait at least a month for sex is some sort of devil woman.

 

And even just on ls those women exist, so i am sure they exist in society too. Goodluck in your search, I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Woggle]

What, exactly is VERY good point??? Did we "deserve" what we got? Really? None of you have any idea if my ex husband was "bad boy" when I met him. You're assuming.

 

I guess I don't understand what you mean here......

 

Nobody deserves what they get and maybe you are not one of these women but many spend most of their youth chasing after the biggest jerks they can find because it makes them hot then they have been burned one too many times they want to be angry at all men.

 

Most sane and emotionally healthy men simply don't want to deal with this emotional baggage and I can't say I blame them.

[Woggle]

For every woman who says "men are pigs" there's a man saying "women are bit*es". Take me for example. I've been on 4 dates in the last 10 months and do you know how many second date's I've gotten? NONE. Why? because if you show one flicker of shyness it's fkn over that's why. Then you end up with the jerk who gets in the panties and leaves, or won't commit and cry about it here. I have worked on my "skills" so hard this last year. I show confidence, flirt and make good eye contact and all that bs women sopposedly like and it has gotten me nowhere. But something strange has happened, I went from being almost crushed after not getting a 2nd date to not giving a ***. For starters I'm used to it lol, secondly the more women I'm with I realize they are nothing special and can be pretty boaring, no wonder on the OLD sites they want "someone who can make me laugh" lol. Out of those 4 women even though I would of accepted a 2nd date with all of them even though not one of them really intrigued me. Why? Because you can't sum up a person in one date that's why. Unless a she shows signs of being crazy or super slu**y I'd give 3 dates to see if she is worth pursuing. Too bad many woman wont do the same. I'm not bitter, I was headed there but had an opiphone. I'm gonna keep trucking untill I meet a woman who respects herself and won't give it up for at least a month and who can appreciate a man who is going to take the time to get to know her. A woman who can appreciate a man who will be supportive and loyal and not looking for the bigger better deal.

 

I sort of agree with this. Some complain that men are pigs but any man that shows a sign of sincerity and interest in getting to know her is toast. It's like a man has to be the dog that we get accused of being just to get in the game these days.

[Feelsgoodman]

But at the same time, this just sucks. I can't express how frustrating it is to feel like everyone else on the planet is able to do the seemingly simple task of finding someone they like to spend time with.

You are going to hate me for saying this but it needs to be said anyway because it's the truth. The fact that you have three kids is not just a huge turnoff. It is a deal breaker for 90% of eligible single men. Even men with kids would not want to date you. They may be okay with a woman that has one kid, but raising three kids of another man is not something that most guys would be interested in.

 

It's not that "all men suck"...it's that you made certain choices in your life that put you in a very precarious position and made you virtually undateable. I don't know you personally so I can't comment on the circumstances that led you to becoming a single mother of three and I'm not judging you...but it is what it is. You are a victim of our insane divorce-happy culture.

 

Okay, now you are going to really hate me, but again, it's the truth. You are going to have to set your standards very low when it comes to men. You are ging to have to be content with men that most other women would not want to date. It's no coincidence that most guys you end up with are losers. As I said, like attracts like. These men are not seen as dateable by most women and you are not seen as dateable by most men. Instead of being bitter about it, you just have to be realistic.

[MrWombat]

That's the secret to dating men who are not losers--look in the right places; screen them early on, preferably before even going out on the first date.

It helps, also, to have a sane set of screening criteria. People that screen out everyone but bad boys are going to wind up with a series of bad boys, and wonder how that happened.

[Feelsgoodman]

There is so much wrong with this.

 

Sometimes bad stuff happens. Sometimes people misrepresent themselves. Sometimes people change or develop drug and alcohol habits after they get married.

And sometimes people make bad judgment calls and pick the wrong person to marry. Yes, we all make mistakes, and we all end up paying for them. You just happened to make a very big one.

 

Did my ex husband go from being my high school sweetie, the guy I was gonna grow up with and then grow old with to a drug using jackass who regularly forged documents to get jobs, drug us all over the country, stole cars, tags, gas, and goods? Yes he did. When I married him did I know he was going to do that? Of course not! Did I realize what was happening and leave with two babies and the clothes on our backs and nothing more? Yes I did. Since then have I done everything in my power to raise these kids the right way and do right by them and everyone else? Hell yes.

I'm sorry but I don't buy this at all. An honest, responsible, family-oriented man does not all of a sudden turn into a drug-addicted thief. I bet the signs of him being a bad apple were readily apparent even back in your high school days. You just chose to ignore them. In legal terms, it's called negligence.

[jobaba]

When I met my husband he was successful, charasmatic, a family man, humble, and very smitten. I had never felt more loved by any man. We had fun, we laughed, we were both determined to succeed in our careers.

 

Then his mother died of a misdiagnosed cancer. Suddenly the family skelatons came out. And they were NOT pretty. He completely changed. Everything changed. We lost our business, his family completely fell apart, and he started drinking and gambling every single night. We moved to another part of the country for a fresh start, and things were good for a while. I got pregnant. He stayed sober while I was pregnant, we were doing really well as a couple as well as financially. But the second my daughter was born he went right back to drinking and gambling. We lost our house and our cars because of his debt.

 

I am not a meek and mild person. I let him know constantly how I felt about all of this......that I was going to leave him. So he beat the crap out of me. That's when I left.

 

My daughter was 9 months old. He obviously hasn't sobered up. I'm trying to build the life I thought I'd have with him on my own. And I'm doing a good job of it.

 

If you don't want to date a single mom that's your prerogative. I'm not judging you for your choice. But please don't think you know anything about my choice in husbands based on the fact that I'm a divorced single mom.

 

Collie,

 

You really, truly believe that you never could have saw any of this coming? I remember distinctly from another one of your posts where you said that you know you are attracted to a man the moment you meet him. And then another post where you are in love with a tall, handsome man who has nothing going for him. Perhaps it is this sense of attraction that has gotten you in trouble in the first place.

 

The guy is a COMPLETE d@uchebag. Not only does he scheme to skip out on child support, he BEAT you. I don't care how low I get in life due to drugs and curveballs, I would never do that to a woman. And there was period where I was drunk quite often (recreationally though) and dating a woman who would get me so angry it'd drive me nuts. And like I said before, I could introduce you to a few guys tomorrow who would never turn into your ex. I guarantee it with my life.

 

We can't just sit back and let life take us where it will and then blame complications on people 'just changing'. One of the reasons my people picker is 'solid' is because I'm a very judgemental person (as evidenced from my posts here). I can name a number of people I would never hang out with in real life that post here just from the way they pick apart their dates. I look for people with character and heart. A guy with character and heart does not scheme creative ways to work under the table so his little daughter does not eat ... no matter how low he is in life.

 

I HAVE dated a woman with children and she admitted her ex-husband was the biggest d@uchbag in the world and put simply she was stupid. You can never say, you'd do it over since the kids are there. But you CAN make sure you don't pick the same kind of guy the next time around. Probably part of the reason she dated me.

 

Sorry. I really am trying to be productive with this post.

[jobaba]

And sometimes people make bad judgment calls and pick the wrong person to marry. Yes, we all make mistakes, and we all end up paying for them. You just happened to make a very big one.

 

 

I'm sorry but I don't buy this at all. An honest, responsible, family-oriented man does not all of a sudden turn into a drug-addicted thief. I bet the signs of him being a bad apple were readily apparent even back in your high school days. You just chose to ignore them. In legal terms, it's called negligence.

 

Partially agree with this. A good man does not turn into a d@uchebag.

 

Might he get addicted to drugs and gambling and end up homeless on the street and unable to pay child support? Yes.

 

Will he turn into the the kind of guy who concocts creative schemes to avoid paying child support? No.

 

Like I said before, I dated a woman in your guys' situation, and not even her ex did that. He would always pay for child support when he had a job and was always in his kids' lives.

[dreamingoftigers]

You are going to hate me for saying this but it needs to be said anyway because it's the truth. The fact that you have three kids is not just a huge turnoff. It is a deal breaker for 90% of eligible single men. Even men with kids would not want to date you. They may be okay with a woman that has one kid, but raising three kids of another man is not something that most guys would be interested in.

 

It's not that "all men suck"...it's that you made certain choices in your life that put you in a very precarious position and made you virtually undateable. I don't know you personally so I can't comment on the circumstances that led you to becoming a single mother of three and I'm not judging you...but it is what it is. You are a victim of our insane divorce-happy culture.

 

Okay, now you are going to really hate me, but again, it's the truth. You are going to have to set your standards very low when it comes to men.

You are ging to have to be content with men that most other women would not want to date. It's no coincidence that most guys you end up with are losers. As I said, like attracts like. These men are not seen as dateable by most women and you are not seen as dateable by most men. Instead of being bitter about it, you just have to be realistic.

 

Here is what is wrong with the mentality here: basically you are suggesting that this woman should have been in her last relationship preparing to be s single mother the whole time.

 

There seems to be this underlying assumption that somehow "we knew" we would become single mothers from before we walked down that isle and we purposely chose the "good time guy" instead of a serious partner.

 

Wow. So basically the underlying stereotype suggests that if she wanted to spend her life with douchebag, she should have damn well made sure that she only had one child with him because "we all knew he wuz gonna leave her eventually." then she would have to try to pander for dates.

 

That's ridiculous.

 

Have you ever dated someone who turned out not to be who you thought they were? How hard is it to believe that that can happen in a marriage. A LOT of guys (and women) will pretend to be Mr. Values and Mr. Family to get what they want and then run out the door or blame their partners when the going gets tough.

 

One of my friends pulled the same crap with her husband and 2 kids. Last year he worked up North and she cheated with _9_ different guys (and 3 women). I mean, WTF? Then she ran off with one guy and lived with him for six months until he got tired of her sponging off of him, so she hooked up with his friend.

 

Seriously, no one saw that coming. We wanted to have an intervention for her. There wasn't a dating history for the husband to have warnings on it either. They were each other's first and had been together off and on since Junior High. Messed right up.

 

I wouldn't trust her now but really no one who knew her thought she was capable of all of that.

 

And crap like that happens ALL THE TIME.

[Emilia]

I suppose whatever the reason, the bottom line is it must be extremely hard to find a partner when you have 3 children, especially if they live with you. Expecting an outsider to deal with the financial burden as well as the baggage that comes with a broken family and having an ex around all the time... Most people just won't want to do that.

[misssmartypants]

I just have a problem believing the OP. I don't think she's a great catch like she says she is. From what she's wrote about herself, it's easy to see why dudes aren't answering her "man wanted ads".

 

I also think that excuse about her husband changing into a killer when she was on her 3rd child is phony. How is she not going to know what kind of dude her husband was while she was married to him? So he was a good father, but on her 3rd child did a 180 and turned into an abusive psycho? Yeah right.

 

I make $40000 a year. I have a nice figure and am fun to hang out with. I don't see how having kids makes me hideous or a bad person. I'm not asking someone to move in. Just to give me half a chance.

 

He was and remains an excellent liar. He told me he had a job offer two thousand miles away that would earn us six figures a year. We get there and it turns out he lied about the job. It was temporary work for two thousand a month. Then I started catching him using our sons diaper bag to shoplift. Before I'd been working and we'd never really shopped together. We started arguing. He got more an more violent. Took my phone. Wouldn't let me have the cr while he was at work. One day the police came to arrest him. I left.

 

woah! Loyal? Now, I'm just asking, I'm just trying to assist you, to help you locate the problem:

 

You have three kids, right? And are unmarried now? So ... How many different baby daddies are we talking? How many times were you married? Were you the one who filed for divorce?

 

Seriously! Loyal? Go get a dictionary are and find out what the word means. Also look up the words "commitment" and "vow". Prepare to be shocked.

 

I did the leaving. There is one father in the picture. I also did the filing. I know the meaning of those words. I'm ok with my choice. This wasn't the grass is greener. This was one of us will be dead or in jail. I found out I was pregnant with baby number three after I left.

 

I also finished two college degrees and restarted my careered after I left. He flippa burgers and can't get a divers lisence I figure I'm better off by a long shot than if I had stayed.

 

I also figure I'd rather be single than date asshats losers and users. I'm not worthless and I'm not going to be treated that way. Hence the leaving.

[dreamingoftigers]

Truly. If the guys were responsible family-types, we wouldn't have left them. Duh.

 

Watch who your friends become over the next 5, 10, 20 years. I am quite positive some will truly surprise you.

 

I search for character and heart. In fact the main reason I chose to marry my husband was because of how honest he was. He seemed miles above that compared to other guys I dated and dumped. He held things together really well until the 3rd year of our marriage. Amazingly. He can look you right in the face and he doesn't even have to "convince" you of anything. I think he believes the things he says when he says them. No matter how off orbthe mark they are. It's actually quite scary.

 

He hid things very very well. I thought he was just the most amazing man and that I was so lucky. His actions so neatly matched his words for 3 years. It was actually like he "died" when I found out who and what he was.