They all Suck

[misssmartypants]

I don't want to be one of those bitter women with no use for me. Who thinks all men are lowlifes out to use others. Who sees guys are just overgrown children with no redeeming characteristics.

 

But its getting harder and harder not to see them that way.

 

I'm a catch. I'm beautiful, I'm smart and friendly and loyal and generous. I have a quirky sense of humor and I'm willing to try new things and to give almost anyone a chance. I am not overly picky about who I talk to.

 

And yet . . . these guys. They just . . . suck.

 

Unemployed. Don't visit their kids but want to know all about mine. Live with their parents. Are broke, but wont go out with me until they can pay for everything.

 

I hate to be negative or bitter, but maybe its all true. Maybe they really are all shallow, worthless asshats with no redeeming characteristics.

 

I know if I meet many more ignorant, clueless, losers, I am going to just decide to be single for the rest of my life.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well maybe instead of women trying to make all the wrong men work and clearly wasting their time in sub-par situations...they find the right one that's actually truly interested in having a genuinely meaningful relationship with them.

 

I think If more women started cutting their loses sooner than later they'd have a better opportunity in meeting the right kind of men, but most seem all to fearful of letting half-fulfilling man go for the sake of not being lonely, desiring to be loved, and hoping he will improve and change.

 

But then again every woman says that's impossible...which maybe you're ready to become a cat or dog lady and surround yourself by beings that no know better than to love you unconditionally?

[misssmartypants]

Well maybe instead of women trying to make all the wrong men work and clearly wasting their time in sub-par situations...they find the right one that's actually truly interested in having a genuinely meaningful relationship with them.

 

I think If more women started cutting their loses sooner than later they'd have a better opportunity in meeting the right kind of men, but most seem all to fearful of letting half-fulfilling man go for the sake of not being lonely, desiring to be loved, and hoping he will improve and change.

 

But then again every woman says that's impossible...which maybe you're ready to become a cat or dog lady and surround yourself by beings that no know better than to love you unconditionally?

 

I don't know what you mean be "trying to make the wrong men work", I don't date guys who aren't what I consider to be relationship types. I just can't find anyone worth spending the time on.

 

It sounds like you are saying women should have MORE deal breakers. I think that would make a difficult idea, finding love in southeast kansas, impossible.

 

Right now I have two basic deal breakers (aside from the ought to be obvious personality compatibly that can only be determined through interaction). 1) Be local. I don't want to be locked into one of us driving over an hour. and 2) be responsible. If he has kids, he needs to support them and see them regularly.

 

Thats it. That's all I insist on. Local and responsible.

 

And I can't find it.

[Imageiko]

And yet . . . these guys. They just . . . suck.

 

Unemployed. Don't visit their kids but want to know all about mine. Live with their parents. Are broke, but wont go out with me until they can pay for everything.

 

I hate to be negative or bitter, but maybe its all true. Maybe they really are all shallow, worthless asshats with no redeeming characteristics.

 

I know if I meet many more ignorant, clueless, losers, I am going to just decide to be single for the rest of my life.

 

hummmm...

 

 

 

 

I'm a catch. I'm beautiful, I'm smart and friendly and loyal and generous. I have a quirky sense of humor and I'm willing to try new things and to give almost anyone a chance. I am not overly picky about who I talk to.

 

Are you sure about that?

 

In case you are still unsure see above quote.

[carhill]

They all Suck

 

Ya know, that reminded me how much I miss doing that

 

Sorry for your frustrations. Dating is tough. I gave it a go back in '10 but meh... I can empathize.

 

Once you get past bitter and have given up all hope, it's not so bad.

[xpaperxcutx]

And how are you meeting all these men?

 

If they're in your life, the reason can only be that you allow them in it. Boot them out and meet quality men.

[Feelsgoodman]

I'm a catch. I'm beautiful, I'm smart and friendly and loyal and generous. I have a quirky sense of humor and I'm willing to try new things and to give almost anyone a chance. I am not overly picky about who I talk to.

Would you believe me if I told you that I've never met a woman who didn't consider herself a great catch? Even overweight single moms working average jobs seem to think that they are amazing. That's just the mentality with which kids are brought up today. Everyone is taught from a early age that they are "special".

 

And yet . . . these guys. They just . . . suck.

 

Unemployed. Don't visit their kids but want to know all about mine. Live with their parents. Are broke, but wont go out with me until they can pay for everything.

Sorry but I don't buy this. Either you are not nearly as awesome as you claim or these guys are not nearly as bad as you make them sound (or most likely both). You see, like attracts like. If all the guys you meet are total losers, there must be something about you that makes non-losers avoid you like a plague.

[misssmartypants]

And how are you meeting all these men?

 

If they're in your life, the reason can only be that you allow them in it. Boot them out and meet quality men.

 

Some I meet at the local bar, some online, and some through friends.

 

 

 

Would you believe me if I told you that I've never met a woman who didn't consider herself a great catch? Even overweight single moms working average jobs seem to think that they are amazing. That's just the mentality with which kids are brought up today. Everyone is taught from a early age that they are "special".

 

 

Sorry but I don't buy this. Either you are not nearly as awesome as you claim or these guys are not nearly as bad as you make them sound (or most likely both). You see, like attracts like. If all the guys you meet are total losers, there must be something about you that makes non-losers avoid you like a plague.

 

 

I have three kids - I can see how raising offspring is a HUGE turn-off. I teach high school. I have NO PROBLEM dating a guy with kids, and I don't insist that he make huge money. Just be responsible in his own life.

 

Since when was that too demanding?

[colliejoanie]

You're just in a slump. I say take a break. Eventually you'll forget how much you hate dating, and you'll try it again .

 

As far as saying every woman think she's a great catch.....I nearly laughed out loud. Have you ever seen the picture that went around online a few years ago of a beautiful woman looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly, fat ogre?? And next to it a picture of a fat sloppy man looking into a mirror and seeing Fabio?

[Woggle]

I am not saying this is you but many women spend years chasing after the wrong men then when they finally get sick of being chewed up and spit out they end up with a man hating attitude while chances are they overlook a ton of good men.

 

The sad thing is this man hating attitude helps to drive away any man worth having. No man with his stuff together wants to get involved with a bitter woman who makes him suffer for the sins of other men. They tend to find other women with their stuff together.

[misssmartypants]

I am not saying this is you but many women spend years chasing after the wrong men then when they finally get sick of being chewed up and spit out they end up with a man hating attitude while chances are they overlook a ton of good men.

 

The sad thing is this man hating attitude helps to drive away any man worth having. No man with his stuff together wants to get involved with a bitter woman who makes him suffer for the sins of other men. They tend to find other women with their stuff together.

 

I DON'T want to hate men and I dislike bitterness. If a guy is all about complaining about his Ex, I'm really not interested in talking to him.

 

But at the same time, this just sucks. I can't express how frustrating it is to feel like everyone else on the planet is able to do the seemingly simple task of finding someone they like to spend time with.

 

If there's another way to meet quality men, by all means, clue me in. I've tried church, but there a no men who even go, its full of women. I got tired of the online thing, it felt more like Russian Roulette than dating, so I decided to just let my friends and family know I wanted to meet guys. And my best work friend set me up with this guy who is unemployed, broke, doesn't see his kid, lives with his dad, texts like a madman, and wont let ME take HIM out because he wants to be the one to pay.

[Cracker Jack]

Just try to chill and stay away from dating for a bit. The guys you've met aren't the be all end all. I'm sure you know that, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

[Feelin Frisky]

No amount of bad experiences is justification for sexism/racism et al. How many experiences does it take to write off a gender? This is a world of unique individuals. Unfortunately people are processed through an education machine in America and emerge to in turn "process" every thing and every one else. I have a big bad hard on for the short-falls of education to deal with "social development" and I despise the current model which turns out dolts who haven't a clue of the value of their time until they have a mid-life crisis. The problem is big and inter-generational but it's not gender-fixed--it's cultural neglect and it's getting worse. I don't know what to suggest except that like everyone else--including guys who bitch about all women, you don't get to have them all, you really only get one. Just be your best and don't go hunting--you'll be found if you actually put yourself out somewhere other than meat (meet) markets and bars. Also, these are unique times where a lot of expectations have to be adjusted to the collapse of the American middle class. There are wealthy, and then there are people who used to have jobs who now stuff boxes for Amazon. Try to be positive anyway and yes, anyone who has kids who doesn't do the right thing with them is an ass-hat who deserves to be blown off. Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

There are thousands and thousands of amazing and single men out there, so don't give up! Maybe take a break and focus on your friends and family, enjoy life. I bet when you least expect it a real good guy will come into your life.

[colliejoanie]

This is completely off topic, and I apologize but I just wanted to say that being a single mom with an ex husband who doesn't pay child support, and doesn't see his daughter more than one evening a month, I really appreciate the OP's dealbreaker # 2.

 

I often wonder how my ex husband still has friends, and why his girlfriend is with him, because I wouldn't even be friends with someone who is capable of such irresponsibility and selfishness.

 

Anyway, thank you. I know this what most people think, but living IN the situation and seeing him with tons of friends, going out all the time, paying no attention to his daughter, I get resentful. I want so badly to tell him what a loser he is and to ask his girlfriend what the hell kind of person she is to overlook the fact that he's such a loser. But it wouldn't be worth it. So I try as hard as I can to understand that losers befriend losers and that I'm a better person. But I feel lonely and as I said, resentful. So seeing you and Frisky SAY what I THINK makes me happy!

 

Sorry to steal this thread for a second!!

[misssmartypants]

This is completely off topic, and I apologize but I just wanted to say that being a single mom with an ex husband who doesn't pay child support, and doesn't see his daughter more than one evening a month, I really appreciate the OP's dealbreaker # 2.

 

I often wonder how my ex husband still has friends, and why his girlfriend is with him, because I wouldn't even be friends with someone who is capable of such irresponsibility and selfishness.

 

Anyway, thank you. I know this what most people think, but living IN the situation and seeing him with tons of friends, going out all the time, paying no attention to his daughter, I get resentful. I want so badly to tell him what a loser he is and to ask his girlfriend what the hell kind of person she is to overlook the fact that he's such a loser. But it wouldn't be worth it. So I try as hard as I can to understand that losers befriend losers and that I'm a better person. But I feel lonely and as I said, resentful. So seeing you and Frisky SAY what I THINK makes me happy!

 

Sorry to steal this thread for a second!!

 

I think I mentioned that I am a single mom. My ex-husband pulls the same crap. And I feel the same way, how can a woman (who has kids of her own and just had another with him) think that letting him move in with her and reproduce with her could possibly be a good idea.

 

I honestly think that's part of my frustration. I can "see" people who are apparently bad relationship choices getting into relationships.

 

I think someone mentioned though that like attracts like. I think that's only partly true. I think the asshats of both genders just get around more before finally landing an equally damaged person, in the process inflicting their issues on others so it becomes a big, nasty cycle.

 

The few people who try to avoid the mess are the ones who end up feeling hurt and frustrated by the process. It seems like if I gave in and accepted a reality where its ok for me to let someone like that be part of my life, I'd be happier, or at least less lonely. But I just can't do that.

[colliejoanie]

I think I mentioned that I am a single mom. My ex-husband pulls the same crap. And I feel the same way, how can a woman (who has kids of her own and just had another with him) think that letting him move in with her and reproduce with her could possibly be a good idea.

 

I honestly think that's part of my frustration. I can "see" people who are apparently bad relationship choices getting into relationships.

 

I think someone mentioned though that like attracts like. I think that's only partly true. I think the asshats of both genders just get around more before finally landing an equally damaged person, in the process inflicting their issues on others so it becomes a big, nasty cycle.

 

The few people who try to avoid the mess are the ones who end up feeling hurt and frustrated by the process. It seems like if I gave in and accepted a reality where its ok for me to let someone like that be part of my life, I'd be happier, or at least less lonely. But I just can't do that.

 

I completely understand. I WONT do it. I just have to take comfort that one day my daughter will know the real person he is. And that everything I'm doing is to ensure she has a wonderful childhood. That her mother loves her more than anything and that I'll always be here for her. I try not to make my resentment toward my ex husband have an impact on how I view men. I try to be positive in thinking there actually is a good man who doesn't mind that I have a child. And that my ex husband is a DB. If I give up on that, I think it'll be sad. I need something to look forward to. For myself. Because of course, I have my daughter, who lights up my soul.....but I'm still lonely.

 

Good luck MISS. Don't give up.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Unemployed. Don't visit their kids but want to know all about mine. Live with their parents. Are broke, but wont go out with me until they can pay for everything.

 

I hate to be negative or bitter, but maybe its all true. Maybe they really are all shallow, worthless asshats with no redeeming characteristics.

 

I know if I meet many more ignorant, clueless, losers, I am going to just decide to be single for the rest of my life.

Um, I hate to break to you but you are describing many, many women out there. There are many broke, unemployed or underemployed, single women who lack ambition and are shallow and are pretty worthless. Sadly, they make up a huge percentage of women.

 

But to focus on them and say the majority of women are like this is idiotic.

 

Would you believe me if I told you that I've never met a woman who didn't consider herself a great catch? Even overweight single moms working average jobs seem to think that they are amazing. That's just the mentality with which kids are brought up today. Everyone is taught from a early age that they are "special".

 

There should be a sticky thread for the smartest posts on LS. This post is spot on. Virtually every woman will describe herself as a great catch. It's rare to meet a woman who will say she's not a great catch. So many women will say they're a great catch, but when you ask them why they're single they'll blame it on me. Example, "I'm a great catch but men are intimidated by me because I'm intelligent and/or successful." Another example, "I'm a great catch but men only want stick figure Barbie Dolls."

 

Like Feelsgoodman said, everyone describes herself as a great catch.

 

 

Sorry but I don't buy this. Either you are not nearly as awesome as you claim or these guys are not nearly as bad as you make them sound (or most likely both). You see, like attracts like. If all the guys you meet are total losers, there must be something about you that makes non-losers avoid you like a plague.

Another smart post.

 

I have three kids - I can see how raising offspring is a HUGE turn-off. I teach high school.

 

3 kids is a huge dealbreaker for most single guys without children. So she's going to need to go with single fathers. However, single fathers come in significantly fewer numbers than single mothers. So she doesn't have a lot of options.

 

The majority of grade school teachers I've known who were hot (say 99%) were the ones without kids.

[misssmartypants]

Um, I hate to break to you but you are describing many, many women out there. There are many broke, unemployed or underemployed, single women who lack ambition and are shallow and are pretty worthless. Sadly, they make up a huge percentage of women.

 

But to focus on them and say the majority of women are like this is idiotic.

 

 

 

There should be a sticky thread for the smartest posts on LS. This post is spot on. Virtually every woman will describe herself as a great catch. It's rare to meet a woman who will say she's not a great catch. So many women will say they're a great catch, but when you ask them why they're single they'll blame it on me. Example, "I'm a great catch but men are intimidated by me because I'm intelligent and/or successful." Another example, "I'm a great catch but men only want stick figure Barbie Dolls."

 

Like Feelsgoodman said, everyone describes herself as a great catch.

 

 

 

Another smart post.

 

 

 

3 kids is a huge dealbreaker for most single guys without children. So she's going to need to go with single fathers. However, single fathers come in significantly fewer numbers than single mothers. So she doesn't have a lot of options.

 

The majority of grade school teachers I've known who were hot (say 99%) were the ones without kids.

 

Shouldn't there be JUST AS MANY single fathers as single mothers? This is the problem with guys, they hold women to standards the men can't meet. A man who has kids, even if they don't live with him, is no more dateable than a woman with kids. At least I support mine. No state help, no child support.

 

I didn't pick my profession based on what people might find attractive. I picked my profession because I wanted to work with special needs students in high school.

[colliejoanie]

However, single fathers come in significantly fewer numbers than single mothers. So she doesn't have a lot of options.

 

Huh??? Do the fathers suddenly stop becoming fathers when they're single??

 

The majority of grade school teachers I've known who were hot (say 99%) were the ones without kids.

 

You've never met this woman, yet you're telling her she's most likely unattractive because she has kids? THIS is idiodic.

[Woggle]

Pieces of crap in this world are never at a loss for friends and romantic partners. I have come to accept this fact. Serial killers get tons of love letters from women and if an attractive female killer should ever come about I am sure it will be the same.

[colliejoanie]

idiodic.

 

and yes, I realize how ironic it is that I mistyped idiotic

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey, now there's an unfilled dating niche!

 

Ladies, if we kill some folks, we'll get dates.

 

Sad, but most likely true.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Shouldn't there be JUST AS MANY single fathers as single mothers? This is the problem with guys, they hold women to standards the men can't meet. A man who has kids, even if they don't live with him, is no more dateable than a woman with kids. At least I support mine. No state help, no child support.

It's called a double standard. You're gonna have to deal with it until society decides to change it (before you say it's wrong, men have just as many double standards as women). A man with kids is more dateable if he doesn't have kids living with him.

 

I didn't pick my profession based on what people might find attractive. I picked my profession because I wanted to work with special needs students in high school.

You somehow think it's wrong for to judge a woman based off her profession yet you judge men based on their profession (or lack of one) as well.

 

You've never met this woman, yet you're telling her she's most likely unattractive because she has kids? THIS is idiodic.

 

Not what I am saying. I am saying the majority of teachers with kids are unattractive (especially if they have more than one). The hot teachers are almost always the childless ones.

 

There are many attractive single mothers. However, few attractive single mothers are in the teaching position.

[jobaba]

This is completely off topic, and I apologize but I just wanted to say that being a single mom with an ex husband who doesn't pay child support, and doesn't see his daughter more than one evening a month, I really appreciate the OP's dealbreaker # 2.

 

Sorry to steal this thread for a second!!

 

Sorry to derail further...

 

How is it possible to not pay child support? His wages are garnished and if he has no job, he should owe the backsupport if and and when he gets a job and or collects disability/unemployment insurance.

 

I think someone mentioned though that like attracts like. I think that's only partly true. I think the asshats of both genders just get around more before finally landing an equally damaged person, in the process inflicting their issues on others so it becomes a big, nasty cycle.

 

I think part of the problem is that you have three children. Seeking a man who has two or three children himself is not an ideal solution. Worst case (and usual) scenario, he's a deadbeat. Best case scenario, you have 5 to 6 kids total to support/visit/care for. That's a handful...

 

I think you should start looking for single men who would date a woman with children.

 

I would and I have. However, it is rare.

 

I won't lie about that...