nature Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I wrote in this thread about two weeks ago how i got an email from my ex out of the blue after we haven't talked for two years......His email said....Sorry you obviously dislike me and feel very negative and low towards me, very unfortunate! I'm sorry. Hope Oliver doing well! Bye A week after I got another email from him saying....PS. I heard about your dad thru the grapevine. My mom same thing. Very tough. Your parents are good people and were always very welcoming to me. Hope they are dealing with it ok. Bye. My dad was just diagnosed with cancer and I've been very, very upset over it the last 2 months. I'm assuming his mom was diagnosed with it too. I know I shouldn't have responded but I couldn't not say anything to that. So I simply said, "I am truly sorry to hear about your mom. I didn't know her that well, but she was always very kind to me, as was your dad. I remember when we used to talk about how one day one of our parents may get very sick and we'd be faced with the real fear of losing them and now it is happening to us both." I know i shouldn't have responded but I couldn't not. This is why I'm upset: I was just out for lunch at a restaurant and there was a big table of his friends there. Guys I've known for 20 years. Longer than I knew my ex or my ex even knew them. I met my ex thru all these guys. I went over to be polite and say hi to them as I haven't seen them in ages. They were cold as ice to me. ICE. You could have cut the tension with a knife. 6 of these guys out for a bday lunch and I quickly realized I wasn't welcome there and said good bye and walked away. I felt like hell. I felt like a loser. They all hate me so much and I haven't even done anything wrong to them. Not a thing. My ex has been an ******* to me, a jerk, gone out of his way to rub his new girlfriend in my face the last 2 years, brings here wherever I go, and I've never reacted. I've done nothing. I feel sick.
fificremefarben Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I hate to generalise, but I've found with mutual male friends (of my ex and I) over the course of this breakup that, no matter what, boys will stick together. Rise above it. Xx
Author nature Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 I realize that about men, but the thing is, alot of these guys are still friends with other ex girlfriends of each other. And I sincerely have never reacted or done anything bad to my ex. He effed up our relationship, hurt me terribly, and has continued to hurt me the last 2 years going out of his way to flaunt his new girlfriend in my face, taking her to places i hang out and on bike rides thru my neighbourhood, when neither of them live anywhere close to me. Yes, I still have never reacted. I have held my head high and been the bigger person. So why are his friends so icey cold to me. It hurts. I've known these guys for years. Obviously my ex has badly trash talked me to them. Hurts terribly when I've done nothing.
CaliBabe Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Nature, atleast you took the high road and was polite. They can never talk trash about you being kind. Just know you did the only polite thing you could. Screw em all!
Author nature Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 Thanks CaliBabe. It just hurts because I have taken the high road for the past two years while my ex has taken the low road at every turn. And still does. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to blow and rage on him and tell him off. But I haven't. I'm just sick of it. I was born and raised in this city. And there's only 120,000 people here. He moved here about 15 yrs ago. I feel like he's stepping on my territory and trying to make my life as uncomfortable as possible, when he doesn't need to. He's had a new girlfriend for two years. Good for him. Does he really need to flaunt her in front of me all the time. Like seriously. It's easy to go to the zillion other places in town he knows i don't go. Argh. I'm just sick about everythign.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Is your ex single now? How have you taken the high road and hes taken the low road? Do you know why those guy friends of his were cold towards you?
Author nature Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Dark Phoenix.......He's had a girlfriend the last two years. Any time I've seen him I've gone to smile or wave, and he shoots me a stern look and turns away and won't acknowledge me. Anytime he's passed me on the road, he throws his body into the passenger seat so as not to look at me. He was lining up his new girlfriend at the same time as he was still calling me and coming by my house. He lives nowhere near me, but has brought his new girlfriend on bike rides right by my house, right by my parents house, and on the route I walk my dog. As soon as he started dating her, he started going to the pub I have hung out with since I was young, where all my friends hang out. A place he never used to go and never cared to really go to when we were together, so we always hung out at diff places. But now, he's at the pub I go to ALL the time with her. The first time he showed up with her, he sat down at a table one foot away from me wtih her. He sits on the patio with her on weekend afternoons that overlooks the marina where i take my boat out. Where he used to go wtih me to take my boat out. So every time I take my boat out they are sitting right there. He takes her to a restaurant that is a 2 min walk from my house where he knows I walk my dog every afternoon. I see them sitting in the window of the restaurant. These are all my areas of town that were never his areas. Suddenly he hangs out around here all the time now, even tho neither of them live anywhere near here. Yet if I do see him, I try to take the bigger road and smile at him, but he won't acknowlege me. It's so bizarre.
Author nature Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Dark Phoenix, to continue...it's really felt like he's gone out of his way to rub his new girlfriend in my face and to hurt me with it, and been outright rude to me. That's why I feel he's taken the low road. I have no idea why his friends were cold to me. No idea.
The Poster Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Maybe he's realized how cold and harsh he's been to you and is feeling guilty and trying to make amends. Going out of his way to rub your nose in his new relationship is pretty low and maybe now he's realizing that. Sorry to hear about your dad. My best wishes to him.
TaraMaiden Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 nature, you're in a bad emotional place right now, where everything is going to be magnified to a size way above its proper proportions.... you feel hurt, shaken and devastated by your father's diagnosis, so everything is going to smart and feel as if it's just more crapp piling on.... Put things into perspective.... in a year's time, what will matter most? how you're coping with this sudden bad family news, or how these jerks acted? They really don't matter. Honest hun, they don't. What matters is that you keep your head on straight, and focus. Tell me how you came to learn about your dad. What's been discovered? how old is he?
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Dark Phoenix, to continue...it's really felt like he's gone out of his way to rub his new girlfriend in my face and to hurt me with it, and been outright rude to me. That's why I feel he's taken the low road. I have no idea why his friends were cold to me. No idea. What if she's his best friend and trying to support him in getting back together with you? His friends are cold with you because you wont let go of the past. You still hold resentment towards him, yet you approach his friends and say hi. Dark Phoenix.......He's had a girlfriend the last two years. Any time I've seen him I've gone to smile or wave, and he shoots me a stern look and turns away and won't acknowledge me. Anytime he's passed me on the road, he throws his body into the passenger seat so as not to look at me. He was lining up his new girlfriend at the same time as he was still calling me and coming by my house. He lives nowhere near me, but has brought his new girlfriend on bike rides right by my house, right by my parents house, and on the route I walk my dog. As soon as he started dating her, he started going to the pub I have hung out with since I was young, where all my friends hang out. A place he never used to go and never cared to really go to when we were together, so we always hung out at diff places. But now, he's at the pub I go to ALL the time with her. The first time he showed up with her, he sat down at a table one foot away from me wtih her. He sits on the patio with her on weekend afternoons that overlooks the marina where i take my boat out. Where he used to go wtih me to take my boat out. So every time I take my boat out they are sitting right there. He takes her to a restaurant that is a 2 min walk from my house where he knows I walk my dog every afternoon. I see them sitting in the window of the restaurant. These are all my areas of town that were never his areas. Suddenly he hangs out around here all the time now, even tho neither of them live anywhere near here. Yet if I do see him, I try to take the bigger road and smile at him, but he won't acknowlege me. It's so bizarre. He wont acknowledge you because you wont acknowledge him. You have rejected him on every occasion. He's tried to get your attention, these emails are him reaching out. Look at his actions from an outsiders point of view. He's at the restaurant by your house, the marina where your boat is, the pub you go to. These are all reflections of you. He's not trying to hurt you, he's trying to get back together with you. Its been 2 years, why not talk to him and figure out whats going on? You obviously still love him Edited January 24, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
TaraMaiden Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 He has a GF. He initiated contact, after 2 years, out of the blue, for absolutely no apparent reason. If he's still in love with her, why does he have a GF? And if he's still in love with her, wouldn't he have told his friends he wants her back? Wouldn't they have given her a better reception? Nah... as usual, D.P., you're looking at this from the wrong end of the telescope, and you're projecting..... "I'm feeling somewhat bitter, so you can have some of mine....."
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Tara =) At least your honest darling =) The girlfriend is assumed in her perspective. In my perspective of the situation and going through the journey he did, its probably a girlfriend that did not work out and they are good/best friends. He's probably told everyone he wants her back. Its not their place to tell her though, he has several times, she hasnt been listening because shes hurt, she still is =( Edited January 24, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
TaraMaiden Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 ...Have you ever thought of writing fiction? Your plots are fantastic. I'm not sure where you whistled that one up from, but you sure add 2 and 2 and make 37.....!
lalalandman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 lol I was just gonna say, come on dude, how do you figure that's not his girlfriend??? haha I think this guy feels comfortable with you around, which is why he's trying to get closer to you. He has lingering feelings. He misses you. I just think it's a weasel move using his current girlfriend as a crutch. Don't let him leapfrog her to you.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 You are trying to compare logic and love Tara... in love 2 and 2 does make 37. Love makes no sense logically. Lets not battle, let her figure out what she wants to do... She needs to sit back and determine whats best for her. Whatever she determines is the right choice for her. Good Luck Nature, keep us updated
lalalandman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 nature, do nothing. That's your best course of action in my opinion.
TaraMaiden Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 you should have thought of that before you put all this fantasy 'crappola' down "on paper" I mean really, D.P, talk about filling someone's head with all kinds of weird ideas, then walking away and saying, "let her make her own mind up....!" Shheeeeesh!
Author nature Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Thanks so much everyone for the replies. Tara, thankyou. you are right. I was in such a bad place this afternoon after his friends snubbed me, and have been lately wtih my dad. His friends acting cold to me hurt probably more than something like that would have hurt me a year ago. I am sensitive right now. My dad is in his late 60s. He was diagnosed 3 months ago wtih bad cancer. at the time, they told us he has 5 months to live unless a miracle happens and this obscure new treatment works. I have been devestated. I am very close to him. It came out of the blue. Was just told a few days ago the treatment is working. I cried and cried out of relief. He starts a new round of treatment next week. Thank you for asking. Dark Phoenix, I am completely confused by your comments. He has a girlfriend. She is his girlfriend. lol I have not snubbed him. I have tried to be polite to him. He is the one who has snubbed me, even tho he shows up everywhere I go. We have been broken up over two years now. His friends don't know I hold resentment for my ex. As I said, I've gone out of my way to try to be polite to my ex. It is my ex who is rude to me and holds resentment towards me, yet hangs out everywhere I do. I have tried to go up and talk to him, and he turns and walks away from me. I have put out my hand to wave at him and he turns away. I have smiled at him and he turns away. He is not trying to get my attention to talk to me. He could have talked to me at any time, as I said, I've gone above and beyond trying to be nice, no matter how much it's hurt having his girlfriend rubbed in my face. Lalalandman, I agree. I will do nothing. Thank you!
Author nature Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Ps...and The Poster, thank you for your words.
Sugarkane Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Hi Nature I don't know what to say, but I can totally relate. I had a similar experience a while back. I was pissed off. My ex left me with no answers and also the so called friends snubbed me off. I never did anything wrong. Because I had literally no answers, it made it 100 times worse. It makes me wonder if one of them didn't like me and turned my ex against me. I wouldn't rule it out. It doesn't sound like this ex is over you of he's constantly shoving his new relationship down your throat. If they don't live near there, then why are they always there? And another question no one has pointed out, why is the gf going along with it too? I also had a similar experience in high school. My high school bf dated someone else after me. And they constantly shoved their relationship in my face, following me and making out. I think this guy defiently is trying to get a reaction from you, that's for sure. I mean I got dumped with no answers from my ex, yet I don't go and stalk him. Was he the dumper right? These dumpers like to label the dumpee "crazy", but I find actions speak louder than words!
Sugarkane Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I am curious as to why this happens alot: we take the high road, yet these dumpers don't? And they all snubb you as if you were the dumper? Why is this?
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) People with high IQ and low EQ tend to use logic to address emotional issues. But trying to dress an emotional wound, with logic tends to either confuse, sadden or infuriate a person. Or it may eventually isolate them from their feelings, with a resulting loss of major part of their natural intelligence You can't solve an emotional problem, or heal an emotional wound, with logic aloneSo for those of you that say do nothing, you still have that emotional wound. Look at nature, 2 years later she still has the wound. She hasnt done anything proactive emotionally. Like most people on the forum, she's using logic. Logic doesnt work with emotions. She's going to have this same wound 2 years from now by doing nothing. Lalalalandman, you are going to have the same pain 2 years from now from doing nothing too. Both of you are eventually going to burn out. This is the consequence of not dealing with your emotional wounds and suppressing them. Coming from somebody that burned out, it sucks. I'm still dealing with the burnout over a year later and probably have another year of dealing with it. The only positive from this is emotionally maturing and seeing that logic has some place in emotional issues but its not the key to solving them Edited January 24, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
lalalandman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Lol you're predicting how I'm going to feel 2 years from now? Comon really... How long do you expect I do something that's getting me nowhere?
Dark Phoenix Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Yes. You and nature are doing the same thing. You both have inner conflict. So what do you do with it, you chose to do nothing. You avoid taking action because doing one thing or another will cause more conflict. While doing so, you build an emotional wall. This leads to resentment and the "I dont care" anymore about someone that most people have with their ex's. They think this is indifference. If you love somebody with your heart, there's no such thing as indifference, you will always care for them. Look at nature, 2 years ago she chose to do nothing. Look where she is today, in the same position she was in 2 years ago.
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