chelsea2011 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Just wanted to post a quick update before an appointment. We met and hung out last night and it went well. I decided before we met to continue with keeping it light on my end and just see how things go. In other words, I didn't want bog us down with intense discussions about issues. I wanted to just enjoy his company and get to know him. And you know what? I had another epiphany. I used to always think he would judge me without trying to understand me and my story. It turns out he is not judgemental at all and I saw, for the first time, what a laid back easy going guy he is. Then it hit me...it was me who created that fear! This poor guy walked into my life without knowing what the h*ll he was stepping into at the time. I do get some points for trying warn him though...lol. In any case, I was the one at fault for thinking of him in that way. I accept full responsibility. Oy...again, poor guy. For those who are interested, I will say this. If you find yourself walled up when in a relationship and caught in a cycle of anger and blame; step back and start looking within to figure out what going on in you that's causing it. And don't stop until you figure it out! I've gotta go, but will be back to talk about remorse and regret a little later. Thanks for listening!
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 I'm back. Just putting my thoughts down...it really helps. Wow...all I can say is the remorse is hitting me so hard now. I don't know where to begin or how to say how sorry I am. I'm not sure I even have the words except to say that I was so wrong and treated him unfairly from the start. He didn't deserve that...not at all. That's all I can muster right now. Will post more as I process. I said in my other post, "don't stop until you figure it out." I want to amend that to don't stop looking once you figure it out because there will be more; I'm sure. Never stop, just keep going and learning as much as you can and be the best you can be in a relationship.
Lis007 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Good Luck going forward! and looking forward! and understanding together how to get there... acknowledge the past and learn from it so you don't make the same mistakes again but don't dwell on it... It's an exciting time!!
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Thank you Lis007. I completely agree. Understand the past, acknowledge it and definitely don't dwell on it. I've read your story too and best wishes on your reconciliation journey. Edited January 24, 2012 by chelsea2011
flitzanu Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 so, now you're convinced that he didn't do anything wrong and it was you the whole time that's fully responsible for the breakup?
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 so, now you're convinced that he didn't do anything wrong and it was you the whole time that's fully responsible for the breakup? No, I wasn't saying that. I meant that I was wrong in how I viewed him. That wasn't fair of me. Now that I figured it out, I feel remorseful for not seeing him as he truly is. I'm starting to see him for who he is now though. It's nice. I feel bad that he had to put up with it. As far as the break up went, I think there was some miscommunication on both sides, but honest communication can clear that up in time. But, like Lis007 said, I'm not going to dwell on the past. I see now and will simply focus on getting to know him for the person he truly is. It's a much happier place to be...that's for sure! It frees me up to just be myself with him. I am a little foggy with my thoughts today though. That always happens the day after I have an epiphany. I will be thinking much more clearly in a few days...thankfully.
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Just to be clear, I will be in an even better place and it will be even more easy to just be myself and enjoy him. Very nice place to finally be. I'm not foggy about him in any way; I will just be able to articulate things better in a few days. Just wanted make that clear just in case it came across wrong.
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