ivyvine Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I am a very outgoing person; I enjoy going out, meeting new people and just having a good time in general. I am usually willing to try almost anything once, my friends know that if they call me I will most likely say yes to their invitation/idea. As of late, I have been frustrated with the whole dating scene any my inability to find someone that is looking for something serious. A few of my friends (both male and female) have mentioned that my "I'm down for anything" attitude can sometimes give men the idea that I don't want anything serious or that I'm not interested in them. How accurate do you think this is? Do men usually see women who have fun and are outgoing as women who are not interested in something serious? Could my "fun" approach to life be giving men the impression that I have no intention of settling down?
Woggle Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 You might be giving off the signal to men that you view a relationship as tying you down. Men these days are so paranoid with women that we view the slightest sign that she is not relationship material as being a dealbreaker.
turt Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I don't think it's a bad thing but it seems that most girls that party a lot tend to not want a relationship. As long as you can explain this to a guy, I don't see why a relationship wouldn't work out.
thatone Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I am a very outgoing person; I enjoy going out, meeting new people and just having a good time in general. I am usually willing to try almost anything once, my friends know that if they call me I will most likely say yes to their invitation/idea. As of late, I have been frustrated with the whole dating scene any my inability to find someone that is looking for something serious. A few of my friends (both male and female) have mentioned that my "I'm down for anything" attitude can sometimes give men the idea that I don't want anything serious or that I'm not interested in them. How accurate do you think this is? Do men usually see women who have fun and are outgoing as women who are not interested in something serious? Could my "fun" approach to life be giving men the impression that I have no intention of settling down? i don't think it has anything to do with you. you're just not going to attract men who idealize the 'barefoot and pregnant' notion of what women 'do'. as a man known to leave for a new city on a random tuesday, just because i can, and even if it's alone and i just have to pick a bar to go make friends in when i get there, i can sympathize, having dated women who saw actually going out and doing things as some sort of chore done to appease me. don't worry, men like that are out there, and we're just as frustrated with boring women, you'll find one eventually.
Author ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 I don't think it's a bad thing but it seems that most girls that party a lot tend to not want a relationship. As long as you can explain this to a guy, I don't see why a relationship wouldn't work out. I have tried explaining that I am not looking for a one night stand. Mostly I think I sound like a desperate lunatic.
Sanman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Two things to factor in here. First, what kind of fun are we talking about? Are you willing to include said future BF in the fun? If my gf came up to me and told me she wanted to go on a weekend road trip, try an exotic new restaurant, or jump out of a plane, I will gladly join in. If the kind of fun you are talking about is going out and partying with your girlfriends at bars and clubs and the guy is either not invited or uncomfortable (only guy out on girls night), he is not going to deal with that in a relationship. It would then seem like you are not invested and looking for something better. I am not sure of your age, but I do know a few relationships where girls happily party with their bf. However, those guys are usually in their early twenties. Most of the guys in their middle or later twenties are getting into relationships because they want to slow down. For many guys, there is not reason to go to a club once you are in a relationship as you already know who you are going home with at the end of the night. It is the same for many women. That is where sports bars come in.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I am a very outgoing person; I enjoy going out, meeting new people and just having a good time in general. I am usually willing to try almost anything once, my friends know that if they call me I will most likely say yes to their invitation/idea. As of late, I have been frustrated with the whole dating scene any my inability to find someone that is looking for something serious. A few of my friends (both male and female) have mentioned that my "I'm down for anything" attitude can sometimes give men the idea that I don't want anything serious or that I'm not interested in them. To be honest, I wouldn't consider a social butterfly like yourself for a serious relationship. Girls like that are fun to hang out with, but for a serious relationship, you want someone who is less of a partier and more family oriented.
Author ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Two things to factor in here. First, what kind of fun are we talking about? Are you willing to include said future BF in the fun? I just like to have a good time in general. If my friends want to go out to a sports bar, they can usually count me in. If they are going to go to a club, I'm probably going to join them. If they want to go ziplinning or snow tubing, I'm definitely there. I'm usually open to almost anything, I just don't want to sit at home every single night! And of course I'm willing to include my BF, more often than not I would want him to go. This was actually one of the many reasons my previous relationship ended - he never wanted to join in on the fun, he was content just sitting at home. If my gf came up to me and told me she wanted to go on a weekend road trip, try an exotic new restaurant, or jump out of a plane, I will gladly join in. If the kind of fun you are talking about is going out and partying with your girlfriends at bars and clubs and the guy is either not invited or uncomfortable (only guy out on girls night), he is not going to deal with that in a relationship. It would then seem like you are not invested and looking for something better. As I mentioned above, more often than not I would definitely want him there. The majority of my friends are married or in very serious relationships so he definitely would not be the odd man out. However, there are going to be times when I do want to go out without him, just as I want him to go out without me. I am not sure of your age, but I do know a few relationships where girls happily party with their bf. However, those guys are usually in their early twenties. Most of the guys in their middle or later twenties are getting into relationships because they want to slow down. For many guys, there is not reason to go to a club once you are in a relationship as you already know who you are going home with at the end of the night. It is the same for many women. That is where sports bars come in. I'm 26, but am one of the youngest (by many years) in my group of friends. I do have a couple of friends closer to my age which are the ones I usually go to the clubs or bars with. I'm completely ok being with someone that doesn't want to go to the bars and clubs. As long as they are ok with me going once in a while. I'm not picking men up now at the bars and clubs ... so that should definitely not be a concern for my future partner. However, I know plenty of people who go to sports bars and pick up people to go home with at the end of the night - no different than a club. I don't go to the club to pick up men, I go to dance and have a good time so it would definitely be fantastic (but not necessary) if he was willing to go once in a great while (once every 6 - 8 weeks). My concern is not whether I party too much to find someone. I would definitely stop going out as much if I were in a relationship (as most people do) I have just been told that there is a good chance that men won't think I am interested in a serious relationship because I am always "up for anything".
Author ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Feelsgoodman - that is unfortunate. Just because a girl likes to have fun and be social does not mean they are not family oriented. I guess my problem is how does one/can one portray that even as a "social butterfly" a serious relationship and family are important?
make me believe Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Two things to factor in here. First, what kind of fun are we talking about? Are you willing to include said future BF in the fun? If my gf came up to me and told me she wanted to go on a weekend road trip, try an exotic new restaurant, or jump out of a plane, I will gladly join in. If the kind of fun you are talking about is going out and partying with your girlfriends at bars and clubs and the guy is either not invited or uncomfortable (only guy out on girls night), he is not going to deal with that in a relationship. It would then seem like you are not invested and looking for something better. I think these are important points to consider. If the fun you want to have is partying all the time, going out to new clubs & bars, then yeah most guys will assume you don't want anything serious. If you're talking about trying new things in general, roadtrips, and stuff like that, then maybe it's the way you present it. If you just say something like "I'm always down for anything! wooo!" then a lot of people will probably think you're a party girl, and again, not looking for anything serious. If you present it more like "I love doing new things, having adventures, exploring new places.." then that gives a totally different (and more positive) vibe.
zengirl Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Like anything, this could hold you back if you're unwilling to compromise this. I mean, you say you NEVER want to be at home. MOST people want to be at home sometimes. Most people in a relationship want to be at home with their sweetie sometimes and certainly be ALONE with their sweetie sometimes, without the whole social roster around them. So, I could see it being an issue if you are truly that extreme. However, just because you like to go out and do things -- as much as several times per week or every night, when you're single (as long as you can fit a man in later) -- I don't think you'd be hindered. Now, it depends on where you go/how you dress/who you hang out with/what you do/how you present yourself as to if this is seen as partying or just socializing. Partying is generally thought of as a not-serious-relationship type girl/guy, but I don't think people generally dislike those who socialize. Before I met my hubby, I went out or socialized most nights per week, though sometimes it was just to cook dinner and watch a movie with friends. We still go out, though sometimes we stay in. I wasn't into the club scene, though. I don't know anyone who's really in a relationship and goes clubbing regularly, unless their SO also does. And even those taper off during the mid20s. Regular clubbing is generally for people who want to hook up or are very young; people just tend to grow out of it.
A O Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Do men usually see women who have fun and are outgoing as women who are not interested in something serious? Could my "fun" approach to life be giving men the impression that I have no intention of settling down? You determine what you want in life. You want fun, fantastic. You want serious, no worries, simply make that known. Try not to paint yourself into a corner however. Some people are silly enough to say - I just wanna have fun, which is more often than not a half-truth and then confuse the other person when all of a sudden they now want something serious. So, by all means, have fun, but this can easily be achieved without putting one's foot in their mouth, so to speak. .
stillafool Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Look, just be yourself no matter what and you will find someone who likes you for you. Anything less is faking it. Don't men ask you out on dates?
Author ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Zengirl - I do enjoy staying home once in a while. And when I was in a relationship, I did stay in more often than I do now. The problem wasn't staying home, the problem was that my ex did not want to go out and be social, ever. So, it is not that I NEVER want to stay home .... sometimes I do. I just want someone that is able to balance and compromise (as I like to think I would). A O - I hope I'm not telling people that all I want is to have fun. I do want to have fun, but I'm also very honest about the fact that I don't want to date casually. I do want to be with someone. I think it is possible to be in a serious relationship and still be able to have fun and enjoy life. That is what I want. Stillafool - I can't change who I am if I tried. And I do hope that I can find someone that likes me for who I am. Sadly, I don't get asked out. I have been single for about 8 months or so and have only gone on a couple of dates with one guy, but that didn't really turn into anything. And no, there isn't anything severely wrong with me. I'm in grad school, I'm bilingual, driven, outgoing, and I'm not out of shape or ugly. I feel like I MUST be doing something wrong.
louise_23 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I am a very outgoing person; I enjoy going out, meeting new people and just having a good time in general. I am usually willing to try almost anything once, my friends know that if they call me I will most likely say yes to their invitation/idea. As of late, I have been frustrated with the whole dating scene any my inability to find someone that is looking for something serious. A few of my friends (both male and female) have mentioned that my "I'm down for anything" attitude can sometimes give men the idea that I don't want anything serious or that I'm not interested in them. How accurate do you think this is? Do men usually see women who have fun and are outgoing as women who are not interested in something serious? Could my "fun" approach to life be giving men the impression that I have no intention of settling down? you sound like me! i say yes to most things. and i love having a good time. and yes, i think your friends are right. i do think the nicer guys are scared off by the bravado etc. i have no problem getting offers but they only want sex. why? because i seem loud and confident. i attract loud and/or confident...and this kind of person usually just wants sex. maybe its the challenge of a confident person they like? but it is understandable people could be scared off. you cant help the way you are though. ive tried and i cant change who i am. like someone told me on this forum, ive just gotta adjust the people picker. alcohol only serves to feed my big personality though, i know that. so i could stop drinking when im out, or cut down. you dont mention if you drink. also, the kind of person you're meeting depends on the kind of place you are in (another bit of LS advice ive received recently). i hang around in bars and clubs...im not going to find anyone looking for anything serious.
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