azsinglegal Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Well? I tend to be more of the..."let things go until they're so bad that he ends them" kinda gal. Then I play the "victim"...yeah...I know, not the most mature or best route. I wish I could be more of the Ender. Recognize when things were bad and have the talk to either make them better or end things. My communication is horrible. I really lack emotions and the ability to talk about them. THIS is why I'm still single. But hey, at least I know why.
ditzchic Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I'm kind of the same way. I tend to be very loyal once I become attached to someone. And I always overestimate my ability to "fix" things. So I try and stick it out and work and work and work to try and fit a square peg into a round hole. I'm starting to learn my lesson now in that I need to learn to recognize what is salvageable and what isn't.
Author azsinglegal Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 I'm kind of the same way. I tend to be very loyal once I become attached to someone. And I always overestimate my ability to "fix" things. So I try and stick it out and work and work and work to try and fit a square peg into a round hole. I'm starting to learn my lesson now in that I need to learn to recognize what is salvageable and what isn't. If you figure this out - please enlighten me. I've yet to recognize when I should or shouldn't work on things, when it should end, but doesn't, when he wants a relationship long term or doesn't...unless of course, they disappear altogether. Then I pretend they die which is the ONLY reason I never hear from them again. I'm disillusion, I know.
veggirl Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 In the past, the endee. Now, I'd probably end up being more of the ender because I have a more clear sense of what my personal boundaries / limitations are and much higher self esteem.
ditzchic Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Then I pretend they die which is the ONLY reason I never hear from them again. I'm disillusion, I know. HAA!! I do the exact same thing!!! In fact, I would rather him just disappear then have the talk sometimes. It's much easier to figure he was hit by a bus or abducted by aliens than to face that he may found my personality repulsive.
carhill Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I would say, historically, being more of an 'endee' than 'ender'. I tend to have faith in a solution and want to work on it and give the benefit of the doubt. That's probably why, dissimilar to many men, I actually looked forward to MC sessions as opportunities to see things more clearly and look for middle ground. My exW and I had contrary and, ultimately, irreconcilable styles. Since then, I've cut out a lot of the 'benefit of the doubt' and am more assertive to end friendships and dating situations which aren't meeting my needs and/or respecting my boundaries, so have morphed more into, at least for now, an 'ender'. Only time will tell how the dynamic balances.
colliejoanie Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I'm becoming more of the ender, I guess. Out of the last four relationships I've ended all but one - and he came crawling back and THEN I was the ender. haha! Before that, I was definitely the endee. I was just like a lot of you......I just KNEW it would work out. I could make it work. Also, looking back I truly loved those guys, and WANTED it to work..... I haven't truly loved someone in a long time. Wow.....that was profound! And sad to realize. I think I'll go cry now.
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