Veryconfused12345 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Oh no oh no oh no! I think I've messed up with the whole NC thing!!!! My ex fiance has found out that I'm leaving the city we both live in and is begging to see me before I go. This is after 3 months in which he has gotten himself involved with a very needy woman who's head over heels in love with him. He's worried if he leaves her she'll fall apart (guess my feelings aren't quite as important). I've ignored his long nostalgic emails and requests to see me until now but stupidly had a glass of wine last night and decided to respond saying essentially - he broke my heart and now my life has been turned upside down by this, we were supposed to spend our lives together, and that i don't think his girlfriend would appreciate us meeting up. In melodramatic tipsy mode I even told him I hoped that his relationship and ultimately marriage to her is a successful one. I don't know why I thought that was appropriate to say... Did I blow it completely? I just want him to regret this forever. To be fair, it's evident he's beginning to panic at the thought of losing me. But I feel like I took the low road in telling him off life this. It was good to explain how hurt i've been but I'm sure this will just throw him into a tailspin of further depression and self pity. If I'm honest, I can't stop entertaining the hope that we eventually get back together.... Everything in my world is changing and I truelly thought he would never do anything so terrible....
Author Veryconfused12345 Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 Fluorescent, I think I needed this - what you've told me is brutal and honest and absolutely true. I'm a bit horrified when I take a step back to see just how pathetic my texts sound. If I were helping a friend through this I would be telling her to completely leave it and work on herself. You're right, this has thrown me for a loop (along with all the other big changes in my life right now) and I'm being clingy. This is not a healthy relationship but somewhere it almost makes sense for me to be with "anyone" than to be alone - a dangerous and stupid approach to relationships. I'm still young (20s) and need to stop this pattern before it consumes me. I really appreciate you being brutally honest and rational with me. I'm not disregarding what you're saying because I recognize that this has to stop and it's completely destroyed me. I should have better things to do with myself and my time.....
Exit Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 The one time I broke NC was thanks to the influence of a few drinks as well. I don't think you said anything horrible. It would be one thing if you were drinking and sent him an email throwing yourself all over him and agreeing that you absolutely need to see each other before you leave. Your response was very reasonable, you said it wouldn't be fair to the person he's seeing if you were to meet, and you wished him success in the rest of his life. This doesn't sound "oh no!" worthy to me. You did fine.
NSDNQ Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 a lot of dumpers (especially those who haven't been dumped by someone that matters to them) tend not to realize that you're actually going to be gone by the time they're done running around. This makes for a panicked knee-jerk reaction to try and re-connect when they realize you're going to be out of they're lives forever. this being said, its an utterly worthless reaction. If they left then they were not happy with you, and won't be if you go back. you, naturally are not going to be happy in that environment. so why make both of you miserable? soon as they're convinced they got you to hold on a little longer its back to running around to get what they want, and next time he may not have the decency to give you the heads up that's what he's doing. if you really want to be with this guy again the best you can do is get the F out of your city and rebuild yourself. rebuild your life. once your happy again, (and he may possibly be too) THEN you can worry about trying to get back with this guy. But, most likely by the time you do, your gonna look back at him and feel nothing but pity. haven't heard of a person on this board, NOT ONE that still wanted to reconnect with the ex after they reached happiness on their own again.
stillafool Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Don't ever believe a man when he says he can't break up with ________ because she will do something desperate or anything similar to that statement. They are with that person because of one reason only - they want to be there.
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