Internet Forum Bullies

[despicableME]

I haven't come across any "bullying" here. There are heated exchanges, but nothing remotely linked to bullying.

 

We're talking about infidelity here... you expect emotions to run high.

[Taramere]

I want to outline some of the typical comments that have been directed at me and others, that IMO are used to excuse bad behavior and possible bullying...

 

This is the WWW, so you can't control what goes on-

 

This forum in anonymous and we have the choice to delete or turn off our PC's-

 

They're just words-

 

on and on this list can go...

 

I know what you mean. .

 

I think anybody with concerns that ethics are disappearing from society will want to think twice about supporting a sociopathic mindset. If we support the notion that people posting anonymously are no longer really people, and that it's silly for anybody to have any emotional response to abusive comments directed towards them in an anonymous environment, then that is a stance which highly supportive of the sociopathic mindset.

 

I agree with encouraging people to leave environments that they don't need to be in where those environments are proving bad for them. I also agree that learning ways of developing greater resilience to (resilience to, note, not tolerance of) the words of malicious individuals is generally a good thing.

 

However, giving people the message "you're anonymous on here and therefore it's ridiculous for you to have emotional responses or any expectations that others will impose any limits on themselves if they come into conflict with you" isn't helpful.

 

More than that, I don't think it's true. Over and over we can see from the way people post on the internet that it's the norm for human beings to have emotional responses to what they read to their interactions with others. Whether or not those interactions are taking place anonymously.

 

We can also see that lots and lots of people, despite their anonymity, will tend to place limits on themselves. Sometimes apologising for things they've said in the heat of the moment, or attempting to resolve conflicts...or showing restraint in their responses to provocation from trolls. Keeping their claws sheathed, even if they take a swipe. As social creatures, we have these boundaries...just as even wild animals will, in a social situation, demonstrate restraint in their interactions and conflicts with other members of their community.

 

What we post, regardless of whether we do it anonymously, is part of who we are as people. I think the way most people post on here reflects a general understanding of that. That the internet isn't some dreamworld that's entirely detached from reality, where people stop being people. Anyone who seriously expected people to operate like Vulcans, when using the internet, and to detach emotionally from any abuse that is directed towards them on the basis that it was anonymous, would have to have a very poor understanding of human nature.

 

I think it's very common for people to express this position of finding it easy to walk away/shrug things off, and advocating that others follow their example because that's what they would like to be able to do or think they should be able to do, rather than because it's what they consistently do in practice.

[Angelina527]

Real fast...one thing I find interesting...

 

Based on most of the replies, internet bullying is acceptable?

 

Absolutely not! But YOU are not being bullied. No one on this forum is being bullied.

 

You're taking a huge problem and watering it down.

 

[woinlove]

PIH, I don't know what is going on with you right now, but I don't see a single post that is supporting bullying and am surprised by you suggesting otherwise. Also, I think you are wrong to read anything at all into someone posting on this thread, not even directly in response to you, after you "asked" them to not respond to you. Why should anyone honor a request that comes with insults and disrespect and curtails their use of this forum? I think the right thing to do is put people on ignore if you wish, then you won't even know if they responded.

 

It seems like you are sending out barbs to see if anyone rises to the bait and reinforces whatever it is you want to see on LS. If you would choose to put on a more compassionate and generous hat, you could enjoy LS like many of us do, for its diversity of mostly caring, engaged people and simply tune out the once that aren't so useful, or maybe not tune them out completely, because even there one can sometimes glean a new perspective. Wouldn't that be better than whatever you are feeling right now? No one is bullying you here and if a few are irritating you, can't you see many others that have something to offer? Or do you really have a negative view of most of the posters here?

[alexandria35]

However, giving people the message "you're anonymous on here and therefore it's ridiculous for you to have emotional responses or any expectations that others will impose any limits on themselves if they come into conflict with you" isn't helpful.

 

 

Another shining example of twisting words to suit your argument. Please show me where anyone has posted the words you put in quotes above. I haven't seen anything remotely close to that. Nor has anyone that internet bullying is acceptable as pure tried to imply it was said. People just don't agree that what goes on in this board is bullying. People are emotional and here we discuss an emotional topic. People maybe get a little too passionate at times and don't chose their words carefully enough. As another poster said, most of us have been guilty of that at one time or another, including the OP of this thread.

 

Furthermore there are steps one can take if they feel like they are being bullied here. Just walking away from your computer is a possibility but I understand that some may feel like it isn't fair that they have to leave because other posters are not posting as they would like. In that case posters can report the offending posts and have the posts removed and the poster reprimanded. Posters can put other posters on ignore correct? I've never used that function but I believe when you put a poster on ignore that posters posts won't even be visible to you when you are logged into your account.

 

Lastly I agree that the whole premise of this thread mocks people who have truly been victims of bullying. I was bullied in real life as a child. It was at school. Parents and teachers didn't get involved back then as they considered that behaviour just normal kids being kids stuff. I had to go to school. My parents sure weren't going to let me stay home just because some other kids were picking on me. They told me to smarten up and stop being a whiner, so everyday I had to face my tormentors and it was hell on earth. They teased and mocked me during class and then when away from the eyes of the teacher they became much more agressive. Following me home, pushing me, stealing my possesions, calling me names, etc. This the kind of bullying that destroys childrens self esteem and damages them for life. I survived it only because it only happened at one school that I attended for only one year.

[pureinheart]

Ummm, I'm not understanding, how did this get personal? If it pertains to you then take it for what it's worth and try to change, if it's not then don't trip ...wow...

 

It's just a thread, right? There is the ignore, delete button, right? If you don't like it, ignore it, but why trip, why be insulting to me in an indirect/direct way.

 

This isn't about me because noone in this forum or anywhere has the power to bully me...there are a few people on LS that are dear to me, but the ones who have been cruel to others, well.

 

My purpose is education, after seeing many attempts at bullying here and elsewhere on the internet, I thought it would be good to put out there.

 

I don't post that much here because I don't like the tone of most of the forums.

 

Seriously, nothing personal, but ifd the shoe fits....

[Heather1]

PIH, I'm afraid to post my experience last week in a PM but I get what you're trying to do. I backed down, I'm going to try to just go it alone & get over this. Thanks for your love & empathy during a huge crossroad in my life. Xxoo

[Auntie Em]

Ummm, I'm not understanding, how did this get personal? If it pertains to you then take it for what it's worth and try to change, if it's not then don't trip ...wow...

 

It's just a thread, right? There is the ignore, delete button, right? If you don't like it, ignore it, but why trip, why be insulting to me in an indirect/direct way.

 

This isn't about me because noone in this forum or anywhere has the power to bully me...there are a few people on LS that are dear to me, but the ones who have been cruel to others, well.

 

My purpose is education, after seeing many attempts at bullying here and elsewhere on the internet, I thought it would be good to put out there.

 

I don't post that much here because I don't like the tone of most of the forums.

 

Seriously, nothing personal, but ifd the shoe fits....

 

As someone who is relatively quiet here, I have watched this go from a difference of opinion on another thread to this.

 

I am sad to see what you have written above, after all the talk of no bullying. What you posted above is an example of passive aggressive posts. I fail to see how your thread on bullying fits into the Other Man/Other Woman subject; but I suspect it was put here because you got into a disagreement with someone on another thread.

 

I feel if this was really a PSA on internet bullying, you would have placed it in a more appropriate forum instead of this one. You continue to take PA jabs at others, when you are the one who started this thread about not doing that.

 

If we want to be treated a certain way, we need to treat others that way. Put into practice what you are posting about re: internet bullying. Quickest way to get your point across is to not be hypocrite to those you are trying to lead another way. I fail to see how anyone was internet bullying you; I think you took a jab and when someone jabbed back (as in disagreed), you decided to label that bullying.

[Tony]

This thread has served its purpose, but is quickly declining. If you think you are being abused, please report it. There is a difference between having an opposing opinion and launching a personal attack, and it's important to keep that in mind when you respond to someone. It's equally important to keep that in mind before you report someone.

 

Thanks!