Internet Forum Bullies

January 23, 2012

Cyberbullying on the Internet

Cyber bullies, cyber bullying, flame mail, hate mail

*I am only adding info that I feel is relevant to this particular forum*

For those being bullied (or attemped bullying) DO NOT PUT UP WITH IT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM in any aspect of your life, no matter who you are or what part of the triangle your in or past involvement.

I'm seeing a lot of bullying in all aspects of life lately...no means no, period. Please share your story of bullying and your feelings concerning it.

Serial bullies, whose behaviour profile you'll find in full at Bully OnLine, harbour a lot of internal aggression which they direct at others. This may include projection, false criticism and patronising sarcasm whilst contributing nothing of any value. It may also include a common tactic of "a number of people have emailed me backchannel to agree with me". This is standard bully-speak which I've experienced on several forums. In every case it's a fabrication or a distortion - usually the former. It's also a variant of the serial bully head teacher who says "a number of parents have complained to me about you...". When challenged, the identity of the alleged complainants can't be disclosed because it's "confidential". The purpose of this tactic is to wind people up. Don't be fooled into believing it has any validity - it doesn't.

Many serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention. It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them - which they really hate. In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.

The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful. After that, it's a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them. Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who's emotionally retarded.

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and harassers often have disordered thinking patterns and do not share the same thoughts or values as you.

Anyway, I'm not sure if we can add links in this particular forum, so I am leaving out the link...just look up cyberbullying online.

Once again, never allow this in your life...and like I said, I only posted what I felt pertained to the internet forum.

January 23, 2012

What's the point to this thread, PIH?

Is it stimulated by your recent exchange here? If so, it seems like you went looking for a fight by saying you thought most posters were fictional, thereby insulting most who post here, rather than criticizing any particular post or poster. Then when challenged, you flamed the challenger with allegations of harassment and demanded specific behavior from her which would limit her use of the forum. Would you call that internet bullying or something else?

Is something else up or is this really due to frustration about LS?

January 23, 2012

What's the point to this thread, PIH?

Is it stimulated by your recent exchange here? If so, it seems like you went looking for a fight by saying you thought most posters were fictional, thereby insulting most who post here, rather than criticizing any particular post or poster. Then when challenged, you flamed the challenger with allegations of harassment and demanded specific behavior from her which would limit her use of the forum. Would you call that internet bullying or something else?

Is something else up or is this really due to frustration about LS?

There are many bullies on the internet and this forum period...read the article, I should not have to explain a thing.

I refuse to engage harassment and attacks any longer, it is insanity IMO and plan to ignore.

This forum is meant for support and education.

January 23, 2012

Maybe I am extra sensitive to the use of the term "bullying" because two of my kids have been the victims of bullies, but using the term "bullying" for what most people post on this forum seems to be stretching the definition of bullying pretty thin.

Most of the discourse that goes on here seems to be people who are trying to help others or who have their own thoughts and opinions they want to put out there. While some may not like nor agree with these thoughts and opinions, this doesn't make them "bullies" because they don't agree. If one doesn't like what is being said, they have the option to ignore it.

calling the discourse that takes place on this board as "bullying" really does a real disservice to those who really are victims of bullying, as it "waters down" the real harm and hurt real bullying can cause.

Pureinheart...I am sorry you feel you have been bullied, but, to be honest, having read back through the posts you seem to feel bad about, I just don't see it.

January 23, 2012

There are many bullies on the internet and this forum period...read the article, I should not have to explain a thing.

I refuse to engage harassment and attacks any longer, it is insanity IMO and plan to ignore.

This forum is meant for support and education.

I've seen no bullying on this forum. I have seen some heated opinions and occasional inflammatory remarks. I consider this thread inflammatory since you know very well that we have a moderator and if you feel like you are being attacked all you have to do is report the offending posts. People not sharing your opinions is not a personal attack on you. You also know very well that Loveshack is a public board and all opinions are welcome. There are other boards you can go to if you only want to hear a certain kind of opinion.

Funny that your posts are all about ignoring and not engaging and yet here you are engaging and not ignoring.

January 23, 2012

Also true cyber bullying is very nasty and insidious and it mostly affects children and teens as they can be greatly influenced by people they consider their peers. As adults we understand that this is simply a forum and all we have to do is close the window if we don't like what were seeing. Pure is somebody forcing you to log on here several times a day and read things here that you don't like?

January 23, 2012

This thread shouldn't even be here. Please Mr./Mrs. Moderator, kill it.

January 23, 2012

PIH,

I understand where you're coming from. I believe people just have to learn on their own.

Sad but true.

Thanks for posting this, though. It's sad that as adults, someone has been put through this by other adults. The excuse of this is a public forum doesn't excuse that type of behavior.

Then it's actually put up for debate. LOL!

Edited January 23, 2012 by skywriter

January 23, 2012

What's the point to this thread, PIH?

Is it stimulated by your recent exchange here? If so, it seems like you went looking for a fight by saying you thought most posters were fictional, thereby insulting most who post here,

Seems that way doesn't it?

rather than criticizing any particular post or poster. Then when challenged, you flamed the challenger with allegations of harassment and demanded specific behavior from her which would limit her use of the forum. Would you call that internet bullying or something else?

Is something else up or is this really due to frustration about LS?

And why is this in the OW/OM forum?

I say just put on ignore the posters whose posts you don't like.

January 23, 2012

I tend to think of bullying as involving a group of people picking on somebody who doesn't fit in....but it depends on why they don't fit in. If they don't fit in because of colour, nationality, gender etc (or in some cases because they have some trait or traits that the ringleader of the group bullying them is jealous of) then that's bullying.

If they don't fit in because they're behaving obnoxiously then that's different....unless the obnoxious behaviour stems from some psychiatric problem they can't help, and the people berating them are well aware of the problem.

On an internet forum...if X habitually makes offensive comments about a particular group, to a point where one would expect they probably bully members of that group when they have the opportunity, then there's little point in them complaining about being bullied when others start getting nasty with them. They're not being bullied, harassed or trolled. They're being smacked down in a conflict that they showed willingness to enter by expressing derogatory opinions about other individuals or a particular group.

Personally I think some people deserve that...but I'm talking not in terms of the other women/wife conflict. I'm thinking more in terms of people who enjoy engaging in hate speech about other groups but who can't handle the hostile repercussions of such hate speech.

January 23, 2012

Focusing on the term bully and the various associations it brings to mind for each of us, then arguing whether what happens here can ever be classified as "bullying", is really just semantics.

The original post offers definitions of behavior that the original poster thinks should not be allowed. Regardless of what you want to call that behavior, I tend to agree.

January 23, 2012

FWIW, I have the OP on 'ignore.'

'Nuff said.

And that's how it should be handled rather than continuing to engage people you don't like and then making a thread about not enjoying the conversation.

January 23, 2012

never mind.

not playing into this.

EDITED.

January 23, 2012

never mind.
not playing into this.

EDITED.

LOL! Oh my.....(sigh)

I'm thinking it's time for bit of meditation......

January 23, 2012

It's ALWAYS time for a bit of meditation.....

January 23, 2012

From the Community Guidelines:

"Civility and respect We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.

Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and LoveShack.org encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread.

We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread. Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads. It is important that criticism be directed at what is stated in a post ("I don't like your idea") rather than at the individual making the statement ("I don't like you").

Submissions containing threats to leave the community or other forms of "emotional extortion" intended to incite a reaction from fellow participants are viewed as inconsiderate and disrespectful to the community as a whole and will result in immediate loss of access to the site."

That's pretty straightforward.

Additionally, given the current forum conditions, it's not so easy to circumvent moderation anymore unless one has prepared for it prior to December 9, so remaining compliant to the spirit and letter of the Community Guidelines is in a poster's best interest if they wish to remain part of the community.

Good luck.

January 23, 2012

Cyberbullying on the Internet
Cyber bullies, cyber bullying, flame mail, hate mail

*I am only adding info that I feel is relevant to this particular forum*

For those being bullied (or attemped bullying) DO NOT PUT UP WITH IT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM in any aspect of your life, no matter who you are or what part of the triangle your in or past involvement.

I'm seeing a lot of bullying in all aspects of life lately...no means no, period. Please share your story of bullying and your feelings concerning it.

Serial bullies, whose behaviour profile you'll find in full at Bully OnLine, harbour a lot of internal aggression which they direct at others. This may include projection, false criticism and patronising sarcasm whilst contributing nothing of any value. It may also include a common tactic of "a number of people have emailed me backchannel to agree with me". This is standard bully-speak which I've experienced on several forums. In every case it's a fabrication or a distortion - usually the former. It's also a variant of the serial bully head teacher who says "a number of parents have complained to me about you...". When challenged, the identity of the alleged complainants can't be disclosed because it's "confidential". The purpose of this tactic is to wind people up. Don't be fooled into believing it has any validity - it doesn't.

Many serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention. It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them - which they really hate. In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.

The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful. After that, it's a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them. Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who's emotionally retarded.

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond, don't interact and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will. Serial bullies and harassers often have disordered thinking patterns and do not share the same thoughts or values as you.

Anyway, I'm not sure if we can add links in this particular forum, so I am leaving out the link...just look up cyberbullying online.

Once again, never allow this in your life...and like I said, I only posted what I felt pertained to the internet forum.

This thread should be moved to the watercooler area.

January 23, 2012

I think that the moderator of this site has made it pretty clear he won't tolerate bullying type behavior here on LS.

Report the behavior that you believe is bullying, and let it be managed according to the TOS.

Pretty simple and straightforward to me. I don't really see what else there is to say on the subject.

January 23, 2012

I agree that bullying is a reprehensible activity. It can be very damaging, especially during the formative years.

That being said, I've also witnessed, IRL, and on LS---that accusations of bullying can be used as a deflection tactic, by people/posters, when their OWN actions are called into question, and they are held accountable.

Instead of saying, "Yes....I stole the cookies from the cookie jar."; the response is ....

"You're just picking on me/harassing me/bullying me......"

(Look how mean YOU'RE being..)

So the person who painstakingly baked batches of cookies, only to have them pilfered, is the "Bad Guy"? Because they said, "Hey----no fair!!!"?

That's just one example.

I've also noticed accusations of bullying being bandied about, just because someone has an opposing opinion. There are some personality types who feel attacked by anyone seeing things differently, and respond by going on the offensive. (claiming victimhood the entire time)

What dismays me, is that I fear that too many unfounded allegations of bullying will detract from the legitimate cases. Like the Phoebe Prince story, for example.That WAS bullying, absolutely.

IMO, someone holding a firm stance on an opposing opinion, does NOT constitute bullying--as long as they adhere to the TOS here.

January 23, 2012

What was so special about Dec 9?

What changed??

From the Community Guidelines:

"Civility and respect We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.
Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and LoveShack.org encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread.
We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread. Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads. It is important that criticism be directed at what is stated in a post ("I don't like your idea") rather than at the individual making the statement ("I don't like you").
Submissions containing threats to leave the community or other forms of "emotional extortion" intended to incite a reaction from fellow participants are viewed as inconsiderate and disrespectful to the community as a whole and will result in immediate loss of access to the site."

That's pretty straightforward.

Additionally, given the current forum conditions, it's not so easy to circumvent moderation anymore unless one has prepared for it prior to December 9, so remaining compliant to the spirit and letter of the Community Guidelines is in a poster's best interest if they wish to remain part of the community.

Good luck.

January 23, 2012

E-mail system was suspended and every new account applied for is unconfirmed after that date. So, unless one has built up a roster of duplicate accounts prior to then, if one is banned or moderated, one cannot quickly and easily 'switch'. Also, a lot of old accounts with duplicate IP's and e-mail addresses may have been deleted, based on the discrepancies between active members and total member numbers, so check those duplicate accounts to make sure they exist and are active.

The changes made on Dec 9, while perhaps not targeting bullying, affected a whole range of dynamics on the forum, including bullying and sockpuppets. Like Owl suggested, report and ignore.

OP, you (or any member) can request the topic be moved by alerting on the OP and requesting movement to a different forum, like Loveshack.org comments or the Watercooler. It takes a moderator ten seconds to do that. No problem.

January 23, 2012

E-mail system was suspended and every new account applied for is unconfirmed after that date. So, unless one has built up a roster of duplicate accounts prior to then, if one is banned or moderated, one cannot quickly and easily 'switch'. Also, a lot of old accounts with duplicate IP's and e-mail addresses may have been deleted, based on the discrepancies between active members and total member numbers, so check those duplicate accounts to make sure they exist and are active.

The changes made on Dec 9, while perhaps not targeting bullying, affected a whole range of dynamics on the forum, including bullying and sockpuppets. Like Owl suggested, report and ignore.

OP, you (or any member) can request the topic be moved by alerting on the OP and requesting movement to a different forum, like Loveshack.org comments or the Watercooler. It takes a moderator ten seconds to do that. No problem.

Interesting.

I restricted my PMs to contacts for a short while, after getting a spate of PMs from a troll. I only read the first one. They all had titles that either insulted me for being British or beseeched me to stand up with him against the moderation team who he regarded as victimising him. I think his name was DHM or something. From what little I saw of his writing style (and gripes) he was the 50 ids troll who was posting here avidly a few months ago. He copied Tony into the only PM I actually read. I think he sent me 5 or 6 in very quick succession, before I disabled my PMs.

I mentioned it somewhere but nobody else said anything about getting PMs from him. He didn't have the longevity of membership or requisite number of posts so he must have paid for supporting membership in order to get PM rights. I suppose that determined trolls will still get in there if they're prepared to actually fork out cash to troll. Presumably they don't get a refund once they're banned.

January 23, 2012

I haven't been around as much lately but I was wondering where some of our old friends went LOL.

I still have my original account. I wonder how unusual that is.

So if I have this correct: loveshack is kind of a closed community for right now?

No new members?

January 23, 2012

Ha ha Paying to troll!

I think you just came up with the internet's new billion-dollar industry.

I wonder how many "trolls" see themselves as trolls. I got accused of it once.

January 23, 2012

Ha ha Paying to troll!

I think you just came up with the internet's new billion-dollar industry.

I wonder how many "trolls" see themselves as trolls. I got accused of it once.

Ever since I got those PMs I've been thinking along the same lines.

Setting up a site that's perhaps a support group for people who have been bullied on the internet. Get a variety of fairly resilient people to become regulars posing as cyber victims who have been traumatised by their dealings with trolls.. Have a facility whereby anybody can start posting there as long as they pay a fee.

If there are people out there who are so addicted to trolling that they'll pay do it, then that's a need that somebody should perhaps capitalise on. A support site for cybervictims would certainly pull them in.

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