JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) My ex of about 2 years and I broke it off back in June. It was a very emotional break on both ends, but it was initiated by him. We stayed away from eachother ever since. We both had relationships since eachother (we are both now single). I initiated no contact, and he would break it from time-to-time. I fell off the face of the earth (according to him) when I started dating someone else. I didn't contact my ex or his friends. But during my last relationship after him he would text me things "I miss you everyday...:'(" and "Just thinking about you today." Further along, as I ignored his texts and calls, he would send me things like "I wish we could break up with our current relationship and get back together. You were right, I should have never left." and "My biggest regret in life was letting you go." Well, needless to say our inbetween relationships have ended and we are both now single. I must admit I still love him and think about him all the time...and in a moment of desperation, we did spend a night together. It was like old times. We laughed, shared memories and shared eachother. Yes, I want to get back together. He was the person I fell in love with...but I want to be single for a little while and maintain a friendship with him (is that weird?). We contact eachother on a daily basis, and maintain a rather friendly relationship. I'm looking for guidence here, for the following: We are suppose to have a date soon, but I don't want to push the issue. I mention it a couple of times and he says "Ya, that night should work. We'll see..." Now that I'm single, he seems to be backing off a little...and I did tell him that I wanted to remain just friends for now. I need to work on myself. I don't want to ruin the potential of Him and I getting back together and I just don't know how to pursue the topic? Do I slam him in the face with hit? Or make him miss what we had? Do I seem uninterested? Do I seem available? I'm just very lost.... I hope you'all can help! Edited January 23, 2012 by Osiris866
Dark Phoenix Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 He's not ready, you keep living your life. Now here comes the big kicker, everyone is going to come into this topic and yell "HES PLAYING GAMES GO NC AND MOVE ON" I assure you, he's not. If you read your thread here, you are talking to yourself. He's doing the same thing with his texts and his conversations with you. He's self talking, hes talking to himself when you think hes talking to you. This is his ego. He's not ready to go out and have a relationship with you. You aren't ready to be in a relationship with him yet either. As far as my advice, let him do his thing, you go do your thing and when the times right, your paths should cross again.
leoc1973 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 This is always the problem with getting back together. You had someone else and all he wanted was you now that you are available he is backing off. This is human nature obviously you know. When I was first dumped I read and read and read some more on how to win my ex back. Everything I learned was all about push pull and absence making the heart grow fonder and things like jealousy to try to win her back. Now that I am a little more healed I have learned that I made a huge mistake. All of those things are about trickery or head games. Even if I did get her back a few months would have gone by and she would have realized that she just plain and simple don't love me enough. So, if I were you and knowing that I want someone to want me cause they really want me not cause they are afraid of losing me for good or jealous or any of those things. I want at the end of the day her to love me and not be able to imagine life without me. Anyways what I am getting at is you want him to love you deep down not be tricked into getting back with you. So if I were you I would smack him in the face with it. Tell him to be honest with you don't worry about saving your feelings or get back with you just because now he feels obligated to because of all the I miss you messages. You don't want this to be temporary even tho it might feel good for now. And if you want to use the other ways.. nothing works better than jealousy! A better looking guy will do the trick. Or even tell him you are talking to the guy you just broke up with about getting back together. I guarantee that works. But like I said you want him to love you not just try to keep you from someone else.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) Leoc they are both in GIGS. Funny how that works out... one of the key indicators on her end is this... Yes, I want to get back together. He was the person I fell in love with...but I want to be single for a little while and maintain a friendship with him (is that weird?). We contact eachother on a daily basis, and maintain a rather friendly relationship. They flipped the unconditional love with friendship love(see her self talk with the friendship, even she Thinks its weird). They both have this inner turmoil. If you really pay attention to the thread title, she's asking herself if now is the perfect time. Shes not talking to any of us, just herself. Edited January 23, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
leoc1973 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I go back and forth on the whole gigs thing. One day I completely believe its a real thing and the next day I think that gigs is just knowing someone loves you so much that you take advantage of that love. Knowing you can come back whenever you want because someone loves you that much and still betraying that love and that relationship because there is a certain amount you can get away with. Its like loving your parents but still going out and getting drunk and high knowing that it will crush them but realizing that your parents will not disown you for it. I will agree that this is immaturity but GIGS I don't know. I guess the only thing that makes me buy into the GIGS thing is that it really does seem to follow certain criteria to a T. Such as usually a girl between 21 and 25 and usually after a 3 to 5 year relationship and usually at a fork in the road or a big change in her life. And then all of the sudden it hits them about 8 months later what they have done. OK that being said with my ex... seeming like she is wanting to come back now and even if I knew that gigs was something that was definitely a real thing. I still just can't look at her the same way. I mean her seriously sitting there and having a conversation with herself about ending things with me is something I just don't know if I could get over. Even knowing what I know about GIGS. As far as the original poster. Yes her title is her thinking out loud. And yes now that I read it again. OP? What IS going through your head? Are you very confused because one minute you want to just stay close friends for a while and reconcile later now you want to know how to get him to come back. If he wanted you right now what would you say? Do you just want to know that you can have him but don't really want him? I am not agreeing or disagreeing with you pheonix I am just torn over the gigs thing so I am not trying to get into another gigs debate because I don't know what side I am on myself.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Leoc, In order to understand it, you have to go through it. Its ok if you dont understand it. Its ok if you can't let go of your ex's past of how you were treated. Dont sweat it. Do what you feel is right. Theres nothing ever wrong with that.
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