I asked him out to lunch and afterwards he told me we were even...

[hellopeople]

So there’s this guy, let’s call him John. John and I have known each other for a while now (4 months?). Ever since we’ve met (in uni), I’ve had the sneaking suspicion that he likes me. If you were to ask me on a good day straight up, do you think he likes you, I would say yes. When he sees me, he’ll light up. If I’m sitting alone somewhere, he’ll join me and we’ll have some good convos. We have quite a bit in common – from music to sports. He laughs at my jokes and I catch him looking at me often. We flirt a ton. He seems genially interested in my life as he asks me numerous questions. And what I like about him is that, I feel like I can by myself and not have to tip toe around what I say.

 

On the flip side however, there ARE times where I feel like John isn’t interested in me romantically. And, most of the time, I’ve had to take the initiative (whether it be texting or asking to hang out). For example, a few months ago we went to a local comedy club. He casually brought it up but didn’t ask me straight out to go. It was more of like a ‘hey, this person is going to be in town this night…. I want to go and I know you like them. Just wanted to let you know…’. That left me a little confused – why not just ask me to go. Was he afraid I would reject him? Anyway, I ended up telling him I was going to go check it out if he wanted to come with me. We had a good time but what really sticks out in my mind is the fact that he didn’t actually sit next to me. We sat at the bar and he left a whole stool between us… what’s up with that? Granted, he kept touching me all night – but I thought that was just too weird. Plus, when it was over, he didn’t walk me to my car. He simply said, ‘that was fun… I’ll see you tomorrow.’

 

Fast-forward to a few days ago. I haven’t seen/ heard him in a while since I’ve been out of town. I ran into him – literally. Actually, while I was walking he purposely bumped into me. I turned around to see who had hit me and he turned back to smile at me. I smiled like an idiot in return. I decided that I wanted things to move forward. So, I took the plunge and asked him out to lunch. I pretty much told him that he had caused some major bodily damage to me when he had run into me and I required some sort of compensation. He agreed and we met up on Thurs. He ended up paying for my meal and we conversed for a few hours. Overall, I would say it was good. He held eye contact with me, our legs brushed and touched under the table, and he laughed at the silly things I said. He also mentioned that he had gone back to the comedy club with some friends and thought of me. But, there were some awkward periods. At one point he received a text message and spent a good 2-3 min responding, leaving us in total silence. There were times where we just ran out of things to say and again, silence would fall – until I would say some random comment to keep the conversation going. He also did that silly ‘passive-aggressive’ thing – ‘have you seen this move yet?’ or ‘have you been to this club yet?’ or ‘next time I come here, I’ll have to try something else’ – but with no real asking me to go. I find that so frustrating!

 

Towards the end of the ‘date’ it seemed like we were stretching things out and he said he was going to head out. I thanked him for lunch and we hugged goodbye. I’m not happy with the way it ended at all. He didn’t say anything about having a good time and he didn’t ask if he could see me again. He made some comment about how he would refrain from running into me in the future and called us even. That caught me off guard. I mean, he said it with a smile on his face but I took it negatively – like ‘hey, I don’t want to do this again so I’m not going to give you the chance to call me out on it again and don’t expect anything since we’re even.’ Ouch.

 

Later that evening however, I did get an email from him regarding something we had been talking about over lunch. I briefly responded a day later (since I didn’t see it till then).

 

He hasn’t responded to my email and I have not received a text form him. If he was ever in doubt that I liked him, this lunch should have proved otherwise correct? My friend told me to wait it out a little longer and that he probably likes me but is not fully committed – or doesn’t want to be. But that totally confuses me because I’m awesome and he’d be missing out if he skipped out on me. I don’t know his dating history but there have been times where I’ve questioned if he’s ever had a girlfriend and perhaps that is why his is somewhat inexperienced…

 

So people, my question is: does this look good? Should I be expecting a second round? I know that it’s my turn to sit back and let him take the lead.

[Oxy Moronovich]

It looks good. He's shy. Don't wait. Just ask him out again.

[LittleTiger]

I don't think he's interested. He likes you, as a friend, nothing more.

 

You've made it very clear that you're interested, if he is interested in you, it's his turn to make a move.

[Star Gazer]

I don't think he's interested either. You've known him for four months, have made it obvious you're interested and receptive, and he's never asked you out. Sorry.

[westrock]

When he sees me, he’ll light up. If I’m sitting alone somewhere, he’ll join me and we’ll have some good convos. We have quite a bit in common – from music to sports. He laughs at my jokes and I catch him looking at me often. We flirt a ton. He seems genially interested in my life as he asks me numerous questions. And what I like about him is that, I feel like I can by myself and not have to tip toe around what I say.

 

From this I would say he definitely likes you.

 

From everything else you wrote it sounds like he's just shy or inexperienced or needs some more reassurance of your interest.

 

It was more of like a ‘hey, this person is going to be in town this night…. I want to go and I know you like them. Just wanted to let you know…’. That left me a little confused – why not just ask me to go. Was he afraid I would reject him? Anyway, I ended up telling him I was going to go check it out if he wanted to come with me.

 

Yes, it's confusing. I agree that he was afraid you would reject him. Obviously he went with you when you asked him out so he wants to be with you. Ideally, he's supposed to be doing the asking. If he does this again, put him on the spot and straight up ask him, "John, are you asking me out on a date because I would say yes if you asked me." You can't get any more clear than that.

 

We had a good time but what really sticks out in my mind is the fact that he didn’t actually sit next to me. We sat at the bar and he left a whole stool between us… what’s up with that? Granted, he kept touching me all night – but I thought that was just too weird.

I wouldn't read too much into the extra stool between the two of you. If he does this again, and you don't like it, just get up and you move closer while saying "This is better, now I can hear you better, so you were saying?".

 

It sounds like you're doing everything right. Just give it some more time. Ask him out again.

[Fondue]

Don't listen to the female posters on this one.

 

This guy is interested in you, just doesn't know how to proceed, so he's doing the luke-warm thing, hoping that you don't flat out reject him.

 

He may not even ever be the kind of guy to take charge. If you ever on a date with him, go for the hand holding and see how he responds. I'm 99.9% sure it will be a positive response.

[lilyblue]

I had a guy who was almost exactly like this. I worked with him, he'd be so excited everytime he saw me, we'd talk, flirt, etc. he asked me to go out for his bday once with a group but I couldn't go and he never asked again. Many months after that we ended up going to lunch, I can't remember who asked who, and he left in much the same way your guy did. I had likes him for so long and was so frustrated by that point that I texted him something flirty about him staying. He came right back. Turns out he really didnt want a relationship and his dating history was awful. He wanted a fwb. I don't know of that's the case here but the behavior is exactly the same.

[Andy_K]

He made some comment about how he would refrain from running into me in the future and called us even. That caught me off guard. I mean, he said it with a smile on his face but I took it negatively

 

He probably meant it in a flirty/playful way. In his head it probably sounded the same as "Well, if this is what happens I'll have to try and barge into you more often". Bringing up a past shared experience (running into you) is an attempt at rapport-building.

 

I agree with the earlier poster that he's probably into you.

[LittleTiger]

Didn't walk you to your car? Texted while having lunch with you?

 

This guy is considered 'a catch' by younger women today? I suppose I'm just 'so old' that I'm completely out of what should be expected as acceptable behavior.

 

Same here! I don't get how she can even consider him as an option.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Didn't walk you to your car? Texted while having lunch with you?

 

This guy is considered 'a catch' by younger women today? I suppose I'm just 'so old' that I'm completely out of what should be expected as acceptable behavior.

 

He's not 'that' interested in you and you should feel the same in reverse. You are setting yourself up for constant frustration and, even if you end up in a relationship with this guy, you'll soon be longing for affection and attention.

I don't think not walking a woman to her car is a big deal. I believe she's just nitpicking. Texting during the lunch date is a little rude. But women display the same rude behavior. Example, getting up to go to the bathroom and spending minutes in there talking to each other about their dates. That's rude too.

[ja123]

Didn't walk you to your car? Texted while having lunch with you?

 

This guy is considered 'a catch' by younger women today? I suppose I'm just 'so old' that I'm completely out of what should be expected as acceptable behavior.

 

He's not 'that' interested in you and you should feel the same in reverse. You are setting yourself up for constant frustration and, even if you end up in a relationship with this guy, you'll soon be longing for affection and attention.

 

I agree. He showed you so poor behaviour. Even if he did ask you out, then I'd consider saying 'no'.

 

Relationships, at this early stage, shouldn't be this much 'work' and leave you with weird ambiguous feelings ... I'd move on.

[LittleTiger]

I don't think not walking a woman to her car is a big deal. I believe she's just nitpicking. Texting during the lunch date is a little rude. But women display the same rude behavior. Example, getting up to go to the bathroom and spending minutes in there talking to each other about their dates. That's rude too.

 

Assuming that you're a man, have you ever been into a women's bathroom?

 

It's a little self-centred of you to think they are discussing their dates!

 

Unless they're out in groups, or on a double date, and go into the bathroom at the same time as their friend/s, most women in bathrooms don't talk to one another. They're too busy fixing their hair and their make-up and looking other women up and down to check out the 'competition'.

 

Plus - there are two reasons why they seem to take so long:

1) because women always have to stand in line for a toilet cubicle

2) because women on dates will take even more time than usual fixing their hair and make-up!

 

FTR, I don't believe that not walking a woman to her car is a big deal either - if you're just mates who've gone out for lunch. However, if you've just been on a date with her, or are interested in dating her in the future - it's not just common courtesy, it's also a really good idea - because it shows you think of her as a little bit more than just a friend.