No emotions? Break NC?

[Rimer]

It's been over 5 months since my break up. 1 month NC. I'm still pondering stuff about the break up in my head. In the end she blamed me for all the mistakes made in the relationship. Eventho this isn't true. She never once said she's sorry for anything for leaving me after 8½ years. She saw how broken up I was and she said she doesnt have to care about me anymore because were broken up. She never once cried over us breaking up. She just said she has to do this for her. Now I'm getting really pissed off.. I sticked by her during her very hard times and once I got my own she leaves. Even after the break up I didnt get pissed off at her once and took all the beatings of everything is my fault. Now I feel like I want to set the record straight and ask her did she ever even care about me and tell her not everything was my fault. Tell her how used I feel because once she got herself back together she just decides to leave me. I feel so used it makes me sick. I'm still not over her but should I break NC and con fort her? I fear going to places were I might see her all the time. I don't go to many places anymore because of this. Please need some opinions... How can someone be that unemotional after that long relationship? Not one tear, not one I'm sorry not even I hope you find happiness... seriously... wtf

[Rimer]

****... I'm so close to breaking NC...

[Pens55]

Dont do it, hang in there and the thoughts will pass!!

 

Trying to vent anger to her is not going to accomplish anything productive. I know that it seems like it will make you feel better, but it most likely will not.

[Rimer]

Dont do it, hang in there and the thoughts will pass!!

 

Trying to vent anger to her is not going to accomplish anything productive. I know that it seems like it will make you feel better, but it most likely will not.

 

But how can someone be that cruel... say things like that to someone they said they at least once cared about..

 

I feel like me not getting this stuff off my chest is blocking me from healing.. will it go pass by in time? I've been doing better with NC i'll admit that but not healed... i feel like i'm stuck really.. not moving forward

Edited January 22, 2012 by Rimer

[Rimer]

I know how you feel dude my wife of 4 years cheated on me.In a span of few weeks she went from telling me she loved me to saying i love this new man get over it.Like your i never could understand how hateful someone can be.Heck i broke nc and tried to get answers and guess what she said .Umm you done yet? I just want you to be happy,I said i did what i did get over it and dont contact me again.Ugh talk about twisted

 

I'm sorry hear dude.. I can't understand how someone can do that to someone. I mean how can these people live with them self?

 

I myself last time I saw my ex. She even told me that her own parents are on my side of this separation. That's the only time I saw her shed a tear. I asked her if she was happy now. She said yes.. After that I said.. I love you.. and I want you to be happy.. if that means im not in it so be it.. and I said.. have a good life.. thats when she said.. this isnt goodbye forever.. we'll see each other sometime.. and that when Im ready to call her do it that she still wants to be friends but at least wait a week before you do...

 

seriously.. wtf?? she thinks i want to be friends that I'll be fine in like a week or so?? she was a little surprised that I didn't say i'd call her.. because I usually cave in to her everytime..

[Frank13]

Rimer, here is the thing. You want to break NC because you are hoping to get her to apologize, say she did care about you, and maybe even cry to validate you.

 

If there was a possibility of that happening, I could see you wanting to break NC. However, she didn't even cry when you broke up, said she doesn't have to care anymore, and she thinks you would be over her in a week. She may have cared at one time but she doesn't now. The fact is she probably lost her emotions quite a while before she actually left.

 

All breaking NC is going to do is make her feel backed in a corner. Rather than get the things you are hoping for, she will be even more defensive and may even resort to telling you bad things that aren't true just to get you to go away (like saying she never cared about you, or there is a new guy). This is just going to make you feel 1000 times worse.

 

It is almost like a law of nature. The more you push an ex for answers or validation, the more they give you the opposite. Then you get more desperate for answers and validation so you try harder and harder and the cycle repeats. If they were smart enough to know giving you a little compassion and some answers would make you feel better and give you closure, it wouldn't be so bad. But for some reason they do the opposite.

 

Since she wanted out, even if you "set the record straight", it won't mean anything to her and she will forget about it within a minute.

 

Look at what lostsoul13 wrote. He tried to get answers by breaking NC, but rather than getting even an ounce of compassion, he got contempt.

 

If you truly don't see getting back together and want her out of your life, what does any of this matter? I know it is hard to see it from your place right now, but in 6 months will you even care what someone thinks who is no longer a part of your life?

[geegirl]

It's been over 5 months since my break up. 1 month NC. I'm still pondering stuff about the break up in my head. In the end she blamed me for all the mistakes made in the relationship. Eventho this isn't true. She never once said she's sorry for anything for leaving me after 8½ years. She saw how broken up I was and she said she doesnt have to care about me anymore because were broken up. She never once cried over us breaking up. She just said she has to do this for her. Now I'm getting really pissed off.. I sticked by her during her very hard times and once I got my own she leaves. Even after the break up I didnt get pissed off at her once and took all the beatings of everything is my fault. Now I feel like I want to set the record straight and ask her did she ever even care about me and tell her not everything was my fault. Tell her how used I feel because once she got herself back together she just decides to leave me. I feel so used it makes me sick. I'm still not over her but should I break NC and con fort her? I fear going to places were I might see her all the time. I don't go to many places anymore because of this. Please need some opinions... How can someone be that unemotional after that long relationship? Not one tear, not one I'm sorry not even I hope you find happiness... seriously... wtf

 

You won't be able to set the record straight because she won't be able to give you the answers you need. You are speaking emotionally. She is not therefore your concerns will fall on deaf ears. Don't project what you believe is right behavior on her. If she cared about you, she would be most sensitive to your needs and wants. She isn't and when someone isn't, the last thing that they would want to invest in is your need to set records straight.

 

Why are you expecting decent and kind behavior from someone that has treated you badly? You are setting high expectations on someone who cannot deliver.

 

You will never be able to understand these types. I was involved with someone who didn't even flinch when I caught him having sex with another woman. Unfathomable. Spending your time analyzing her behaviors and words is futile. Spend your time asking yourself why is it you still keep pondering on seeking validation from someone who has treated you so badly.

Edited January 22, 2012 by geegirl

[Rimer]

Rimer, here is the thing. You want to break NC because you are hoping to get her to apologize, say she did care about you, and maybe even cry to validate you.

 

If there was a possibility of that happening, I could see you wanting to break NC. However, she didn't even cry when you broke up, said she doesn't have to care anymore, and she thinks you would be over her in a week. She may have cared at one time but she doesn't now. The fact is she probably lost her emotions quite a while before she actually left.

 

All breaking NC is going to do is make her feel backed in a corner. Rather than get the things you are hoping for, she will be even more defensive and may even resort to telling you bad things that aren't true just to get you to go away (like saying she never cared about you, or there is a new guy). This is just going to make you feel 1000 times worse.

 

It is almost like a law of nature. The more you push an ex for answers or validation, the more they give you the opposite. Then you get more desperate for answers and validation so you try harder and harder and the cycle repeats. If they were smart enough to know giving you a little compassion and some answers would make you feel better and give you closure, it wouldn't be so bad. But for some reason they do the opposite.

 

Since she wanted out, even if you "set the record straight", it won't mean anything to her and she will forget about it within a minute.

 

Look at what lostsoul13 wrote. He tried to get answers by breaking NC, but rather than getting even an ounce of compassion, he got contempt.

 

If you truly don't see getting back together and want her out of your life, what does any of this matter? I know it is hard to see it from your place right now, but in 6 months will you even care what someone thinks who is no longer a part of your life?

 

I'm not sure.. Do I want to get back together or not really.. My ex told me to call her when I'm ready.. Is she waiting for me to make the first move? Should I just keep NC and see if she ever contacts me again. Should I contact her once I'm over her for real or never just contact her. But if I do want to get her back is staying NC my route to go? I mean in general i'm very lost with who I really am even and what I want out of life. I should just concentrate on me but I feel like the ex situation is in my way or am I just thinking this way so I don't have to work on myself.. ugh... I hope in 6 months I wont care what she thinks anymore...

 

You won't be able to set the record straight because she won't be able to give you the answers you need. You are speaking emotionally. She is not therefore your concerns will fall on deaf ears. Don't project what you believe is right behavior on her. If she cared about you, she would be most sensitive to your needs and wants. She isn't and when someone isn't, the last thing that they would want to invest in is your need to set records straight.

 

Why are you expecting decent and kind behavior from someone that has treated you badly? You are setting high expectations on someone who cannot deliver.

 

You will never be able to understand these types. I was involved with someone who didn't even flinch when I caught him having sex with another woman. Unfathomable. Spending your time analyzing her behaviors and words is futile. Spend your time asking yourself why is it you still keep pondering on seeking validation from someone who has treated you so badly.

 

Good points. Why do I want someone back who could pull this kinda **** on me? Maybe because I'm blaming myself so much for the reasons of the break up that I think I can fix those things and get her back.

 

Thanks for responses all.. very good points

[Rimer]

Thats the garbage mine was saying to when i asked will i ever see you again her reply i dunno i just need space.well feb 6 mks 2 months i havnt seen her and month Nc.Wanna hear somtin sick she broke the news to be 2 days before our wedding aniversery and had the nerve text me on our aniversery saying...just wanted you to know this isnt how i wanted things to go and i did remember it was our aniversery ugh

 

Ugh thats sick dude.. text you like that.. mine told me she wants me to call her once I'm ready.. thats why im pondering should I call her.. is she waiting for me to make the first move or not.. but she was pretty clear last time saying she doesnt care about me anymore more than as a friend...

[Exit]

She means to call her when you can handle being friends. You know that's what she means, but you're trying to convince yourself that there might be something more there.

 

You're doing the classic "hoping to get some relief from the source of your pain". This girl is the one who hurt you in the first place, why do you think you're going to get any relief from her? Like someone said above, if she had no emotion in the first place, it's not like you're going to contact her now and she's going to be gushing with apologies and regrets. She'll probably be just as indifferent as she was before and she'll be excited to tell you how much fun she has been having without you.

 

To answer your questions... how can people do this... how can someone have no emotion.... people suck. That's why. It's hard to understand how people can do this if we tend to be the type of people who actually have a soul and a conscience. I cannot even fathom some of the things my ex did to me, and I spent a lot of time hoping someone could give me a satisfying answer. There is no good answer, these people just suck.

[geegirl]

Ugh thats sick dude.. text you like that.. mine told me she wants me to call her once I'm ready.. thats why im pondering should I call her.. is she waiting for me to make the first move or not.. but she was pretty clear last time saying she doesnt care about me anymore more than as a friend...

 

I went back and looked at some of your past posts and while I could not get a read on what your R was like, I did see a post where your sister spoke of the negative changes she saw in you when you were with your ex. That says something.

 

Do you want to go back because you're attached to familiarity? Afraid of being alone? Needing a relationship to feel complete? Rationalizing your past relationship and what you would hope for in a partner for the future, I would hope that it would be with someone that nurtures and nourishes you, making you a better partner, son and brother and not the other way around.

 

When someone tells you that they see nothing more than just a friendship with you, listen. She's telling/warning you not to have expectations and that this is all she can give you. Don't twist it in your head for it to mean something else because you are blinded by hope.

 

You either accept an offer for friendship with no expectations or you let go because she cannot give you what you hope for.

Edited January 22, 2012 by geegirl

[Rimer]

She means to call her when you can handle being friends. You know that's what she means, but you're trying to convince yourself that there might be something more there.

 

You're doing the classic "hoping to get some relief from the source of your pain". This girl is the one who hurt you in the first place, why do you think you're going to get any relief from her? Like someone said above, if she had no emotion in the first place, it's not like you're going to contact her now and she's going to be gushing with apologies and regrets. She'll probably be just as indifferent as she was before and she'll be excited to tell you how much fun she has been having without you.

 

To answer your questions... how can people do this... how can someone have no emotion.... people suck. That's why. It's hard to understand how people can do this if we tend to be the type of people who actually have a soul and a conscience. I cannot even fathom some of the things my ex did to me, and I spent a lot of time hoping someone could give me a satisfying answer. There is no good answer, these people just suck.

 

Yes, you are right. My heart is twisting all she says into things I want them to mean while my brain knows better. I just like you can't understand how someone can do this to someone. I could never do it. How can someone turn into such a bitch in a blink of a eye. I'll never understand

 

I went back and looked at some of your past posts and while I could not get a read on what your R was like, I did see a post where your sister spoke of the negative changes she saw in you when you were with your ex. That says something.

 

Do you want to go back because you're attached to familiarity? Afraid of being alone? Needing a relationship to feel complete? Rationalizing your past relationship and what you would hope for in a partner for the future, I would hope that it would be with someone that nurtures and nourishes you, making you a better partner, son and brother and not the other way around.

 

When someone tells you that they see nothing more than just a friendship with you, listen. She's telling/warning you not to have expectations and that this is all she can give you. Don't twist it in your head for it to mean something else because you are blinded by hope.

 

You either accept an offer for friendship with no expectations or you let go because she cannot give you what you hope for.

 

Those all hit the point. I also fear I'll never find anyone else. I feel like a failure because the relationship ended. I do hope for someone who nurtures and nourishes my ex was never like this. I think in the end I was just with her because the familiarity and safety of not being alone. I want to be that fun guy I once was the one my sister also said she misses. None of my family really liked me ex neither now they told me after we broke up. They didnt want to say anything then because I was in love. I guess NC is the only way to go. Have to stop thinking about her...

 

Also I just noticed a bit after I started this thread I had forgotten to take my anti-d medicine this morning maybe that put me a such a funk suddenly. After taking them and reading all your posts I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you all for responding once again. And thank you for taking time to read back my old posts

 

As for my relationship. We were together for 8½ years. She has a very troubled youth and I was there to "save her" as many have said. She was doing a lot alcohol and other bad things. She was on anti-d, molested as a child, panic attacks everything like that. I always stood by her side no matter what. She was also a bit BPD and a narcissistic. Nothing was never her fault. Once I went into a funk she just ditched me as her life (new good job) was getting together and she just one day told me she has to do this or she'll be bitter when she's 40. She tagged me along for 4 months after the break up giving me false hope to only break me right before xmas saying she doesnt care anymore. During that 4 months she used me too a lot I helped her move (she didnt help me) I looked after her(our) dog a lot too.

 

Why do I even care about this person anymore one would ask.. Really.. why???

[geegirl]

Those all hit the point. I also fear I'll never find anyone else. I feel like a failure because the relationship ended. I do hope for someone who nurtures and nourishes my ex was never like this. I think in the end I was just with her because the familiarity and safety of not being alone. I want to be that fun guy I once was the one my sister also said she misses. None of my family really liked me ex neither now they told me after we broke up. They didnt want to say anything then because I was in love. I guess NC is the only way to go. Have to stop thinking about her...

 

Also I just noticed a bit after I started this thread I had forgotten to take my anti-d medicine this morning maybe that put me a such a funk suddenly. After taking them and reading all your posts I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you all for responding once again. And thank you for taking time to read back my old posts

 

As for my relationship. We were together for 8½ years. She has a very troubled youth and I was there to "save her" as many have said. She was doing a lot alcohol and other bad things. She was on anti-d, molested as a child, panic attacks everything like that. I always stood by her side no matter what. She was also a bit BPD and a narcissistic. Nothing was never her fault. Once I went into a funk she just ditched me as her life (new good job) was getting together and she just one day told me she has to do this or she'll be bitter when she's 40. She tagged me along for 4 months after the break up giving me false hope to only break me right before xmas saying she doesnt care anymore. During that 4 months she used me too a lot I helped her move (she didnt help me) I looked after her(our) dog a lot too.

 

Why do I even care about this person anymore one would ask.. Really.. why???

 

You care because you are still emotionally attached. She may not have treated you right but you still have feelings for her. As my therapist used to tell me, "when you love, you love, jerk or not."

 

I think your fears are normal after a relationship ends but it's not justification to rekindle what's broken, especially a broken relationship that was not good for you. When I was emotional, I was consumed by those fears. But once I detached emotionally, I was very much content with the way my life was going. Granted there was sadness from time to time, wanting to share my life with someone but it wasn't debilitating but just a passing emotion.

 

If you go back, you're only going back to fill a void. You have to find other ways to do that rather than giving into your fears and attaching to something, anything.

 

Stop blaming yourself for the demise of this relationship. Relationships aren't guaranteed to last forever. Some do and most don't. It was not your responsibility to fix her. Only your ex can fix your ex. If she is who you say she is, she will repeat the same behaviors in her next R or with you, if you decide to go back. Her need for change will come when she is ready. Until then, you need to work through your own fears and understand that settling because you are fearful is denying yourself a chance at something better in life, whether it's with a healthy partner or the chance to just be happy within yourself.

Edited January 22, 2012 by geegirl

[Rimer]

You care because you are still emotionally attached. She may not have treated you right but you still have feelings for her. As my therapist used to tell me, "when you love, you love, jerk or not."

 

I think your fears are normal after a relationship ends but it's not justification to rekindle what's broken, especially a broken relationship that was not good for you. When I was emotional, I was consumed by those fears. But once I detached emotionally, I was very much content with the way my life was going. Granted there was sadness from time to time, wanting to share my life with someone but it wasn't debilitating but just a passing emotion.

 

If you go back, you're only going back to fill a void. You have to find other ways to do that rather than giving into your fears and attaching to something, anything.

 

Stop blaming yourself for the demise of this relationship. Relationships aren't guaranteed to last forever. Some do and most don't. It was not your responsibility to fix her. Only your ex can fix your ex. If she is who you say she is, she will repeat the same behaviors in her next R or with you, if you decide to go back. Her need for change will come when she is ready. Until then, you need to work through your own fears and understand that settling because you are fearful is denying yourself a chance at something better in life, whether it's with a healthy partner or the chance to just be happy within yourself.

 

Again wise words and I hope i'll be able to take some in. I just feel like I've been thinking emotionally for the past 5 months and I don't know how to detach from being emotional all the damn time. You sound like a great person and I hope you have found your happiness you deserve it. Detach emotionally I think that's not something you just decide to do it's something that comes with time and NC? I have always settled in life, i've never put myself first and I'm trying my best now. I don't want to be alone forever I want that special someone beside me I can share my life with for good or worse.

[geegirl]

Again wise words and I hope i'll be able to take some in. I just feel like I've been thinking emotionally for the past 5 months and I don't know how to detach from being emotional all the damn time. You sound like a great person and I hope you have found your happiness you deserve it. Detach emotionally I think that's not something you just decide to do it's something that comes with time and NC? I have always settled in life, i've never put myself first and I'm trying my best now. I don't want to be alone forever I want that special someone beside me I can share my life with for good or worse.

 

I believe you said you were broken up for 5 months but NC for 1 month. You haven't even scratched the surface in detaching with just one month of NC.

 

NC will help you detach emotionally, if you stay true to it and use it as a tool for YOU and your need to move on. That is if you want to move on. What matters the most is what you do with NC. I used it to find the right therapist who made me think rather than feel. I had those therapists that indulged my whining and moaning rather than help me rationalize my feelings and turning them into facts of what was. In time, I was able to grasp reality rather than the idealization of the R and my ex. My ex was diagnosed with NPD. Once I was able to pull him down, it didn't matter whether he was NPD or ABC. My focus was on me and all that was wrong with me. I hit the gym and started eating healthy. I started volunteering for the unfortunate and that helped me put my life in perspective. I read self help books as I am a product of child abuse and my patterns of co-dependency was driving me to make bad choices in my life.

 

NC isn't just about sitting around and trying to forget. It's about rebuilding and reinventing yourself so that you don't make the same mistakes again. There are reasons why you don't know how to put yourself first. I didn't know how and it was because I was co-dependent and I put everyone first in hopes of seeking validation. Why do you do it? Why do you settle? You devalue yourself for your own reasons. What are those reasons? You're a fixer for a reason. You fix others to avoid looking at yourself. You avoid looking at why you choose to remain in an unfulfilling and emotionally exhausting partner. You need to focus on you and work on yourself rather than looking at your ex to fill that void within you.

 

You will remain emotional if you continue to rip at the wound. Bite the bullet. Stay NC and use it to heal you. Anything worse than suffering the discomfort of NC is you engaging in a situation that has negatively changed you and caused you hurt time and time again. NC is a pain that is temporary. Engaging with your ex is pain that is indefinite. Choose wisely, for the long run.

Edited January 22, 2012 by geegirl

[Rimer]

I believe you said you were broken up for 5 months but NC for 1 month. You haven't even scratched the surface in detaching with just one month of NC.

 

NC will help you detach emotionally, if you stay true to it and use it as a tool for YOU and your need to move on. That is if you want to move on. What matters the most is what you do with NC. I used it to find the right therapist who made me think rather than feel. I had those therapists that indulged my whining and moaning rather than help me rationalize my feelings and turning them into facts of what was. In time, I was able to grasp reality rather than the idealization of the R and my ex. My ex was diagnosed with NPD. Once I was able to pull him down, it didn't matter whether he was NPD or ABC. My focus was on me and all that was wrong with me. I hit the gym and started eating healthy. I started volunteering for the unfortunate and that helped me put my life in perspective. I read self help books as I am a product of child abuse and my patterns of co-dependency was driving me to make bad choices in my life.

 

NC isn't just about sitting around and trying to forget. It's about rebuilding and reinventing yourself so that you don't make the same mistakes again. There are reasons why you don't know how to put yourself first. I didn't know how and it was because I was co-dependent and I put everyone first in hopes of seeking validation. Why do you do it? Why do you settle? You devalue yourself for your own reasons. What are those reasons? You're a fixer for a reason. You fix others to avoid looking at yourself. You avoid looking at why you choose to remain in an unfulfilling and emotionally exhausting partner. You need to focus on you and work on yourself rather than looking at your ex to fill that void within you.

 

You will remain emotional if you continue to rip at the wound. Bite the bullet. Stay NC and use it to heal you. Anything worse than suffering the discomfort of NC is you engaging in a situation that has negatively changed you and caused you hurt time and time again. NC is a pain that is temporary. Engaging with your ex is pain that is indefinite. Choose wisely, for the long run.

 

You sound a lot like me. Like been in the same situation. The more I think about what you've written it all makes sense. I also am co-dependant, trying to fix others, i'm always seeking validation. Yes, I avoid looking at myself on so many levels if I do look at myself I see a sad person, who's down on life who never gets anything right.

 

Why do I settle? Because I feel like I don't deserve better that this is the best I can get. Why do I seek validation maybe because I have no confidence left (younger I used to have lots) I'm not happy with my self psychically and I havent been ever. Have I done anything about it? No. But that's one of the problems of many.

 

So far I've only been using NC to sit around and hoping that bad feeling towards my ex and myself will just magically disappear. Why I want to stay with a unfulfilling and emotionally exhausting partner? It's all I know I guess. I feel like I can still fix her.

[geegirl]

You sound a lot like me. Like been in the same situation. The more I think about what you've written it all makes sense. I also am co-dependant, trying to fix others, i'm always seeking validation. Yes, I avoid looking at myself on so many levels if I do look at myself I see a sad person, who's down on life who never gets anything right.

 

Why do I settle? Because I feel like I don't deserve better that this is the best I can get. Why do I seek validation maybe because I have no confidence left (younger I used to have lots) I'm not happy with my self psychically and I havent been ever. Have I done anything about it? No. But that's one of the problems of many.

 

So far I've only been using NC to sit around and hoping that bad feeling towards my ex and myself will just magically disappear. Why I want to stay with a unfulfilling and emotionally exhausting partner? It's all I know I guess. I feel like I can still fix her.

 

So you see all the issues that you have and you continue to focus on fixing her. If you fix her, she gets better, wants you back, she fulfills you and you don't have to look at your shortcomings anymore because she now validates and accepts you. That is why you feel you can't do better. Who's going to accept you for who you are? Stop avoiding working on yourself by trying to fix her. You will be nowhere healthy for her or any woman in the future if you keep hiding from yourself.

Edited January 22, 2012 by geegirl

[Rimer]

So you see all the issues that you have and you continue to focus on fixing her. If you fix her, she gets better, wants you back, she fulfills you and you don't have to look at your shortcomings anymore because she now validates and accepts you. That is why you feel you can't do better. Who's going to accept you for who you are? Stop avoiding working on yourself by trying to fix her. You will be nowhere healthy for her or any woman in the future if you keep hiding from yourself.

 

Again you hit the nail. I think in my little twisted mine if I fix her I fix me while that is not the case in reality. What's crazy is that I think about everything else in my life very logically except my emotions or myself. I love to fix things other than ex's too. Only thing I can't seem to fix is me. Like you said I have stop avoiding fixing my problems. For some reason everytime I start to think if I fix these things about myself my first thought is "I wonder how my ex would feel like if i fixed that" Ugh oh..

 

May I ask what is NPD?

[geegirl]

Again you hit the nail. I think in my little twisted mine if I fix her I fix me while that is not the case in reality. What's crazy is that I think about everything else in my life very logically except my emotions or myself. I love to fix things other than ex's too. Only thing I can't seem to fix is me. Like you said I have stop avoiding fixing my problems. For some reason everytime I start to think if I fix these things about myself my first thought is "I wonder how my ex would feel like if i fixed that" Ugh oh..

 

May I ask what is NPD?

 

It's hard to be logical when you are emotional. That's why you implement NC so that in time you detach emotionally, gain mental clarity and that in turn helps you start to look inward.

 

NPD is narcissistic personality disorder.

[Rimer]

Hey.. Again thanks geegirl and everyone else stopping me from breaking NC. I'm doing a bit better now and I don't feel like breaking NC at all now. I see it as a tool to finally find myself.. not put myself back together.. but to finally to find the true me.. I also read this article and it hit me 100%. It's a good read IMO

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Four-Reasons-People-Settle-For-Less-and-How-to-Get-Past-It&id=926553

 

Some that really hit me

 

As an example when you have a low self esteem you'll settle for relationships that are less than healthy because you don't believe you're worthy of someone better

 

Comfort- Settling because you're comfortable is a dangerous place. You don't even feel the negative effects until it's too late. When you're comfortable you stop growing and in nature the facts are if you're not growing you're dying. You may not see it right away but comfort can be the silent killer.

You're comfortable because you haven't acknowledged any new goals! More importantly you haven't acknowledged any new passions!

 

 

Fear- This is the root of settling. If there had to be a grandfather of it all it would be fear. People settle because they are afraid. Afraid of what? They are afraid of failure AND success. Afraid of success in their relationships, business, emotionally or even spiritually.

[Sugarkane]

Rimer I can totally relate. Unfortunately the way dumpers handle this isn't uncommon. I never got an apology and it's highly unlikely I ever will. You're supposed to have some decency and respect for the dumpee, yet I hardly see this on here at all. For some reason all this goes out the window when someone leaves. Alot of dumpers think it's ok to treat us like garbage. They always make excuses no matter what don't they? Why is this always ok?

 

When my ex dumped me cruelly I was in total shock and angry. I said to him that I hope that someday someone leaves him out of the blue and does exactly the same thing. I hope one day this happens.

[Rimer]

Rimer I can totally relate. Unfortunately the way dumpers handle this isn't uncommon. I never got an apology and it's highly unlikely I ever will. You're supposed to have some decency and respect for the dumpee, yet I hardly see this on here at all. For some reason all this goes out the window when someone leaves. Alot of dumpers think it's ok to treat us like garbage. They always make excuses no matter what don't they? Why is this always ok?

 

When my ex dumped me cruelly I was in total shock and angry. I said to him that I hope that someday someone leaves him out of the blue and does exactly the same thing. I hope one day this happens.

 

Sounds so familiar. I just can't believe how heartless a dumper can act. You feel like did you ever even know this person. A nice caring person changing into the devil in a blink of a eye. I've been NC just a over a month and only thing I fear right now is bumping into her in a store, club etc. I just don't want to see her now I'm not that ready yet. I don't feel I would handle it right as I'm still looking for myself.

 

I have to say I'm starting to get over her finally I feel a little better. I've come to conclusion what I really miss most is the relationship not her. I do miss her but the relationship the safety, familiarity of it. Now I have to face the world alone and it's about time I guess i'm 29. Time for some self growth.