HappyFlower Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I went on a date recently with a nice enough guy, who still lives with his mum. I'm ok with that, I know a lot of people do for financial reasons and thats fine. It suddenly reminded me about one guy I dated a few years ago. While I totally repect a guy for having a good relationship with his family (I have a great relationship with my mum), sometimes it gets to a weird level. This guy was 26 when we dated. He wanted to go round his mums house every weekend, she was who he told everything to, and got help from, rather than his GF. She constantly called him "my precious/perfect/wonderful/gorgeous boy" (his sister, on the other hand, the mother called "a witch") and he was fine with that. I thought it was akward to put it politely, and I never mentioned it to either of them. The weirdest thing tho, was when we went round for dinner one night. At the dinnertable, with his GF sitting right there next to him, his mother got up and started brushing and playing with his hair. And he let her While I'd not tarnish the new guy with the same brush, it does make me think lol. How much of a mummy's boy is too far? And what are you ment to do about it if its weird? Her brushing his hair made me so uncomfortable, but I had no idea how or what to do! You don't want to upset the BF's parents...but at the same time, you don't want 'playing with his hair' to be something you and your BF's mother have in common Thoughts? Anyone else ever dated anyone similar?
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Wow, that seems a little too far to me. I knew a guy who was pretty close to his parents like that, and we used to make fun of him all the time in our teens. It's cool to be close with your parents, but c'mon your mommy playing with your hair on a regular basis and being cuddled and treated like a baby? And then she sticks up for you in every single situation out of defense? I've seen guys like this grow up and not really become men either in the relationship, they usually let the women wear the pants and they just are passive and feel emasculated. I guess they're dating someone that makes them feel like their mother? I think it's weird and don't see how any woman would be attracted or into that, frankly...the guy has to be a pretty big pussy unless he's much different from the guys I've seen or experienced that way. I don't really understand women either that tell their mom about everything, relationships and such. But I don't think that's going too far, however I think your personal relationships shouldn't be discussed with parents as isn't that kind weird to be around someone who knows everything about your relationship? Ah well, I don't think much into it honestly. I talk to my dad about certain aspects of my relationships if they are really serious however I don't go into great detail and it's typically from my point of view or emotions.
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I find nothing wrong with being close with family. It's actually important to me and shows a ton about what you can expect in a future with that person. But what you described goes past visting your parents every week or so (no issue there) and ends up on the side of creepy. It's great to be able to talk with family, but to me some things need to be held between the two people in the relationship. Brushing the hair would be very creepy to witness.
Emilia Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Very weird when a grown man wants to be treated like a little boy. I had a guy that told his mum about me after our first date, he was about 35 at the time... Another was still living with his mum in this late 20s (well before the recession of 2008) and spent the weekends at his dad's. Neither of these went beyond a couple of dates. Neither men had any ambition in life and whenever we talked about something challenging during the date, they would come up with excuses as opposed to solutions. I have definitely noticed that trend. I know a lot of people who have a great relationship with their families but the ones that live at home tend to be the more passive ones. I tend to be more compatible with men who have that impatience to set out on their own and make their own mark and who prefer self-reliance over apron springs. I don't think having a stifling relationship with your parents is iindicative of healthy family ties IMO
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I don't think having a stifling relationship with your parents is iindicative of healthy family ties IMO Of course dependence on your parents is a bad thing when you are older. I was referring to having a mature adult relationship with one's family. Being able to show care, respect, and that close ties with family is an important value. This may just come from my past though as my ex had no real family ties. I allowed myself to be pulled away from my family (I particularly have a great time with my family and my sisters are my best friends) and went from seeing them from a few hours a week to maybe an hour or two every month as I was berated because "when you move out you shouldn't spend that much time, or holidays with your family". But I allowed it to happen (never again), so I might be biased here.
Emilia Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Balance is key, I wouldn't berate my other half I don't think for day trips or Christmas trips but I wouldn't go on holiday with my family or theirs.
ditzchic Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I dated a momma's boy once. Terrible terrible. He was 28 and lived in the same town as his parents. He would go to their house for dinner most nights during the week. He would tell his mom something expensive that he wanted and she would go buy it for him. He even had her buy him a car because he really wanted a BMW but couldn't afford it on his own. Then when he blew the tranny on it from shifting it wrong while driving drunk he had her pay the repair bill. He would post stuff on his facebook about how much he loved her and she would comment on it and stuff. It was all very weird. His mom was the first person he called to talk to whenever he would have some kind of crisis. Just strange for a 28 year old. Oh and one time (while his car was still in the shop from the drunk incident) he was supposed to do something with me. He didn't have a car and I didn't have time to go to his place and pick him up before I had to be where I had to be. So he called his mom and CRIED until she let him borrow her car so he could come see me. He thought he was the master because of that. It was all very sad
skelterhelter Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) I've both dated and known Momma's Boys. Lemme tell ya, it can get creepy. Two stick out in my mind: The first guy (who is in his early twenties) was one I was assigned to work with on our college literary magazine. There was no romantic involvement at all -- it was strictly business. Anyway, a lot of the work was done over his house, using his laptop. Every time I went to his house (which involved hours of tedious layout work), his mother would sit on the other couch and watch us, interjecting her comments and complaining about how sick she was and hinting that I needed to wrap it up with him. When something didn't look right and we had to change it, his mother would call and bitch to not only me but also our ADVISORS (professors in the department) about how her son was doing such an excellent job and that something was lacking on our end. Anyone who knows a shred about editing/graphic design should know it takes more than one session to get it right. The kid himself also had a self-important attitude and wasn't happy unless I was kissing his ass about the work he was doing. Months later, after the project was done, he added me on Facebook and I saw the sickening conversations between him and his mother. He posted a status update about being down and out about not having a job and someone commented back their sympathies. Well, his mother rushes in and says, "He's just being a good son. He's worried about taking care of me." Um, why would your grown son have to get a job to take care of YOU, a fifty-something year old woman? How about so he can move out on his own and take care of himself?! But of course even he didn't see it that way -- he was more than happy to devote his life to his mom. She'd constantly comment about how much she loved him and how handsome he was ALL the time. And he would respond likewise, posting statuses and comments about his mother. A recent photo album from Christmas shows how his mother decked out their apartment and the glowing captions from him are just weird. "She does it better than Macy's. Isn't she amazing?" Anyone reading it would believe they were boyfriend/girlfriend rather than mom/son. And he wonders why he doesn't have a girlfriend? And I dated a Momma's Boy, too. He catered to his mother's every whim and, despite saying how bitchy and crazy she was, appeared to enjoy taking care of her. Every time he talked about his mom (and, boy, was it a lot), his eyes would light up and you could tell he was tickled pink to be momma's baby boy. He'd have to postpone plans because of his momma's drama and sicknesses. One night, while we were out at a movie, he flipped because he'd forgotten his cell and wouldn't be readily available for his mother to reach He made me search all over the car for it. Thank god he didn't cancel OUR date because that would've been the end of us right then and there. His whole life was devoted to taking care of her: driving around to get her sh*t, rearranging his life so she was happy, etc. And it was strange to see this grown man act like such an overgrown BOY who couldn't take care of himself. His mom took care of all the daunting sh*t for him (bills, laundry, cooking), but he was expected to cater to her emotional needs. Truly weird. Even more weird? He responded favorably to manipulation and controlling, bitchy behavior. Passive-aggressive comments, whining or straight out statements never worked for this guy: he only caved to me when I yelled and threatened him. He LOVED smart, strong and fierce women (read: crazy and possessive). I dunno what that says about me, LOL. One commonality I notice with extreme Momma's Boys: they're constantly sick! Both of the men I mentioned always complained of stomach problems. I wonder why? Edited January 23, 2012 by skelterhelter
Emilia Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 These posts made me think how terrible some parents are at cutting apron strings and how much damage that does for their children long term. I'm sure daddy's girls are just as bad but as my father left us when I was 7 I don't have comparable experience. I am almost 40 years old and have to constantly fight my mother over her desire to control me even though I left my home country when I was 20. She has been doing ok financially for the last 10-15 years (when I grew up we were really poor) so she has been trying to throw money at me at any opportunity - which I have been declining of course. She offered to buy me a car and when I explained that she was embarrassing me as I was almost 40, she brushed it aside as an invalid point. I just walked away from that particular argument but I can see how that would work even stronger between opposite sex child and parent. The last guy I dated dreaded going home to his home country because his mother would feign sickness every time over the fact that he wasn't married still. It must be extremely hard to take a step back and see it for the manipulation that it is.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 If you have to ask because the situation is elbowing your intuition, then its too far. That pretty much goes for everything.
FitChick Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Most of those men have no fathers in the home so they become surrogate husbands to their mothers. Incest overtones. Living at home for financial reasons is bogus if you have a job. You can live with housemates and split expenses while learning to take care of yourself instead of becoming a lazy parasite.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 It's bad for guys too. There are many women who are way too clingy with their family. They are extremely dependent on their family for financial and emotional support. These women are inexperienced in relationships (and real life, in general) and quite spoiled. Deep down, these women are a drag to be around because most of them have no ambition whatsoever.
colliejoanie Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 My cousin actually was really insightful on this topic. She was dating a man who had his son full time. He was 35 and his son was 8. They lived with the guy's mom because (and this is his story) he was a successful business man who was too busy to get out of work early or late to take the child to school or pick him up.......His mom was retired and loved doing this. At first, we both thought, What a great guy! Taking care of his son and allowing him to be with grandma while earning a nice living for them! Then, she realized that she was the one doing the calling. Weeknights were off limits because mom made dinner every night. He was constantly doing things around the house on the weekends so she rarely got to see him. She said it felt like she was dating a married man. She realized that he would never be lonely. He would never need adult time. He would never NEED another woman (other than for an occasional roust in the hay) because his mom was filling that role.
thatone Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 It's bad for guys too. There are many women who are way too clingy with their family. They are extremely dependent on their family for financial and emotional support. These women are inexperienced in relationships (and real life, in general) and quite spoiled. Deep down, these women are a drag to be around because most of them have no ambition whatsoever. yep, all true. imagine the wierd triangle of jealous sister, delusional mother, and inexperienced gf. i got stuck in that once for a few months. they have no motivation to do anything, mom will always tell them their prince will come along and if/when he does, the sister will drive him promptly away. and she'll wonder why she's still single at 50, someday.
spinningwheels Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Back in my early 20's, I dated a guy who was 28 and still lived at home. When he would shower, even if I was at the house upstairs in the kitchen, he would call his mom down to the bathroom to wash his back!!!
doushenka Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 "Too far" is the guy who insisted on fiddling with my bits under a blanket--with his mother in the room. No, I'm sorry, that isn't kinky. I had a panic attack; she asked why, but there's a time for honesty and that wasn't it! I think she was just as sorry over the breakup as he was.
NSDNQ Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 like a wise man once told my aunt about her son: "Gotta pop the tit outta his mouth sometime woman"
Author HappyFlower Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Oh I'm so glad other people have had similar experiences! I haven't thought about it in a while, but since I posted this I was talking to someone else about it, who said it was great he was so close with his mum. Yes it was - I'm all for that, and I have no issue whatsoever with living at home. But when the mother made jokes on my facebook about mine and her sons sex life, compared me to all his exes, kept saying how she wanted a child from me because she was desperate for a perfect grandchild from her "perfect son", and instructed her son the he had to be back from mine by 7pm for dinner (he's not seen me in 2 weeks, and he lived with her so had dinner with her every night) and he never questioned any of it!? I don't think thats right. Someone mentioned sisters - his sister was also an issue. She sent me a nasty email before I'd ever met her saying I was the reason for her not having a good relationship with her brother. She put all over his FB "I want some quality time with my brother, without the GF", and that I must talk to him about spending less time with me so she could do what she wanted with him. The ex let that go too...until mummy had a go at the sister. Weirdly, he was mummy's 'precious perfect boy', while the sister was 'a witch'. Erugh. It makes me want to throw up lol. Edited January 24, 2012 by HappyFlower
ditzchic Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 "Too far" is the guy who insisted on fiddling with my bits under a blanket--with his mother in the room. No, I'm sorry, that isn't kinky. I had a panic attack; she asked why, but there's a time for honesty and that wasn't it! I think she was just as sorry over the breakup as he was. My God!!! Please tell me the breakup was immediately after that! I would never be able to have sex with that weirdo again!
doushenka Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 My God!!! Please tell me the breakup was immediately after that! I would never be able to have sex with that weirdo again! Not, to my shame, immediately... but darn quick.
ascendotum Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) My God!!! Please tell me the breakup was immediately after that! I would never be able to have sex with that weirdo again! The guy who calls his mum up to wash his back in the shower...thats a weirdo!! The guy who wants to finger his gf under the blanket in the loungeroom while his mother happens to be near by, is just a horny guy with a slight kink for risky/public sex. If he was a mummys boy I thought he would have asked, 'mummy is it alright if I play with doushenka under the blanket'. Edited January 25, 2012 by ascendotum
TheFinalWord Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I dated a mamma's girl. Very frustrating. Her mom coddled her beyond belief. I always felt like I was in some competition. As another poster said, I've also noticed a correlation with mamma's girls/boys and perpetual illness. The girl was always in bed being served meals by her mom for her headaches and upset stomach. I swear it was 100% psychological. Since my ex couldn't stand up to her mom, I did it for her lol that was a fun little war, which ended in me breaking up with her. Thank God.
Citizen Erased Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I learned never to date one of these. My ex would tell his mother every bad thing that happened between us and then she would call his sisters and aunts and spread the good news around the family. Of course when he cheated on me that was kept from her, but my less than happy mood over the months after was certainly told to his mummy. She was nice to me, but I always had the feeling that she didn't like me. He was the issue though, he had an awful attitude and had no idea how to treat a woman as he was used to receiving but never giving. He had more nice moments than bad, but he was and more than likely still is a brat. He couldn't cook, clean or buy his own clothes until I came along. I never quite understood her hero worship of him, he yelled at her a lot and made it pretty clear he had not much use for her. Hopefully that has changed.
stitch702 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 This thread is hilarious. However, I consider myself a "momma's boy" but I can't relate to any of the stories you guys have posted. I think it's more of the fact that my mom has a hard time of letting go of me since I'm her one and only child lol. I'll admit though she does attempt to baby me from time to time, but I will skip those stories because I don't want to embarrass myself. But in all seriousness I do love my mom, I would do anything for my mom, and she is truly one of my best friends since she is always there for me whenever I need someone talking to. I have nothing but respect for her because I know all the BS she went through just to raise me. Then again I wasn't the perfect little angel either. I did hang out with the wrong crowd in my younger years and did a lot of stupid stuff which I do regret now that I'm older. However, she was very patient with me and always supported me. She helped me straighten my life out when I was down in the dumps and helped me do a complete 180 into the person that I am now. So yeah I'm a momma's boy and I'm proud to say it lol. Now I have a room mate who I'm currently living with and he is also a momma's boy, but completely different from me. He's the type that would pile up his laundry until his mom drives down to our apartment to pick it up and wash it for him. He is very untidy and has absolutely no ambition. All he does is stay home and play video games all day. When he's hungry he calls his mom to pick him up and when he does manage to microwave something for himself he always leaves his dishes in the sink....he's a lazy bastard but at least he pays rent...errr his mom pays rent.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Oh no, at the first sign of a momma's boy I'm gonna be out the door. Wouldn't stick around long enough to view multiple examples of it! Soooo unattractive, not mention their mom will probably always dislike or resent you, and god forbid you have anything but praise for his mommy!
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