Buttercup84 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 As some of you know , my ex poured his heart out , wanting me back and basically saying he wants to marry me . Now he says he made a mistake saying all that . My heart is breaking all over again and I'm in so much pain . I really believed him , I just can't imagine ever loving anyone again . He hurt me so much . I'm scared of going nc even though I know it's the best thing to do . I am just crying now and so sad
fificremefarben Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Buttercup, I hate that your ex did this to you. I read your other post about the letter/e-mail he sen you and it really angered me. It was a really horrible and unneccessary thing to do after 11 months. It should be proof for you of what kind of guy he really is. You've already done so much healing in the space of 11 months AND, more importantly, you've learned HOW to heal. I know this seems like a setback and that you're back to square one, BUT, if you keep up the NC again and cut this horrible guy out of your life, I think you'll surprise yourself with how quickly you bounce back this time. This should be but a minor speed bump on the road to recovery. My advice is NC, NC and more NC, and if he contacts you again with a similar piece of correspondence about wanting to get back with you, ignore it. He fooled you once, don't let him fool you twice. Chin up xx
geegirl Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 (edited) As some of you know , my ex poured his heart out , wanting me back and basically saying he wants to marry me . Now he says he made a mistake saying all that . My heart is breaking all over again and I'm in so much pain . I really believed him , I just can't imagine ever loving anyone again . He hurt me so much . I'm scared of going nc even though I know it's the best thing to do . I am just crying now and so sad I've been there before. The promises. And then it's taken away from you. My ex did the same thing. I remember asking him why he did that and he said that at the time he felt he was able to and he really felt it within but when the reality of commitment and following through with those words hit him, he didn't have it within him. In essence, the fantasy was doable in his head but when reality came round the corner, it sent him running. It's not a reflection of what you mean to him or who you are to him. This is a demon he has to wrestle with and he may never be able to but you must not wait on the sidelines. The pain of going through this again should be much more frightful than the pain of once again going through NC. You stated that you were feeling a little better finding your independence again and then he came along and ruined it. You can find it again. At some point you have to start to pull this man down from this pedestal you have him on. You romanticize and idealize him for traits and behaviors that I cannot fathom anyone would value when wanting a happy, healthy relationship. Sometimes the desperation to want to be loved just overshadows logic and the reality of who is infront of you. You want the white picket fence but you want it from someone that from day one has not been the epitome of what you would hope for as a good partner. You want to be loved and anyone will do. You mourn him so badly because your self esteem is shattered, and because of that, love in any form will do, even if it's love that hurts you over and over again. You must rebuild yourself from this. Believe that the pain of this struggle will be much more tolerable than the pain of having to be disappointed by someone you love over and over again. You have to start reprogramming your mind into thinking rather than feeling. Try to rationalize who he is rather than hold on to what you hope for him to be. Idealizing will keep you stagnant. He is who he is and you must start focusing on that. The moment you start to soften and romanticize, snap yourself and THINK. Rationalize what your relationship truly was and who he remains to be. Take some time to grieve the hurt but you must try to remove yourself from dwelling. When you feel yourself falling, you must logically talk yourself out of it. Edited January 22, 2012 by geegirl
mike588 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 As some of you know , my ex poured his heart out , wanting me back and basically saying he wants to marry me . Now he says he made a mistake saying all that . My heart is breaking all over again and I'm in so much pain . I really believed him , I just can't imagine ever loving anyone again . He hurt me so much . I'm scared of going nc even though I know it's the best thing to do . I am just crying now and so sad Sorrry your hurting Butter...maybe what your going thru now is why I haven't responded to my ex. and her contacting me...I just don't wanna go there again. As always my best to you!!
Frank13 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Buttercup, what he did to you was awful. It is always said not to break NC unless the ex comes back saying they want to try again. If there was ever a reason to break NC, your ex gave it to you yet look what happened. At least in this case you know never to believe him again. He may try this again and in his heart believe he can commit, but as soon as you agree he will once again flake. This should prove not only to go NC, but to go NC to get him out of your life forever.
fificremefarben Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Sorry Buttercup, I didn't mean to write 11 months in my previous reply (I meant 7 months)...I was getting confused with the other post on the main page x
Exit Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Buttercup you deserve the biggest hug in the world. I told you in your initial thread about this email from your ex, it sounded so perfect, and I couldn't believe he ended up swerving again. I guess this is one of those things where "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is". Word for word he sent you the most amazing "your ex is coming back" email that so many of us wish we could get. I hate that your recovery got all thrown off track.
Marianis Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 hello buttercup!! .. well long time ago.. someone in here wrote something really true and i want to share it with you.. so here it is: If they start to miss you, if they realize they made a mistake, they will go through hell to get you back. are they doing this now? If your Ex truly wants you back and really wants to be with only you… They will be very much like they were when they first met or started to have feelings for you! They will be single, they will pursue you, they will be sincere, they will be genuine, they will be open, they will be honest, they will make themselves available to you, they will call, text, email and communicate with you like they did before, they will initiate, they will make you a priority, they will make plans with you, they will talk about a future with you, they will want to see you and be with you like they did before, they will want to share and be a part of your life, they will gladly remove or climb over any roadblocks or obstacles that are standing in the way, they will be persistent, they will fight for you, they will put forth the work and the effort that is needed, what they say will also be consistent with their actions, they will do whatever is necessary, they will give it their all and their very best! If your Ex is not doing all of the things I listed above… Your Ex is does not want you, your Ex is not interested in you and your Ex is not trying to get back together with you! Tanks to the person that wrote this.. and i hope it helps for you.. it did helped me... if he wants you back he need more than words to prove it ...
BrighterDaze Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 ButterCup, I truly feel for you, but there is more good than you know that came from this, believe it or not. Look, he let you know EARLY that he is selfish and sadistic. What if you would have married him and he changed his mind? ....not just months after the marriage, but years afterwards, when you invested love AND time? Count yourself lucky. You may not see it now, but you look back on this time and wonder how you could have ever loved someone like him. Fluorescent gave some really good advice. (Had to wonder if it was written for me.) Please take heed to that advice and all the rest that was given. I can't wait to read on LS that know realized that you are worth more and deserve better. That is when you will no longer want to settle and his pathetic attempt at love will not be enough for you. You have it in there.... Marianis, that quote was poignant. Thanks for finding it.
Author Buttercup84 Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 Buttercup 4 months ago I was EXACTLY where you are now. So much hurt. So many 'what ifs', so many unanswered questions. No one could get through to me. My Parents, siblings, friends all tried to talk 'sense' into me. The problem is they were right. Everything they said was right. But when your heart is broken all logic and sense goes out the window. There is nothing anyone here can say that will take your pain away. I can promise you that it will get better. That you will get through this. Life gives us all kinds of challenges and tests. When we overcome them it makes us stronger people, more equipped to deal with what life throws at us in future. I am still hurting too, but its getting better. It's a slow process. Steps forward and back. Your climb one mountain and then another appears. It's a struggle, but it is a struggle you will win. In meantime vent as much as you need to. Friends, family, Loveshack..Some of us heal quicker, some a little longer. We are all different, unique and special. The key thing is to go at your pace, not anyone else's. It's moving forward when you really don't think you can, that in the end is what makes all the difference..Even if it's something really tiny, just try and do something positive everyday. My friend made me aware of this song. I think the band is English (not sure) but the lyrics are amazing -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Bp13TeFNrw...This song also picked me up when I was feeling like you are now -> I REALLY feel for you..I know this kind of pain...Hugs and kisses to you xxx Thank you , always loved that song xxx
Author Buttercup84 Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 Sorry Buttercup, I didn't mean to write 11 months in my previous reply (I meant 7 months)...I was getting confused with the other post on the main page x That is Ok , thank you for your advice x
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