Oxy Moronovich Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 If you're into a girl, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you out, you'd probably beat her to the punch. That's the difference. This is flawed reasoning. Sometimes a guy just doesn't notice a woman. And it isn't necessarily because he finds her unattractive. That's what happened with an ex of mine. She worked at Barnes and Noble and I had been going there months before they spoke (I went to that Barnes and Noble almost every week). I'd stay in there for hours and never speak to her or look at her much. One day, she noticed I was confused and asked if I needed help. That's when I took a big notice of her. We ended up talking for quite a while and I eventually got her number. When I left I thought, "Wow. That girl has been working here for months and I never knew she was so hot." If she hadn't come up to me, I probably never would have noticed her, despite her attractiveness. That happens a lot with guys. You'll be in the same vicinity of a cute chick on a regular basis, but for some reason you never take a good look at her until she comes your way.
musemaj11 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 The guys who are slow with initiating are always the one who are afraid of rejections And whats wrong with that exactly? Why cant a man fear rejections? Why cant women understand that men are normal human beings who are capable of experiencing insecurities also? There are three reasons a man doesnt ask a woman out: 1. He doesnt think the woman would be interested in him (fear of rejection). 2. He is not interested in her. 3. He never noticed her thus unaware of her existence in the first place.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 This is flawed reasoning. Sometimes a guy just doesn't notice a woman. And it isn't necessarily because he finds her unattractive. That's what happened with an ex of mine. She worked at Barnes and Noble and I had been going there months before they spoke (I went to that Barnes and Noble almost every week). I'd stay in there for hours and never speak to her or look at her much. One day, she noticed I was confused and asked if I needed help. That's when I took a big notice of her. We ended up talking for quite a while and I eventually got her number. When I left I thought, "Wow. That girl has been working here for months and I never knew she was so hot." If she hadn't come up to me, I probably never would have noticed her, despite her attractiveness. That happens a lot with guys. You'll be in the same vicinity of a cute chick on a regular basis, but for some reason you never take a good look at her until she comes your way. Please reread what I wrote. The guys who are slow with initiating are always the one who are afraid of rejections and/or didn't have the girl on his peripheral vision to begin with. And whats wrong with that exactly? Why cant a man fear rejections? Why cant women understand that men are normal human beings who are capable of experiencing insecurities also? There are three reasons a man doesnt ask a woman out: 1. He doesnt think the woman would be interested in him (fear of rejection). 2. He is not interested in her. 3. He never noticed her thus unaware of her existence in the first place. Musemaj11, what's wrong with my posts? You seem to take offense even though my posts are written matter-of-factly ( based on my opinions). I'm not malaciously attacking the other gender. I understand men have insecurities.
musemaj11 Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Please reread what I wrote. Musemaj11, what's wrong with my posts? You seem to take offense even though my posts are written matter-of-factly ( based on my opinions). I'm not malaciously attacking the other gender. I understand men have insecurities. You started your post by saying that if a man was interested then he would beat her to the punch before she could even ask him out. Then what about the men who are interested but fear rejection? Are they wrong to have that feeling?
kaylan Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) If you're into a girl, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you out, you'd probably beat her to the punch. That's the difference. The guys who are slow with initiating are always the one who are afraid of rejections and/or didn't have the girl on his peripheral vision to begin with. It really depends on the girl and the situation. Sometimes the girl will flirt and then Ill take a little bit of time before making a move. Other times they make a move before I get a chance to. Sometimes Im just bold as hell and pursue strong and swiftly. And then there are those rare times when I really dig a girl but cant bring myself to make a move at all. Those times are usually when I really see her as someone I could be with and Im scared of getting hurt. I usually am more cautious then because I know if things work out the right way, then Ill be vulnerable as we move things forward. Its a defense mechanism, since I wanna make sure the girl in into as much as im into her. But those times are rare like I said. So every situation is different. Edited January 23, 2012 by kaylan
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Please reread what I wrote. papercut, I reread your post. I apologize for reading it wrong. However, I disagree with this quote you made: "If you're into a girl, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you out, you'd probably beat her to the punch. That's the difference." There are several good reasons why guys hesitate: --She's in a relationship or he is. --She's getting over a break up and he wants to give her time before making the move. Or vice versa, he's getting over a break up. He's somewhat interested, but he doesn't want to make her the rebound chick. I think the big problem with your post is the phrase "into her". What does that really mean? That could be anything from madly in love to casual attraction. Yes, if he's madly in love with her then, yes, he should initiate. If he's casually attracted and she has stronger feelings, she should initiate.
turt Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 If you're into a girl, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you out, you'd probably beat her to the punch. That's the difference. The guys who are slow with initiating are always the one who are afraid of rejections and/or didn't have the girl on his peripheral vision to begin with. I also know this isn't true. I rarely know anyone who just asks out a girl they like instantly.
phineas Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I also know this isn't true. I rarely know anyone who just asks out a girl they like instantly. Exactly, there is a woman at work who makes it a point to go out of her way to say "hi" to me. So much so that she will stop talking to whomever she is talking to & do it as i'm walking by or she is walking by. But, I know zero about her and whether she is with someone or not. and I don't interact with her in a way to find out & i'm sure as hell aint going to ask around. She could just be very friendly or just likes me as a person because most people like me at work anyways & a lot go out of their way to be friendly. The only difference is i'm work friends with those people & I barely know her so it is note worthy. But, I don't mack on chicks at work. period. It's safer to avoid them or let them come to me.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 papercut, I reread your post. I apologize for reading it wrong. However, I disagree with this quote you made: "If you're into a girl, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you out, you'd probably beat her to the punch. That's the difference." There are several good reasons why guys hesitate: --She's in a relationship or he is. --She's getting over a break up and he wants to give her time before making the move. Or vice versa, he's getting over a break up. He's somewhat interested, but he doesn't want to make her the rebound chick. I think the big problem with your post is the phrase "into her". What does that really mean? That could be anything from madly in love to casual attraction. Yes, if he's madly in love with her then, yes, he should initiate. If he's casually attracted and she has stronger feelings, she should initiate. You forgot that the " YOU" was directed at Kaylan. I did quote him. I don't remember " into her" being a topic in semantics. If you really want me to correct myself, then I will replace " into" with " attracted". But then again you're going to accuse me of being wrong because then you're going to question me about the " level of attraction" the guy is at. There's no winning is there? I also know this isn't true. I rarely know anyone who just asks out a girl they like instantly. The topic was " initiating" which covers a wide spectrum of things- asking them out/ asking for a number/introductions etc. I have had guys asked for my number, asked me out on first meetings. It's not really a black and white subject. It's whether they actually follow through afterwards that's the problem. But that should be saved for another thread.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Exactly, there is a woman at work who makes it a point to go out of her way to say "hi" to me. So much so that she will stop talking to whomever she is talking to & do it as i'm walking by or she is walking by. But, I know zero about her and whether she is with someone or not. and I don't interact with her in a way to find out & i'm sure as hell aint going to ask around. She could just be very friendly or just likes me as a person because most people like me at work anyways & a lot go out of their way to be friendly. The only difference is i'm work friends with those people & I barely know her so it is note worthy. But, I don't mack on chicks at work. period. It's safer to avoid them or let them come to me. When you set these rules and boundaries ( which is good in my opinion), the whole " asking her out" really doesn't apply here. But since you mention her, you must really like her...
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