Sugarkane Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Coz I don't buy it. Guys always say this, but if we do ask you out, you guys seem to quickly Lose interest. Like we took away your masculinity or something. If I do ask a guy out I find it never works. They seem to lose attraction fast. It has never worked for me.
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Here's my take on it. About half the girls I've dated were ones that either approached me first in real life or messaged me first through online dating. Of course I say yes to them if I'm remotely interested, but my agreeing to go out with them is motivated more by their interest in me than my interest in them. In every case, I lost interest because I was never interested enough in them to begin with...as evidenced by the fact that I didn't initiate myself...so in the past, I stuck around more or less out of desperation that no one else would date me... So yes, to answer your question, as a guy, I appreciate if a woman takes the initiative, but it's no guarantee that it will last or that I'm truly interested...
musemaj11 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 If Rachel McAdams approached me, I would definitely like it. For men, its all about looks first then everything else.
thehead Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I'm an example of what's described, sugarkane. I'd rather pursue. I have been approached and asked out. There's not the same intensity in my excitement for her when it happens that way. I like to chase. Theres a lot more pleasure in winning her over.
Michael30 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Coz I don't buy it. Guys always say this, but if we do ask you out, you guys seem to quickly Lose interest. Like we took away your masculinity or something. If I do ask a guy out I find it never works. They seem to lose attraction fast. It has never worked for me. I love when my wife "initiates," if ya know what I mean.
musemaj11 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I'm an example of what's described, sugarkane. I'd rather pursue. I have been approached and asked out. There's not the same intensity in my excitement for her when it happens that way. I like to chase. Theres a lot more pleasure in winning her over. The problem with men such as yourself is that they often care way more about 'the thrill of the chase' itself than the woman. Personally I initiated most of the times but not because I like the chase. Its simply because I have never had the luck of being approached by a woman whom I felt attracted to.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 My take on this: 1. A few times I've had women ask me out directly. It's always so out of the ordinary I don't know how to react and I end up fumbling things. I'm sure they thought I was not interested/lost interested. However, 2 outta the 3 times I was asked I was interested but ended up doing something that made it look like I wasn't. 2. So many women say they are initiating or asking guys out when they are not. Ex: a woman thought she was initiating when she asked an acquaintance to add her on facebook; a woman thought she was initiating when she asked a guy she liked at the trainstop for directions on which train to take; a woman thought she was initiating when she told a guy she thought it was too hot out; etc. These aren't initiating. Guys are not gonna pick up on this because they aren't direct ways of showing definite interest in a guy. 3. Women give up on initiating/asking guys out two easily. So many times on this forum I've seen women say they've tried 3 or 4 times to ask guys out but it failed. They always have the same excuses: "Men look at me as too intimidating and then they lose interest, and blah, blah, blah". Women fail to realize being the one who initiates are not going to definitely mean you're going to get someone. It just means it increases your options and the probability you'll get someone. Trying to initiate with 3 or 4 men then quitting and blaming it on men is lame. Guys deal with way, way worse behavior from women. Guys who initiate have the same complaints and more as women who initiate. The only difference is a guy cannot fall back on his gender in order to save face. My assessment: if you've only initiated 3 or 4 times or less, then you've no right to complain. Try being a guy who walks into a club, talks to 20 women, and only getting the numbers of a few.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 To a degree it does work and then again it does not. For example If you're someone we would be interested in then of course it's a pleasant surprise and we'll still feel intrigued and also flattered. However I guess personally from that point of engagement I take over as the pursuer, because I'm not assuming it's a done deal so to speak. On the other hand, If you're not someone we would generally be interested in we may for the sake of amusement or intrigue show some interest back. However that's not the same genuine engagement that may be represented towards you had we chosen you ourselves and selected as a person of interest to us. I personally am not one of those guys who would want to rely on women to engage me, I like that as a man you have more of the choice of approaching who you are interested in. I think the bottom line is a match is a match, I think it depends on your approach and your confidence as well. Some people appear to be more desperate, as with others you know they are a good catch regardless. With that said, I think a man does like a challenge.
carhill Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Do you guys really like it when a woman asks you out/ initiates? No data points to add in the dating realm as that has never happened to me, but I did enjoy it when my exW would take initiative to show her desire for me. That was nice. Of the hundreds of women I've met, approached, asked for dates, pursued for relationships, etc, things have been more 'traditional'. Over the decades a couple of women have proactively contacted me through OLD, but I was the one to initiate the actual IRL meetings. These data points of course exclude female friends, who did/do occasionally 'ask me out'. Hypothetically, if a woman were to do so, I'd say I would like it simply because it expresses a proactive choice on her part to get to know me. I think that's a pretty healthy human quality, getting to know people and perhaps care about them. I have historically seen women as equals, even before it was politically correct to do so, and always felt they had the same impetuses for getting to know someone that I do. The ones who act on that proactively, I applaud. Good show
carhill Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Do you guys really like it when a woman asks you out/ initiates? No data points to add in the dating realm as that has never happened to me, but I did enjoy it when my exW would take initiative to show her desire for me. That was nice. Of the hundreds of women I've met, approached, asked for dates, pursued for relationships, etc, things have been more 'traditional'. Over the decades a couple of women have proactively contacted me through OLD, but I was the one to initiate the actual IRL meetings. These data points of course exclude female friends, who did/do occasionally 'ask me out'. Hypothetically, if a woman were to do so, I'd say I would like it simply because it expresses a proactive choice on her part to get to know me. I think that's a pretty healthy human quality, getting to know people and perhaps care about them. I have historically seen women as equals, even before it was politically correct to do so, and always felt they had the same impetuses for getting to know someone that I do. The ones who act on that proactively, I applaud. Good show
Disillusioned Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 The way things are going, you ladies may not have much choice. I'm seeing more and more men (mostly younger men) complaining about their own social ineptness and admitting they have no idea how to approach women. So... you ladies will either have to get your courage up and start initiating convo yourselves, unless you'd rather hang back and get hit on by one PUA after another. Personally, submissive women never turned me on anyway.
phineas Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 My take on this: 1. A few times I've had women ask me out directly. It's always so out of the ordinary I don't know how to react and I end up fumbling things. I'm sure they thought I was not interested/lost interested. However, 2 outta the 3 times I was asked I was interested but ended up doing something that made it look like I wasn't. 2. So many women say they are initiating or asking guys out when they are not. Ex: a woman thought she was initiating when she asked an acquaintance to add her on facebook; a woman thought she was initiating when she asked a guy she liked at the trainstop for directions on which train to take; a woman thought she was initiating when she told a guy she thought it was too hot out; etc. These aren't initiating. Guys are not gonna pick up on this because they aren't direct ways of showing definite interest in a guy. 3. Women give up on initiating/asking guys out two easily. So many times on this forum I've seen women say they've tried 3 or 4 times to ask guys out but it failed. They always have the same excuses: "Men look at me as too intimidating and then they lose interest, and blah, blah, blah". Women fail to realize being the one who initiates are not going to definitely mean you're going to get someone. It just means it increases your options and the probability you'll get someone. Trying to initiate with 3 or 4 men then quitting and blaming it on men is lame. Guys deal with way, way worse behavior from women. Guys who initiate have the same complaints and more as women who initiate. The only difference is a guy cannot fall back on his gender in order to save face. My assessment: if you've only initiated 3 or 4 times or less, then you've no right to complain. Try being a guy who walks into a club, talks to 20 women, and only getting the numbers of a few. excellent post. Men who initiate deal with women losing interest on a regular basis. Just move on to the next. women need to do the same. I'm OLD now & the thing with OLD is I honestly don't know if women that view my profile are initiating or not. They could of randomly clicked on my pic, found me via search, ect. How do I know? I'm going to message those who do interest me. However i'm not going to mass mail them all at once. Two at a time, give them a few days to respond then onto the next two. So if she really is interested it may take weeks for me to get to her based on where she is on the list. those that wink/favorite/ hit "yes" to the daily matches portion of the site do get my attention & those that message me first will get top priority. same in real life. however i've had women bake me cookies & consider that initiating & then again i've had women bake me cookies & did it just because they love to bake. You really to have to write it on 2x4 & tattoo a man's forehead with it to make it clear you are initiating.
phineas Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 The way things are going, you ladies may not have much choice. I'm seeing more and more men (mostly younger men) complaining about their own social ineptness and admitting they have no idea how to approach women. So... you ladies will either have to get your courage up and start initiating convo yourselves, unless you'd rather hang back and get hit on by one PUA after another. Personally, submissive women never turned me on anyway. Not only this, but a lot of men are deciding chasing women is just too much of a PITB & would rather be single.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 however i've had women bake me cookies & consider that initiating & then again i've had women bake me cookies & did it just because they love to bake. Exactly. I am convinced the only way to know for sure a woman likes you is if she has sex with you. --I used to think a woman smiling at me meant she liked me. But then I found out many women smiled just to be nice. --I used to think a woman touching and rubbing against me meant she liked me. But then I found out many women are just touchy-feely like that to anyone they are sociable with. --I used to think a woman giving me her number meant she liked me. But then I found out many women don't answer their phone when you call. --I used to think a woman going out on a date with me meant she liked me. But then I found out many women decline going further than a few dates. --I used to think a woman coming up to my apartment meant she liked me. But then I found out many women will give you blueballs by declining to go further than second base. Like I said before, the only way to know if a woman is interested in you is when she has sex with you.
somedude81 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I rather not be asked out by girls. Instead of being asked directly, I'd prefer a girl to make it very obvious to me that she is interested. Then I'll ask her out if I'm interested, which I most likely am.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 The same holds true if the roles are reversed. If I'm not in a relationship and someone that seems intesting asks me out, it's great. If it's a pushy, pesky dog, it's a pain and I'll find a way to decline. If it's someone who wants to manipulate me into spending on her until I'm spent out, I'll figure that out soon enough.
phineas Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 In one week of OLD I've literally tripled my rejection numbers from the whole summer. LOL! I should just log off now & let my subscription run out.
oaks Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Coz I don't buy it. Guys always say this, but if we do ask you out, you guys seem to quickly Lose interest. Like we took away your masculinity or something. If I do ask a guy out I find it never works. They seem to lose attraction fast. It has never worked for me. Why are you assuming that the reason it never works out is because you initiated? Maybe they lose interested because they discover some incompatibility that wasn't obvious initially, just like with many cases of dating where the guy initiates.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Coz I don't buy it. Guys always say this, but if we do ask you out, you guys seem to quickly Lose interest. Like we took away your masculinity or something. If I do ask a guy out I find it never works. They seem to lose attraction fast. It has never worked for me. They didn't lose attraction because you asked them out. They just never had it in the first place. Men are like women in this regard. If we find a girl attractive, we'd be happy if she initiated. But if we don't find her attractive and are not interested in her, we may be nice to her out of politeness but will then come up with some kind of an excuse to distance ourselves. You may think that a guy lost attraction because you "took away his masculinity" (I can't help laughing at how silly this sounds:laugh:) but the reality is that he was never attracted to you in the first place. When you ask someone out, you inevitably risk rejection. I find that women in particular take rejection very badly. Instead of getting over their fear of rejection, they start rationalizing why they should never make the first move.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 The problem with men such as yourself is that they often care way more about 'the thrill of the chase' itself than the woman. Personally I initiated most of the times but not because I like the chase. Its simply because I have never had the luck of being approached by a woman whom I felt attracted to. Well put. If a guy is into girls, it doesn't matter who initiates. If a guy is into "the game", he will want to chase but once the chase is over he will grow bored quickly and move on to the next conquest.
kaylan Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Coz I don't buy it. Guys always say this, but if we do ask you out, you guys seem to quickly Lose interest. Like we took away your masculinity or something. If I do ask a guy out I find it never works. They seem to lose attraction fast. It has never worked for me. Whether you ask us out or not, a guy who loses interest wasnt that into you to begin with. If I am into a girl, and she asks me out, Im pretty thrilled and impressed. I wouldnt lose interest if I really liked her.
ffw Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Whether you ask us out or not, a guy who loses interest wasnt that into you to begin with. If I am into a girl, and she asks me out, Im pretty thrilled and impressed. I wouldnt lose interest if I really liked her. OP, here's your answer.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 I got engaged to a girl who asked me out. And who proposed?
xpaperxcutx Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 Whether you ask us out or not, a guy who loses interest wasnt that into you to begin with. If I am into a girl, and she asks me out, Im pretty thrilled and impressed. I wouldnt lose interest if I really liked her. If you're into a girl, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you out, you'd probably beat her to the punch. That's the difference. The guys who are slow with initiating are always the one who are afraid of rejections and/or didn't have the girl on his peripheral vision to begin with.
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