ZimboGon Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 My ex and I just got back together, and I am receiving so many mixed signals I don't know what to do with. I will start off by saying, when we were first together she wanted to see me 24/7 and wouldn't take no for an answer. We were always together. She ended up losing all her friends because of this. After a year and a half, things got stale, distanced got in the way, I became depressed and we broke up. She rebounded right after, and that relationship lasted two months. She and I started talking about 20 days ago, I initiated it. She was mad at me for exiting her life after the break-up, but I just had to do it. We started talking, catching up and such. It was obvious I still liked her, and I knew she regretted breaking up with me and still liked me. She told me she wanted to be with me, but she needed time to herself for awhile. She was scared of things ending the same way. We started hanging out, until one day I invited her over and things got intimate like the old times. It was an amazing day. Afterwards, she told me that day made her realize how much she missed being with me before our relationship went bad. She was very loving, and sent me sweet messages the entire day. I asked her out on an official date for Friday. Here is the deal. every time I suggest hanging out she comes up with an excuse not to see me. Whether its too much work, or she's really tired. I instantly relate this to how she was when our relationship started failing originally. She kept trying not to see me, yet she expressed so much excitement for our date. She told me she didn't want to see me as much, so when we did see each other it was exciting each time. I told her I would make her change that outlook, and she was a bit hesitant. I picked her up, we went out and we had an amazing night. It was great, she was laughing and very loving and at the end of the night we officially became a couple again. I expressed my desire to see her more often, and she said "I think twice a week or so would be nice. I want to get to a point where you aren't the only person I hang out with, I want friends too." Which is fine with me, but... So, we make plans ahead of time and go out on dates. But, when I invite her to hang out she always makes excuses and says she can't. Her texting is often random, too. When we first dated, she texted me constantly. I would receive replies ASAP and she would get mad at me for not replying in like, 10 minutes. Now it takes her around 10-45 minutes to reply, often times I text her and she has activity on other social networks before she bothers replying. I just don't get it. Why is she so loving in person and expresses so much interest in being with me. She's made plans to MOVE with me to a different state in a year. But why is she holding back? Is she afraid things will end badly again? Is she confused about her past relationship and holding back? Am I being too paranoid? Or is she just not that interested in me?
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 But why is she holding back? Sounds like she misses the attention and is only biding her time until she finds the next best thing. She only wants to see you when it's best for her, i.e., she is feeling lonely and needs some male attention. So in this "relationship" of hers, she can have her cake and eat it too. She can essentially be "by herself" and also have a dude to entertain her and provide her with some intimacy. This is not necessarily a good situation for you. Pump the brakes.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 You are surprised because you expect her to be the same person before the break up. The onlyy satisfaction a dumpee gets when a dumper comes back is returning the favor. Expect her to be hot and cold because right now she knowsyou still have feelings for her but she cannot commit to you because 1, she has gigs 2, her feelings towards you changed and 3, she's enjoying the attention.
chelsea2011 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Have you tried looking at it like a new oportunity as opposed to relating everything back to how things were before? It is probably going to take some time for the two of you to build up trust again. Just take it one step at a time and don't worry so much. I wouldn't worry because she is most likely taking it one step at time too... that's all. She is probably also trying trying to balance everything especially if she felt like she didn't have her own life and interests outside of you. That's a good thing.
jobaba Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 My ex and I just got back together, and I am receiving so many mixed signals I don't know what to do with. I will start off by saying, when we were first together she wanted to see me 24/7 and wouldn't take no for an answer. We were always together. She ended up losing all her friends because of this. After a year and a half, things got stale, distanced got in the way, I became depressed and we broke up. She rebounded right after, and that relationship lasted two months. She and I started talking about 20 days ago, I initiated it. She was mad at me for exiting her life after the break-up, but I just had to do it. We started talking, catching up and such. It was obvious I still liked her, and I knew she regretted breaking up with me and still liked me. She told me she wanted to be with me, but she needed time to herself for awhile. She was scared of things ending the same way. We started hanging out, until one day I invited her over and things got intimate like the old times. It was an amazing day. Afterwards, she told me that day made her realize how much she missed being with me before our relationship went bad. She was very loving, and sent me sweet messages the entire day. I asked her out on an official date for Friday. Here is the deal. every time I suggest hanging out she comes up with an excuse not to see me. Whether its too much work, or she's really tired. I instantly relate this to how she was when our relationship started failing originally. She kept trying not to see me, yet she expressed so much excitement for our date. She told me she didn't want to see me as much, so when we did see each other it was exciting each time. I told her I would make her change that outlook, and she was a bit hesitant. I picked her up, we went out and we had an amazing night. It was great, she was laughing and very loving and at the end of the night we officially became a couple again. I expressed my desire to see her more often, and she said "I think twice a week or so would be nice. I want to get to a point where you aren't the only person I hang out with, I want friends too." Which is fine with me, but... So, we make plans ahead of time and go out on dates. But, when I invite her to hang out she always makes excuses and says she can't. Her texting is often random, too. When we first dated, she texted me constantly. I would receive replies ASAP and she would get mad at me for not replying in like, 10 minutes. Now it takes her around 10-45 minutes to reply, often times I text her and she has activity on other social networks before she bothers replying. I just don't get it. Why is she so loving in person and expresses so much interest in being with me. She's made plans to MOVE with me to a different state in a year. But why is she holding back? Is she afraid things will end badly again? Is she confused about her past relationship and holding back? Am I being too paranoid? Or is she just not that interested in me? Sounds like it's gonna end badly. I remember your first thread. I got 'back together' with an ex of mine too, and we had sex and all that good sh@t. But the important thing is ... I didn't get attached to her. And she wasn't attached to me either apparently. I haven't heard from her in forever and the last time I saw her we did some crazy fooling around. I entertained the notion of dating her again, but it was a very logically driven thought process. And I was definitely hitting the open market at the same time. I suggest you do the same...
betterdeal Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 It sounds like she likes to have more space than you do. How often are you wanting to be with her? Maybe she wants once a week and you want once a day, which is something you are going to have to discuss with her. I note you said you were going to change her outlook on this, but said nothing about changing yours. Are you unwilling to compromise in this regard? If that's the case, and being in her company several times a week is a must for you, whereas once a week is the most she wants, you guys have a conflict. Up to you, buddy. Most conflicts of interests between two partners are best solved by a compromise. If compromise is not your thing, I'm at a loss as to what to suggest. Whatever the case, the questions you just asked us you need to be asking her.
Philosoraptor Posted January 23, 2012 Posted January 23, 2012 You know the answer to this man. You know she does not have the maturity needed to be in a successful long term relationship. Read her actions not her words. Sure she is saying she wants to move out of state with you, but odds are this wont last that long. And the closer it gets to a date when she has to make a decision... the closer she will be to hopping off this train. I will be impartial here and say from responding to you for quite awhile now, this girl is needy and needs comfort. It doesn't seem to matter from who, as she has consistantly jumped from one relationship to another. She even jumped to you shortly after things ended before. She doesn't have the confidence or maturity to be alone so she bounces around hoping to find the right fit... but she can fit nowhere until she fixes herself and figure out what she wants out of life. .... you know what they say about playing with fire... but you've upped it a notch because you're covered in kerosene
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