Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 well, it's not like your ex is able to view this impartially, pretty obvious from her posts. Woah, I am NOT his ex. No, no, no, no.
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Is it not better than the alternative of having no one at all...? You know it's pretty slim pickin's where I live... So you'd rather be with the wrong person than be alone? That's so very sad. Not only that, but you're basically alone anyway, with only a handful of visits until the summer. All your emotional energy and time will be diverted to the wrong person, just because you're lonely, rather than finding someone who is right for you.
johan Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 That's true, Hokie. You can't expect good advice from an ex in situations like this. It will obviously be tainted by all the things you had together in the past.
jennifer4 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Well, I just read this whole thread and wanted to make a few comments. First off, you aren't looking for approval and should'nt be, do what you want, it's your life. I'm 39 and over the last 4 months or so had a thing for a guy who is 23. I played hard to get but we would flirt and he'd ask me to come over, I'm attracted to him obviously but I knew it was just physical, well he ended up getting his ex pg.. well, so we are friends still but it's weird. Oh well, not the same as your story, but I really think age doesn't matter, if it's just sex or friendship at least. Also you said this woman meets men who always want to move too fast. I wish I could say the same. I'm not trying to move fast but where I live all guys I meet tell me they're not wanting a relationship, obviously when I hear that that's the end of conversation. At least they're honest but wow, it's not worth my time. Best of luck to you, if it's a friendship and sex then that sounds like what you can offer her at this time and seems like what she wants as well. One day at a time and do what you think is right : )
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 That's true, Hokie. You can't expect good advice from an ex in situations like this. It will obviously be tainted by all the things you had together in the past. You know what, J? It's obvious you're just stirring the pot here. It's rude and annoying. I reminded everyone that I am NOT his ex and YOU know very well we were never in a relationship.
xxoo Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 If you are low in experience, a casual, fun fling with someone you like a whole lot, and are really comfortable with, is a GREAT idea. Have some fun, have some experiences, but keep it casual. No mushy couple talk. Life is for living. I don't think you'll regret your time with this woman
soserious1 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 You know what, J? It's obvious you're just stirring the pot here. It's rude and annoying. I reminded everyone that I am NOT his ex and YOU know very well we were never in a relationship. Okay.. if you aren't willing to be with this guy, to get naked with him then all you're doing here and quite vehemently is attempting to keep him away from a woman who will.
D-Lish Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Hokie, when I was 38 I had a fling with a 23 year old, and we spent money flying back and forth to see one another. We both knew it wasn't going to last but liked one another in spite of that. We are still friends now. It served a purpose for both of us at that time- companionship/sex. I don't know what you're worried about- go with your gut and have fun instead of jumping forward and thinking about the ending.
xxoo Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 So you'd rather be with the wrong person than be alone? That's so very sad. Not only that, but you're basically alone anyway, with only a handful of visits until the summer. All your emotional energy and time will be diverted to the wrong person, just because you're lonely, rather than finding someone who is right for you. Couple thoughts.... There is "ms. right", and "ms. right now". Not every relationship needs to have longterm potential to be a good life experience. And this doesn't need to be an exclusive arrangement. He could still date while they are having their fling. In fact, he should!
snug.bunny Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I think people who have recently come out of a breakup and aren’t necessarily ready for a commitment are good candidates for these types of casual encounters. So, I guess it boils down to where you both are at this stage of your life and what you are both capable of/not capable of. I know a lot of people are suggesting to just go with it and have fun, and while that does appear to be a health way of looking at it, you also have to consider possible consequences. When two people are romantically interested in one another, and begin corresponding regularly, paying for trips back and forth to see one another, it starts to take the tone of more than a "no-strings attached relationship". I would not be able to do this with someone without feelings developing, and while I personally have had a "no-strings attached" relationship, it was very cut and dry (meaning the only time we spoke was to see if the other person was around for some nookie ). And, it was shortly following the ending of my long term relationship ending. So, just some things to be mindful of. Good Luck.
FitChick Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 There are no rules and no guarantees. If there were, there would be no people on this forum who dated someone their own age because they'd be living happily ever after. It all boils down to the two people involved and not the opinions of anonymous strangers on the internet. Even if he were dating someone his own age, the ending would be the same: He is going overseas and won't be with any woman, perfect or not. Although, there is the remote possibility he would be dating a fellow soldier, no?
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 There are no rules and no guarantees. If there were, there would be no people on this forum who dated someone their own age because they'd be living happily ever after. It all boils down to the two people involved and not the opinions of anonymous strangers on the internet. This is true, though some strangers on LS are considerably less anonymous to me than others... Although, there is the remote possibility he would be dating a fellow soldier, no? Absolutely not.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 There is "ms. right", and "ms. right now". Not every relationship needs to have longterm potential to be a good life experience. A year ago, I would not have agreed with this. Now, I do. No matter how long a relationship lasts, it is important for that moment in your life. And this doesn't need to be an exclusive arrangement. He could still date while they are having their fling. In fact, he should! And it will never become an exclusive arrangement. She knows this, and I know this. There is no "relationship," but we are certainly acting like it is...
johan Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 There are no rules and no guarantees. Oh really. Let's get one thing straight. There damn well better be some guarantees. FitChick. In fact, I'm holding you personally responsible for it if there aren't. I'm going to be checking in with you, and I'd better see some guarantees. Or there is going to be trouble.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 well, it's not like your ex is able to view this impartially, pretty obvious from her posts. That's true, Hokie. You can't expect good advice from an ex in situations like this. It will obviously be tainted by all the things you had together in the past. There is no ex here, but I don't even want to go there.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 I think people who have recently come out of a breakup and aren’t necessarily ready for a commitment are good candidates for these types of casual encounters. So, I guess it boils down to where you both are at this stage of your life and what you are both capable of/not capable of. And as Star has pointed out, I am never a good candidate for any sort of casual encounter. Sure, another guy who is would see my situation as absolutely perfect for occasional fun until it's time to leave. We are both in very different stages of our lives, and her time is long past for some of the things that I want to accomplish. I know a lot of people are suggesting to just go with it and have fun, and while that does appear to be a health way of looking at it, you also have to consider possible consequences. When two people are romantically interested in one another, and begin corresponding regularly, paying for trips back and forth to see one another, it starts to take the tone of more than a "no-strings attached relationship". This is exactly what is happening. The tone is completely different from what one would consider a no-strings attached arrangement... I would not be able to do this with someone without feelings developing, and while I personally have had a "no-strings attached" relationship, it was very cut and dry (meaning the only time we spoke was to see if the other person was around for some nookie ). And, it was shortly following the ending of my long term relationship ending. And I don't think I could either...and our correspondence is a lot more than just a text at 1 in the morning on a Saturday night, "wanna bone?"
johan Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 There is no ex here, but I don't even want to go there. I know. I understand there is a lot of history there. You just don't seem to be carrying as much residual emotion from how things ended up. You both need to find a way to move on, and I see you making a lot more progress along those lines. At least you're open to something new, as opposed to just jumping from one person to the next trying to avoid getting attached and being vulnerable again. One empty, dirty, anonymous sexual encounter after another. That can only add up. But in spite of your differing approaches, I'm rooting for you both!
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 I know. I understand there is a lot of history there. You just don't seem to be carrying as much residual emotion from how things ended up. Eh, fake it til you make it...
snug.bunny Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 And I don't think I could either...and our correspondence is a lot more than just a text at 1 in the morning on a Saturday night, "wanna bone?" Well, you don't say it like that. :laugh: In any event, you'd still just be "boning". Heehee...
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 Well, you don't say it like that. :laugh: In any event, you'd still just be "boning". Heehee... Wait, what?!? Women don't find that disturbingly romantic? I guess it's not better than Barney Stinson sending a simple text, "?"
snug.bunny Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Wait, what?!? Women don't find that disturbingly romantic? I guess it's not better than Barney Stinson sending a simple text, "?" Disturbing...check! Romantic...no. But then again, it's just boning, so who needs romance anyway? I had to google Barney Stinson, I don't follow that show. But now I get it, haha.
jerbear Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 (edited) Wait, what?!? Women don't find that disturbingly romantic? I guess it's not better than Barney Stinson sending a simple text, "?" Yo Bro! Suit UP! Get some companionship, enjoy the time, bone her if need be but nothing wrong with adults enjoying life. Edited January 22, 2012 by jerbear
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 Yo Bro! Suit UP! Get some companionship, enjoy the time, bone her if need be but nothing wrong with adults enjoying life. Hahah, I love suits, and I look amazing in them. Yea, you're all right. I guess I should also be keeping myself open to meeting (or even actively pursue) other girls that have more potential for a real relationship...? The only problem with the current arrangement is that it allows me to be lazy and not look for the real thing...
ja123 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 (edited) Hokie, I haven't read all the posts to your thread, just the first two pages, but here's my two cents: My feeling is that you're not hard up at all. You have an emotional and physical connection with this woman and that's great! Age shouldn't necessarily have to infringe upon that, but it can for the following reasons: 1) do you envision yourself as a father someday with your own biological children? 2) could you have deep-seated committment issues (fears) and because you feel this won't work out it almost makes you feel 'safe' to explore some of your tender romantic feelings that you might otherwise push-aside when dating within your own age-group? i.e. you'd sabotage a relationship with someone in your own age-group if you starting having those feelings? Food for thought. I think there's nothing wrong with dating outside your age-group, you just have to know if/how/why it's working for you; it is possible to fall in love with someone and before you know it the years go by ... but if you're not looking to have biological children ... then just take it one day at a time and see how it goes. Edited January 22, 2012 by ja123
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 1) do you envision yourself as a father someday with your own biological children? Yes, absolutely. 2) could you have deep-seated committment issues (fears) and because you feel this won't work out it almost makes you feel 'safe' to explore some of your tender romantic feelings that you might otherwise push-aside when dating within your own age-group? i.e. you'd sabotage a relationship with someone in your own age-group if you starting having those feelings? No. I don't feel like I have any commitment issues or fears... I think there's nothing wrong with dating outside your age-group, you just have to know if/how/why it's working for you; it is possible to fall in love with someone and before you know it the years go by ... but if you're not looking to have biological children ... then just take it one day at a time and see how it goes. Right now, I'm not really positive why it's working...it just seems to be...
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