cerridwen Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 IMO, just play it out and try not to over think it. If you two enjoy spending time together - just chalk it up to that and enjoy the moment. You can't always help whom you are attracted to- even if it seems like a strange pairing, it might just be fine for the moment. This all day. Stop the over-analyzing and have fun.
cerridwen Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 And is the age difference really that weird or crazy...? (it kinda is... ) But even if you disregard the age piece, would you get involved with someone where there's absolutely no long term potential at the risk that you could become emotionally attached? Yes!! Live some life, H!! Risk some hurt because happiness often comes with it. So, I have to emotionally detach at some point. So what. I'm taking some great memories along with me.
Dust Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 That's a line. Don't buy that crap from her. You aren't more mature than men her age, trust me. She just wants you in bed. Why should I trust you. I've seen for myself plenty of older men/women who are completly imature. Although Hokie strikes me as imature. The fact that he's here posting for aproval for something he wants to do. Just do her Hokie you know you want to. If you didn't you already would have said no!
FitChick Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Sure she might get hurt when you get a real gf Or he might get hurt. My aunt was in her late 40s when she met a guy in his late 20s while on a European package tour. Her son was only slightly younger. They really had a great time the three weeks they were traveling and when they got back in the US, the both realized they had fallen in love. He lived in Philly and she lived in Boston. They alternated driving back and forth for three years. She was divorced, never wanted to remarry or have any more kids so ended it finally, breaking his heart. This was thirty years ago when an older woman/younger man couple were unheard of. She wasn't rich or beautiful either.
Dust Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Or he might get hurt. My aunt was in her late 40s when she met a guy in his late 20s while on a European package tour. Her son was only slightly younger. They really had a great time the three weeks they were traveling and when they got back in the US, the both realized they had fallen in love. He lived in Philly and she lived in Boston. They alternated driving back and forth for three years. She was divorced, never wanted to remarry or have any more kids so ended it finally, breaking his heart. This was thirty years ago when an older woman/younger man couple were unheard of. She wasn't rich or beautiful either. This might help him out. I don't think the guys ever had a real gf.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 Why should I trust you. I've seen for myself plenty of older men/women who are completly imature. Although Hokie strikes me as imature. The fact that he's here posting for aproval for something he wants to do. Just do her Hokie you know you want to. If you didn't you already would have said no! I'm posting for guidance, not approval. I know what I want to do, I've done it, and will continue to do it. I'm just not sure if it's the smartest thing to do, so I'm asking for guidance from anyone who might have had similar experiences... And Star is right, I'm not a "typical guy" who can do casual flings with no second thought...
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 This might help him out. I don't think the guys ever had a real gf. Yea, I've had one serious girlfriend, about 3 years ago. She left after about six months, which crushed me and kind of shaped the last 2+ years of my life. Dated sporatically since then, but nothing as serious as that first one.
Dust Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Yea, I've had one serious girlfriend, about 3 years ago. She left after about six months, which crushed me and kind of shaped the last 2+ years of my life. Dated sporatically since then, but nothing as serious as that first one. They say its easier to find a job when you have a job. The same might be true of sex. Might be easier for you to find a new real gf if you have a fun old gf in the mean time.
Lobouspo Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 For what its worth Hokie, when I was 28 I dated a woman 9 years older. Yeah, I had fun while it lasted, but when the music stopped, it was tough, probably my hardest breakup. My point being, we take a risk by getting hurt when we get into relationships. YOU BOTH KNOW this will not last, so why take that hit of crack when you know you will have to quit it eventually. Stay focused on women your own age you can build a future with.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 They say its easier to find a job when you have a job. The same might be true of sex. I would agree with this.
cerridwen Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 They say its easier to find a job when you have a job. The same might be true of sex. Might be easier for you to find a new real gf if you have a fun old gf in the mean time. Brilliance, Dust.
Dust Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I would agree with this. Use her, clean your pipes good and use her body for your pleasures. Look how wild she's driving stargazer this sht could really work for you.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 For what its worth Hokie, when I was 28 I dated a woman 9 years older. Yeah, I had fun while it lasted, but when the music stopped, it was tough, probably my hardest breakup. My point being, we take a risk by getting hurt when we get into relationships. YOU BOTH KNOW this will not last, so why take that hit of crack when you know you will have to quit it eventually. Stay focused on women your own age you can build a future with. Yea, and this is the flip side to all this...and it's the possibility of this happening that is the only reason I'd want to pump the brakes now...
FitChick Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 This reminded me of a goofy looking guy I used to work with who was a struggling comedy writer in his twenties. He was infatuated with a twice divorced women, who happened to be gorgeous, in her forties. She was tired of men her age or older using and abusing her. He treated her like a princess. With her emotional support, he became very successful and they got married. That was over twenty years ago and they are still married. She still looks gorgeous. No kids but neither wanted any. I had a friend who only dated younger men because she said men over forty had let themselves go so she wasn't attracted. She had been divorced three times. In her forties and fifties, she had lots of men in their twenties and thirties chasing after her. She was an exotic beauty of Italian descent. I dated someone fifteen years younger. He was more mature than I was and wanted to get married and have kids. I have never wanted kids and at the time I was more into my career. He was certainly more mature than many men my own age. My anecdote about my aunt wasn't posted to discourage him but to put to rest the outdated notion that a woman over forty is a desperate old hag whom no one would ever want. 'Creepy' was the term used on this thread presumably by hillbillies who lose their teeth by forty and gain forty pounds. City slickers actually look better at every age than their bumpkin counterparts. Some people need to travel. I think he should go for it and see where it leads. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this woman kept in touch during his deployment and would be willing to wait for his safe return. You can't say the same for most young women in that situation. They would probably move on to the next guy.
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 'Creepy' was the term used on this thread presumably by hillbillies who lose their teeth by forty and gain forty pounds. City slickers actually look better at every age than their bumpkin counterparts. Some people need to travel. I didn't see anyone use the word "creepy" in this thread. And for the record, city-slicker here. But Hokie's friend is apparently a hillbilly from Little Rock. Imagine what her teeth look like at 46. (I'm half joking... the quoted post is hilarious.)
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I'm posting for guidance, not approval. I know what I want to do, I've done it, and will continue to do it. I'm just not sure if it's the smartest thing to do, so I'm asking for guidance from anyone who might have had similar experiences... Huh? You're posting for guidance, but will continue to do what you've already chosen to do anyway...? Huh? You ARE posting for approval. And Star is right, I'm not a "typical guy" who can do casual flings with no second thought... Yup. Yea, I've had one serious girlfriend, about 3 years ago. She left after about six months, which crushed me and kind of shaped the last 2+ years of my life. You've had one relationship that lasted 6 months, and it crushed you. You're now 28. Do you really want this fling to take up more previous time, when you KNOW it won't last long term, and can and should be experiencing real relationships with people who are geographically desirable, age appropriate, at the same stage in their life, and want the same things in the future? Not worth the risk. Completely pointless.
FitChick Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 As in life, there are no guarantees in relationships. We have seen just on this forum alone people who dated others of similar age and experience, who lived locally and - shock! - they still broke up. Hokie seems happy with this woman so he should see where this relationship goes. He will learn a lot about himself in the process, which is the purpose of relationships, in my opinion. Hokie, follow your heart. You know this woman, no one else here does, so they are only projecting their own lives onto you. People who are afraid to get hurt will never experience real love.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 This reminded me of a goofy looking guy I used to work with who was a struggling comedy writer in his twenties. He was infatuated with a twice divorced women, who happened to be gorgeous, in her forties. She was tired of men her age or older using and abusing her. He treated her like a princess. With her emotional support, he became very successful and they got married. That was over twenty years ago and they are still married. She still looks gorgeous. No kids but neither wanted any. I am realistic in that I 100% know that I'm not going to spend my life with her, and she knows this too. I've still got a lot to do with my life that she just can't be a part of... My anecdote about my aunt wasn't posted to discourage him but to put to rest the outdated notion that a woman over forty is a desperate old hag whom no one would ever want. 'Creepy' was the term used on this thread presumably by hillbillies who lose their teeth by forty and gain forty pounds. City slickers actually look better at every age than their bumpkin counterparts. Some people need to travel. She is hardly a desperate old hag, and she is desired by a lot of men her own age. But she tells me that they all want to settle down immediately and get married, which is something she does not want. This is where I come in...a safe choice...all the fun without the possibility of serious commitment... I think he should go for it and see where it leads. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this woman kept in touch during his deployment and would be willing to wait for his safe return. You can't say the same for most young women in that situation. They would probably move on to the next guy. I'm sure we'll still stay in contact for a long time...
soserious1 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Yea, and this is the flip side to all this...and it's the possibility of this happening that is the only reason I'd want to pump the brakes now... You both know & have openly acknowledged that this relationship won't lead to anything long term. The relationship has an end date already set in stone basically... the day of your deployment. You like this woman, she likes you, enjoy your time together, you will learn from her & in exchange you will remind her how to be light hearted and how to feel free... a feeling that tends to get beaten out of us during the years of being married & child rearing.
FitChick Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 But she tells me that they all want to settle down immediately and get married, which is something she does not want. This is where I come in...a safe choice...all the fun without the possibility of serious commitment... Then why all the drama and insecurity?
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 Then why all the drama and insecurity? Because it's kind of turning into more than just a casual one-time fling...we're texting and talking daily, spending money to see each other, doing all the things that people in a LDR would otherwise do...all the while we're both open to dating other people...
RecordProducer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 But even if you disregard the age piece, would you get involved with someone where there's absolutely no long term potential at the risk that you could become emotionally attached?I didn't get the impression that "other than the age" there was no long-term potential. I think you should relax and enjoy youself. Don't think about long-term too much now, especially since you're going to be deployed. I thought of long-term since I was like 3 years old and I ended up twice divorced and alone in my mid-30s, so... enjoy life and all it offers.
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 I didn't get the impression that "other than the age" there was no long-term potential. I think you should relax and enjoy youself. Don't think about long-term too much now, especially since you're going to be deployed. I thought of long-term since I was like 3 years old and I ended up twice divorced and alone in my mid-30s, so... enjoy life and all it offers. You're right about trying not to think too much about the long-term and focusing on the now...but lately she's been making a lot of random comments in jest about how she's afraid I'll lose interest or grow tired of her...she says it's her way of "protecting herself"...
Author USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 Do you really want this fling to take up more previous time, when you KNOW it won't last long term, and can and should be experiencing real relationships with people who are geographically desirable, age appropriate, at the same stage in their life, and want the same things in the future? Not worth the risk. Completely pointless. Is it not better than the alternative of having no one at all...? You know it's pretty slim pickin's where I live...
Emilia Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Is it not better than the alternative of having no one at all...? You know it's pretty slim pickin's where I live... well, it's not like your ex is able to view this impartially, pretty obvious from her posts. Listen to D-Lish and Johan and I hope you have a wonderful experience. I was in the same situation once (being the much older woman) and it was wonderful
Recommended Posts