sydneysider1978 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Hey all, I had a great date with a guy I met on eharmony on Wednesday (now it's Sunday) We went out for drinks, I drove so I only had one wine but we stayed out chatting for 4 hours. He's funny, smart, warm and attractive. For once, I can actually say I fancied him on the first date. As we parted he said he'd had a great time, he'd like to see me again and that I should text him if I wanted to meet up. While he was in his taxi home, he sent me a text reiterating what a good time he had. I sent one back agreeing that I had a great time too. I would like to see him again. But... I haven't heard from him since that night. So... do I text.. or shall I assume that if he was into me he would have got in contact? I am usually a fan of assuming if a man has the enthusiasm to date me (and not mess me around, do the fade), he should be able to initiate contact. Actually, in typing this, I'm sort of thinking I have nothing to lose by getting in contact.. but would like your views..
veggirl Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 yes, contact him! you're right, you have nothing to lose. good luck!
musemaj11 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 A woman must not initiate anything for as a woman she must know her place.
curlygirl40 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Well a little bit of my advice and a little advice from my guy friends, who I have polled on this subject before. My guy friends say it's not the girl making contact that will make or break a situation, it's what they say when they make that contact. There's a big difference between: "Why haven't you called, do you like me, do you want to see me again, why haven't I heard from you" AND "hey there I hope you had a great week, had a good time the other night, next time the drinks are on me" One is needy, the other is more confident and just checking in. I always feel there is a line between needy and desperate and contacting someone who is clearly not interested, and just sending a quick text to a guy who might actually be hoping that he will hear from you since he told you to get in touch with him. I do think most of the time if the guy is interested, he will contact you. So the fact that he hasn't might be a bad sign. BUT I don't see the harm in reaching out ONE TIME to say hi. You've got nothing to lose really. Not even your dignity or respect since reaching out one time is harmless. Beware of the situation where you are ALWAYS the one to make contact. You don't want to be driving the bus, it should at least be 50/50. Best of luck
turt Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Text him back. He probably thinks you're not interested since he told you to text him.
ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I think you should text him. Keep it light though. Just something like "Hey hope the rest of your week went well. We should set something up this week if you have time." Then gauge his responses from there. Honestly, anything that has ever panned out for me with a guy has been when he has initiated all the contact. And they also initiated contact almost daily, not every 3-4 days or so. With the ones I had to keep poking it became obvious fairly soon they either weren't into me or into relationships at all. But every guy is different. And you never know until you try so go for it.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Honestly, anything that has ever panned out for me with a guy has been when he has initiated all the contact. And they also initiated contact almost daily, not every 3-4 days or so. With the ones I had to keep poking it became obvious fairly soon they either weren't into me or into relationships at all. But every guy is different. And you never know until you try so go for it. Same here. When a guy really likes me, he contacts me every day after the first date, even if it's just a quick call or text message. He makes it very clear he's interested and leaves no room for doubt. Personally, I wouldn't initiate the next date. If he didn't get in touch with me, I'd know he could take me or leave me.
Author sydneysider1978 Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 The think that I always struggle with is that we are told to expect a man to make all the moves but what if he's unsure of how I feel, worried about rejection or just looking for a little reassurance that I like him back. Meh, who knows. I'll get in contact but with no expectation..
ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 The think that I always struggle with is that we are told to expect a man to make all the moves but what if he's unsure of how I feel, worried about rejection or just looking for a little reassurance that I like him back. Meh, who knows. I'll get in contact but with no expectation.. I think with most guys (most, not all) is that even if they have those lingering doubts in the back of their head, he's still gonna nut up and at least initiate contact. And if a guy were too timid to even try and TALK to me after I've already been out with him once, I don't really think he's the kind of guy for me. But like I said, every man is different and if you really were feeling a click with this guy you have absolutely nothing to lose by just texting him a quick hello. Every once in awhile someone will come along who makes you feel like throwing convention out the window. Go for it.
musemaj11 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 The think that I always struggle with is that we are told to expect a man to make all the moves but what if he's unsure of how I feel, worried about rejection or just looking for a little reassurance that I like him back. Meh, who knows. I'll get in contact but with no expectation.. Do whatever you feel like doing. Its your life. Just remember, the quality goods are never as easy to get as the lousy goods. But its also wise to know when something is way too good for you to try to get. And another tip for you, men dont like a lengthy overly emotional text. It makes you sound crazy. If you wanna ask a guy out, simply say one liner or at least a short text like for example, "Hey, let's go to the fair this Thursday." or "Thanks for treating me to a nice date yesterday. Lets go out again this Friday night. Its on me." As someone else already said, ALWAYS AVOID SOUNDING DRAMATIC AND NEEDY. Men are so sensitive to every hint that lets them know that a woman might be a crazy one.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Let's pretend for a second that this guy is realky shy about approaching and you're required to do a little approaching just to give that push. So thenyou call him and flirtatiously ask him if he's open to meeting up. Then you watch for his actions.
Fondue Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 He invited you to text him. The ball was in your court since the end of that date. If he's any bit like me, he means what he says. He probably was waiting for you to contact him, and seeing as you didn't, he may have doubted your interest.
Author sydneysider1978 Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 I just texted him something light... Let's see how it goes!
turt Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 The think that I always struggle with is that we are told to expect a man to make all the moves but what if he's unsure of how I feel, worried about rejection or just looking for a little reassurance that I like him back. Meh, who knows. I'll get in contact but with no expectation.. If he is expecting you to text him, why don't you? If I said this and you didn't reply, I'd assume you're not interested. I probably would have asked when you are available though. Let me put this in a different perspective. If everything went great but you decided you didn't want to see this guy anymore, would you reply? So in both cases, he doesn't get an answer? If this was me, I would probably text you after a while but I would feel like I'm annoying you since you were ignoring me.
veggirl Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Glad you texted him. Let us know how it goes! The fact is, if 2 people like each other, it doesn't matter WHO contacts the other first after a date. Although setting up a firm 2nd date at the end of the 1st makes it a lot easier. Maybe at the end of a first date you could suggest a 2nd date (your treat) with an exact day?
FitChick Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Same here. When a guy really likes me... He makes it very clear he's interested and leaves no room for doubt. Same here. If a guy was too shy or insecure and didn't contact me, he'd never see me again because I'd never contact him. I am happiest with confident men who know what they want, especially if it's me.
Author sydneysider1978 Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 So, he replied with enthusiasm and suggested a day and a place for date two. I'm glad I got in contact. He's not shy at all but I suppose he did want confirmation from me that I was interested. Hurray!
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