dizy Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I met him months ago and we used to meet often because of college, but hes not taking any classes this semester and we basically have no reason to meet each other without one of us proposing something (which will obviously sound like a date because we have been flirting). We are both outgoing and I honestly have no problem asking people out and taking rejections. but he is not the type that I would typically fall for and I was very hesitant to ask for more especially he is very hard to read. Here is the situation: I thought that I would have the entire semester to get over any feelings that I had or still have for him since I was 100% sure that he was not serious. BUT he texts me at least once per week (which is alot considering the fact that we never talked after the end of last semester, and we have really nothing to talk abt) and I honestly have no idea wats going on. I replied to his msg abt my classes etc but I never initiated anything. I was sick of this today when he texted me and I decided just to be honest with my feelings, I do miss him and I wanted to see him so I asked him if he would like to come over to my apt somtimes. Seriously, I CANT be less subtle than this. and he replied that he does. and thats it. no enthusiasm, not asking for when. I begin to lose patience and honestly find this very childish. Whats so hard to just be more honest and say no if he is not interested or show more interest if he is? I think hes just bored and blatantly not interested. I dont think theres any point at replying his text msgs. any thought on this guys?
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 He's obviously interested If he keeps texting you, and he probably isn't a total fool so he's not going to act excitedly about coming over to pound you into a tenderized piece of meat. However he might also be stupid and not be able to take a hint, but I doubt that If he's as social as you claim you both are. I think he'll ask you soon or just drop it altogether, I think you should lay off and let him come to you and if he doesn't then just drop it altogether. The problem I have is if he is competent then why hasn't he made a move? So I'm not sure how confident this guy really is. So it's either coming soon or he's just going to keep hanging out in a limbo with you, he's waited way too long imo though...a competent guy usually makes a move after some adequate flirting.
Author dizy Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 Thanks for the reply. Actually, when I said outgoing, I didn't mean experience with the opposite sex or dating, I meant personalities. We are very easy to talk to and very friendly, not at all shy/introverted. I make friends easily and have no problem flirting with guys that I find attractive as long as I am not entirely sure that I am interested because otherwise I will be getting those butterflies just like anyone else =p. I see your point there, if he keeps texting out of the blue then he must be interested, but like I said, he is very outgoing, and I dont think he has any problem texting anyone (not that hes very confident, its just his personality). and I have to admit that I am not exactly very easy to read either. I have acted distant because like I said I was trying to reason with myself that he is not my type. and theres is something to clarify which makes a huge difference: he is very far from getting the meat XD and I think he knows it. I know, I know, its frustrating for guys to get invited over and never receive something "real" but I am a firm believer that LTR requires patience. =) So now that the ball is in his court hopefully he will be doing something soon. I am getting really bored
TheFinalWord Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I think this is a case of boomerangs. You both come close to something, then retreat, come close, retreat, repeat. This usually happens when two people like each other, but know deep down that there is some issue that will make it not work. You both flirt, but never take it to the next stage. Not necessarily b/c of lack of confidence, but b/c you both know something is already an issue that will make it probably not work. You yourself said he is not normally what you would go for. He probably feels the same. Sometimes it takes a while to admit it and someone has to finally cut it off or go out on a limb and try to date.
2sunny Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 So now you've asked him to your apt. To a guy that generally suggests sex. Why didn't you just suggest coffee or a movie out? It would be nice if you let him know that you would prefer him making more effort to ask you OUT. If he doesn't want to make effort - he's probably just trying to see if you 'd be willing to be his sex buddy. But you won't know until you ask him what his intentions are. Be honest with him.
Author dizy Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 TheFinalWord: Thanks for your insight, that was what I thought for literally months before I had the time to face my real feelings. I do appreciate this guy and sometimes we have to take risks to get what we really want. You are right when you said that deep inside I just dont think it will work, but who am I to judge a relationship before it even starts? I just feel like I need to let go and just let things happen and be honest with myself. 2Sunny: I understand that when women invite guys over it usually suggest sex but I did mention about my roommate in the msg. I can be very honest with him if I was less confused by the situation. like I said, i have no prob taking rejections, but it would be awkward when we will meet again. I really like this guy but some how something just doesnt feel right =[
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Asking him to come over to your apartment when you've never even been on a date is like telling him you want him as solely a piece of a$$. Maybe he liked and respected you more than that, and is now disappointed. I know I would be if I was getting to know someone I was interested in dating, and he invited me to his place straight away.
westrock Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I agree with the posters above. It's confusing, because you are being confusing. Here's what I've read from your posts: - you have feelings for him, miss him, and want to see him, but then you're trying to reason with yourself that he's not your type. Which is it? - you say he's hard to read, but you say you're also hard to read. - you invite him to your place, but there's a roommate too? - you invite him, but with no specifics other than "sometime". - you think he's just bored and blatantly not interested, but now you are getting really bored It's seems you're conflicted and don't know what you want. It's no wonder the guy is hesitant. You need to figure out what you want. I asked him if he would like to come over to my apt somtimes. Seriously, I CANT be less subtle than this. and he replied that he does. and thats it. no enthusiasm, not asking for when. I've learned that when someone says to me "sometime", it's not really an invite but more a passing comment. Do you know what his interests are? Bring up something about it: "I heard that this new rock band is playing at the pub on Main St this Saturday around 10pm and I remember you said you like that type of music. I would really like to go and don't want to go alone." "There's the annual dance fundraiser going on at the campus centre this Saturday night and I remember you said you wanted to try dancing. I haven't been dancing for a while. I would really like to go and don't want to go alone." It's specific in terms of the activity, date, time, and involves something he likes. Hopefully he asks you out, and if he doesn't ask you out then he's not interested. If you want to ask him out directly then add at the end "Do you want to go with me?". I understand that when women invite guys over it usually suggest sex but I did mention about my roommate in the msg. If your roommate is involved then it's not a date. He was probably confused as to what exactly you wanted. I can be very honest with him if I was less confused by the situation. like I said, i have no prob taking rejections, but it would be awkward when we will meet again. You'll be less confused if you work on being more clear in your communications with him. If you're clear with him with your intentions, he'll be more clear with you as to his intentions. You said that you have no problem asking people out... so, if you want to go on a date with him ask him out. and I have to admit that I am not exactly very easy to read either. I have acted distant because like I said I was trying to reason with myself that he is not my type. If you are not easy to read and acting distant then how do you expect him to know what's going on? So now that the ball is in his court hopefully he will be doing something soon. I am getting really bored I think the ball is in nobody's court. Both of you are waiting for the other. Figure out what you really want, and if you're interested in this guy, then you need to get the ball back in play and express yourself more clearly to him.
salparadise Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Yea, I'd say he's interested but not sure if you're interested or just being friendly. Maybe he really sees you as so amazing that you trigger his insecurities and he doesn't ask you out because if you're friend zoning him then he doesn't want to blow it forever and look like a goofball. You are interested but not sure if it would work as a relationship––that's why people date. You asked him to come over and hang out 'sometime,' and he may be waiting for the other half of that invitation. Bottom line is you really don't know what he's thinking. But you'd like to go out with him and you're not shy or afraid of rejection. So the solution is quite simple; ask him out!!! Make sure he knows that it's a date and not a friend zone request, and just let it happen naturally from there. Sometimes really nice guys just need the signals to be not so subtle.
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