Rayke Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Alright. This chick is awesome. I have kind of put her on a pedestal. She's super hot, smart, and funny. But, we're both local performers (I'm a comic, she's a musician) and we do shows A LOT. Between this, and our actual work schedules, we only really get to see each other on the weekends. I've already done the hardest part: Asking her out. We have been out a few times, and she knows I really like her. She's told me that she likes me, too, and that I am "amazing". She constantly thanks me for seeing her as a real person instead of just an "object", like most other men apparently do. We have kissed a few times (drunk), and she told me that she wanted to sleep with me. BUT she said that in the same breath as the "guys always use me as an object" thing. So, I told her no. Not yet. She's better than that. Sounds all good, right? Last weekend, I told her that I really liked her. A lot. She reciprocated. But she also said that she "doesn't like relationships. Because they always end". It's pretty obvious that she has been dicked over by a lot of guys in her life. Friends, boyfriends, and even her family. (She told me straight-up that she has daddy issues, haha). She has dated girls, as well. And she said the last guy that treated her as well as I do ended up going psycho and doing some pretty horrible things to her. (She told me the whole story, I just don't want to type it all out.) So she has trust issues. I told her that I didn't want to jump into a relationship, but, I wanted to "be dating" her. She simply replied with an "OK". And then I said "if we keep going out, I'm confident in myself that I can win you over". She never really responded to that. Like I said, we're both performers and are both really focused on our careers ahead of any sort of relationships. But since I have kind of idolized her for a few months now, I don't think I could stand only being FWBs/sharing her with other guys. And given our crazy schedules, we really only see each other on on the weekends. Twice a week at the most. We haven't slept together yet. Our next date is tomorrow night and I feel like that could be the night. We text each other during the week. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Upwards of 50 texts a day. She's usually the one that initiates. I guess my main questions are, given the combination of our schedules, her trust issues, and my desire for a real relationship, should I quit while I'm ahead before I really hurt myself? And if not, how can I make her trust me more? We've only hung out in public places and I'm kind of afraid to ask her if she wants to come hang out at my house one night given her guy-issues. I just want her to be comfortable. Any insight would be welcomed.
A O Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Sounds all good, right? You've described an all too common situation. (She told me straight-up that she has daddy issues, haha). This information is pure gold for those looking to "avoid" a problematic, non-stop drama-fest liaison-relationship. And then I said "if we keep going out, I'm confident in myself that I can win you over". She never really responded to that. Healthy relationships require "two" people proving themselves to each other. Hence your approach is only half right. Don't forget yourself and what you may want in a woman next time! I guess my main questions are, given the combination of our schedules, her trust issues, and my desire for a real relationship, should I quit while I'm ahead before I really hurt myself? Yes you should but totally understandable and natural if you wish to soldier on. You're a comic, so you should come out of what is a high-odds disaster in the making get-together reasonably unscathed. .
Eddie Edirol Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 If you want her to WANT to go top your place, you have to not need it. As if you already got an FWB on the side and you dont need sex. THATS how she will trust that you dont see her as an object. When she wants to go home with you, she will give you hints. You will know what they are when they6 come. Just keep charming her, keep flirting, making out, whatever. As far as not getting hurt, you have to do what you have to , to keep yourself from getting attached to her. Dont fall for her, you dont even really know her yet. For all you know, she could be the psycho and switched her stories around to make herself look good. Dont fall for her until you truly get to know her. If you fall for her before she falls for you, youre completely sunk, because that is a turnoff. You dont need a relationship THAT quickly. Take a chill tablet.
FitChick Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 She could inadvertently wind up giving you some great material for your act.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 "And then I said "if we keep going out, I'm confident in myself that I can win you over". She never really responded to that." Don't do the whole "look at me I'm so confident" bit, even if it wasn't intentional it sounds stupid. Basically don't turn this into a competition, or even worse a conquest. It's great that she has so many admirable qualities but underneath the surface you need to realize she's a pretty damaged person with abandonment issues. This is a person who has been through a lot in life and that has naturally transgressed into her relationships just like many women do. Women play out their issues, especially daddy issues in their relationships, as do men but with women its more apparent and out of control to an extent. As a woman from the outside she might look like a ego boosting conquest or maybe even a serious relationship but even though you are hearing her issues I don't think you're really considering them. The kind of guy she is looking for is someone she can find trustworthy and faithful, as she's used to things slipping away and her leaving an empty void after the investment. So I would say if you really care about this girl take it slow, If you're just there to stick it in her and pat yourself on the back well at least make it quick and don't let her become attached to you if you know you're going to turn your back on her in the end. If you're genuinely interested in her, put in the work and effort and it will pay off with this girl. Don't take it fast and try to get all whipped up into her then after a few months it's whatever. These kind of women don't have the support system or structure of dependability, what they really need is someone there for them in their lives. So If you're not there for the long run at least make it clear what you're after, but you shouldn't be in a hurry for sex with this kind of a person if you're ultimately looking for a relationship. Otherwise I'm sure you'll do what many other guys do.
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