quietGuy13 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I'm thinking about this cause i'm in my early 30s and i've always wanted a girlfriend but i haven't even had a date..much less a GF. But in my case is cause i'm shy/quiet and dont even know how to meet women and plus i'm socially awekward and bad speaker so typical women don't like men like me. But My therapist also told me many people can't find a partner and many of her friends(in her 40's 50s) are also alone with no partner. Even talkative outgoing people many of them don't have partners. Seems there's tons of people who find it difficult to find a partner. And it seems to be getting harder due to internet etc. By the way I'm talking about people who actually want to find love, but they dont find due to not socializing or even if socializing they just can't find nobody.
Ross MwcFan Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I'm thinking about this cause i'm in my early 30s and i've always wanted a girlfriend but i haven't even had a date..much less a GF. But in my case is cause i'm shy/quiet and dont even know how to meet women and plus i'm socially awekward and bad speaker so typical women don't like men like me. But My therapist also told me many people can't find a partner and many of her friends(in her 40's 50s) are also alone with no partner. Even talkative outgoing people many of them don't have partners. Seems there's tons of people who find it difficult to find a partner. And it seems to be getting harder due to internet etc. By the way I'm talking about people who actually want to find love, but they dont find due to not socializing or even if socializing they just can't find nobody. She's probably just saying that they don't have partners for the moment. I don't see why the Internet would make it harder. Surely it makes it way more easier.
ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I'm 29 and I've always been very outgoing and social. I was a party girl in college, I get out all the time and I have a ton going for me (if I do say so myself ). I have had a ton of dates, a bunch of short term relationships and 3 boyfriends but I have never really had a true "partner" and that's something I really really do want, so yes I believe it. Some people are just tough matches. And I believe I'm one of those people. I have too many facets to my personality to be a match for just anyone. The phrase there are plenty of fish in the sea doesn't apply to the coelacanth.
Dust Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I'm thinking about this cause i'm in my early 30s and i've always wanted a girlfriend but i haven't even had a date..much less a GF. But in my case is cause i'm shy/quiet and dont even know how to meet women and plus i'm socially awekward and bad speaker so typical women don't like men like me. But My therapist also told me many people can't find a partner and many of her friends(in her 40's 50s) are also alone with no partner. Even talkative outgoing people many of them don't have partners. Seems there's tons of people who find it difficult to find a partner. And it seems to be getting harder due to internet etc. By the way I'm talking about people who actually want to find love, but they dont find due to not socializing or even if socializing they just can't find nobody. Every one dies. You can die trying or you can die hopeless and pitiful. Your choice! She's probably just saying that they don't have partners for the moment. I don't see why the Internet would make it harder. Surely it makes it way more easier. We all know you shine over the internet. Even had yourself an internet gf. Ross you could have a woman any time you want if you just did what you know you need to do. Would have had one very soon if you had just kept certain things to yourself. Yes you'll have a woman anytime you decide to stop being your own worst enemy.
imfromhoiland Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Many people who put themselves out there and actively try to find a significant other eventually do find a significant other. Many people who are too shy and just hope that someone will come to them just end up alone. It's not about your personality. Everyone has a different personality. It's about how actively you're trying to find someone.
carhill Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 But My therapist also told me many people can't find a partner and many of her friends(in her 40's 50s) are also alone with no partner. Even talkative outgoing people many of them don't have partners. I've seen this as well, since that's my age group. The single commonality I've seen is, with this demographic, when things move from casual 'friendliness' to 'flirtation' and 'asking them on a date', they freeze up. This applies to both men and women. I know enough about it because I would 'freeze up' when a woman's relationship status was unclear. If she wasn't clearly single and vetted as such, bad past experiences with MW's would cause brain lock. So, I can see how certain triggers, maybe not the same ones, could work in reverse for a subset of the women I meet. I think 'many' is probably a stretch, at least IME. In my social circle, I and one other perennial bachelor (50 and never married) are the only un-married/un-coupled guys I know of. One of my friend's wives has a sister who's a widow and doesn't date much but she's kinda shell-shocked since her H committed suicide in front of her. Pretty much everyone else is coupled up or married, mostly for decades. Life is a mixed bag. Being coupled isn't the end-game of life IMO, although it might seem that way if it's elusive. Having been there, done that, meh. YMMV.
Lucky_One Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I'm thinking about this cause i'm in my early 30s and i've always wanted a girlfriend but i haven't even had a date..much less a GF. But in my case is cause i'm shy/quiet and dont even know how to meet women and plus i'm socially awekward and bad speaker so typical women don't like men like me. Make your mind up, dude. Just a few days ago you posted, "But interestingly, and i found this from experience, finding friends and girls who are average is reallllyyyy easy. As you've maybe read I've tried talking to beauties and i'm just ignored. I've gone to school etc and beauties don't even look at me once. Meanwhile I've tralked to average girls and JUST LIKE THAT, because i'm a nice person, I have made friends with Average girls. Many of them even wanting to be my GF." So which is it? You can't meet women and have never had a GF? Or "just like that" you meet women and many want to be your GF?
Anela Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Make your mind up, dude. Just a few days ago you posted, "But interestingly, and i found this from experience, finding friends and girls who are average is reallllyyyy easy. As you've maybe read I've tried talking to beauties and i'm just ignored. I've gone to school etc and beauties don't even look at me once. Meanwhile I've tralked to average girls and JUST LIKE THAT, because i'm a nice person, I have made friends with Average girls. Many of them even wanting to be my GF." So which is it? You can't meet women and have never had a GF? Or "just like that" you meet women and many want to be your GF? He wants his version of Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, whatever... rather than her lovely sidekick who isn't seen to be as beautiful or "hot". He wants a trophy.
lilyblue Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 This issue has been crossing my mind more and more lately and it's starting to cause me some anxiety. I've never been one of those girls who has been focused on getting married and having a family, but as time goes along it seems less and less likely to happen and it's starting to make me uncomfortable. I don't want to be alone, and although I don't want to have kids right now, I do want to have kids and there are only so many years for a woman to do that. I don't want to end up alone... Even typing this made me anxious.
SJC2008 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) I have a feeling I may be one of those. I've tried to work on my slef really hard. I've had 4 dates in the last 10 months and all 4 have been 1st and only dates. Something is rubbing women the wrong way about me. I'm almos not nervous at all and laugh, have fun and try to be confident ie. good eye contact etc. I just don't know. Mabye it's my voice, who knows? I just turned 30 by the way. Edited January 21, 2012 by SJC2008 left something out.
neowulf Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 The challenge I find hard to manage is the aspect of "luck" involved. People like to discount it, but it is a HUGE part of finding a mate you can build a life with. I think it also makes it much much harder if you have a personality that doesn't "click" with many people. I've had maybe 2 girlfriends in 33 years who I honestly felt "got" me. It's hard to accept that sometimes in life.. despite how hard we try, or how much we want it.. it just isn't meant to be.
PithyWorld Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/619/Untitled-1.jpg Yes, this guy is forever alone.
Titania22 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I've had maybe 2 girlfriends in 33 years who I honestly felt "got" me. I think you have been lucky to have 2. Most people don't get each other. That is something really rarely and the fact that in your case 2 of them were people of the opposite sex that you got to have a relationship with is even rarer.
oaks Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 But My therapist also told me Glad to hear that you're getting professional help. Do you put as much effort into finding a gf and getting laid as you do in creating new threads about it on here? The girl of your dreams isn't just going to come knocking on your (mom's) door! You have to get out there and find her, or someone like her.
grkBoy Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I think it happens...probably even more now. Remember, part of my own life-changing experience was when I accepted the idea of growing old and dying alone...and then vowed to at least make it a comfortable and fulfilled life. "Alone" though is how you look at it. Some only think in terms of dating, others in terms of dating, family, and friends. QuietGuy, you should build your own social circle, social capital. Yes, many women are not going to even bother with a guy who has never been with a woman, but I also look at those women and can see how their own logic works against them. If you one day show yourself as balanced, interesting, and enjoyable...then one day a woman who doesn't think in terms of "experience" will be with you...because she simply likes you as a person.
Author quietGuy13 Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 Glad to hear that you're getting professional help. Do you put as much effort into finding a gf and getting laid as you do in creating new threads about it on here? The girl of your dreams isn't just going to come knocking on your (mom's) door! You have to get out there and find her, or someone like her. well i tried talking to girls on bus stops and they never like it , they make bad faces to me or lie and never keep in touch(give me fake phone etc) so recently i have given up on that. So i put effort but they dont like me. And i'm not gonna go to night clubs because those are full of Playboy and loud talkative people and they hate shy guys. I'm shy and bad speaker they would never accept me in night clubs or whatever.
Author quietGuy13 Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 QuietGuy, you should build your own social circle, social capital. Yes, many women are not going to even bother with a guy who has never been with a woman, but I also look at those women and can see how their own logic works against them. If you one day show yourself as balanced, interesting, and enjoyable...then one day a woman who doesn't think in terms of "experience" will be with you...because she simply likes you as a person. i can't have a social circle because normal people don't like to be my real friends. they may feel sorry for me and fake it but they dont really become real friends. I have speech impediment
grkBoy Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 i can't have a social circle because normal people don't like to be my real friends. they may feel sorry for me and fake it but they dont really become real friends. I have speech impediment Well...then go do other things...show that the speech impediment is only just that. Look at all the mentally retarded and speech impaired folk who write, do art, and other amazing things. Watch the movie "Ray". You know that movie about Ray Charles. Remember what the mother said: "Never let nobody or nothing turn you into no cripple." It's all on you. You come on here every day like many complaining how life in unfair. You can either wallow in self-pity, or make a life for yourself. You have hands and a brain, and I won't believe you're just "dumb", "slow", or "retarded" as the world would make you believe. Maybe you should find a girl who has the same situation. Someone also misunderstood, but yet you could relate to her.
iris219 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 i can't have a social circle because normal people don't like to be my real friends. they may feel sorry for me and fake it but they dont really become real friends. I have speech impediment Why don't you get involved with a group of similar people? I've mentioned this before—I have a friend who works with a company that provides services to people with developmental disabilities. They have dances, go bowling, etc, and these individuals date and find long term relationships. Many of them have an active dating life because of this social interaction.
Author quietGuy13 Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) Why don't you get involved with a group of similar people? I've mentioned this before—I have a friend who works with a company that provides services to people with developmental disabilities. They have dances, go bowling, etc, and these individuals date and find long term relationships. Many of them have an active dating life because of this social interaction. But i want normal girls. is that not a good thing for me? well yeah i know what you're saying, they would never accept me. But the normal foreigners(the ones that are quiet from asia) have accepted me. It's just Americans/Latins(i live in america) that don't just cause I'm quiet and slow. If i could meet more of those foreign asian girls (which i can't cause they're students usually and there's no way for me to meet them since i'm not a student), i would have friends and possibly a GF. Online i have many foreign girls and they like me. And about Joingin a similar group of people, well the thing is I have problems but i dont look like it so those groups for disabled people don't accept me. I have tried signing up but they said it's not for me. Edited January 21, 2012 by quietGuy13
Els Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I think you have been lucky to have 2. Most people don't get each other. That is something really rarely and the fact that in your case 2 of them were people of the opposite sex that you got to have a relationship with is even rarer. I agree that it's rare, but I'm a little stumped by the bolded. How could you even BE in a relationship with someone who doesn't 'get' you? I would think that it should be requirement #1. Maybe that's why I've only had 3 relationships so far.
oaks Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 But i want normal girls. is that not a good thing for me? You want normal girls, but you come here (often) telling us that they don't like you because you're quiet, don't speak well, are slow etc and that you don't want to go to clubs/bars where these girls might be because (and here I'm perhaps putting words in your mouth) it highlights your social weaknesses. You can want whatever you wish, but you either tell us that your efforts are unsuccessful or that you don't wish to try in certain areas. What sort of advice are you really looking for here?
iris219 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 But i want normal girls. is that not a good thing for me? well yeah i know what you're saying, they would never accept me. But the normal foreigners(the ones that are quiet from asia) have accepted me. It's just Americans/Latins(i live in america) that don't just cause I'm quiet and slow. If i could meet more of those foreign asian girls (which i can't cause they're students usually and there's no way for me to meet them since i'm not a student), i would have friends and possibly a GF. Online i have many foreign girls and they like me. And about Joingin a similar group of people, well the thing is I have problems but i dont look like it so those groups for disabled people don't accept me. I have tried signing up but they said it's not for me. Maybe you haven’t found the right group. The people my friend works with don’t look like any different than anyone else. They aren’t profoundly disabled. Many just have lower than average IQs. Some are autistic, but pretty high functioning. Some of them are able to live on their own (the company helps them with things like paying bills and grocery shopping.) If you saw them in public, you wouldn’t know there was anything different about them.
ThaWholigan Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) QuietGuy13 I'm not sure how old you are but I am 23 and your posts about having a developmental disability and speech impediments have a sentimental value to me having had the same problems as a child and a teenager. Having been statemented at 5 as having expressive language delay and displaying "strong autistic tendencies" as they put it, I was due to be placed in a language unit for disabled children. My mother declined and sent me to normal school, and I had to adapt by forcing myself to learn new things. I could not speak clearly for many years, not until I was 10 years old, and had to have speech therapy up until that age and beyond into secondary school. I had to learn hard for many years. Fast forward to now, and I am a rap artist who's featured on mixtapes with well known american rappers, despite an eventual diagnosis of autism not too long ago. Basically, you have to not be too afraid to push past your comfort zone. I know how inviting that place is, and I'm still retreating in there every now and then, but you have to persevere and do things that you wouldn't otherwise do, despite people's initial indifference. Trust me on that one, you have to not take that stuff to heart, and I know it's difficult, but you can do it. GrkBoy is right, build up your social circle any way you know how, even if it's difficult at first. If your speech is holding you back, there are ways to learn how to be better. I learned to rap and write poetry, singing is a good way to sort that out too. Find a creative pursuit. It will work, trust me Edited January 21, 2012 by ThaWholigan
joystickd Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 QuietGuy13 I'm not sure how old you are but I am 23 and your posts about having a developmental disability and speech impediments have a sentimental value to me having had the same problems as a child and a teenager. Having been statemented at 5 as having expressive language delay and displaying "strong autistic tendencies" as they put it, I was due to be placed in a language unit for disabled children. My mother declined and sent me to normal school, and I had to adapt by forcing myself to learn new things. I could not speak clearly for many years, not until I was 10 years old, and had to have speech therapy up until that age and beyond into secondary school. I had to learn hard for many years. Fast forward to now, and I am a rap artist who's featured on mixtapes with well known american rappers, despite an eventual diagnosis of autism not too long ago. Basically, you have to not be too afraid to push past your comfort zone. I know how inviting that place is, and I'm still retreating in there every now and then, but you have to persevere and do things that you wouldn't otherwise do, despite people's initial indifference. Trust me on that one, you have to not take that stuff to heart, and I know it's difficult, but you can do it. GrkBoy is right, build up your social circle any way you know how, even if it's difficult at first. If your speech is holding you back, there are ways to learn how to be better. I learned to rap and write poetry, singing is a good way to sort that out too. Find a creative pursuit. It will work, trust me I agree about having a creative outlet. I was on the verge of suicide at the age of 17 and I picked up a guitar. It was becoming devoted to music to saved me. There are things in life that should be looked at as a challenge to overcome. You story wholigan is admirable.
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