garycoleman Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I think I have some major issues when it comes to dating. When a girl agrees to go on a date with me, I have a feeling of anxiety and nervousness. I think this happens because I'm shy. However, when a girl says she has other plans and can't go out with me, I feel bit of relief from stress and anxiety, but then I feel sort of depressed that she won't be going out with me because I think she doesn't like me. I am not sure how I should solve this. I want to date girls but I hate the feeling of anxiety.
PrincessPeach Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 If a girl is already out on a date with you, she's already at least somewhat interested in you. Relax. Just be there to enjoy yourself and she'll enjoy herself too. What is it exactly that you are nervous about when you go or are about to go on a date?
imfromhoiland Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I think I have some major issues when it comes to dating. When a girl agrees to go on a date with me, I have a feeling of anxiety and nervousness. I think this happens because I'm shy. However, when a girl says she has other plans and can't go out with me, I feel bit of relief from stress and anxiety, but then I feel sort of depressed that she won't be going out with me because I think she doesn't like me. I am not sure how I should solve this. I want to date girls but I hate the feeling of anxiety. You have described something I've lived through almost to a tee. The only difference is that I don't really get depressed, but I do feel down. Here's a quick cap on my story. Basically, dating, or even really liking girls, I started to daydream and get these ideas in my head of what things would be like and how they would happen. I would go out with the girl, and on my way to seeing her, the anxiety would start to set in. I'd meet with the girl, and not be able to be myself. This would get me even more anxious. The whole "relax, breath, put your mind on something else" technique didn't work for me because, can you really stop yourself in the middle of a date and just start to control your breathing while blocking everything else out? Not really. Dates would then not go as to planned and I would feel down about it. Even if I was dating a girl for a while, the anxiety would be lessened but it would definitely still be present. So, I decided to go the medical route. I tried daily medicine and take as needed medicine. I found that anxiety medicine from the take as needed route was better for me, as I was not going onto dates all the time. It got better, as I got more experience dating, I would take the medicine, not have the anxiety, and everything would be good. Sometimes I would go out, not expect to meet a girl, meet someone, get her number and not have any anxiety at all. The next time we went out, all of a sudden the anxiety would come out of nowhere. About a month ago, I went out with a couple of friends and my friend's sister. Little did I know the friend's sister had a crush on me, and by the end of the night we were holding hands and cozying up to each other. There was no medicine, and no anxiety. I've been dating this girl for about a month, and have been panic attack free (though I still get anxiety on occassion, but I think it's more inline with something normal). All I can say is don't give up. More experience dating will in itself help lessen the anxiety. I'd also look into medication if you feel you need it. I loved the "take as needed" because I could experiment and try to see if I could handle the situation without it and hold off, and if I couldn't hold off anymore I'd pop a pill and be good in a little bit. It'll get better!
FitChick Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 It's because you approach dating the wrong way. Instead of worrying about whether the person will like you, you should be wondering if you will like them. It gives you more of a feeling of being in control of the situation for the moment. You also probably don't believe you are good enough, so I'd suggest going here to eliminate that belief using the Lefkoe Method. Quick and easy technique!
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