ditzchic Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Yes, I do online dating. Mainly because I live in a small rural very working class town that doesn't have a lot of my "type" around. I'm becoming increasingly more and more frustrated with it though. It seems that a lot of guys I meet online are the shy, introverted, nervous types. It takes them awhile to open up and I have a short attention span. Not that this type is a complete deal breaker but it isn't my ideal. On top of that they are all mostly out of my area (see above about lack of quality available men in my area). I'm not really cool with the idea of traveling an hour or more to meet a guy that isn't my ideal type, ya know? And it seems like the last couple of guys I've met from online that I actually was interested in seeing again turned out to be ruled by their introversion and nervousness and things didn't work out. It's really kind of soured the taste in my mouth for a lot of people I meet online. I know I need to start meeting more of my type in real life but like I said, that requires traveling. I do travel out of the area to visit friends as frequently as possible but in the winter months and with a tight budget that's not as often as I would like. I wish there was an easier way to meet guys I actually click with.... This whole thing is getting frustrating. I'm thinking of taking some time off from boys altogether until I get a job out of this area and move to somewhere with a bigger selection.... Blah.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 What exactly are we supposed to discuss here? I'm confused. In any case, you need to take into account you may have some things these "nervous" guys found unappealing. Perhaps you're not good at conversation (I've never met a woman who calls herself a ditz to be a good conversationalist). There are many, many women who absolutely suck at conversations. They seem to come in two types: the quiet type and the talkative type. 1. The quiet type: she keeps a poker face throughout the date; is hard to make her laugh or smile; she seems to get offended easily; can't speak what's on her mind; and seems to mainly answer questions with as few words as possible. A guy will try his best to bring her out of her shell but fail. He'll most likely lose interest and stop trying so hard to bring her out. In the end, she may judge him as the shy one. 2. The talkative type: talks a crapload; talks about several different things within one minute; conversations feel empty, as if she's talking just to talk; doesn't seem to have any real knowledge about anything, almost like an idiot savant; and she doesn't seem to have any hobbies. Men quickly find themselves bored with this type as the conversation feels like a gabfest. In the end, she judges him as being shy or nervous because he cannot keep up with her. I put these two up there because many women fall into these categories. They don't realize this. And they blame men for bad dates.
veggirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 ditz, if a guy is shy/nervous/introverted, do you just give him the one meeting? Do you chat on the phone before meeting them? I'd think that'd be a good way to break the ice (have a few conversations over the phone--surely they may be nervous the first time, but after a couple it should be okay?) before meeting in person. Or give them a couple of dates to feel comfortable. Lots of shy people are chatty Cathys once they feel comfortable around someone.
Author ditzchic Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 ditz, if a guy is shy/nervous/introverted, do you just give him the one meeting? Do you chat on the phone before meeting them? I'd think that'd be a good way to break the ice (have a few conversations over the phone--surely they may be nervous the first time, but after a couple it should be okay?) before meeting in person. Or give them a couple of dates to feel comfortable. Lots of shy people are chatty Cathys once they feel comfortable around someone. Well that's another problem. I'm generally a pretty busy girl so I'm not the girl that sits in front of my computer in the evenings. I'm always out doing something. It seems like the guys I attract online always want to skype or IM or something that requires me to be home and just sitting there. That's not how I roll. I give out my number, I text (I really don't like talking on the phone to a stranger I never met but I will if I feel it's worth it.), I'll even give out my e-mail address because I can get that on my phone while I'm busy. A lot of guys I meet online just LOVE skype. I don't care for it. I'd rather exchange a couple e-mails and then go meet up for something casual to get to see and talk to them face to face. I think they think I'm too forward and get scared off. And I'm instantly turned off that they want to stay at home talking to their chat buddies than go out for a quick drink with me. And to Oxy, personally I think I'm a pretty good conversationalist. But that's subjective. And I'm not a ditz. The screen name is an old one I used to use back in my high school days. I didn't want to use any screen names that would be recent and googleable while posting on this site. lol.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Well that's another problem. I'm generally a pretty busy girl so I'm not the girl that sits in front of my computer in the evenings. I'm always out doing something. It seems like the guys I attract online always want to skype or IM or something that requires me to be home and just sitting there. That's not how I roll. I give out my number, I text (I really don't like talking on the phone to a stranger I never met but I will if I feel it's worth it.), I'll even give out my e-mail address because I can get that on my phone while I'm busy. A lot of guys I meet online just LOVE skype. I don't care for it. I'd rather exchange a couple e-mails and then go meet up for something casual to get to see and talk to them face to face. I think they think I'm too forward and get scared off. And I'm instantly turned off that they want to stay at home talking to their chat buddies than go out for a quick drink with me. And to Oxy, personally I think I'm a pretty good conversationalist. But that's subjective. And I'm not a ditz. The screen name is an old one I used to use back in my high school days. I didn't want to use any screen names that would be recent and googleable while posting on this site. lol. Skype is awesome. It feels futuristic and relaxing at the same time. I don't see why you have a problem with it. What's your definition of a good conversationalist, by the way?
Author ditzchic Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Skype is awesome. It feels futuristic and relaxing at the same time. I don't see why you have a problem with it. What's your definition of a good conversationalist, by the way? I just don't like it. You know how some people don't like texting or talking on the phone? It's just a thing. Plus it requires me to sit there. I sit at a desk all day for work. I like to be on the move if I'm not getting paid to sit. I much prefer methods of communication where I can be doing something at the same time. Ala hanging out face to face, texting or even talking on the phone. A good conversationalist to me is someone that can talk about more than people or things. I've met too many guys that all they talk about is how wicked awesome drunk they got that one time 5 years ago. Or that radical thing they did in high school that all their friends still bust on them for. That bores me after awhile. I like swapping stories and talking about hobbies and everything but if you can't bring more than that that's not gonna get you very far. I need someone that is able to talk about thoughts. Not necessarily just politics, religion and all that deep stuff. But even like interesting news articles. I like thought and substance and I definitely bring a lot of that to the table. i get that some people aren't comfortable expressing opinions on that kind of thing on the first date but if I'm not seeing something after a few weeks I write him off as a bad conversationalist.
FitChick Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Why don't you look for men in areas where you might want to live? That way you would know people by the time you get there. You could meet a few while you are job hunting. You might even get a job through one of them who knows someone who knows someone. Network.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I just don't like it. You know how some people don't like texting or talking on the phone? It's just a thing. Plus it requires me to sit there. I sit at a desk all day for work. I like to be on the move if I'm not getting paid to sit. I much prefer methods of communication where I can be doing something at the same time. Ala hanging out face to face, texting or even talking on the phone. A good conversationalist to me is someone that can talk about more than people or things. I've met too many guys that all they talk about is how wicked awesome drunk they got that one time 5 years ago. Or that radical thing they did in high school that all their friends still bust on them for. That bores me after awhile. I like swapping stories and talking about hobbies and everything but if you can't bring more than that that's not gonna get you very far. I need someone that is able to talk about thoughts. Not necessarily just politics, religion and all that deep stuff. But even like interesting news articles. I like thought and substance and I definitely bring a lot of that to the table. i get that some people aren't comfortable expressing opinions on that kind of thing on the first date but if I'm not seeing something after a few weeks I write him off as a bad conversationalist. What exactly do you talk about, ditzy?
PrincessPeach Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I just like to say that i share a similar dislike of Skype. I don't get what all the buzz about it is. Just not really my thing. I also sit at a desk all day for work, I don't want to come home and do the same thing there for very long. I don't do the online dating sites myself, mostly because I've always figured that many of the guys and girls there are the kind that recreationally use their computers (and there's nothing wrong with that) so I just never bothered looking into it. It's just not my element and I don't feel I'd easily connect with people there. Sitting at a desk or on my computer is not my idea of a night of fun so the computer isn't where I go looking to meet people as I assume many of them feel differently and like the computer as a primary means of making and keeping connections. so right away there's something we probably don't have in common. Maybe look for in-person singles type events in your area to meet guys there.
Author ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 What exactly do you talk about, ditzy? There isn't much I don't talk about. First date conversation is usually the background info stuff. School, work, friends, travel, hobbies, favorite bands, movies, favorite foods, beer, liquor that kind of stuff. I like to just let conversation flow so I really don't have a set list of conversation topics... I go where the conversation takes me. Hopefully we can find some commonalities and riff from there.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 OP, are you slave or an indentured servant? Why can't you leave your little village and go live somewhere else? I don't get it. You choose to live where you do, so what are you complaining about? And I think Oxy is on to something. I rather doubt that every man you meet is a nervous introvert intimidated by your awesomeness. Likely, they don't feel comfortable because the conversation doesn't flow. Maybe the problem is that you don't have anything in common with these men.
Author ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 OP, are you slave or an indentured servant? Why can't you leave your little village and go live somewhere else? I don't get it. You choose to live where you do, so what are you complaining about? And I think Oxy is on to something. I rather doubt that every man you meet is a nervous introvert intimidated by your awesomeness. Likely, they don't feel comfortable because the conversation doesn't flow. Maybe the problem is that you don't have anything in common with these men. If you noticed I did say I was looking for jobs outside of the area. I'm not sure if you noticed but the job market is kind of tight right now.... I'm not giving up the job I have in the city I'm in until I have another one. And yeah, you could have a point. It could be that I don't have anything in common with the people I'm meeting. We aren't compatible. That's basically just rephrasing what I posted in my original rant.
carhill Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 One positive aspect of online dating in a sparsely populated locale is that it, at least the paid sites where someone must pay to put their singleness out there, provides you with a comprehensive list of people who are ostensibly single. After that, it's like meeting up at the mall by coincidence. Regarding stuff like Skype, I use it all over the world for communication and can easily be plopped on my bed in some hotel in Asia with my headset on talking to a friend or colleague back here in the US. It's a communication device; text, audio, video. Technology is cool. Great subject to talk about, that being how technology can bring the people of the world closer. As a point of comparison, the nearest rural working class town (two stoplights) is about three miles from me. Online dating worked gangbusters for me, even back when it was on ancient dialup modems and pictures took five minutes to load up. I would have never known any of those people without it. I would never have gotten married. Oh, wait....
lilyblue Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 As an online dater, I totally agree with you about two things - 1. There are a ton of introverted men. I have met a lot of them. I dated one of them for 2.5 years. My last bf I couldn't imagine being online in a million years, he's outgoing, extroverted and doesn't "need" the internet to meet women. You're not going to be finding people like him on the internet. 2. Skyping before meeting someone would seem unusual. I've never even had someone bring this up, but maybe it's because I live in a big city and we're usually close enough to easily meet for a drink.
Dust Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Internet dating is to much of a hastle for me. I have to jump through a million hoops just to have an awkward first encounter with a woman I may not even be attracted too. The real world I get to have first encounters with women I know I'm attracted to. It's as easy as going to the beach, park, supermarket... what ever. taking a walk around the lake you'll se pretty girls. So why would I focus on Internet dating? All my gf's have been through methods other then online dating sites.
Anela Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I wouldn't be sitting here tonight, if I knew how to drive (my biggest phobia; and I grew up with buses and trains). I'm stuck here, so here I am... I would rather have my dogs out somewhere, or be at the bookstore, or having something to eat, rather than being reliant on someone else to get me where I need to go. There are men who would look down on me, because I don't know how to drive. I've been climbing the walls, and it's the one reason I wish I lived in a city (otherwise, I'm happy with the land here).
lilyblue Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Internet dating is to much of a hastle for me. I have to jump through a million hoops just to have an awkward first encounter with a woman I may not even be attracted too. The real world I get to have first encounters with women I know I'm attracted to. It's as easy as going to the beach, park, supermarket... what ever. taking a walk around the lake you'll se pretty girls. So why would I focus on Internet dating? All my gf's have been through methods other then online dating sites. It's winter, and awful outside. I think that makes it harder, at least right now.
irc333 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 INteresting, I suffer from the same delimma, but have gotten used to commuting an hour to meet singles, since verone in my age bracket is married or has a live-in boyfriend. It's weird, you cannot hit on a woman in a bookstore or cafe court in MY area, because the boyfriend or husband will soon arrive.....embarassing. lol It's also weird seeing cute, young cashiers, barely drinking age, with 1 kid, and one in the oven, wedding ring on the finger, wonder what they were thinking when they thought they're ONLY option in their life to marry was their High school boyfriend? Online, when I do a search in my area, geographically, I come up with mostly women that look like someone you'd see on the Jerry Springer show or "My redneck wedding" or you'd see the occasionally attractive educated single woman who is overly picky. Usually , if you see a hot chick in my area they are either: 1. Passing through 2. Tourist (same as 1, lol) 3. Spoken for 4. Discovered they were only bumping into toothless rednecks and elderly, then jumped online to find someone. My advice to you, if you don't like commuting an hour to meet a guy, time to to relocate, that's your only option, OR.....rearrange your criteria. lol Yes, I do online dating. Mainly because I live in a small rural very working class town that doesn't have a lot of my "type" around. I'm becoming increasingly more and more frustrated with it though. It seems that a lot of guys I meet online are the shy, introverted, nervous types. It takes them awhile to open up and I have a short attention span. Not that this type is a complete deal breaker but it isn't my ideal. On top of that they are all mostly out of my area (see above about lack of quality available men in my area). I'm not really cool with the idea of traveling an hour or more to meet a guy that isn't my ideal type, ya know? And it seems like the last couple of guys I've met from online that I actually was interested in seeing again turned out to be ruled by their introversion and nervousness and things didn't work out. It's really kind of soured the taste in my mouth for a lot of people I meet online. I know I need to start meeting more of my type in real life but like I said, that requires traveling. I do travel out of the area to visit friends as frequently as possible but in the winter months and with a tight budget that's not as often as I would like. I wish there was an easier way to meet guys I actually click with.... This whole thing is getting frustrating. I'm thinking of taking some time off from boys altogether until I get a job out of this area and move to somewhere with a bigger selection.... Blah.
Anela Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I go to the bookstore for myself, not to meet men. I'm usually with someone I love, and happy to be in their company for a while. I do find myself surrounded by couples, though - especially at the weekend. The night before Valentine's Day, last year, all of the tables were full with lovey-dovey couples, enjoying the evening together.
Dust Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 It's winter, and awful outside. I think that makes it harder, at least right now. I was out in my t-shirt and shorts today, kind of warm day for me. I live in sunny Florida! Irc lives in my area too and I think their are tons of women especialy if he's willing to date 10 years younger.
Anela Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) ditz, if a guy is shy/nervous/introverted, do you just give him the one meeting? Do you chat on the phone before meeting them? I'd think that'd be a good way to break the ice (have a few conversations over the phone--surely they may be nervous the first time, but after a couple it should be okay?) before meeting in person. Or give them a couple of dates to feel comfortable. Lots of shy people are chatty Cathys once they feel comfortable around someone. This is true for me. Some of the shyest people I know, have had the best work ethic, and the greatest senses of humour, and are highly capable of holding a conversation. They are funny, sexy, stable, loving and loyal. I can't say that for everyone, but they do exist. Freddie Mercury just popped into my mind. He was very quiet and well-spoken off-stage, but look at the guy once he got into what he loved (and was very good at): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A1mej1TMrg Edited January 21, 2012 by Anela
Author ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 I don't get it Ditzchic, are you amazingly hot? (objectively, not what you hear from the horny and desperate) Are you hilariously funny? Are you that rich, urban and with it (god I hate that term, but it's on half the female magazines covers) to the point that a rural kid or person who works for a living isn't up to par with you, Ditzchic Kennedy/Rockefellar/Hilton ? (hope I got your last name right, seems so with your attitude) Working people aren't your type. People who don't blow you away on the first meeting aren't your type. And of course what royalty wouldn't feel incomplete without their own personal court jester. Your ego is so huge, that you randomly PMed me not long ago to "clear up" that you weren't romantically interested in me, under the presumption that I have even an iota of romantic interest in you just because I answer some posts near your name on an internet forum . Might sound harsh, but come back down to planet earth. As Buckingham palace's Royal Advisor , I leave you with this: only person that ever died for their humility is Jesus Christ. You ain't Jesus, so how about you try to understand other people and not just see them as a number to cross off your damn list. Maybe offering to them what you expect from the world. Two people sitting in silence, as you complain about, are indeed 2 people sitting in silence ,that's right, you're not saying anything interesting either. Not telling you to date the "little people" , but your diva attitude reaks of Baby Boomer parents that spoiled you rotten. Lol. Wolf, you got me all wrong. My ego isn't as big as you think. I'm not amazingly hot and you'll see me point that out in several of my threads. I objectively say I'm a 7 with 8 potential on a fantastic day. Not rich (mid-level corporate job) but I keep my bills paid and sometimes have a little extra left over. I am pretty hilarious though and it does bring the boys to the yard. You don't understand what I mean when I say I live in a rural working class town. This town offers a brewery and a steel mill to work at. That is all. The majority of men that have stayed in this town after high school never pursued anything more than a dream union job at one of those places. They haven't pursued anything else in their lives outside of working for a paycheck and living for their 2 days off so they can rest at the bar or at home because they're tired from the manual labor of the week. I'm not saying I'm better than people in this area because that is their lifestyle. But I am saying I'm not compatible with most of them. My life has been endless pursuits. And I will be pursuing something until the day I die. That's just my personality type. I have nothing against working class guys. My dad is a working class guy and my dad is my hero. Most amazing man I know. My dad actually used to tell me growing up that his reason for working so hard was so my brother and I could have a better life than he and my mom had growing up in this area. My dad is my biggest cheerleader when it comes to dating same and also moving out of my hometown. Also... that message I sent you was supposed to be a compliment. I think you misinterpreted it. Didn't I say in it that I thought you were pretty hilarious? I didn't mean it how you took it...
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 You know, I'll call women out when they're asking for too much but this is definitely not a case where she is. Is it too much to ask that you get the balls to meet her in person instead of comfortably building up the courage over skype and internet for a couple of weeks or whatever it takes you? Is it that bad going out and meeting a girl once in while, without talking to her and getting everything you need laid out in front of you instead of seeing someone eye to eye? Is that living on the wild side a little too much for some guys? It's ok If introverted guys need some time and leeway to build up some courage since they don't have the experience or skill to just pop right up to bat...but that doesn't mean you have to completely AVOID confrontation altogether and make a woman have to go through all the baby steps with you every single time. I completely get where she is coming from and there just doesn't seem like a lot of grey area....you either have the shy nice guy who needs some time to build up steam and to show his real personality or you have the ladies man who finds it easy and relaxing, and is confident which in turns makes the woman feel at ease and not stab herself in the eye over dinner conversation. I think living in a small town however it's going to be very limited and moving to a bigger city imo would be the obvious Idea. It would be nice to be able to meet someone in a small town (that you haven't met already) but If you're looking for a wide array of human interaction you definitely need to get to the big city where you have plenty of options and plenty of different types of men, which tend to be more accustomed to socializing with women in public. However I would hope that for men internet dating or not would be progressive in their interaction with women instead of just hoping things will be easy or easier with women. It's your job as the man to approach women imo and your job to be accustomed to speeding up the dating process and minimizing the online interaction even through skype as the majority of women would preferably progress beyond that point rather than just linger in it and then turn out you're not even compatible in person.
El Brujo Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 That's why OLD is losing a lot of its ground to singles groups on Meetup. With OLD, you can never really be sure who's on the other end of the wire; but with Meetup, you can meet the people in person and decide whether they're OK for you or not---or even whether the whole group sucks, or the organizer is doing a crummy job. You have the option of leaving if you don't like it... just try to do that with an OLDS. But, once you've found some good Meetup groups that you're comfortable with, you'll look back and OLD will seem like a sleazy memory.
Author ditzchic Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 That's why OLD is losing a lot of its ground to singles groups on Meetup. With OLD, you can never really be sure who's on the other end of the wire; but with Meetup, you can meet the people in person and decide whether they're OK for you or not---or even whether the whole group sucks, or the organizer is doing a crummy job. You have the option of leaving if you don't like it... just try to do that with an OLDS. But, once you've found some good Meetup groups that you're comfortable with, you'll look back and OLD will seem like a sleazy memory. I've actually looked into meetup groups. There aren't any singles types groups in my area. There is a Republican group which I'm not interested in. lol. And a bunch of women centered groups which I actually am interested in some (yoga and belly dancing are the two I'm leaning towards the most) but I'm not expecting to find any guys there. Except for maybe a couple of sleazes who show up just to watch us girls get into weird positions. lol.
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