PlumPrincess Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 This may sound like a stupid question, but anyway, here it goes: I was in contact with this guy through emails, lots of emails, and we flirted quite a lot. It was quite entertaining otherwise I wouldn't have maintained contact since he's far far away and he knows that I was looking for a boyfriend here and not a long-distance relationship. Because of all this contact and the flirting I started to feel attached to him. Is that normal? And is this something that other people are aware of? Meaning that when they have a lot of contact with someone and flirt a lot that there is the possibility that the other person will develop feelings for them? I'm thinking to myself, he must have known that I liked him to a certain degree even though I didn't really want to admit it too openly to him. I don't know...
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I don't assume deeper feelings because of flirting. I wouldn't advise anyone to, quite honestly. Flirting's fun, light, fluffy stuff often meant to entertain. I suppose in person, if there's the possibility for a relationship to evolve, it takes on more seriousness. But across email? And given you made it clear a LDR wasn't of interest to you? No, I'm not sure he assumed feelings on your part. Nor do I suspect he developed them himself. Just a guess. I suggest not fliriting if you become easily attached. It's good to know yourself.
Lucky_One Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I think it's normal to develop stronger romantic feelings for someone you are in constant contact with, especially if there is a lot of flirting. Do you ever watch "Say Yes To The Dress"? Rule #1. Don't try on a dress if it is out of your price range. In essence, you have played "Say Yes To The Potential BF" even though he was out of your price/location range. And now you have found a dress/BF that you could fall in love with, but it is too costly. Best thing for you to do is cut off the emailing. He is not going to be what you ultimately want (a local love interest), and will only divert your mind from looking elsewhere.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 It's normal to like someone because of their posts online. You read their posts and say to yourself, "This person has insightful things to say and I find them appealing.":love: Liking a person based on their online personality has happened to me. For example, I like a few female posters here: 1. lululucy 2. colliejane 3. Taramere (too bad she's a butch dyke) 4. Emilia (and I'm sure he has the same feelings for me) 5. veggirl (but I think she's a granola girl in Portland, OR)
darkmoon Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 i had an LDR all on-line messages two face 2 face meetings and had feelings but i am mushy-hearted anyway
Author PlumPrincess Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) I don't assume deeper feelings because of flirting. I wouldn't advise anyone to, quite honestly. Flirting's fun, light, fluffy stuff often meant to entertain. I suppose in person, if there's the possibility for a relationship to evolve, it takes on more seriousness. But across email? And given you made it clear a LDR wasn't of interest to you? No, I'm not sure he assumed feelings on your part. Nor do I suspect he developed them himself. Just a guess. I suggest not fliriting if you become easily attached. It's good to know yourself. It was more a crush. I have crushes all the time... I had told him a couple of days ago that I was grumpy, because I didn't want to get attached to him, that he was too far away, that I didn't know him and that I didn't like his age range. I told him we should be friends and that I didn't want him to flirt with him. It stayed "clean" for a couple of messages and then the sexual innuendo started again. Yesterday he had told me that he had scheduled a second date with someone within the context of a different topic and it made me feel somewhat insecure and annoyed. I told him now that he was distracting me from meeting other people and that I was calling it quits. I wouldn't have assumed that he was not dating, after all, if I got asked out by someone here whom I found interesting I would not decline the offer, but still, I wouldn't talk about it with him. Edited January 20, 2012 by PlumPrincess
Author PlumPrincess Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I think it's normal to develop stronger romantic feelings for someone you are in constant contact with, especially if there is a lot of flirting. Do you ever watch "Say Yes To The Dress"? Rule #1. Don't try on a dress if it is out of your price range. In essence, you have played "Say Yes To The Potential BF" even though he was out of your price/location range. And now you have found a dress/BF that you could fall in love with, but it is too costly. Best thing for you to do is cut off the emailing. He is not going to be what you ultimately want (a local love interest), and will only divert your mind from looking elsewhere. I swear, I got sucked into it! He saw that I had visited his profile and contacted me. I wasn't really interested in talking with him since he had a dealbreaker on his profile, but I replied. We exchanged like 1-2 messages concerning his dealbreaker and then I deactivated my account for a week and completely forgot about him. When I came back, he started messaging me again, continuing the discussion about the dealbreaker. It went on and on and inbetween he wrote other stuff that did entertain me and suddenly I was having a penpal (damn it! ).
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 It was more a crush. I have crushes all the time... I had told him a couple of days ago that I was grumpy, because I didn't want to get attached to him, that he was too far away, that I didn't know him and that I didn't like his age range. I told him we should be friends and that I didn't want him to flirt with him. It stayed "clean" for a couple of messages and then the sexual innuendo started again. Yesterday he had told me that he had scheduled a second date with someone within the context of a different topic and it made me feel somewhat insecure and annoyed. I told him now that he was distracting me from meeting other people and that I was calling it quits. I wouldn't have assumed that he was not dating, after all, if I got asked out by someone here whom I found interesting I would not decline the offer, but still, I wouldn't talk about it with him. I see. A crush. Well, you're sweet-hearted, Plum, and that's a nice thing. Brava for deciding what worked and what didn't, then acting. I love a woman who can speak her truth and go forward. You weren't happy. Now, you're aligning yourself to receive something that may make you so. I'll be wishing that for you too.
Author PlumPrincess Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I see. A crush. Well, you're sweet-hearted, Plum, and that's a nice thing. Brava for deciding what worked and what didn't, then acting. I love a woman who can speak her truth and go forward. You weren't happy. Now, you're aligning yourself to receive something that may make you so. I'll be wishing that for you too. I don't know. We actually did seem to have things in common. Somehow I'm thinking he might be someone I could really like.
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I don't know. We actually did seem to have things in common. Somehow I'm thinking he might be someone I could really like. Awww. Well, give it a few days and see how you feel then. The sudden absence of romance/attention (rather than the man himself) may be throwing you for a loop.
veggirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 5. veggirl (but I think she's a granola girl in Portland, OR) I am kinda granola. But not in OR, lol. BRRRR. Too cold up there. OP, you have to be careful with the email flirting thing. It's easy to get attached via email because you are filling in so many of the blanks with what you want to be there.
FitChick Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Long distance dating isn't for everyone. You can't be needy or clingy. If you are independent, it can work just fine. Why limit yourself geographically if you are serious about finding someone?
Author PlumPrincess Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 I was just wondering if other people are like me and if people in general are aware of the fact that someone can fall for them through emails and flirting. Actually, come to think of it, he must have known. He is older than me and it's surely not the first time that a woman fell for him because of his emails. He is eloquent and fun.
Anela Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Yes, it's normal. Good for you on calling him out on the fact that he was distracting you from meeting others.
lululucy Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Liking a person based on their online personality has happened to me. For example, I like a few female posters here: 1. lululucy thanks oxy! OP, I think you'd be doing the right thing to pull back from this guy. He knows you have at least sexual innuendo to share with him and he does so willingly but then also brings up the other women he's dating? If this was a guy you were seeing in person, you wouldn't stand for that kind of behaviour. I hope this space gives you the answers you need.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I was just wondering if other people are like me and if people in general are aware of the fact that someone can fall for them through emails and flirting. Actually, come to think of it, he must have known. He is older than me and it's surely not the first time that a woman fell for him because of his emails. He is eloquent and fun. Some men are just good with their words. It is very possible to connect and gain emotions for someone long-distance especially when the reality doesn't interfere with the fantasy. However the longevity and seriousness of that as a relationship is of course at best questionable. The great thing about it is it never has to be tested so it just allows you to float on. Just take it for what it is, but If he knows what he's doing...he can intrigue and engage someone and make them feel as If they are living and experiencing somewhat a romantic novel, come to life...of their very own kind. So it can be a acquired talent, or a genuine connection of emotions. Of course the man behind this will always claim it is genuine...just so you know.
USMCHokie Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I was just wondering if other people are like me and if people in general are aware of the fact that someone can fall for them through emails and flirting. It can definitely happen...
Taramere Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 . Taramere (too bad she's a butch dyke) If "butch dyke" is this season's "too bad I don't like your personality back" then I'd better get the clippers out and change into a pair of dungarees.
Author PlumPrincess Posted January 30, 2012 Author Posted January 30, 2012 (edited) Update: In the last few days he reduced contact drastically and also announced on his profile that he was taking a break from the website (he didn't know that I had another profile and checked his once in a while). Since we had an argument I wasn't sure if he had started seeing someone or was backing off because of our quarrels, so I started asking him, why he was less online and why he was taking a break from the dating site. He sort of ignored them. I told him to come clean. He still avoided a clear answer, so I insisted again until he admitted that he had started seeing someone and that he thought that it was not my business and that he also thought that since I was so bummed lately about dating that he didn't want to tell me that someone with who I was commiserating was suddenly seeing someone. I told him back that I had already assumed that something was going on, but that it would have been nice to say something if you had been flirting with someone for a considerable time. I thought he was an honest and straightforward person, but he didn't have the guts to tell me that he was reducing contact because he had started seeing someone. I understand that someone who is there is much more interesting than someone else who has potential but is far away. I don't understand why people so often are not able to be more honest. Edited January 30, 2012 by PlumPrincess
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 It's his MO Plum...he likes to take women for a ride. I think it was brave of you to ask him the tough questions and get an a clear answer...kudos to you for your persistence, It's what it takes to find out the truth.
Author PlumPrincess Posted January 30, 2012 Author Posted January 30, 2012 It's his MO Plum...he likes to take women for a ride. I think it was brave of you to ask him the tough questions and get an a clear answer...kudos to you for your persistence, It's what it takes to find out the truth. MO = modus operandi? I guess, at least I didn't deny my feelings like he did (I guess, he did like me a bit, just not enough) and pretended that nothing was going on between us. Thanks for being nice.
jobaba Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 It's normal to like someone because of their posts online. You read their posts and say to yourself, "This person has insightful things to say and I find them appealing.":love: Liking a person based on their online personality has happened to me. For example, I like a few female posters here: 1. lululucy 2. colliejane 3. Taramere (too bad she's a butch dyke) 4. Emilia (and I'm sure he has the same feelings for me) 5. veggirl (but I think she's a granola girl in Portland, OR) Haha. Why do I think you're one of the bitter misogynists who posts here? Because if you were, it would make your choice of posters you admire somewhat ironic to put it gently. I think I have you confused with someone else though. I like Janesays and I love Quietstorm though she doesn't post often. I like Carhill too. Does that mean I might have latent homesexuality?
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 If "butch dyke" is this season's "too bad I don't like your personality back" then I'd better get the clippers out and change into a pair of dungarees. No need for the dungarees, sweetie. Just get the g-string and fishnet stockings. Haha. Why do I think you're one of the bitter misogynists who posts here? Because I am. Because if you were, it would make your choice of posters you admire somewhat ironic to put it gently. Why? Is there something wrong with these chicks? Do they have the clap or something? I think I have you confused with someone else though. Probably. P.S. Everybody likes carhill. So it's no big deal.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Update: In the last few days he reduced contact drastically and also announced on his profile that he was taking a break from the website (he didn't know that I had another profile and checked his once in a while). Since we had an argument I wasn't sure if he had started seeing someone or was backing off because of our quarrels, so I started asking him, why he was less online and why he was taking a break from the dating site. He sort of ignored them. I told him to come clean. He still avoided a clear answer, so I insisted again until he admitted that he had started seeing someone and that he thought that it was not my business and that he also thought that since I was so bummed lately about dating that he didn't want to tell me that someone with who I was commiserating was suddenly seeing someone. I told him back that I had already assumed that something was going on, but that it would have been nice to say something if you had been flirting with someone for a considerable time. I thought he was an honest and straightforward person, but he didn't have the guts to tell me that he was reducing contact because he had started seeing someone. I understand that someone who is there is much more interesting than someone else who has potential but is far away. I don't understand why people so often are not able to be more honest. Am I reading your posts correctly thinking that you have never met this person? For all you know he is some 70 year-old goat who gets off on teasing women online. You are falling for your own fantasy, nothing more. You do need to take a reality check when you are arguing with someone you have never met in your life over what he is doing or isn't doing. It's kind of none of your business.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Why? Is there something wrong with these chicks? Do they have the clap or something? He likes women who know their place
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