fallenzilla Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Ok well me and my ex have been together for around 10 years total.We split awhile back for around 17 months but gave it another go 3 months ago.Well she left her facebook open at the house and i looked to just make sure nothing was going on,well i did see she has another profile under a different name and when i showed her i seen she told me it was so she could be in facebook groups and what not and so i wouldnt get jealous when she talk to other guys and what not what should i do should i leave stay or what she has alrdy told me she would not delete it,we had problems when she meet someone from a chat room before pls help.
darkmoon Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 if it's plain talk on facebook, then u are worrying over nothing but if these facebook messages are flirty i think u should either do some flirting too or ask her to see it from your pov, she is not being very kind but then perhaps she likes a nonsense laugh in the ficticious nonsense facebook world if it's frequent and it's killing u and she doesn't care, then she's not playing fair imo
Author fallenzilla Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 it is killing me she has 5 pics on the other profile and they are of her if she wanted to keep it a secret like she said so nobody knows who she is then why post the pics? I asked to take a peak into the profile she said no i worry to much just wanted to know if i wasting my time is all.
geegirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 If it's innocent, then there would be no reason to hide. If it's not worrying you, then let it slide. Personally, creating another profile to "talk to other guys" and then evading the need to reassure you, would be concerning to me.
darkmoon Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 one woman on-line i knew liked to see if she was still attractive but if after telling her u can't handle it ask her why she is doing it i think she might be a bit young yet to not know the pain of a love (yours) that is sensitive and threatened she might not like being called immature but she might have a good reason to see if she has what it takes give her a day a week to do this maybe as a compromise i just been talking to a male friend (i am female) who adored his girl six years but she acted like yours put-downs/insensitive not nice
Author fallenzilla Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Im bout to be 28 she just turned 26 just to state our ages.But i asked to see she said no i had nothing to worry about im worring about nothing and im gonna turn this into a fight.I told her it was me or the facebook stuff and she pretty much told me bye.
darkmoon Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 good grab a beer and have a nice time she was a bitch to say no to showing u once u said that i saw a red flag i won't come back to this thread but jus wanted to say well done - it's about respect and standards
Author fallenzilla Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 No i told her ill be there to get my stuff tonight the stuff i didnt take today when i left.I was just making sure i wasnt over doing it is all thx all.
smokey bear Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 No i told her ill be there to get my stuff tonight the stuff i didnt take today when i left.I was just making sure i wasnt over doing it is all thx all. I think your over doing it, its also why i hate facebook, it ruins relationships. So ask yourself do u want to throw away 10 years over a fb misunderstanding or would the sensible thing be to talk it out like adults.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Do you want to understand what's going on? In 3 months she will be back
Author fallenzilla Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I would like to work it out but i dont want worry about this stuff also,i have tried to just tlak to her and she gets mad and tells me im gonna turn stuff into a fight.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I would like to work it out but i dont want worry about this stuff also,i have tried to just tlak to her and she gets mad and tells me im gonna turn stuff into a fight. It's going to last 3- 4 more months, its a phase she will change ill post more when i get home
Dark Phoenix Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) If it's innocent, then there would be no reason to hide. If it's not worrying you, then let it slide. Personally, creating another profile to "talk to other guys" and then evading the need to reassure you, would be concerning to me. She is avoiding on purpose. She knows what shes doing is wrong and right now for the next couple of months, shes not going to show much consideration. She knows 2 things, she knows she loves you and she understands acceptance. You need to understand those 2 things too. This is just a phase, it will go away. You have to stop walking on eggshells with her. If she does something that bothers you, tell her. Dont argue. If shes self absorbed, tell her and make her aware of it. She will think about it for the next couple of days and possibly even ask friends if its true because she doesn't see it. If she gets angry and is not listening to what you have to say, ignore her and walk away. If she leaves, NC her and lock it down until she comes back. If shes angry still, do the same thing over again. She will change her tune. At the same time, you want to get her to communicate with you. Tell her to express herself. Dont let her bottle up things. Ask her how she feels. Don't yell at her or argue with her, she will either shut down or ignore you or battle with you till the end. Do NOT apologize to her at all, if you hurt her feelings by expressing yourself honestly, thats good but dont argue. Her facebook behavior is not going to change for the next couple of months so dont push it, let it go There is a very good post on this forum dealing with the phase that your ex is in right now. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309202/ read this post and just read Wilsonx mindset and focus on that. Read when people argue with him, he shuts down but later realizes and apologizes. When people get to be too much he just tunes them out and blatently ignores him. Dont read the arguments in there, just his mindset. Thats what you're dealing with. Thats someone thats stage 4 GIGS or burnout. That's what your ex is going through right now, give her a few months. Edited January 21, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
coopster Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Im bout to be 28 she just turned 26 just to state our ages.But i asked to see she said no i had nothing to worry about im worring about nothing and im gonna turn this into a fight.I told her it was me or the facebook stuff and she pretty much told me bye. there`s your answer. did you mean it when you said it or was it just a threat? She said to you, that you have nothing to worry about? ok...why not show you then? If even just to put your mind at rest. Facebook is for kids..schoolkids. the fact that she has a different profile than her normal one( which i`m guessing you are `friends` with her on and can see everything ) doesn`t ring any alarms with you? like major ones? yeah course you are going to turn it into a fight...i would too!! you know she is hiding something, hell...SHE knows she is!! trouble is she is pi**ed THAT you know. you gave her an ultimatum, and didn`t like the answer? think in your head ...you know what to do. good luck
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