Sprig Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Wondering how I show play this situation, Back in the fall went out for dinner with a few friends and co-workers and met a nice young lady there, who I only briefly met before. We got to chatting and sort of hit it off. Not in the dating sense just friendly conversation and such. Through the conservation I learned that she just recently got into hunting. I am pretty big into hunting so I invited her out. We went out hunting and had a good time and really enjoyed each other’s company. A few weeks later we went to a Christmas concert together. We met some of her friends there and she introduced me as her friend. Now the more I think about it, the more I am interested in her dating wise. Couple challenges or things I am wondering about however, I am 9 years older than she is, she is mid 20’s I’m early 30’s. Am I too old for her? She is working on her Master’s degree and is incredibly busy as well as taking on a role tutoring fellow students and other school related activities. She is really a “nose to the grindstone” type of gal and is extremely mature for her age. This however makes it hard for us to get together. I have invited her out a couple times, but she always has something on. I should stress that she does want to hang out, just our schedules aren’t always lining up I am trying to walk a fine line of being “around”. But not always hounding her to find out when she is free and inviting her twice a week. I really have no reading as to how she feels about me, just as a friend or maybe something more. I would like to chat with her in person and sort of say in a roundabout way that I am interested. But would really need to see her a couple more times to get a better reading. Also, I live about 45 minutes away, so it's not like I can just pop in all the time. Any suggestions on what I should do, or how I should approach this? I don’t want to push because I don’t want her to feel more pressure from me to get together, but I also don’t want to sit on my hands and have some other guy swoop in.
Meeks7 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 sprig, great men takes risks. whoever your future wife will be, she will depend on you to protect her and the family. Make tough decisions. Back her when her parents get too big-headed, schooling decisions, etc. A woman wants a man who is willing to put his neck out there. They respect men who live life that way. In your case, I honestly think you're best off being direct with her. To the point. No putting out feelers or trying to manipulate her into liking you by being "around." (in fact, odds are that will only get you friend zoned) Ask to meet up with her over coffee. Laugh, have fun, and then tell her something like "You know, I've really enjoyed your company everytime we get together. I was wondering if I could have the honor to get to know you better?" It's bold, it's direct, there's no guessing game, and she will let you know directly if a relationship is possible or not. It's a gutsy move but like I said, great men take risks. Risks make great men. Go for it. I wish you the best.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 You should just go after her already. First, try to make her laugh then ask for a date. I say risk the rejection, man.
PrincessPeach Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 As a mid-twenties gal myself, someone in their early thirties would not be too off-putting or too old for me... depending on the guy of course And if she likes you that won't matter to her either. I'd also go with being direct, especially since it seems you aren't really close by or can see her often enough to make the whole "being around" thing ever really pan out. You need to have her know you're interested if you want a chance. Try not to say in too round about of a way, be confident about it and mean it. You only need to let her know once. Even if she doesn't reciprocate right away she may think on it. Don't bring it up a second time if that happens, the ball is in her court. Once is enough, trust me. Further times bringing things like that up just make a guy seem needy and unattractive.
Author Sprig Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Thanks for the feedback guys, I will see if she is interested in gettin together this coming week sometime where we can have a chat. I will try and be direct with her and see where it goes. That is if my nerves hold out.
veggirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Definitely go for it! You have nothing to lose at this point, you've done the casual getting to know each other thing. If she isn't interested in, or is "too busy" to date you now, it wouldn't be any different a few months from now. set up your date ~a week in advance, she should know her schedule for that time period of things she HAS to do without having too many "extras" already filling it up Does she offer alternate days when she can't meet with you?
Author Sprig Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Does she offer alternate days when she can't meet with you? No, not really. She normally says she has something going on at such and such a time and is very apologetic, then goes on to say that the week has been crazy busy and she has exams, or funding meetings, or the like all going on. So I normally say, if you have some free time this week give me a call and I’ll make it work on my end.
veggirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 No, not really. She normally says she has something going on at such and such a time and is very apologetic, then goes on to say that the week has been crazy busy and she has exams, or funding meetings, or the like all going on. So I normally say, if you have some free time this week give me a call and I’ll make it work on my end. Well, that's super nice of you. I hope it works out, keep us posted!
Meeks7 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) No, not really. She normally says she has something going on at such and such a time and is very apologetic, then goes on to say that the week has been crazy busy and she has exams, or funding meetings, or the like all going on. So I normally say, if you have some free time this week give me a call and I’ll make it work on my end. You're definitely a nice guy, and nice is good, but I say in this case it's not the best idea to tell the girl "if you have some free time give me a call and I'll make it work on my end" -- it gives her way too much power and makes you come off SLIGHTLY too easy and MAYBE even a hint of desperate, depending on her mindset. Instead, you should have said something like "That's fine, how does next week look for you?" You're basically looking for her to say yes I'm free and then you set it up. Girls will find all sorts of excuses not to have any free time. You have to take a risk and really pursue. Can't be too passive. The danger in the "call me when you get some free time and I'll be available at the drop of a hat" is you're being passive and a little desperate. You guys aren't at the point yet where you've shared with her how you feel about her. It's different if she knows you want to date her and she says "I need time to think" and you reply "I understand. I won't go anywhere." That shows your commitment level is ready. However, in THIS case, you're not there yet. I hope it works out for you though. Keep us posted! Edited January 20, 2012 by Meeks7
Author Sprig Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 All good advice guys and gals, thanks! I will see how it goes this week and try and set something up.
Author Sprig Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 Well tonight was the night, I arrived early just to check the place out a little and she arrived right on time. One thing that struck me hard and fast was that she was sort of dolled up. Wearing shinny lip gloss, eye shadow and lower cut blouse and a nice black top. I don't think it is the sort of thing that she would wear to school. So, she made a point to go home and get changed before coming out. (Good sign!) Anyway, we both quite enjoyed ourselves, albeit I was nervous. She had an appointment an hour after she we agreed to meet, so she had to leave right at a certain time. As we were walking out I asked If I could have the opportunity to get to know her better, in the dating sense. She kind of was taken back a little I think and didn't say anything. Finally she said "Of course you ask me this as we're leaving and I have to run to my appointment" I said, "I really didn't really want it to be the first thing I said to you as you sat down since it would make things a little awkward if you said, no. and I wanted to give you a chance to think about it" She saw the reasoning in that. Anyway we kind of joked around a little bit about this and that before she really had to go. I just said to her, that I don't need an answer right now she can think about it and get back to me. I walked away with a really positive feeling. Mainly because I thought for sure she was going to say no, or "I would prefer we stay friends" something along that line. I just kept going over and over in my mind, "She didn't say NO!" She didn't say NO!":) I know she could very easily come back and say that she doesn't want that, but there is something else that tells me differently. I think the only hang up in her mind, is that she is so busy she won't really have time to see me all the time. Which is fine, I knew that already. I would be happy to see whenever it works or maybe go to church together or something like that. Anyway, I think (hope) all really positive things!
jobaba Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Well tonight was the night, I arrived early just to check the place out a little and she arrived right on time. One thing that struck me hard and fast was that she was sort of dolled up. Wearing shinny lip gloss, eye shadow and lower cut blouse and a nice black top. I don't think it is the sort of thing that she would wear to school. So, she made a point to go home and get changed before coming out. (Good sign!) Anyway, we both quite enjoyed ourselves, albeit I was nervous. She had an appointment an hour after she we agreed to meet, so she had to leave right at a certain time. As we were walking out I asked If I could have the opportunity to get to know her better, in the dating sense. She kind of was taken back a little I think and didn't say anything. Finally she said "Of course you ask me this as we're leaving and I have to run to my appointment" I said, "I really didn't really want it to be the first thing I said to you as you sat down since it would make things a little awkward if you said, no. and I wanted to give you a chance to think about it" She saw the reasoning in that. Anyway we kind of joked around a little bit about this and that before she really had to go. I just said to her, that I don't need an answer right now she can think about it and get back to me. I walked away with a really positive feeling. Mainly because I thought for sure she was going to say no, or "I would prefer we stay friends" something along that line. I just kept going over and over in my mind, "She didn't say NO!" She didn't say NO!":) I know she could very easily come back and say that she doesn't want that, but there is something else that tells me differently. I think the only hang up in her mind, is that she is so busy she won't really have time to see me all the time. Which is fine, I knew that already. I would be happy to see whenever it works or maybe go to church together or something like that. Anyway, I think (hope) all really positive things! You sound too passive. If I was on a date like that and at the end, I would have tried to kiss her and/or given her some cheezy mumbo jumbo about her looking hot or sexy. You're in your 30s. If she rebuffs the kiss, you can move on or ask her out again. Presenting your interest formally in words is usually too passive. Women like dudes with rooster like confidence. Lord knows why...
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