tangerinetrees Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it!
USMCHokie Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it! Because a vast majority of people, especially the younger ones, care too much about what other people think about them, so candidates for their "one" must fit a narrow set of socially "acceptable" characteristics in order to be considered. Experience tends to rid folks of this malady...i.e., they get over themselves.
Cracker Jack Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Don't allow some of these topics on here to annoy you. Most of them are just a waste of time, honestly. Good for you on being open-minded. As long as you're enjoying yourself, that's all that matters.
LittleTiger Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it! I couldn't agree more! It's great to hear someone is enjoying themselves for a change. Good for you.
Emilia Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it! It's because you are re-starting dating and you haven't worked out your new boundaries yet and what works for you medium to long term. Once you have had a couple of short term relationships when you realise what you would have needed to turn them into long term relationships, you will 'get it'. It takes a while to find your feet after a divorce. Hopefully you won't turn out to be superficial but once you want to go beyond 'fun' certain personality traits will become important. I was the same after my divorce.
irc333 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Wow, if I could only meet a woman like you who were just as open minded, rather than have some hang ups to make up an excuse not to date someone. Good job! More women should be like you! I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it!
LittleTiger Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 It's because you are re-starting dating and you haven't worked out your new boundaries yet and what works for you medium to long term. Once you have had a couple of short term relationships when you realise what you would have needed to turn them into long term relationships, you will 'get it'. It takes a while to find your feet after a divorce. Hopefully you won't turn out to be superficial but once you want to go beyond 'fun' certain personality traits will become important. I was the same after my divorce. I disagree Emilia. The way the OP approaches dating is how I always approached it, both before marriage and after my divorce. Most people take it waaay to seriously in my opinion. It's about getting out there and meeting different people. Lots of them. Eventually, you will just happen upon someone really special in the process. Yes, you need an idea of what you're looking for, but there are many 'princes/princesses' out there who, whilst not exactly presenting themselves as 'frogs', are either 'hiding' or in heavy disguise! The wider you cast your net, the more chance you have of finding someone who 'fits', and the more fun you have looking.
phineas Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 This is the first thread I clicked on concerning this subject on the forum. I read OP's first sentence, the next few short posts & skipped to the bottom. So, I guess i'm not frustrated because those thread titles make me go
Emilia Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I disagree Emilia. The way the OP approaches dating is how I always approached it, both before marriage and after my divorce. Most people take it waaay to seriously in my opinion. It's about getting out there and meeting different people. Lots of them. Eventually, you will just happen upon someone really special in the process. Yes, you need an idea of what you're looking for, but there are many 'princes/princesses' out there who, whilst not exactly presenting themselves as 'frogs', are either 'hiding' or in heavy disguise! The wider you cast your net, the more chance you have of finding someone who 'fits', and the more fun you have looking. I don't believe I said the opposite
LittleTiger Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I don't believe I said the opposite Sorry, I thought you did.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 The league threads tend to start out with good intentions only to be taken over by the usual frustrated guys and the occasional trolls. That said, I date people who I'm attracted or there has to be an initial attraction there for me to want to date them. And by 'attraction' I mean going beyond the physical attributes.
stillafool Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I think it is more the younger people you are talking about. It seems that all they care about is looks at their age and I imagine the "club scenes" present a lot of competition. It is sad that people are so shallow.
jobaba Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it! Love this post.
Jane2011 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 It's because you are re-starting dating and you haven't worked out your new boundaries yet and what works for you medium to long term. Once you have had a couple of short term relationships when you realise what you would have needed to turn them into long term relationships, you will 'get it'. It takes a while to find your feet after a divorce. Hopefully you won't turn out to be superficial but once you want to go beyond 'fun' certain personality traits will become important. I was the same after my divorce. Ditto. I haven't had a divorce, but in May 2010, I had a breakup of a five and a half year relationship. Afterward, I was very open to dating almost anyone. This doesn't mean I was indiscriminate. (I'll never be a person who enjoys just anyone; it's all relative.) I just had fewer requirements and just wanted "to have fun." There were two guys I dated who were very good-looking and had good personalities on the surface, but who never could have been relationship material. I didn't care; just wanted to have fun with them. My female friends couldn't believe how much I didn't care to have an actual fulfilling relationship. They almost thought I was "in denial" or something. But I wasn't...it was just where I was at the time, where I think people often are after the end of a long-term relationship. After a year of being in that stage, I eventually wanted a relationship again, and that means different standards. I am kind of particular about men. I don't think it's "to a fault," though. "To a fault" would mean I'm never attracted to anyone. I think I'm *really* attracted to a guy maybe once or twice a year. (Twice if I'm lucky, once if I'm not). I *wish* it were more often.
Jane2011 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 By the way, I should add that, at least from what I can tell, I am particular about personality and presentation of self (in a guy), not things like job, level of education, etc. I'm sure someone will assume I have to have a guy with such and such job or such and such degree. Not the case.
verhrzn Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I've very happy to hear that you've had such a good experience. I don't have any personal experience, but I've heard dating after divorce can be hard, and it sounds like you've really been enjoying it, which is fantastic! But... keep in mind that you might be somewhat of an anomaly. While it's great that you're open minded enough to date pretty much everyone, you're also in a very different place in your life, and probably want different things. For example, I've never been married and never had a family. If I want to have my own kids, I'd need to settle down and get pregnant before 35... while it's great to have a laissez-faire attitude, it has a high potential of me spending my time on guys who are never going to be long term material. Additionally, a lot of people (including me) who talk about expectations and leagues are people who don't have success in dating. I'm having a lot of trouble finding someone whose standards I meet. You might be lucky in that, while you are open-minded, you are the kind of woman that can satisfy the standards of a wide assortment of guys. Which is great for you!, but you might be blessed in that way.... You might be in the top 'league' without realizing it, and thus have your pick of guys.
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it! Well, who is this with such a wonderful attitude toward dating?! Mind's open. Goes out, has fun, enjoys learning about another person. Things are kept simple and onward you go. Neither life's happiness nor your self-worth is attached to these dates. It's dating afterall--only one part of life. Oh, TT... you are a little orange streak of positivity, Tangerine. A pretty orange drop of food coloring in a murky glass of Dating forum water. Edited January 20, 2012 by cerridwen
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 It's because you are re-starting dating and you haven't worked out your new boundaries yet and what works for you medium to long term. Once you have had a couple of short term relationships when you realise what you would have needed to turn them into long term relationships, you will 'get it'. It takes a while to find your feet after a divorce. Hopefully you won't turn out to be superficial but once you want to go beyond 'fun' certain personality traits will become important. I was the same after my divorce. I can see why you might think that, but not the case with me as this is exactly how I dated before I was married.
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I disagree Emilia. The way the OP approaches dating is how I always approached it, both before marriage and after my divorce. Most people take it waaay to seriously in my opinion. It's about getting out there and meeting different people. Lots of them. Eventually, you will just happen upon someone really special in the process. Yes, you need an idea of what you're looking for, but there are many 'princes/princesses' out there who, whilst not exactly presenting themselves as 'frogs', are either 'hiding' or in heavy disguise! The wider you cast your net, the more chance you have of finding someone who 'fits', and the more fun you have looking. Exactly!!!! Some will fit and some won't, but that doesn't make any of them 'bad'....and the meantime, you will have some FUN!
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I think I'm *really* attracted to a guy maybe once or twice a year. (Twice if I'm lucky, once if I'm not). I *wish* it were more often.[/QUOTE] WOW! Really?!?! About half the men I pass in the grocery store are attractive to me for one reason or another! Ok....maybe not that much, but I think you should try to open yourself up a little more. Date people that you are not IMMEDIATELY attracted to and I think maybe you will find little things in a lot more men that you find attractive. Best of luck!
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I've very happy to hear that you've had such a good experience. I don't have any personal experience, but I've heard dating after divorce can be hard, and it sounds like you've really been enjoying it, which is fantastic! But... keep in mind that you might be somewhat of an anomaly. While it's great that you're open minded enough to date pretty much everyone, you're also in a very different place in your life, and probably want different things. For example, I've never been married and never had a family. If I want to have my own kids, I'd need to settle down and get pregnant before 35... while it's great to have a laissez-faire attitude, it has a high potential of me spending my time on guys who are never going to be long term material. Additionally, a lot of people (including me) who talk about expectations and leagues are people who don't have success in dating. I'm having a lot of trouble finding someone whose standards I meet. You might be lucky in that, while you are open-minded, you are the kind of woman that can satisfy the standards of a wide assortment of guys. Which is great for you!, but you might be blessed in that way.... You might be in the top 'league' without realizing it, and thus have your pick of guys. I respect your take on this, but I really think you are taking this too seriously. If you want to meet someone, settle down, have children, etc, why not meet as many people as possible, thus increasing your chances of finding 'the one' to settle down with? League-wise, I am an overweight, divorced, single mother! I don't know what league I'd fall into and frankly, really don't care, but I'm pretty sure it's not very high. What I do have is confidence and a love for myself that shines. And that's attractive to men.
Author tangerinetrees Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Well, who is this with such a wonderful attitude toward dating?! Mind's open. Goes out, has fun, enjoys learning about another person. Things are kept simple and onward you go. Neither life's happiness nor your self-worth is attached to these dates. It's dating afterall--only one part of life. Oh, TT... you are a little orange streak of positivity, Tangerine. A pretty orange drop of food coloring in a murky glass of Dating forum water. Well thank you. Life should be fun....simple as that.
chelsea2011 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I am getting super frustrated with all the threads on here about dating 'average' people and about what your league is and dating out of your league etc etc etc. Am I the only one with an open mind to the world of dating?!?! I have been dating for a couple of months now after a divorce and have gone out with such a wide range of guys....and guess what!?!?!? I HAVE HAD A BLAST!!! Short, fat, tall, thin, hot, not super attractive, career oriented, family oriented, successful, not so successful.....I can honestly say, I haven't been on one 'bad' date! And I've been on several really fun second and third dates. And there are a couple guys that could maybe eventually lead to something long term...guys I wouldn't consider my 'normal' type. I get that we all have a type that we are automatically more attracted to, but I really believe that when we open our eyes to all the eligible people out there and widen our range a bit, we are SO much more successful. Is this lowering our standards? NO, its really not. More options are always better. I think you guys are taking this too seriously! How do you ever expect to find 'the one' if you've got this narrow group to choose from? 'They must be/must have X, Y, and Z, or I won't even bother.' Really??! I just don't get it! Good for you..you go girl! Enjoy yourself.
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