Jane2011 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Please tell me what you think. If you and a certain person had dated for about a month and a half (and were heavily involved, including sex), had a civil break-up but was a bit infused with tensions (you were judgmental about something, showed controlled annoyance and were a bit abrupt about getting off the phone), would you feel justified in breaking no contact in order to convey that you're sorry for your being judgmental/matter-of-fact about things? This is basically the situation I'm in, and I've toyed with the idea just sending a short email that is nicer about things than what I was when we actually broke up. I'm emotionally fine with things, haven't talked to him for a month. I'm not asking this because I secretly "Just need to hear his voice" or want to get back together. I could never talk to him again (and I very well may not) and be just fine. I think it was a good decision to split and I don't doubt that at all. I'm honestly thinking about my image. I was a bit judgmental and abrupt about things, and a part of me doesn't want that to be his last impression of me. Would you speak to someone "one last time" just to leave a better impression of yourself and to be more peaceful about things? Or just leave it alone with the thought that...hey, he/she can think what they want... Thoughts? Experiences?
ditzchic Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I wouldn't. If you guys were heavily involved I'm sure there were some emotions there too and everyone has a bit of understanding that emotions make you act stupid and crazy sometimes. I've never held the way someone dumped with me against them (except for that one douche that did it by text) because I get that people can just be crazy sometimes when it comes to dating. It's not who they are necessarily. If he's a decent person I'm sure he realizes that too.
veggirl Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 No, I would not do this. It doesn't seem worth it after only knowing someone a month and a half (how heavily can you be involved after 1.5 months? Really.) It will come across as a last ditch effort to maintain contact.
Almond_Joy Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I almost did the same thing for the same reason. If you two end up crossing paths again, you can talk to him when you see him. But it's very likely that you two will never cross paths again. So what does it matter what he thinks of you, if you two aren't in each other's lives? Also, just because you're already OK with the breakup doesn't mean he is. Your benign communication could mess up his recovery process. I'd strongly recommend just keeping NC.
Author Jane2011 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I think you're both right. Even without any input, I was probably not going to make contact. But I just wanted other people's feedback to reinforce my course of action (or inaction, as it were). I figured the responses would be along the lines of...leave it alone. And veggirl, yes I agree that 1.5 months isn't a long time, nor can it really be called heavily involved. I just meant that in the sense that 1) I personally haven't had any long-term involvements in the past two years; so "relatively," 1.5 months was a good stretch for me, and 2) we were kind of heavily involved for the time period. There are some people that date that long and it's very very casual, never even defining themselves in any way and without many professions of feelings, etc. In the case of my situation, there was a lot of "I have feelings for you" talks, agreements to be boyfriend/girlfriend, texting/calling daily, and looking into eyes, etc. So...well, you see what I mean.
Author Jane2011 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I almost did the same thing for the same reason. If you two end up crossing paths again, you can talk to him when you see him. But it's very likely that you two will never cross paths again. So what does it matter what he thinks of you, if you two aren't in each other's lives? Also, just because you're already OK with the breakup doesn't mean he is. Your benign communication could mess up his recovery process. I'd strongly recommend just keeping NC. Thanks! I won't contact.
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