screwup Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I recently broke up with my girlfriend and while I'm not looking for advice on how to reconcile the relationship, I do have some questions. 1. She is my best friend(before and during the relationship) and someone I could tell anything. I don't want to lose her as a friend, and we still talk, but the whole time I'm hoping she says, "Let's try again." How does someone go back to the 'just friends' mentality? 2. Moving on... the thought of being with another woman is just repulsive to me. If I'm around another woman, I feel like I'm cheating on her. I could have been with another woman this weekend and wanted to vomit from guilt. And besides that, having to go out, meet new women, go on dates.. it just seems dreadful. Is this normal? The relationship is over.. why do I still feel so attached?
RickFox Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 You feel attached because you are attached. She was your best friend and girlfriend and you think you can just end your emotional attachment like that *snaps fingers*? As long as you are around her your feelings won't stop, very rarely can ex's be 'just friends'. You need time to yourself before you can 'move on' as you say and how much time wil be up to you. I don't know if it's normal to want to vomit because you could sleep with another woman but the feelings of guilt would be normal because you still feel loyalty to someone you loved and probably always will. Just my two wooden nickels
Author screwup Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 "I broke up" was the wrong way to say it... We had a nasty argument and never recovered from it. And thanks for the nickels. It's not exactly instantly I want to be over it.. was just hoping to hear some advice out of people who remained friends with their ex. I was doing okay, but being around another girl really shell-shocked me. The whole time I thought, "This isn't her. I gotta leave. I'm cheating on her." I know it's fair play at this point, but it really made the reality hit and the feelings of guilt and depression were overwhelming.
Pens55 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 From your posts, it seems that you are not ready to be friends or start dating again...and that is perfectly ok...in fact, its good. You are dealing with the pain and letting yourself experience the loss. In regard to being friends, others have hit the nail on the head. You cant go from relationship to friends immediately...just too many emotions. If you want to be friends, attempt it after you can answer this question with an unwaivering NO: "Would I care if she was in a relationship with someone other than me?" Reluctance in meeting new women is also completely natural. Every woman you see, even if she is the most beautiful girl in the world, can never match your ex at this point. Your brain is still in relationship mode, and you cannot see past the memories of your ex. By not seeing her/talking to her, these memories will fade and you will get a more realistic view of both your ex, and other women. You just need some space - dont force yourself to date yet. When youre ready, you'll know...
Author screwup Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 . If you want to be friends, attempt it after you can answer this question with an unwaivering NO: "Would I care if she was in a relationship with someone other than me?" . Man.. that's a brutal question.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 You feel attached because you are attached. She was your best friend and girlfriend and you think you can just end your emotional attachment like that *snaps fingers*? As long as you are around her your feelings won't stop, very rarely can ex's be 'just friends'. You need time to yourself before you can 'move on' as you say and how much time wil be up to you. I don't know if it's normal to want to vomit because you could sleep with another woman but the feelings of guilt would be normal because you still feel loyalty to someone you loved and probably always will. Just my two wooden nickels best post here well said
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