Should I say anything? feel a bit pissed

[Feelsgoodman]

He already has a coffee, we start chatting. About 15 minutes in I'm still without a drink, he doesn't offer, so I say, I fancy a coffee..he points to his drink and says 'oh sorry, I already got one'. I hesitate thinking he was going to offer to buy me one but nothing. I then went to get myself a drink and offer him one (he's got a full cup!) just being polite, but he declines.

I dont see what he did wrong here. He got there first, so obviously he had to buy something for himself....You can't just occupy a table at a cafe and sit there sucking on your thumb (especially during lunchtime, when the place is likely crowded). You should have grabbed a coffee for yourself before joining him at the table. Did you really expect him to get in line for the second time and bring you a coffee? He's not your servant, you know.

 

I also don't think it was impolite for him to leave after half an hour. You met at lunchtime, so obviously he had to go back to work at the end of his lunch break. What was he supposed to do - lose his job you didn't finish your coffee? You could have stayed and finished it by yourself if you wanted to.

 

It sounds like your sense of entitlement is more of a problem than his alleged lack of manners.

[Feelsgoodman]

I think this part is the rudest, the whole paying or not paying for the drink thing is no big deal. But this is just crappy. Maybe he saw you and decided for whatever reason that he wasn't attracted to you, but this was sure a crappy way to handle it.

I swear, sometimes women get "hurt" by the dumbest crap This is a lunchtime meeting, remember. He's already sitting there with his drink. If he got up and went outside, the table would have likely been taken by somebody else. Maybe that's why he got there early in the first place - to make sure they had a table, knowing that the place gets busy at lunchtime.

 

In any event, it's really weird to expect someone who is already inside to walk out and greet you. Talk about creating unnecessary awkwardness.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I swear, sometimes women get "hurt" by the dumbest crap This is a lunchtime meeting, remember. He's already sitting there with his drink. If he got up and went outside, the table would have likely been taken by somebody else. Maybe that's why he got there early in the first place - to make sure they had a table, knowing that the place gets busy at lunchtime.

 

In any event, it's really weird to expect someone who is already inside to walk out and greet you. Talk about creating unnecessary awkwardness.

 

I would think whoever "spotted" the other first would try to get their date's attention somehow. If I was in the position of the guy in the OP, and saw the guy I was supposed to be meeting sitting outside, I'd run out and say hi. It seems weird to see someone sitting there for 15 minutes and not do or say anything to get their attention, regardless of gender. They were both awkward about the whole thing.

[Feelsgoodman]

I would think whoever "spotted" the other first would try to get their date's attention somehow. If I was in the position of the guy in the OP, and saw the guy I was supposed to be meeting sitting outside, I'd run out and say hi. It seems weird to see someone sitting there for 15 minutes and not do or say anything to get their attention, regardless of gender. They were both awkward about the whole thing.

Yeah, normally you'd just call the other person once you get to the agreed upon spot and say "I'm here, where are you?"

[xpaperxcutx]

I swear, sometimes women get "hurt" by the dumbest crap This is a lunchtime meeting, remember. He's already sitting there with his drink. If he got up and went outside, the table would have likely been taken by somebody else. Maybe that's why he got there early in the first place - to make sure they had a table, knowing that the place gets busy at lunchtime.

 

In any event, it's really weird to expect someone who is already inside to walk out and greet you. Talk about creating unnecessary awkwardness.

 

You must have skipped etiquette school, it's courteous to greet someone even if it means walking outside to do it. And if he did lose the table, they could always spring for the next coffee shop down the street. I live in New York, and one thing NYC is abundant in, it's coffee shops and cafes, with endless tables and outdoor seating.

 

This guy lacked tact. He lacked the common courtesy to greet and offer. And being as he did invite her out, it was just rude he skipped out first.

[FitChick]

No, don't send him a message.

he just wasn't interested.

 

I agree. Next!

[xpaperxcutx]

Perhaps etiquette school in "Party Central" is different from the one I went to, because I've never heard of this. Usually, you agree to meet someone at Place X and whoever gets there first gets a table and the other person joins them.

 

And no one cares where you live. I didn't hear the OP say she's from NYC. Maybe she lives in a small town that doesn't have endless coffee shops and cafes (why else would they go for coffee to a burger place?) And even if she doesn't, they only had half an hour for their short date...why waste time walking around?

 

See, it pays to use your brain sometimes before clicking Submit Reply.

 

How about instead of attacking my intelligence, you pay more attention to your unnecessary need for attacking the OP's sense of " entitlement".

 

It does not matter where the OP lives and if she did live in the city, I wouldn't be wrong either.

 

 

OP, you have a right to be angry, but do not message the guy. Let this one go, and mark him in your list of jerks. Be happy he does not have your number.

[Cypress25]

I dont see what he did wrong here.

 

Read my first post in this thread for a list of things he did wrong.

 

I also don't think it was impolite for him to leave after half an hour. You met at lunchtime, so obviously he had to go back to work at the end of his lunch break. What was he supposed to do - lose his job you didn't finish your coffee? You could have stayed and finished it by yourself if you wanted to.

 

This is why it's rude to schedule a date during your lunch break. He knew he would be pressed for time and he knew the date would be rushed. That's why he chose that time. He wanted an excuse to bail out early, so he deliberately squeezed her in when he didn't have time for her. Nobody is so busy that the only time they can spare for a date is their lunch break. He did it on purpose.

 

It sounds like your sense of entitlement is more of a problem than his alleged lack of manners.

 

A woman has a sense of entitlement just because she expects basic manners and common courtesy? I don't think so. He was rude as hell, and there's no excuse for that. It's not OK to treat anyone that way, man or woman.

 

It's presumptions to assume that being in possession of a vagina entitles one to free food/beverages, not to mention being "served" by her date.

 

The OP did not expect to be served by her date, nor did she expect free food or beverages. She simply expected her date to be polite and considerate, as she was to him. Having a vagina has nothing to do with it. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and consideration, whether they have a vagina or a penis.

 

If you're treated like crap on a date, you have the right to be upset. And the OP was treated like crap on her date. Like several people have already said, the fact that he didn't offer her a coffee was the least of it. Everything he did was rude; he couldn't even manage the most basic courtesies. The OP said she would never treat a guy like that, and I think most women would agree that they wouldn't either. Decent people don't treat each other like that, period. Whether you're a man or a woman is irrelevant.

[blueskyday]

If he didn't want to lose his seat, he could have called her or waved to her through the window to come in. Or marked the seats with his jacket and other stuff, then gone to get her. It's called problem solving.

 

As for the not paying for coffee, how cheap. Sorry, it is. While I wouldn't assume a guy will buy my coffee first date, especially if I came in later and it was hard for him to go get it, I would probably write him off as cheap if he didn't at least make a move to get one for me if he could.

 

A two dollar expense to show generosity is a pretty good deal.

[blueskyday]

Yeah, I agree with all Cypress said, too!

 

As for rude, how about the guy who asked me on a lunch date and proceeded to check out every woman who walked by. I'm talking long looks, and butt check outs. Every good looking woman. Every time. Breaking eye contact.

 

When I called him on it, he said, "What? I'm having lunch with you."

 

Not anymore....

[denise_xo]

Maybe it's a cultural difference, but when I meet people (men or women), it's understood that both of us are capable of entering a place on our own and meeting up inside. We would typically meet and greet inside, by the table, with the person who has already sat down getting up to say hello. I also find it contradictory to say both 'I don't expect him to buy coffee' and 'it's cheap that he didn't buy coffee'. Personally, I would just naturally go and get a coffee after I arrived. I think the 'he invited me' perspective doesn't hold, since it's just a cultural given that it's the man who is supposed to invite. I also don't think there's any more need for the man 'to make me feel like a special person' than me making him feel special. It's just a first meet up to see whether two people are interested in getting to know each other further.

 

Having said that, planning a meeting in a lunch hour when you don't actually have time to properly meet someone sounds like bad planning, and the 'send me a message if you feel like it' phrase was lame.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Maybe it's a cultural difference, but when I meet people (men or women), it's understood that both of us are capable of entering a place on our own and meeting up inside. We would typically meet and greet inside, by the table, with the person who has already sat down getting up to say hello. I also find it contradictory to say both 'I don't expect him to buy coffee' and 'it's cheap that he didn't buy coffee'. Personally, I would just naturally go and get a coffee after I arrived. I think the 'he invited me' perspective doesn't hold, since it's just a cultural given that it's the man who is supposed to invite. I also don't think there's any more need for the man 'to make me feel like a special person' than me making him feel special. It's just a first meet up to see whether two people are interested in getting to know each other further.

 

Having said that, planning a meeting in a lunch hour when you don't actually have time to properly meet someone sounds like bad planning, and the 'send me a message if you feel like it' phrase was lame.

This post is really insightful. It is pretty ridiculous to say you can pay your own way then get mad when he doesn't pay. It's also quite dumb to say offering to pay makes a woman feel special. Would a woman feel more special if a guy buys a $5 cup of coffee instead of a $2?

 

Also, that's true, the meet and greet during his lunch may just have been poor planning. Maybe he should get the benefit of the doubt. Either that or he thinks 30 minutes is enough to find out if he likes someone.

 

In any case, I still think the OP is mainly angry he didn't buy her anything to drink.

[kaylan]

Mr. K-

 

1) A date need not be expensive if you plan it in a advance. Instead of blowing your day's salary, go with something lowkey like a bakery/cafe, at least the coffee will go down better with a slice of cake. Please do not go into dating expecting a girl " expects" you to pay; it's only the gesture we want, not the idea of being bought.

I lol'd at Mr. K. Allow me to respond miss cutz.

 

A date does not need to be expensive, but if someone does multidate, it can be expensive. And even if its not expensive, it is a monthly expense.

 

Saying you like the gesture of my offering to pay doesnt change how I feel about paying for strangers. I do not extend an offer to pay for women I hardly know. Be it coffee, drinks in the bar, etc. Ill gladly treat a pal to drinks and what not, but only after we are pals. And since we are friends, Id think my friend would have no issue hooking me up with a drink as well.

2) Maybe our definition is different - I don't see coffee dates as dates. It's the classic assessment test for running away when the person doesn't meet your standards.

Our definitions are the same. Its just that I usually call any sort of male-female hang out, with romantic involvement being a possibility, as a date.

 

If I wanted to be more specific Id call it a lower level date. Since its a way to just be low key and get to know someone. Movies and Dinner I would consider mid level. Dates at someone place are high level. I just pulled this off the top of my head just now though.

3) Okay, granted some people like the casual meet and greet. But since I already know enough about a person ( my people picker is at all time high right now) beforehand, I think I prefer a date over an interview. In the OP's case, she stated this was a " date'. There must have been a miscommunication. But if a guy don't have time to pick a proper time to meet me and instead use me as a lunchtime filler, yeah I will be offended.

I always like coffee or a park walk or something low key for a first meeting. Talking to someone on the phone, or texting, or messaging online, is not the same as interacting with someone in person. Real time interaction is way better, and I like low key hang outs as a first "date" to see if we get along without too much investment by either side.

 

Also, her OP stated that she was offended that he didnt pay for her. Not that it was a lunch time hang out. There was a miscommunication between them, but she shouldnt be expecting things from this dude when its a mid day work week hang out. Honestly, if a chick I was talking to worked close to my job, I wouldnt hesitate to ask her to chill on my break if I was absolutely too impatient to wait for a weekend hang out. But I would def let her know I was meeting her on break. And I wouldnt be eating before she got there. That lacks manners.

4) I will buy you that coffee if you get me some cake. ( And I'm being fair- you're not " paying " for me).

I know I seem stubborn about the whole "paying" thing, but if a girl has grown on me, I will go out of my way to treat her without expecting anything back.

 

Its because I dont expect a lot of girls to do that, that a girl would earn a hell of a lot of points for getting me a coffee after I treat her to some cake. I guess my ex spoiled me since shed sometimes just buy me something to eat or drink without my asking. I had uber "awww" moments when she did that since its just a sweet gesture for a girl to do that for her guy.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Maybe it's a cultural difference, but when I meet people (men or women), it's understood that both of us are capable of entering a place on our own and meeting up inside. We would typically meet and greet inside, by the table, with the person who has already sat down getting up to say hello. I also find it contradictory to say both 'I don't expect him to buy coffee' and 'it's cheap that he didn't buy coffee'. Personally, I would just naturally go and get a coffee after I arrived. I think the 'he invited me' perspective doesn't hold, since it's just a cultural given that it's the man who is supposed to invite. I also don't think there's any more need for the man 'to make me feel like a special person' than me making him feel special. It's just a first meet up to see whether two people are interested in getting to know each other further.

 

Having said that, planning a meeting in a lunch hour when you don't actually have time to properly meet someone sounds like bad planning, and the 'send me a message if you feel like it' phrase was lame.

 

Agree 100%. A female sense of entitlement in modern American culture is a relic of another time. It made sense to the thoughtful man of the past who knew that women had to put up with a ton of absolutely unfair and unequal **** in society, but today, a sense of equality should mostly be the norm.

 

Having said that, men and women aren't entirely equal, so I tend towards many of the gentlemanly habits of the past. But if the woman shows the same sense of entitlement the OP appears to display, it's a turn-off. My current girlfriend is rabid about equality, and I respect it greatly.

[kaylan]

You must have skipped etiquette school, it's courteous to greet someone even if it means walking outside to do it. And if he did lose the table, they could always spring for the next coffee shop down the street. I live in New York, and one thing NYC is abundant in, it's coffee shops and cafes, with endless tables and outdoor seating.

 

This guy lacked tact. He lacked the common courtesy to greet and offer. And being as he did invite her out, it was just rude he skipped out first.

The dude did lack manners. But I dont think paying has anything to do with that on a first meet and greet.

 

He should of not ordered before his company got there. Thats rude as hell. Also, if I was him I would have texted her that I was inside and where I was sitting so shed know where to find me, if I was in fact saving a seat. If not, then the guy should of waited outside for her. I mean come on, who the hell cares if they sit. I know I wouldnt care so much. Its about getting to know someone...so I dont buy Feelgoods seating excuse

 

And skipping out first was a douche move. So yeah I agree the dude was rude and lame.

Maybe it's a cultural difference, but when I meet people (men or women), it's understood that both of us are capable of entering a place on our own and meeting up inside. We would typically meet and greet inside, by the table, with the person who has already sat down getting up to say hello. I also find it contradictory to say both 'I don't expect him to buy coffee' and 'it's cheap that he didn't buy coffee'. Personally, I would just naturally go and get a coffee after I arrived. I think the 'he invited me' perspective doesn't hold, since it's just a cultural given that it's the man who is supposed to invite. I also don't think there's any more need for the man 'to make me feel like a special person' than me making him feel special. It's just a first meet up to see whether two people are interested in getting to know each other further.

 

Having said that, planning a meeting in a lunch hour when you don't actually have time to properly meet someone sounds like bad planning, and the 'send me a message if you feel like it' phrase was lame.

Agree with all of this.

Edited January 20, 2012 by kaylan

[Feelsgoodman]

Maybe it's a cultural difference, but when I meet people (men or women), it's understood that both of us are capable of entering a place on our own and meeting up inside. We would typically meet and greet inside, by the table, with the person who has already sat down getting up to say hello. I also find it contradictory to say both 'I don't expect him to buy coffee' and 'it's cheap that he didn't buy coffee'. Personally, I would just naturally go and get a coffee after I arrived. I think the 'he invited me' perspective doesn't hold, since it's just a cultural given that it's the man who is supposed to invite. I also don't think there's any more need for the man 'to make me feel like a special person' than me making him feel special. It's just a first meet up to see whether two people are interested in getting to know each other further.

I don't think it's a cultural difference. Any reasonable and mature person, regardless of gender, would have behaved the way you described. On every "coffee date" I've ever be on, if the girl showed up before me, she was already sitting inside. And usually with a cup of coffee in her hands. Imagine that!

 

The original post just reeks of immaturity and a sense of entitlement. Waaah...he didn't usher me in, he didn't buy me a coffee, blah, blah, blah, disrespectful, blah, blah, blah, I didn't feel special, blah, blah, blah, waaah, waaah, waaaah!

 

What else was the poor guy expected to do? Bring one of those hospital wheelchairs they use to transport elderly people and wheel her to their table? Maybe also roll out the red carpet before doing so?

[RecordProducer]

Now, I really don't want to see him again, that's not the point, but I feel like sending him a piece of my mind for being so goddam cheap and rude. Really just need to get it off my chest, but probably wont really . What do you guys think? I feel he treated me so disrespectfully...I'm seeing red!

Nah... why do you let it upset you so much? There are all kinds of people out there; observe them and learn, enjoy the creepy parts of this world without getting hurt. Why do you let him hurt you?

 

I had a date last week after school, at 7:30 pm. I was waiting outside a fancy restaurant that he chose. At 7:35 he texts me that he will be a few minutes late. I am like ok. Ten minutes later he calls me and apologizes for being late and says he's coming. Then he texts me around 7:45 to say he's parking his car. At 7:50 I was done with him, but was eager to meet the jerk, so I didn't leave. He showed up 35 min late. He was unattractive and at this point it wasn't a date for me anymore, it was curiosity. So, we had a few drinks (he didn't offer dinner and we split the bill). He was boring as hell, lied about his income (said over $100K and was in fact unemployed), not that I care but why lie about it? He was altogether a nice guy, not unpleasant at all, and I enjoyed the fact that I met another human being. The fact that he was rude and all is really his problem, not mine. I always have a good time on dates because I am there to observe with no expectations whatsoever.

 

Your date was not your type and he sensed it from the very first moment. He is rude and he is looking for a rude girl. When you don't like people, they usually don't like you either. You can read him a lesson, but I don't see that he was rude to the point where you have to say something.

[Twos Company]

I guess I was pissed at the experience as a whole....he did a number if things that taken in isolation I could have just shrugged at...but the whole lot put together made me think the guy was ride and selfish. I can buy my own coffee, I even offered to buy him one, it was the slack manners, staying put when he obviously saw me through the window, and then just promptly getting up and saying he had to get back to work not even a 'sorry. I got to go' , then seeing him logged on less than a couple of hours later!!

 

The men I have met so far online have without exception been generous and had manners on the first date, and yea, in my books that means being offered a drink, and I always offer back for the next drink, every time.

This guy was a rude, selfish, arrogant jerk, and I do not say that lightly.

 

Wise words RecordProducer, I will certainly be prepared for anything next time!

Edited January 20, 2012 by Twos Company

[Oxy Moronovich]

I guess I was pissed at the experience as a whole....he did a number if things that taken in isolation I could have just shrugged at...but the whole lot put together made me think the guy was ride and selfish. I can buy my own coffee, I even offered to buy him one, it was the slack manners, staying put when he obviously saw me through the window, and then just promptly getting up and saying he had to get back to work not even a 'sorry. I got to go' , then seeing him logged on less than a couple of hours later!!

If you can buy your own coffee then why are you mad he didn't buy you one?

 

Him seeing you in the window? Hmm. It's possible he saw you just as you looked at him. It happens. You should give him the benefit of the doubt because you don't know whether or not he saw you right away.

 

Perhaps he only needs 30 minutes in order to see if he likes a girl. Why should it take longer? It seems he wasn't that interested in you. So he didn't have any reason to keep talking to you more than half an hour. The only reason to keep talking to you would have been out of fake politeness. Fake politeness is truly lame.

 

He logged on because he's multi-dating. He's not exclusive with you. He can log on even 5 minutes after your date.

 

The men I have met so far online have without exception been generous and had manners on the first date, and yea, in my books that means being offered a drink, and I always offer back for the next drink, every time.

This guy was a rude, selfish, arrogant jerk, and I do not say that lightly.

If you've been dating generous men then why are you still single?

[soserious1]

This is a smart,smart man, he's learned to arrive early for dates and to already have his beverage or food in front of him when the woman arrives so if she wants something, it's clear she's responsible for the bill

 

And why would you message him it's pretty clear he wasn't interested in you?

[kaylan]

I guess I was pissed at the experience as a whole....he did a number if things that taken in isolation I could have just shrugged at...but the whole lot put together made me think the guy was ride and selfish. I can buy my own coffee, I even offered to buy him one, it was the slack manners, staying put when he obviously saw me through the window, and then just promptly getting up and saying he had to get back to work not even a 'sorry. I got to go' , then seeing him logged on less than a couple of hours later!!

 

The men I have met so far online have without exception been generous and had manners on the first date, and yea, in my books that means being offered a drink, and I always offer back for the next drink, every time.

This guy was a rude, selfish, arrogant jerk, and I do not say that lightly.

 

Wise words RecordProducer, I will certainly be prepared for anything next time!

 

Well im sorry for the whole experience OP. Its sweet that you still offered him a coffee after all the rudeness. I give you props for that. But you already know theres better guys out there, so have at it. Its cool that you offer drinks back too, but I know id be in love if a lady ever offered first lol. good luck on your future dates.

[Imajerk17]

The men I have met so far online have without exception been generous and had manners on the first date, and yea, in my books that means being offered a drink, and I always offer back for the next drink, every time.

This guy was a rude, selfish, arrogant jerk, and I do not say that lightly.

 

 

As great as these other guys might have been, you're obviously still looking.

[musemaj11]

I thnk men invented the concept of a "coffee date" especially the ones who are too cheap to pay. This has the classic meet greet and dash- he meets you, decides you're not his cup of tea ori n this case his cup of coffee so he decides to dash. And let me tell you if he had liked you he would've asked u for a number.

Of course it was men who invented it because if it was up to women, they would certainly prefer to have a huge fancy dinner paid for by the man even for the first get-to-know meet-up. Just like it was women who 'invented' waiting for sex because if it was up to men, they would certainly prefer to have sex with the woman they are attracted to even before any date took place.

 

He already has a coffee, we start chatting. About 15 minutes in I'm still without a drink, he doesn't offer, so I say, I fancy a coffee..he points to his drink and says 'oh sorry, I already got one'. I hesitate thinking he was going to offer to buy me one but nothing. I then went to get myself a drink and offer him one (he's got a full cup!) just being polite, but he declines.

So you pretended to offer to buy him a coffee just to be polite? You are no less cheap than he is.

 

Anyway, the guy isnt cheap. But he is certainly not the most well-mannered person. Even if its just a coffee date I wont set it up during a lunch break ...

[RecordProducer]

The only reason to keep talking to you would have been out of fake politeness. Fake politeness is truly lame.

What's wrong with talking? So,the chemistry was not there, but people can still chat and be polite. There's no such thing as fake politeness" - politeness exists to avoid offending other people, it's not supposed to be genuine. Is it fake politeness if a girl tells you "I am sorry but I have to go now" rather than "Okay, dork, thanks for wasting 30 min of my life, I'm outta here, you suck!"?

 

He logged on because he's multi-dating. He's not exclusive with you. He can log on even 5 minutes after your date.

Yes, I didn't understand this part, OP. Did you expect that he would have to act like he found the one and not login? That much he truly doesn't owe you - or anyone else, even if he wanted a second date. This goes beyond politeness. The only time I would see this as a red flag would be if I spent hours with a guy, we hit it off, a long French kiss and he went home at 2 am and immediately logged on - but I would have to somehow know that he was actually trying to talk to other women. And again, it's not unfair or impolite; I would just get the impression that the guy might have fidelity issues.

 

If you've been dating generous men then why are you still single?

That's the whole point: the guy doesn't have to like the woman in order to offer her a cup of coffee. Almost all of my dates (except for the one I mentioned above and a couple others) have bought me nice dinner and didn't let me pay although I insisted. Most of them were first dates who didn't even call me after that. Maybe they sensed I wasn't interested in them, maybe I wasn't their type.

 

This is a smart,smart man, he's learned to arrive early for dates and to already have his beverage or food in front of him when the woman arrives so if she wants something, it's clear she's responsible for the bill

I once had a guy who invited me for a drink in the evening (9 pm). When we sat down, he asked me if I wanted to eat - of course, I said "no" because I thought he was just being polite.Then he ordered appetizers for himself and didn't offer to share. then he ordered another one (I think it was fries and chicken nuggets with 3 types of sauce). I was starving!

 

I know id be in love if a lady ever offered first lol

Now I know how to make you fall in love with me.

 

Of course it was men who invented it because if it was up to women, they would certainly prefer to have a huge fancy dinner paid for by the man even for the first get-to-know meet-up.

I agree. It doesn't make sense to spend $50-60 a few times a month on women you'll never see again, while the women get to spend a few bucks for gas only. My son wanted to take his GF to the movies and I was thinking, "hell, now he'll ask me to give him money to pay for her, too?" I started imagining her suburban parents' big house and incomes while I am a student and a single mom of two! Luckily, they broke up before their first date. As my son would say, "Kids these days!"

 

Just like it was women who 'invented' waiting for sex because if it was up to men, they would certainly prefer to have sex with the woman they are attracted to even before any date took place.

Then why do guys get turned off my women who have sex on the first date? I think it's MEN who invented waiting for sex, because if it were up to women, we would use you and dispose of you after the first date! Edited January 20, 2012 by RecordProducer

[Oxy Moronovich]

What's wrong with talking? So,the chemistry was not there, but people can still chat and be polite. There's no such thing as fake politeness" - politeness exists to avoid offending other people, it's not supposed to be genuine. Is it fake politeness if a girl tells you "I am sorry but I have to go now" rather than "Okay, dork, thanks for wasting 30 min of my life, I'm outta here, you suck!"?

Adding a verbal insult is rude. However, if a guy wants to leave then why not leave? Yes, he should have said, "Sorry, I have to go." However, I think the OP was mad that he wanted to leave abruptly. Even if he had politely exited she probably still would have been mad.

 

In any case, I think she said something off-putting that made him want to leave abruptly. She's probably not telling us what negative thing she did to turn him off.

 

That's the whole point: the guy doesn't have to like the woman in order to offer her a cup of coffee. Almost all of my dates (except for the one I mentioned above and a couple others) have bought me nice dinner and didn't let me pay although I insisted. Most of them were first dates who didn't even call me after that. Maybe they sensed I wasn't interested in them, maybe I wasn't their type.

 

I once had a guy who invited me for a drink in the evening (9 pm). When we sat down, he asked me if I wanted to eat - of course, I said "no" because I thought he was just being polite.Then he ordered appetizers for himself and didn't offer to share. then he ordered another one (I think it was fries and chicken nuggets with 3 types of sauce). I was starving!

Are you joking or is this a serious post?

 

Lemme get this straight: if a guy offers to buy you food, you say no, he orders food for himself, you still expect him to share his food with you?

 

I seriously hope that's a joke post. Otherwise, I can easily see why all those guys who wasted a dinner on you never called you back. Something about your personality turned them off.