mortensorchid Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I've posted on this before about this man I've been with for the past six months now. Please don't think that I am being a materialistic gold digger here, nor am I being any more reasonably paranoid that usual, but I have a concern or two. We've been together almost six months, he hasn't said "I love you". Six months is just in the getting to know you phase of things, but ... In the past with the other long term relationships I have had, if he has not said IT yet after this period of time, he may not at all. Second, there are/were holidays at stake here. He was away at Christmas (for reasons I will not get into here) and returned home afterward. My birthday is on December 26th coincidentally, and I did not get a present either for Christmas or my birthday from him. He did get one from me, a new hoodie. Valentine's Day is coming up, and, in the past, when I have had boyfriends past say that they are going to forget about it for some reason or ask ahead of time if I would be bent out of shape if I didn't get something for that day, they really were not that into me. And, it's the type of gift as well. I find that when a man loves you (or close to it), he will give romantic gifts such as flowers and/or candy rather than practical or sporty gifts. Some would even argue that the cost of a gift is a factor - a computer would cost more than say a piece of costume jewelry, for example - but I realize it's a type of gift rather than the cost that matters. What do others think about this? Am I just being ridiculous? Or have others had these same concerns? I am wondering if this is right anymore, me and him.
Andy_K Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I think you're right to be concerned. It sounds like he's just going through the motions If a guy is really into you, he'll say and do things simply because he knows they'll mean a lot to you, regardless of whether they're a big deal to him or not. For example, a guy who is crazy about you but doesn't believe in valentine's day will get you something or take you out just to see it light up your face. Same for Christmas and birthday presents. On the 'I love you'... have you said it to him and not been told it back? Or have neither of you gone there?
Author mortensorchid Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I have not said IT to him, he has not said IT to me. Because, life has taught me otherwise, that things like this have to be the man's decission and not the woman's. If it is the woman's decission to be the aggressor, then nothing but disaster will unfold. And I would never say IT to someone unless I knew it would come back to me.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 While I think 6 months is still early and the whole ILY thing is nothing to get too concerned about (yet), I think it's pretty sh*tty that he didn't get you a Christmas or birthday present. Especially since you got him one. I don't think I've ever been in a relationship and not exchanged gifts during the holidays, even if it was a relatively new relationship, and even if the gifts were relatively small. What did he say when you gave him his present? Did he remark that he felt bad because he didn't get you anything?
Appleanche Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 No, you're not being ridiculous. I would have been bothered by him not giving me any Christmas or birthday gift... because although 6 months is still "new" it is enough time to know how you feel about someone. Either something's there or it's not.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 A woman saying I love you doesn't make her the aggressor. Many guys I know think 6 months is too early to fall in love. If he didn't get you a birthday or Christmas gift he probably doesn't see you as anything serious.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Men do stupid things not because they want to, but because they know you're going to be happy. If he can't think for himself about what makes you happy, then he's not worth it. A relationship is a shared compromise, if he doesn't " share" your ideals, find someone who will.
gaius Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 You have pretty good instincts about the situation Morten. Though I am surprised it even crossed your mind that wanting a christmas/birthday present from your boyfriend of 6 months might be interpreted as materialistic gold digging. This forum is taking a toll.
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