Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Hey Guys, I was thinking the whole age thing, and why i believe people are only valued romantically under 30. And I thought, maybe that's just projection. That I only value men under 30 romantically, and that maybe I would feel more valued by men, if I could see the value in men my own age or older. And then I thought, how the hell do i do that? And I thought maybe you all could help me with that. So far I thought maybe if I listed all the negative preconceived notions i have about men my own age, you guys could help me break them down, so I would see that they aren't real (or at least not real in every man or most men), and maybe help me come up with qualities about men my own age that are appealing. This post is not about bashing men. This is about helping me to see them in a sexually appealing way. My automatic assumptions about men my age They are boring They are set in their ways They let their bodies go They have little to no idea how to dress in a way that flatters their physique They are pragmatic (so many things i am thinking of seem to fit under the heading of pragmatic, this seems like the biggest one to me, because it encompasses so much) They are narrow minded They have forgotten how to see the world in a magical and wondrous way They don't like silliness They are goal oriented, to the point of not being able to just go with the flow. I think that is all. Please help!
Feelsgoodman Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 This post is not about bashing men. This is about helping me to see them in a sexually appealing way. My automatic assumptions about men my age They are boring They are set in their ways They let their bodies go They have little to no idea how to dress in a way that flatters their physique They are pragmatic (so many things i am thinking of seem to fit under the heading of pragmatic, this seems like the biggest one to me, because it encompasses so much) They are narrow minded They have forgotten how to see the world in a magical and wondrous way They don't like silliness They are goal oriented, to the point of not being able to just go with the flow. I think that is all. Please help! Not sure what sort of "help" you are hoping to receive but it sounds like you simply don't like men very much. If you don't find men sexually appealing, you don't find men sexually appealing. I'm not sure sure how you can convince yourself to be more attracted to men. Perhaps you'll have better luck with women.
FitChick Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 All of those things could apply to men under 30 as well. You have to see the individual person. How old are you?
iris219 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I LOVE older men. I prefer men about 10 years older than myself (I'm 32). I'd date someone 48 before 28 (actually, I wouldn't date someone 28 at all). I have a hard time finding young guys attractive. Hugh Laurie is my dream man--god, he's sexy. I have a lot fun with older men, and they're generally considerate, interesting, reliable, treat you well, honest, and they know what they want. Maybe it's because they're thrilled to be with a younger woman.
laotzu Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Guys over thirty have let their bodies go? Most of the guys I know who are ~25 aren't in great shape, either, you know. I'm just about at thirty and in great shape, and many of the guys I know my age workout a ton, make good bank, are improving their educational credentials, and still party like they're 25 if given the chance. Sounds like you're meeting low quality guys. And you know what that means, right? You're in a low quality market. (Most bathrooms possess mirrors.)
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Not sure what sort of "help" you are hoping to receive but it sounds like you simply don't like men very much. If you don't find men sexually appealing, you don't find men sexually appealing. I'm not sure sure how you can convince yourself to be more attracted to men. Perhaps you'll have better luck with women. I find men under 30 incredibly sexually appealing. And I am just into women in that way. That list was more a list of prejudices that i have about older men. I know in my head prejudices and generalisations are false at least some of the time. It's like I know it is stupid for people only to be valued under 30, when so much of our lives happen after that time, but I am so conditioned by myself and outside influences, to only see the youthful as valuable. This has a flow-on effect that i am not under 30 anymore, so therefore I mustn't be valuable either. Sure it's easy to value people of all ages for completely platonic reasons. But if I ever want to have a relationships again, I must be able to see both that i am valuable and also the person I have the relationship is valuable. It's the old "why should someone choose me for a relationship over someone else?" question flipped. Why should I want a relationship with a 40yr old man? If I could answer that, maybe then I would, and my options would open right up.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I find men under 30 incredibly sexually appealing. And I am just into women in that way. Out of curiosity, how old are you? The best relationships are those where the woman is 5-10 years younger than the man (as women naturally age faster than men).
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 All of those things could apply to men under 30 as well. You have to see the individual person. How old are you? I am fast approaching 40. And yes I know alot of those could apply to under 30 yrs old, but I have alot of positive prejudices about younger men too, and that causes some sort of balance between attraction and repulsion. I LOVE older men. I prefer men about 10 years older than myself (I'm 32). I'd date someone 48 before 28 (actually, I wouldn't date someone 28 at all). I have a hard time finding young guys attractive. Hugh Laurie is my dream man--god, he's sexy. I have a lot fun with older men, and they're generally considerate, interesting, reliable, treat you well, honest, and they know what they want. Maybe it's because they're thrilled to be with a younger woman. I wish I could have been into older men, fathers always loved and desired me. Every father aged man i met would always tell me how he wished his daughter would grow up just like me (after I rejected them). Guys over thirty have let their bodies go? Most of the guys I know who are ~25 aren't in great shape, either, you know. I'm just about at thirty and in great shape, and many of the guys I know my age workout a ton, make good bank, are improving their educational credentials, and still party like they're 25 if given the chance. Sounds like you're meeting low quality guys. And you know what that means, right? You're in a low quality market. (Most bathrooms possess mirrors.) Well that exactly what this thread is about. Instead of making a thread whining about how no one wants me, I am saying hey maybe I am projecting, now what can I do about it. And to be fair I rarely cross paths with men aged between 30 and say 37, and by rarely I mean once every couple of years. Generally I have the opportunity to meet men older at my philosophy group. So I am not talking about meeting men who are uneducated and unable to make good conversation. I am talking about preceptions I have that don't necessarily have a basis in reality.
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I find men under 30 incredibly sexually appealing. And I am just NOT into women in that way. I made a typo earlier, here is the correction
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 After reading my reply to Iris, maybe my repulsion to these men my age and older, is my experiences as a teen and young adult, being desired by them and feeling disgusted and awful. My whole younger men thing then extends to be me playing the same sorts of situation but taking the other role. No longer the prey, now the predator. So I really need to break this now, events in my life beyond my control are unfolding very very fast, and I need to let go of desiring younger men and start being interested in age appropriate men essentially right NOW.
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I think I get it now guys, I know what to do now. Thanks Guys
somedude81 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 In the past few years, have you actively tried to meet men your own age? To be around them and see what they are really like?
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 In the past few years, have you actively tried to meet men your own age? To be around them and see what they are really like? Well i am around men and women around my age generally a little older at the philosophy group. But I have never in my life seeked to spend time with people my own age. I always got on with people much older or younger. And I am talking about from early childhood in. In infants school and up, kids my age were my bullies and people who terrorized me. Later on in highschool, I went to girls school, and the girls were interested in boys and frivilous stuff, when I would rather read books and watch science fiction. As an adult, while other people were studying, having careers and having fun, I got unhappily married and did the responsibility stuff. When I was dreaming of my freedom, getting my education and wanting to not be so serious anymore (late 20's early 30's), my age were thinking about marriage, mortgage and children. Now I have no idea what people my age are doing, at least not people who are still doing the marriage, mortgage, children thing. I did go on a date with a 37yr old last year. He was dull and went for the kiss straight away at the end of the date. I spent the entire time entertaining him, and he offered nothing back.
Woggle Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 You can also say that men under 30 still have a childlike view of the world and don't see things how they really are yet. Experience is the best teacher and older people have more experience.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 My automatic assumptions about men my age They are boring They are set in their ways They let their bodies go They have little to no idea how to dress in a way that flatters their physique They are pragmatic (so many things i am thinking of seem to fit under the heading of pragmatic, this seems like the biggest one to me, because it encompasses so much) They are narrow minded They have forgotten how to see the world in a magical and wondrous way They don't like silliness They are goal oriented, to the point of not being able to just go with the flow. For the record, I'm 32 so I assume I fall into your age group. Saying someone is boring, is kind of vague, as one woman's boring is another woman's awesome. What does boring mean to you? Again saying someone is set in their ways is kind of vague, what do you mean? Everyone is set in their ways in some extent on some subject matter, for example people could say you are set in your ways, because you only date significantly younger men. Personally I would say I'm in better physical shape now than i was in my mid 20's. Being able to afford to go to the gym 4 days a week makes a difference. I'd say most singe guys in their 30's that are out of shape, have always been that way, and it was just well hidden by genetics. That "it's going to catch up with you one day" thing. I defiantly dress better now in my 30's than i did in my 20's. The main reason being I really don't give a sh** anymore what other guys think. Among most guys my age, being seen as a hipster, a prep, a yuppy, or god forbid gay was something to be avoided at all costs. It seems being seen as the cool athletic guy is a lot less important in guys younger than me. I see pragmatism more as a personality trait than an age related thing. Define narrow minded? This a lot like saying set in their ways, as everyone is narrow minded about something. I think your last couple points are all pretty much related to the fact that a lot of guys my age had it beaten into us by society that the most important thing was to be a man. Think John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, the dad from wonder years. Everyone told us to grow up get serious, get a job get ready to have and care for children. We where supposed to be the rock, that was more likely to get angry than upset. We where supposed to give up on our dreams, for the sake of are significant others and family. I can tell you I did exactly that. I didn't do what I wanted, I would sacrifice things that I wanted to do for the sake of my fiance. When something bothered me, I would just push it down and not say anything to her about it. After she ripped my heart out a few years back I pretty much decided f it, I'm doing what I want and and if someone doesn't like it, they can shove off. I'm not saying I went player. I mean if you upset me or piss me off you're going to hear about it. In relationships it's 50/50 now, no more giving up everything I want for the woman's sake. Interestingly enough I find women are a lot more attracted to me now than they used to be. My whole younger men thing then extends to be me playing the same sorts of situation but taking the other role. No longer the prey, now the predator. Cough cough cougar.
Anela Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Out of curiosity, how old are you? The best relationships are those where the woman is 5-10 years younger than the man (as women naturally age faster than men). Women don't naturally age faster than men, although I have come across men my age who claim to look younger than they are (they don't, and it's obvious when they're next to a younger man or woman).
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Woggle that's a good point. However you could probably say the same about me to an extent. I can see the world how is, but I don't want to fixate on it most of the time. For the record, I'm 32 so I assume I fall into your age group. Saying someone is boring, is kind of vague, as one woman's boring is another woman's awesome. What does boring mean to you? Again saying someone is set in their ways is kind of vague, what do you mean? Everyone is set in their ways in some extent on some subject matter, for example people could say you are set in your ways, because you only date significantly younger men. Personally I would say I'm in better physical shape now than i was in my mid 20's. Being able to afford to go to the gym 4 days a week makes a difference. I'd say most singe guys in their 30's that are out of shape, have always been that way, and it was just well hidden by genetics. That "it's going to catch up with you one day" thing. I defiantly dress better now in my 30's than i did in my 20's. The main reason being I really don't give a sh** anymore what other guys think. Among most guys my age, being seen as a hipster, a prep, a yuppy, or god forbid gay was something to be avoided at all costs. It seems being seen as the cool athletic guy is a lot less important in guys younger than me. I see pragmatism more as a personality trait than an age related thing. Define narrow minded? This a lot like saying set in their ways, as everyone is narrow minded about something. I think your last couple points are all pretty much related to the fact that a lot of guys my age had it beaten into us by society that the most important thing was to be a man. Think John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, the dad from wonder years. Everyone told us to grow up get serious, get a job get ready to have and care for children. We where supposed to be the rock, that was more likely to get angry than upset. We where supposed to give up on our dreams, for the sake of are significant others and family. I can tell you I did exactly that. I didn't do what I wanted, I would sacrifice things that I wanted to do for the sake of my fiance. When something bothered me, I would just push it down and not say anything to her about it. After she ripped my heart out a few years back I pretty much decided f it, I'm doing what I want and and if someone doesn't like it, they can shove off. I'm not saying I went player. I mean if you upset me or piss me off you're going to hear about it. In relationships it's 50/50 now, no more giving up everything I want for the woman's sake. Interestingly enough I find women are a lot more attracted to me now than they used to be. I really appreciate your post. And just reading shows me how much of that list was just stupid. There is really something to be said about people who don't censor themselves because of a fear of what other people think. It is a great positive that I generally see in older people more then younger people. And they do tend to speak up. It reminded me of a how to host a murder i put on once, with some guests middle aged and some in their early 20's. The middle aged people got really into it and made the night, it was brilliant, whilst the younger ones sat there mostly quietly. In fact I can think of many many examples now, and it is a definate good point, and wipes away the whole idea that someone is going to be boring because they are older. Narrow minded, meant not open to ideas outside what they believe is true and right. And again it is a personality trait that varies in extremity between people. I really appreciate this post, because it has really opened my eyes. And as for what is boring to me, "grown up" things, dinner parties where everyone is all very proper and discusses politics and economy etc, drives in the countryside, visiting the vineyards for some lovely wine tastings, any social gathering where people sit around getting wasted and talking rubbish. Basically anything that reminds me of my parents. And in terms of a date, sitting there letting me do all the talking. I want to know about you but i don't have a list of questions to fire at you like its an interrogation, so feel free to speak up and participate too.
Author Titania22 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 In most worthwhile ancient cultures, old age was seen as bringing wisdom and experience. Today, the sheeple want to be young and stupid forever, the less wisdom/experience you have, the more you are exalted. Kali Yuga, USA: everything's ass backward. Too true. I don't want to be stupid though. I am happy to keep the wisdom/experience and just lose the wrinkles.
FitChick Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Generally I have the opportunity to meet men older at my philosophy group. No wonder you find older men boring and physically unattractive.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Women don't naturally age faster than men Right, and the earth does not revolve around the sun
loversquarrel Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Well i am around men and women around my age generally a little older at the philosophy group. But I have never in my life seeked to spend time with people my own age. I always got on with people much older or younger. And I am talking about from early childhood in. In infants school and up, kids my age were my bullies and people who terrorized me. Later on in highschool, I went to girls school, and the girls were interested in boys and frivilous stuff, when I would rather read books and watch science fiction. As an adult, while other people were studying, having careers and having fun, I got unhappily married and did the responsibility stuff. When I was dreaming of my freedom, getting my education and wanting to not be so serious anymore (late 20's early 30's), my age were thinking about marriage, mortgage and children. Now I have no idea what people my age are doing, at least not people who are still doing the marriage, mortgage, children thing. I did go on a date with a 37yr old last year. He was dull and went for the kiss straight away at the end of the date. I spent the entire time entertaining him, and he offered nothing back. I kind of see where you're coming from....I'm a very young looking, very in shape and fun 39 yom, and I am not attracted to older or same age women at all. On a more serious note, I think you have quite a nerve calling that 37 yo boring. I mean H.S. have you read your post outloud?? The poor bastard would have been better off pulling off his fingernails. You aren't going to have any luck finding anyone unless you stop with your ASS-umptions and start working on a personality.
Woggle Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Why not try hanging out with some older working class guys. They have the wisdom of experience but most know how to have some fun. Don't rule them out. It sounds like you hang around with snobs and that is the issue more than age.
Woggle Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Aging has nothing to do with gender and more about genetics and how you take care of yourself. When I see people from high school the people who lived hard look bad and the people who lived healthy looked good.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 They are boring They are more stable than the 20-something version of themselves, both emotionally and financially They are set in their ways They know what they want, will go after it, and are not flighty or fickle They let their bodies go You exactly know what you're gonna get, as opposed to wondering how they're body or hairline will go - that is, if you're attracted to them now, you won't lose that attraction once age plays itself out They have little to no idea how to dress in a way that flatters their physique They have learned the importance of being attractive to their SO and are open to wearing "gifts" you purchase for them AND they are less shallow in general, they care more about what's on their AND YOUR inside They are pragmatic (so many things i am thinking of seem to fit under the heading of pragmatic, this seems like the biggest one to me, because it encompasses so much) They are more pragmatic, and there's nothing wrong with this They are narrow minded They have more world experience and understand more about the way the world and other people work, and have learned the skills necessary to build a real relationship They have forgotten how to see the world in a magical and wondrous way They know how to hold on to a damn good woman when they find one They don't like silliness They know when to laugh, and when to be serious They are goal oriented, to the point of not being able to just go with the flow They have ambition, and are less likely to fly by the seat of their pants and leave you hanging Changed it for you. YW.
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