My heart has once again been grasped by the iron claws of the Queen of the Harpies!

[HughHardcastle]

Ok, so that title is a little over dramatic, but it's a great attention getter, ain't it?

 

Short story first: met a girl at work. Thought she liked me. Fell hard for her. Asked her out. She said yes, then flaked. Then made it clear (without saying so) that she wasn't interested.

 

So for the last 2-3 weeks, I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping her out of my mind, and trying to move on with my life. It was going well. Until today.

 

I won't bore you with details, but we had a pretty playful email exchange, which ended with me sending her a picture of a polar bear wearing a sombrero. She then came to my office and told me that's what she expected I get her for her birthday on July 13th.

 

I don't plan on working there in July, or even living in the same town. So I thought, why not just give it to her tomorrow? Leave it on her desk in the morning, and when she gets into the office in the afternoon, she'll get a kick out of it.

 

Am I once again setting myself up for "heartbreak"? I believe she has a boyfriend now, or if not that, is seeing someone. My feeling on this is, I am never going to completely shut her out as a possibility. However, I don't want to come off as some creepy dude who struck out once, but still has his bat in his hand and is taking swings.

 

I guess my question is, what do I do here? I weigh everything I do in terms of the pros and cons. The pros outweigh the cons here, in my opinion. I am not expecting her to suddenly swing open her legs for me just because I got her a stuffed animal (I just want her to give me a chance, not just looking to 'knock boots'). What do you think?

[phineas]

She flirted, accepted a date then flaked.

I work with this chick also.

 

Did she apologize for flaking?

The one I work with didn't.

 

She expected me to act like it never happened & just keep flirting with her.

 

Maybe on bizarro world I would. She's now dead to me. A simple enough task since we don't work together. Just the same building.

 

I'll say this once, stop talking to this chick now or they will change the name plate on your cube to "chump" or "sucker"

 

She's leading you on again.

This woman is not interested in you at all.

She just wants to see you jump through hoops.

 

The guy that is with her?

I'm willing to bet the only attention he gives her is when she is out on a date with him.

I doubt he txt's her all day or talks on the phone with her.

No, he makes her work for his attention.

 

trust me on this, forget this chick & stop giving her attention.

 

I actually cringed when you suggested buying her a gift.

seriously.

[Orianne]

You'll look desperate if you buy it for her now--like you're in love already, and that can be a huge turn off for a woman, even if she likes you.

 

I wouldn't worry too much that she turned you down for a date. You thought she was seeing someone else already, so that probably explains it. Or she could have changed her mind because the two of you work together and she didn't want risk drama.

 

My guess is that she's interested, but wants to keep her options open.

[FitChick]

If you're not going to be working at that company nor be in the same town in a few months, why bother?

[HughHardcastle]

Yeah, I am not going to be getting her anything, that would reek of....well, something.

 

I have noticed that, ever since I struck out with her, whenever she comes into my office to talk to me or ask me something, she tries to limit the eye contact between us. It seemed like, back in October-November, during the woo'ing process, it wasn't like this at all.

 

This sucks!

[Titania22]

I love the name of your thread, it really grabbed me.

[jobaba]

Awww Hugh...

 

You disappointed me. I thought you had met a new girl.

 

The answer is ...

 

You can chase any woman as long as you want. One of my buddies chased a girl for 10 years through her marrying another guy and having a kid with him, and she eventually came around.

 

Have you seen that movie Bad Teacher?

 

Watch it. The gym teacher who chases Cameron Diaz does so without caring whether caring whether or not she reciprocates and he finally gets her in the end.

 

Sometimes with pretty girl, if you want them and you're not good looking, you really gotta chase and be persistent. If you can do so without having your heart demolished and soul tormented, then do it.

 

For me, it's just not worth it. My heart is too fragile and my time is too valuable to be chasing one woman. But to each his own.

[HughHardcastle]

If you're not going to be working at that company nor be in the same town in a few months, why bother?

Well, nothing is certain, but I need to leave this area and go someplace new, get a fresh start. I don't know anyone here, and it's hard to meet people. I have some friends who live in the cities, and I need to start LIVING, and moving up there would be a big start towards doing that. Now, if someone should come along in the next couple months down here, that makes me want to stick around, I would certainly reconsider it.

[HughHardcastle]

 

Sometimes with pretty girl, if you want them and you're not good looking, you really gotta chase and be persistent. If you can do so without having your heart demolished and soul tormented, then do it.

 

For me, it's just not worth it. My heart is too fragile and my time is too valuable to be chasing one woman. But to each his own.

Sorry for the double post, but I just noticed this one.

 

What makes you assume I am not good looking? I am 6'5, 187 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal, too hot to handle but too cold to hold, baby!

 

But seriously, I thought I was done chasing. It's just hard to completely cauterize the wound on my heart that she left. Now, if she was flat out ignoring me, other than for basic work stuff, it would be fine. However, she's back to sending playful, somewhat flirty emails, and just being generally charming. I'm sorry, I am a human male. It's hard to resist her when she plays along with my silly nonsense and makes me feel like more than just some office peon. Like I have said in prior posts, she is the only girl I interact with who isn't "off limits". I don't have any friends here in town, and no prospects. So it's not as if women are hanging all over me, and I have a phone full of contacts I can call on at any time to placate my ego. Also, being so incredibly inexperienced in this field means that I am unable to decipher, for the most part, what is flirting, and what is just "being nice".

 

I am like a dog at the pound. The first family that comes in, sees me in my cage, and gives me attention, I am going to become loyal to (and in my case, to a fault).

 

So basically, I am a complete mental case. Admitting as much is the first step towards getting better!

[kiss_andmakeup]

Don't do it. Just don't.

[TheFinalWord]

Bro don't get her anything. It won't earn you any points. Why are you giving a open door to your heart for this girl? She flaked on you man! That's disrespectful. If she wasn't interested she could have just said no. Instead she lead you on. Don't fall for this game. If she's changed her mind she needs to let you know, clearly. That's the only condition you should accept. No games, no flirting, do not pursue her unless you enjoy being a doormat!

 

I've done this before. Crushed on a girl, she would flake and never had any intention of going out with me, but I kept buying gifts and doing stuff for her...the whole nine yards. We all fall for this game once in our lives. That's the key word ONCE.

 

Trust me, if she liked you you would not have to buy her gifts or do anything for her. She would like you for YOU, not the "stuff" you can do for her. I wouldn't keep e-mailing her or anything. Be cordial when you see her but don't act all into her or that you care about her.

 

She won't look you in the eyes b/c she knows she disrespected you and lead you on. At least she has some conscious; but don't expect treating her like a queen is going to win her heart.

 

Watch this video. This guy is a bit cynical but you need to be kicked out of this fantasy...I do hope you're not quitting your job b/c of this girl. If nothing else use this experience to toughen up. That's what I did. I no longer take BS from any woman that plays games. And you shouldn't either! If you don't respect yourself, no woman is going to either!

 

[HughHardcastle]

Don't do it. Just don't.

I have decided to not do it. I doubt any relationship in human history has ever been ignited by a stuffed polar bear wearing a sombrero.

 

I did put the note in my phone though. So, if I am somewhere else when July rolls around, I can always mail it to her at work. At that point, it would just be a kind gesture (if not a tad bit sentimental), and I am fine with that.

[TheFinalWord]

S

BHowever, she's back to sending playful, somewhat flirty emails, and just being generally charming. I'm sorry, I am a human male. It's hard to resist her when she plays along with my silly nonsense and makes me feel like more than just some office peon.

 

She's an attention whore! That's it bro; no secret. She flirts b/c she knows you will respond like this.

 

You say you are like a dog at the pound. No you are like Pavlov's dog. She rings a bell and you start salivating...

 

I know what you're feeling man. I've been there. Don't go down this road, you are setting up for more emotional stress.

[jobaba]

Sorry for the double post, but I just noticed this one.

 

What makes you assume I am not good looking? I am 6'5, 187 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal, too hot to handle but too cold to hold, baby!

 

But seriously, I thought I was done chasing. It's just hard to completely cauterize the wound on my heart that she left. Now, if she was flat out ignoring me, other than for basic work stuff, it would be fine. However, she's back to sending playful, somewhat flirty emails, and just being generally charming. I'm sorry, I am a human male. It's hard to resist her when she plays along with my silly nonsense and makes me feel like more than just some office peon. Like I have said in prior posts, she is the only girl I interact with who isn't "off limits". I don't have any friends here in town, and no prospects. So it's not as if women are hanging all over me, and I have a phone full of contacts I can call on at any time to placate my ego. Also, being so incredibly inexperienced in this field means that I am unable to decipher, for the most part, what is flirting, and what is just "being nice".

 

I am like a dog at the pound. The first family that comes in, sees me in my cage, and gives me attention, I am going to become loyal to (and in my case, to a fault).

 

So basically, I am a complete mental case. Admitting as much is the first step towards getting better!

 

I'm sure you're a good looking dude man. You're probably just not one of those top 10-15% type that women go nuts over. If you were, chances are you wouldn't be posting this thread. Some woman would be posting this thread about you. But I digress...

 

You need to find other women to hit on. But honestly, even finding another woman won't get her completely out of your mind. Trust me. You need to limit contact for that. If you keep playing around with her and then at the next office function, she brings her douchebag boyfriend who's all over her, and your heart starts imploding, don't say you weren't warned.

[HughHardcastle]

I do hope you're not quitting your job b/c of this girl. If nothing else use this experience to toughen up. That's what I did. I no longer take BS from any woman that plays games. And you shouldn't either! If you don't respect yourself, no woman is going to either!

Nah, I am not quitting my job because of her. I am looking for something else for a number of reasons, this one being one of them, but it's not that high on the list.

 

Before this girl came along, I had resigned myself to the fact that no woman would ever be interested in me, and that I shouldn't even begin trying to find someone, because it would just end up in failure. I lived my life in a complete shell, and would either work, work out, or stay at home and pretty much waste my life. Then she came along and I suddenly realized how great it can feel to be with someone, or have feelings for someone. Or, think someone has feelings for you. She turned my life upside down. For a week (the week in October where everything I did seemed to click with her) and a night (the night i asked her out and she said yes), I was on top of the damn world. The month prior to that, I was a miserable nervous wreck while trying to summon the courage to ask her out. Now I am in the stage of trying to rebuild myself from her completely rejecting me.

 

I kinda feel like Mugsy Bogues. I drove into the paint once, and Mutumbo swatted my shot into the third row, and wagged his finger at me. Well, I see another slight opening down the lane, and I am considering taking another shot. I am not afraid to get my shot blocked this time, but I wonder if the attempt would even be worth it.

[TheFinalWord]

Before this girl came along, I had resigned myself to the fact that no woman would ever be interested in me, and that I shouldn't even begin trying to find someone, because it would just end up in failure.

 

What brought this on? If you lack confidence yeah no one is going to want to be with you. Women won't like you b/c they feel sorry for you.

 

I lived my life in a complete shell, and would either work, work out, or stay at home and pretty much waste my life.

Well you have get some goals for your life. Yeah life is boring if you have no goal or vision. You say you're an office peon. If you view yourself like that it will be projected into the world and others (esp. women they are better at picking up emotions).

 

Then she came along and I suddenly realized how great it can feel to be with someone, or have feelings for someone. Or, think someone has feelings for you. She turned my life upside down. For a week (the week in October where everything I did seemed to click with her) and a night (the night i asked her out and she said yes), I was on top of the damn world. The month prior to that, I was a miserable nervous wreck while trying to summon the courage to ask her out. Now I am in the stage of trying to rebuild myself from her completely rejecting me.

The thing is, if she isn't reciprocating it isn't really love or "feelings" or however you want to define it. It's a fantasy you've concocted in your mind. She gave you an emotional high. Highs don't last. You don't want any woman to be your &*%^ world. You have to have goals and a vision for your life be the center of your world. If you base your life on another human being you are setting yourself up for failure. Plus, just think about how little you actually know about this girl. From what I can gather, she is probably attractive and an attention whore. Nothing that great. That's a dime a dozen. You can go anywhere and find a million like her.

 

The image of her you have created is not really her. That's what you have to tell yourself. That and get something else going on for you in your life. Have some goals you are working towards that are satisfying for you. If one is to find a woman okay, but get your act together first. You never want a woman to be the center of your universe! If you marry her that's another story, but just a woman you're dating?...never!

[HughHardcastle]

If you keep playing around with her and then at the next office function, she brings her douchebag boyfriend who's all over her, and your heart starts imploding, don't say you weren't warned.

I should probably mention there is another after work, bar function this Friday night that I have been invited to. I'm guessing it would probably be best if I did NOT attend this?

[HughHardcastle]

What brought this on? If you lack confidence yeah no one is going to want to be with you. Women won't like you b/c they feel sorry for you.

 

Nah, it's not that I lack confidence, or feel sorry for myself. It's just that I have never had a lifestyle in which I was socializing or around a lot of women, or anything even close to that. It's not a "Woe is me, I am ForeverAlone" mentality. It's a "****, I'm sitting here on a Friday night, and have nobody to do anything with" mentality. That is why i am considering a move. I need to get out there and meet people and socialize. I am not doing it where I am right now.

[kiss_andmakeup]

FWIW OP, and I'm sure it's not worth much coming from some random chick on the interwebs, but you seem like a catch. You're obviously intelligent and articulate, and you come across as very caring, loyal, and compassionate person. There's someone out there for you, and I feel sure that once you overcome your social barriers (and I think you will), you'll find her.

[TheFinalWord]

Nah, it's not that I lack confidence, or feel sorry for myself. It's just that I have never had a lifestyle in which I was socializing or around a lot of women, or anything even close to that. It's not a "Woe is me, I am ForeverAlone" mentality. It's a "****, I'm sitting here on a Friday night, and have nobody to do anything with" mentality. That is why i am considering a move. I need to get out there and meet people and socialize. I am not doing it where I am right now.

 

Okay good! Well you can't run away from your problems.

 

I don't know much about Minnesota, but there has to be lots of women there!

 

You say you like to workout. Take a yoga class at your gym! Bro, it's freaking PACKED with beautiful women I'm not kidding the one at my gym look like supermodels. You'll forget about that girl after one class. Go regularly and strike up conversations. If nothing else you'll gain more confidence. Just look around at the places you like to go and get involved in any classes, activities that go on.

 

But not the office. I never recommend office dating/romances. I've done it every where I've worked and it is always a disaster (I'm sure someone will say they met their spouse that way). If you are going to do the office thing find a woman that is mature so that if it doesn't work out you don't have to have to deal with immature BS everyday.

[HughHardcastle]

There is no way I would ever dare joing a yoga class, or something like that. First off, it would be the most transparent looking thing any guy could do. It would be pretty obvious I am only in the class to meet women. Also, joining one of those classes takes way more social courage than I have at this moment. I'm not some social leper, who can't hold a conversation with someone, but Me, in a big exercise studio with 30+ other women?

[jobaba]

Before this girl came along, I had resigned myself to the fact that no woman would ever be interested in me, and that I shouldn't even begin trying to find someone, because it would just end up in failure. I lived my life in a complete shell, and would either work, work out, or stay at home and pretty much waste my life. Then she came along and I suddenly realized how great it can feel to be with someone, or have feelings for someone. Or, think someone has feelings for you. She turned my life upside down. For a week (the week in October where everything I did seemed to click with her) and a night (the night i asked her out and she said yes), I was on top of the damn world. The month prior to that, I was a miserable nervous wreck while trying to summon the courage to ask her out. Now I am in the stage of trying to rebuild myself from her completely rejecting me.

 

I kinda feel like Mugsy Bogues. I drove into the paint once, and Mutumbo swatted my shot into the third row, and wagged his finger at me. Well, I see another slight opening down the lane, and I am considering taking another shot. I am not afraid to get my shot blocked this time, but I wonder if the attempt would even be worth it.

 

Yea. Sounds like she hooked you bad. She does or says something and you think as you're driving home, "She's really into me." My thoughts have floated to "She's just as in love with me as I am with her" or "She probably thinks I'm the biggest loser." in the span of hours. I've been there.

 

If you have nothing else going on, yea go for it, ask her out again. Who knows? You've already been shut down the first time. The second time wouldn't be nearly as bad.

 

I should probably mention there is another after work, bar function this Friday night that I have been invited to. I'm guessing it would probably be best if I did NOT attend this?

 

Naw. Don't be afraid of her. Avoid social events with her and delete her from your facebook page, etc. That's wussy. I was just saying don't overinvest in her.

[HughHardcastle]

Naw. Don't be afraid of her. Avoid social events with her and delete her from your facebook page, etc. That's wussy. I was just saying don't overinvest in her.

Man, that is going to be hard to do, especially if her new guy is there. I get to sit across from them, hanging all over each other. Not exactly my idea of fun. I need to just move on. It's not going to happen between us, so the longer I drag this out, the worse it's going to get. Plus, it doesn't even seem like she wants to be friends with me. Almost like I screwed up badly somewhere, and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me.

 

So, best to stay away tomorrow and just try to keep on keepin' on.

[jobaba]

Man, that is going to be hard to do, especially if her new guy is there. I get to sit across from them, hanging all over each other. Not exactly my idea of fun. I need to just move on. It's not going to happen between us, so the longer I drag this out, the worse it's going to get. Plus, it doesn't even seem like she wants to be friends with me. Almost like I screwed up badly somewhere, and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me.

 

So, best to stay away tomorrow and just try to keep on keepin' on.

 

There you go. In a few posts, you went from saying you thought you had a chance with her to now saying she wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

 

It's your heart playing games with your mind.

 

Play somewhere in the middle ground. Give her the benefit of the doubt as a human being and assume she still respects you as a person.

 

And don't be afraid to tread where she treads.

 

It'll just take time to get over her. And hit on other girls...

[louise_23]

Ok, so that title is a little over dramatic, but it's a great attention getter, ain't it?

 

Short story first: met a girl at work. Thought she liked me. Fell hard for her. Asked her out. She said yes, then flaked. Then made it clear (without saying so) that she wasn't interested.

 

So for the last 2-3 weeks, I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping her out of my mind, and trying to move on with my life. It was going well. Until today.

 

I won't bore you with details, but we had a pretty playful email exchange, which ended with me sending her a picture of a polar bear wearing a sombrero. She then came to my office and told me that's what she expected I get her for her birthday on July 13th.

 

I don't plan on working there in July, or even living in the same town. So I thought, why not just give it to her tomorrow? Leave it on her desk in the morning, and when she gets into the office in the afternoon, she'll get a kick out of it.

 

Am I once again setting myself up for "heartbreak"? I believe she has a boyfriend now, or if not that, is seeing someone. My feeling on this is, I am never going to completely shut her out as a possibility. However, I don't want to come off as some creepy dude who struck out once, but still has his bat in his hand and is taking swings.

 

I guess my question is, what do I do here? I weigh everything I do in terms of the pros and cons. The pros outweigh the cons here, in my opinion. I am not expecting her to suddenly swing open her legs for me just because I got her a stuffed animal (I just want her to give me a chance, not just looking to 'knock boots'). What do you think?

 

from the tiny bit of info it sounds like she likes the attention, as she flaked on you etc. only saying that as ive done it to someone recently, and it literally was an attention thing. but if youre not going to be working there much longer, what have you got to lose? theres the risk of embarassment/ rejection.sometimes i think its easier to stifle feelings than put them out there and then feel stupid for having done so. if it was me, as sweet an idea as it is, i wouldnt do it.