Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Been here for 3+ yrs back & forth for valuable support that unfortunately my endorphins & brain weren't on the same page. I've had long periods of NC in between, almost all of last year until about Sep. where we saw each other. I'm a perfect example of why you can never see your AP again. I have a kindle full of NC, self esteem, goal books, cool hobbies, fun trips, etc & look into those eyes & that was it. That lasted about a month where I kind of tested him to see what kind of real effort he was putting in. I'd be busy, unavailable, etc until he was tracking me down w/ a gift all week. I caved....& just as I was ready to shower & nap he dropped a bomb, no more. He was going to work on his m & we were to remain friends. I said I wished him well, the friendship was a no-go & I'll get ahold of him if that's ever ok but not to get ahold of me. That was over a month ago. I'm doing ok, new self help books for the new year & looking forward to a cool trip to Mexico soon. Kind of crawling through Jan (& getting in great shape by running this off, although I feel like Forrest Gump). He did tell me his m was in huge trouble, which he's never said before. I thought for about 2 sec of being there for him if he's in d trouble & then told him to give it his best shot, w/out me. I'm not going to bash a woman I don't know, or tell him my opinion on his m. So this time I'm really hoping to move on....I don't miss him, which is a good sign for me. Our last NC was broken by me, because I thought he txt'd me from his friends phone. I didn't find out for a few months he didn't know his friend txt'd me. I think we all look for clues that they care. Since then I put no value in an email or txt. Anyway, off to have fun!!!
daisy love Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Oh, noooooo! Wasn't the sex any good? Did you pull out all the stops? Oh, I would be soooo pissed if a guy dumped me after sex! And to tell you his marriage is in trouble just to keep you available! Oh shame shame shame on him! I would give him a whippin' girl! How humiliated you must feel! I'm soooo sorry Heather! Maybe you should go back to not bein available when he wants more pussay, ok? ((((HUGGGGSSSSSS))))
Author Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Can't tell if you're making fun of me or not, but I'm not humiliated. We're not speaking though, that's for sure.
2sunny Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Notice he never offered you anything concrete? What an a$$. He's just checking to see if you are still simmering there on that back burner... Take some action - tell him you are busy and to buzz off! He will keep checking in if you don't. That way he can keep you from moving forward and finding a real man - an available man. Cut the ties... Tell him he's never shown you finall divorce papers and to leave you to be happy. He's standing in your way - but you are ALLOWING it. And while you're at it - tell him if he contacts - that you won't hesitate calling his wife to tell her! His marriage is in trouble because he's a liar and a cheat! You deserve better than a man like that!
Spark1111 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Been here for 3+ yrs back & forth for valuable support that unfortunately my endorphins & brain weren't on the same page. I've had long periods of NC in between, almost all of last year until about Sep. where we saw each other. I'm a perfect example of why you can never see your AP again. I have a kindle full of NC, self esteem, goal books, cool hobbies, fun trips, etc & look into those eyes & that was it. That lasted about a month where I kind of tested him to see what kind of real effort he was putting in. I'd be busy, unavailable, etc until he was tracking me down w/ a gift all week. I caved....& just as I was ready to shower & nap he dropped a bomb, no more. He was going to work on his m & we were to remain friends. I said I wished him well, the friendship was a no-go & I'll get ahold of him if that's ever ok but not to get ahold of me. That was over a month ago. I'm doing ok, new self help books for the new year & looking forward to a cool trip to Mexico soon. Kind of crawling through Jan (& getting in great shape by running this off, although I feel like Forrest Gump). He did tell me his m was in huge trouble, which he's never said before. I thought for about 2 sec of being there for him if he's in d trouble & then told him to give it his best shot, w/out me. I'm not going to bash a woman I don't know, or tell him my opinion on his m. So this time I'm really hoping to move on....I don't miss him, which is a good sign for me. Our last NC was broken by me, because I thought he txt'd me from his friends phone. I didn't find out for a few months he didn't know his friend txt'd me. I think we all look for clues that they care. Since then I put no value in an email or txt. Anyway, off to have fun!!! Have fun and be very, very proud of yourself girl! You have initated NC and he is pulling out all the stops to see if you will take the bait. You didn't. Lets still be friends = Can we still have sex when I want to? Can we meet up, at my convenience and you continue to make be feel better? Or equals= If we can still be friends; if you are willing to demote yourself romantically, than I wasn't such a sh#t was I? Afterall, she is still my friend, see? I can feel better about my deplorable treatment of her because she is willing to be my friend....gee, I feel better now.... If his marriage is truly in trouble, it is high=time he fixed it or moved on.... You made all positive, self=sustaining steps in a positive direction. Kudos to you. Be proud!
Author Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I haven't posted in almost a year on here about my sitch. I'm still m too, although we are giving it 2 years to get my youngest through HS to make a major decision. He has a disability, I can't upset his HS years when he's doing great. My h & I get along ok & we made that arrangement of what's best for our kids timing wise. I'm not looking to get re-married ever again. I really don't think I'm cut out for a LTR, but I've been in lock down w/ my kids for so long that I can live in the same house w/out really being in a R w/ my H & still provide our kids w/ a family. My oldest is gone & thriving. My youngest is very difficult, but he's my world. I mostly put my focus on him & his needs. The A was an escape, a pocket I could feel like a sexual being again. Neither OM or I wanted a d. Except...he finally told me they rarely have sex & they're in trouble. I assumed they were having regular sex, I never asked. He asked me several times about my m & sex life, one time telling me to get a d, so I asked years ago & he said everything was good w/ his m. Kind of felt baited on that one because w/out his questions I never would have asked. It has come to a time where he needs to figure out if he's going to stay m'd & I'm not going to sign up to be a friend & m counselor!! I mean really!! He needs me out of the picture for that type of thing & I'm surprised he doesn't see it that way. If he gets d, then maybe we can talk again. It's too much of a roller coaster otherwise & I can't handle feeling elated one second & dumped the next. He's gotta figure it out, I can't help him. In the meantime, I'm making my plans for a nice small house somewhere in a few years where I can be me again. Solo is fine w/ me....
pureinheart Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 (((((((((Heather1))))))))))) I am so glad to hear that you are ok and for your update. Your one cool person and I just want you to be happy...love ya girl!
Elizabeth Southerns Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 So this time I'm really hoping to move on....I don't miss him, which is a good sign for me. Our last NC was broken by me, because I thought he txt'd me from his friends phone. I didn't find out for a few months he didn't know his friend txt'd me. I think we all look for clues that they care. Since then I put no value in an email or txt. Anyway, off to have fun!!! Great to see you back, H! The not missing him thing is definitely good progress! Enjoy Mexico, and have fun!
Author Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Thanks Pure...right back @ ya!! It was months before we saw each other after NC, then another month of crazy sex & he seemed like he was totally into me & pursuing me again. I didn't expect that at all!! I think we've just reached a point where we have no place left to go?? He wants to spend time w/ me, I want that too but we really can't be seen in public so we're stuck. I don't want to read into things by being his email buddy!! I can't tell if he decided he just wasn't into me & wanted to wean himself, or if he freaked out that we have so much fun together? Whatever it is, he's got to figure it out w/out me. That, & when I told him to work things out & I couldn't be friends but that I would miss him he didn't reply. Sent me a "merry Christmas", that was it. That might have been out of habit? My new motto w/ this has been "what would someone w/ self esteem do?". Granted, never have started huh? I wouldn't have done this with anyone else though.... Buck up & move on....I threw the dice & lost again.
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