lalalandman Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 (edited) Wow. So, story is, me LT ex of over 4 years (who could never quite commit) broke up with me September 2010, for the umpteenth time. A month later I met a girl and we develop feelings. We become somewhat of a couple. The ex finds out and harasses us until finally the girl and I break up in January 2011. My ex and I get back, until she dumps me yet again in May 2011. I've been posting here since. Around that time, the other girl contacted me wanting to get back together, but I was pretty broken over the ex. And ALOT of drama went down, to the point where that girl ended up contacting my ex (I think she got my exs phone number from my phone when we were dating). You can read about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t286486/ The last time I spoke with that girl since that incident was this past September, briefly. So yesterday, that girl contacts me, technically one year after we've been broken up, and texts me a link, and says "Hope you are doing well, thought you would enjoy these videos". Basically, her parents really liked me. When we broke it off, her parents took my dog that I got from the pound; a dog I raised for from birth till 1.5 years. I wasn't doing financially well at the time, and they loved my dog. Anyways, she sends me a video of her and my dog at the beach. Lasted about 10 minutes. It was cute. I laughed. Haven't responded. Later in the night, my ex, who I've been in LC with and have been posting about for a while, calls from blocked, which I ignored. Keep in mind, yesterday was her birthday. She left a message saying that "she had to change her number because a girl was harassing her" and that she'd call me again. A minute later I get a text from this new number saying "Hey changed my number some girl was harassing me" and "I got in a car accident today". I didn't respond. After moments of feeling bad, and fighting the urge to respond, a few things dawned on me pretty heavily.... 1. I bet she is being harassed by "some girl" who has a boyfriend who I bet my ex has been messing around with. Although this is totally an assumption, I just have a feeling... 2. I'm tired of setting myself up to be hurt by people who claim they love and care about me. 3. We're not together anymore. Her problems are not my problems. She isn't my buddy. I'm not going to let her guilt me into talking to her, using me as some security blanket. I'm not going to let her dump all her crap on me, like I'm some crutch she can lean on. I'm not going to be that guy she dumped, so she can play the field, but still has the security of dumping all her problems on and going to for emotional support. I'M NOT GOING TO BE THAT GUY! Why, because I have balls. I'm a man, and dammit I need to have some self-respect and dignity. Which gets me to thinking....The other girl. She's a nice girl. She's sweet and caring. Maybe I should never have let the ex ruin it with us. She was always supportive of my talents, and was very thoughtful. BUT, I don't know. I still think to myself, that I'm number 1. Do I want to potentially set myself up for more hurt? No. But am I passing on somebody who might actually be worth it? But these relationships are over, so I should just, let it be over. This is a difficult thought process. Because mentally, for a long time, I've wanted to work it out with the LT ex. Am I stupid? Edited January 18, 2012 by lalalandman
Exit Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Of course you're not stupid, you sound like you are handling this fairly well. It's a tough step to take, but refusing to be someone's emotional crutch is a great choice to make for yourself. You'd be perfectly willing to offer all the support and affection you could muster; if you two were in a relationship. Instead, she doesn't want to commit to a relationship, but still expects the support. Nope. Ironically I clicked on your old thread that you linked to, and I pretty much agree with the first response you got way back then. "The only solution is to cut ties with both girls. It's not simple, and it would be messy, but it really sounds like neither relationship is going to turn into something stable or rewarding. You all seem to thrive on this negative drama, but isn't it distracting? Doesn't this constant back-and-forth take its toll on other parts of your life? If you're ever going to have a mature love life, you're going to have to find a more wholesome relationship. Too much negativity has transpired between you and your 2 ex-girlfriends." I feel like maybe it got too messy between all of you and those problems will just never go away. How do you know if you start getting serious with one of them again that the other one won't somehow sniff around and find out and start the same type of drama all over again. I'd say the safest bet is to write both of them off and start over fresh. But we don't always do the safest or smartest things when it comes to love. You look back on ex2 and think she was a nice girl, sweet and caring, but do you really find yourself thinking that you loved this person and lost them because of the drama? Unless you think you're really in love with her, screw it. There are plenty of sweet and caring girls out there who won't have this crazy prior history with you and another ex girlfriend. When it comes to ex1 you speak in past tense saying you had wanted it to work out for a long time... does that mean you are 100% over that one? At least to the point that you wouldn't get back together even if she wanted to? Or would you still entertain the idea of seeing her as well? Why have you been in LC with her? Both of these girls are still in contact with you, and I think it's easy to see how the same situation could happen. You're thinking about talking to #2 again possibly, by responding to the video of the dog, and then you'll start hanging out, and then ex #1 will find out somehow, same old situation. If you decide you want to talk to one of them, you have to make absolutely sure the other one is out of your life 110%. Besides, in your old thread, you mention changing your phone number and all your contact information, so how the hell are both of them in contact with you again? How do they both have your contact info again? You must be doing this to yourself on some level. Sounds like you'll need a new phone number yet again if you want to break contact with ex1.
CaliBabe Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Damn I am loving that strength and attitude! Don't make any rash decisions. Give it some time and thought and see how you feel. You can always respond in a few days.
Author lalalandman Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Here's the thing. I talked with my ex last week, and I basically told her I'm tired of fighting with myself and the fact that I love her. I told her that I've been trying to run from it for 8 months, and my efforts are futile. There's no use trying to escape it. I told her that we both screwed up, and that's how we got here. She has been in contact with me for 8 months since the breakup, constantly breaking NC, and I realize there's a reason for that. Then we actually talked tonite, and told her that I was honestly concerned about what happened to her recently and I'm tired of acting like I don't care. Basically she got in a minor car accident, and they decided not to use insurance. But the driver's friend started harassing her with phone calls so she changed her number. The story sounded legit. I don't care about that other girl and Exit is right. Replying to her will start another cycle of distrust with my ex. And when it comes to love, my ex wins. She takes the cake. She came first. So my ex said we seriously need to talk still, and I said that's fine. Hopefully we'll get some apologies out, and all that.
Author lalalandman Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I'm not going to just expect her to waltz back from GIGS one day and beg to be in a relationship with me. We both screwed up. I'm just tired of fighting with myself. I'm not expecting us to be in a relationship all of a sudden without getting some trust back. It's just impossible in our case. But if we do talk, there has to be some sort of boundaries set. I know that.
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