somedude81 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 First off, any women who would strait up reject a guy based purely on his height, is shallow and not worth bothering with (at-least as far as I'm concerned). And that's what I'm having the hardest time with. If the majority of women will a reject a guy just because he's short, does that mean that they are all shallow? People have tons of preferences, and they probably aren't consciously aware of 90% of them. I agree with you. I talked to my most recent crush about the height thing and she pretty much said the same thing you did. That any girl who rejects me becuase of my height is shallow. But guess what, one day she let it slip that she had a height preference. She basically called me too short to match what she thought was hot. I would not be surprised if all women that knew me, thought I was too short whether she was consciously aware of the thought or not. Does that mean that all those girls were shallow and therefore not worth bothering with? Your view of women and dating is horrendous, and that's a big problem, because in general well adjusted people are not very forgiving when it comes to personality. Yeah, I'm 30 years old and never had a girlfriend. Girls have never liked me. Do you really expect me to have a happy and positive view of dating and women?
Lonely Ronin Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 If the majority of women will a reject a guy just because he's short, does that mean that they are all shallow? IMO yes, However bear in mind if you ask a woman why she rejects you stand a good chance of not getting the truth for any number of reasons. I talked to my most recent crush about the height thing and she pretty much said the same thing you did. That any girl who rejects me becuase of my height is shallow. But guess what, one day she let it slip that she had a height preference. She basically called me too short to match what she thought was hot. Again, you don't know if it's the truth, or if she just said it so you would leave her alone. Imo if all she cares about is hot, then she is not relationship material as far as I'm concerned. I think Megan Fox is smoking hot, but i wouldn't date her, because she is a physco. I would not be surprised if all women that knew me, thought I was too short whether she was consciously aware of the thought or not. Does that mean that all those girls were shallow and therefore not worth bothering with? no, I specifically said if they rejected just because of your height. Stop fixating on your height. Your issue with your height is just as bad as someone who has bulimia, your letting your body image control the rest of your life (at least when it comes to women and dating). Yeah, I'm 30 years old and never had a girlfriend. Girls have never liked me. Do you really expect me to have a happy and positive view of dating and women? Do you want to be single at 60? I'm not saying you have to be on cloud 9 about it, but if you don't have a positive outlook it's never going to get better for you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 So let's tackle this tendency to downplay our expectations in potential mates. Is it self justification or what? No, you are simply being unrealistic.
somedude81 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 IMO yes, However bear in mind if you ask a woman why she rejects you stand a good chance of not getting the truth for any number of reasons. Yeah and that's a big problem. So while it may be my height, odds are she wouldn't say that it was unless she had no tact. Again, you don't know if it's the truth, or if she just said it so you would leave her alone. Imo if all she cares about is hot, then she is not relationship material as far as I'm concerned. I think Megan Fox is smoking hot, but i wouldn't date her, because she is a physco. No I think it was totally unintentional on her part. Also I'm the one who brought it up. I asked her something like what is her idea of a hot guy, and she named a video game character. I said that I could pull him off, and she said no and that I was too short. no, I specifically said if they rejected just because of your height. Stop fixating on your height. Your issue with your height is just as bad as someone who has bulimia, your letting your body image control the rest of your life (at least when it comes to women and dating). As a short man who has had terrible dating experience, constantly being bombarded by sources telling me that women only want tall men, it's impossible not to fixate on my height. Do you want to be single at 60? I'm not saying you have to be on cloud 9 about it, but if you don't have a positive outlook it's never going to get better for you. I would love to be able to have a positive outlook. I just don't know how to trick myself into thinking that everything is going to be ok.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Yeah and that's a big problem. So while it may be my height, odds are she wouldn't say that it was unless she had no tact. You assume it's your height.. I think most people would pick a physical trait over a personality trait, because the person on the receiving end is more likely to blow it off. As a short man who has had terrible dating experience, constantly being bombarded by sources telling me that women only want tall men, it's impossible not to fixate on my height. I would love to be able to have a positive outlook. I just don't know how to trick myself into thinking that everything is going to be ok. You're missing the key word "want" ,very few people get everything they want. You need to seek professional help, you need to understand that this fixation on your height is purely in your head, and your number one issue.
kaylan Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) Its not shallow to reject someone you aren't attracted to. Everyone has their own preferences. Get over it. Deal with it. Edited January 20, 2012 by kaylan
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 If the majority of women will a reject a guy just because he's short, does that mean that they are all shallow? Yes, except that a majority of women WON'T reject a guy just because he's too short--that's just something you prefer to believe is true to help you feel better about your lack of confidence due to the hand you've been dealt.
xxoo Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) Yes, except that a majority of women WON'T reject a guy just because he's too short True. But you have to get past the first impressions. A man can have characteristics that turn a woman's head immediately (tall, handsome, great bod), but that only gets a guy so far. Without those physical "cues", you'll have to work a little harder to get a woman to notice you. A lot of women fall in love with men that they were not initially very attracted to. I did! But once they fall in love with you, YOU become what they are attracted to. And it happens all the time. Look around and see all the average couples with average children. Everywhere! You will probably end up with an average woman, but she won't be average in your eyes. Edited January 20, 2012 by xxoo
setsenia Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Wow, this certainly makes me feel thin! LOL. It's amazing how overweight Americans are, I think statistics say about 50% of Americans are overweight. I am 5'3" and when I weighed 150lbs after gaining weight at a previous job, it was very heavy on me. I couldn't imagine weighing more than 130lbs. I do know what you mean by setting your goals high and 30k a year is hardly anything, especially where I live where you need close to a six figure combined income to afford the high priced housing. It has always been important to me to find a partner who wants to make the best of their life. Has ambition to go to school or into a trade and have a rewarding career not just settle for "average". This is because my dad placed such emphasis on going to college and having a good stable job, home and etc.
somedude81 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Its not shallow to reject someone you aren't attracted to. Everyone has their own preferences. Get over it. Deal with it. It's a little hard to get over and deal with it, when absolutely everybody I've ever liked has rejected me. The only thing I see is that everybody has their preferences, and none of those include me. Yes, except that a majority of women WON'T reject a guy just because he's too short--that's just something you prefer to believe is true to help you feel better about your lack of confidence due to the hand you've been dealt. And this is where I disagree with you and everybody else who says the same thing. Here's the deal. If I'm rejected by a woman without given a reason by her, I will automatically believe that it's because she thinks I'm too short. Then I will look for factors that reinforce that belief; usually women who are with men who are much taller than myself.
KathyM Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Wow, this certainly makes me feel thin! LOL. It's amazing how overweight Americans are, I think statistics say about 50% of Americans are overweight. I am 5'3" and when I weighed 150lbs after gaining weight at a previous job, it was very heavy on me. I couldn't imagine weighing more than 130lbs. I do know what you mean by setting your goals high and 30k a year is hardly anything, especially where I live where you need close to a six figure combined income to afford the high priced housing. It has always been important to me to find a partner who wants to make the best of their life. Has ambition to go to school or into a trade and have a rewarding career not just settle for "average". This is because my dad placed such emphasis on going to college and having a good stable job, home and etc. Actually, the figure is over 60% of Americans are overweight--roughly 2/3rds. Mainly because of our high fat, high calorie diet, our sedentary lifestyle, and our portion size. Everything is supersized now. If you go to other countries, very few people are overweight, because their diets are lower in fat, their food portions are smaller, and they move around more.
setsenia Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Actually, the figure is over 60% of Americans are overweight--roughly 2/3rds. Mainly because of our high fat, high calorie diet, our sedentary lifestyle, and our portion size. Everything is supersized now. If you go to other countries, very few people are overweight, because their diets are lower in fat, their food portions are smaller, and they move around more. Oh wow, yeah that definitely makes sense. This is why my husband and I frequently share meals at American restaurants, because they are so huge.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 And this is where I disagree with you and everybody else who says the same thing. Here's the deal. If I'm rejected by a woman without given a reason by her, I will automatically believe that it's because she thinks I'm too short. Then I will look for factors that reinforce that belief; usually women who are with men who are much taller than myself. And this is your biggest problem, untill you get yourself out of this mental rut, you are going to have problems.
iris219 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) Here's the deal. If I'm rejected by a woman without given a reason by her, I will automatically believe that it's because she thinks I'm too short. Then I will look for factors that reinforce that belief; usually women who are with men who are much taller than myself. Of course you will. It easier to pretend it's something out of your control because then you don't have to do anything.You're hiding behind something you can't change (height) rather than fixing what you can. That way, you can just wait for a girl who likes short guys to knock on your door. You're terrified of moving out of your comfort zone. Have you consider therapy (not being condescending, I think it would be immensely helpful)? Edited January 20, 2012 by iris219
KathyM Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 And this is your biggest problem, untill you get yourself out of this mental rut, you are going to have problems. Well, let's not deny his reality. He has said women have rejected him because he is short. Women have commented on his height. Women do prefer taller men. I'm sure that does have something to do with his difficulty. He can have more success by improving his outlook, approaching more women, maybe focusing on women from cultures where men are shorter on average, and having expectations of women that are more realistic, not just focusing on the upper 20% of the dating pool.
somedude81 Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Thanks Wolf. There really isn't anything I can add. Most people don't know what it's like to go through life knowing that you are nobodies ideal and you will only date if somebody settles for you.
Star Gazer Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 First off, any women who would strait up reject a guy based purely on his height, is shallow and not worth bothering with (at-least as far as I'm concerned).. So you're saying a woman who is not attracted to short men should date them anyways, otherwise they're shallow? People find different things attractive versus unattractive. I think it's pretty odd that you'd even suggest that anyone - male or female - date someone they find unattractive.
Author misssmartypants Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 Wow, so how many threads has somedude81 jacked and made all about his height and the evil women who won't date him? You are not you height. You are not you fitness level or your weight or accomplishments. No one diserves anything other than to be treated with basic courtesy, which many find to be challenging.
xxoo Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I think it's pretty odd that you'd even suggest that anyone - male or female - date someone they find unattractive. I don't think people should date anyone they find unattractive. But I don't understand being universally unattracted to all men under a certain height, or all women over a certain weight. You may be overlooking someone with whom you have incredible chemistry, and attraction would soar if you just got to know them.
FitChick Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 there's no woman who will prefer a guy whose 5'6 over a guy that's 5'10 unless the 5'6 guy has some compelling advantages over the 5'10 That's why many short men are successful in their careers. You know what you need to do.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Hey, Star Gazer xxoo gets it. Take Michael J. Fox, he is the same height as somedude, and I can only imagine how many women would have snatched him up when he was in his prime. But I don't understand being universally unattracted to all men under a certain height, or all women over a certain weight. You may be overlooking someone with whom you have incredible chemistry, and attraction would soar if you just got to know them.
ScreamingTrees Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Nobody answered me. I'm a male, 18 years old, 5'7, and I fluctuate from 120 lbs. to 130 lbs. Apparently 143 lbs. is the perfect weight, so is 10-15 lbs. going to lead to health complications? The average "woman" weighs more than me.. I'm still young, but what if I don't grow as time passes? Should I be worried? Is a healthy looking build / active lifestyle / healthy diet irrelevant considering my "stats"?
kaylan Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Hey, Star Gazer xxoo gets it. Take Michael J. Fox, he is the same height as somedude, and I can only imagine how many women would have snatched him up when he was in his prime. Comparison fail.Michael J. Fox is rich and famous, as well as good looking. Somedude is neither rich or famous...and I dunno if hes good looking since I forget what he looks like.
xxoo Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 Comparison fail.Michael J. Fox is rich and famous, as well as good looking. Somedude is neither rich or famous...and I dunno if hes good looking since I forget what he looks like. It has still happened that way for me, with regular people (not rich, not famous, not movie star good looking). I'm not naturally drawn to guys my height (5'3"), but I've been weak in the knees for to 2 men my height, and more between that height and "average" height. I'm not naturally drawn to thin guys, but have been driven to distraction by a couple very thin men. I would think the same applied to others, including men who prefer thin women finding themselves attracted to a couple large women who just DO IT for them. My own husband was not someone I was particularly attracted to when we first met. Now, he defines my "type". Our chemistry was not to be denied!
somedude81 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I want to return to this thread after being out and about and just noticing women around me. Is the average woman of today fat? Everywhere around me I just see fat women, and many are with men who thinner than they are. Thankfully most young women I see aren't obese, so there must be a certain age where women just balloon. But why does this happen? Browsing around the web I found this article. The top of article asks, "Alice is beautiful, confident and the average size of a woman in Britain today... so why does she still feel fat?" And a quick glance at her picture gives the answer. Because she is. Now does that mean, that women who are not overweight, are now considered above average and thus expect to only date the above average men, who actually make an effort to look good? Then that means if a guy is not above average, his only choice is now the average obese woman?
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