WildWildWest Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Been involved with a MM for almost 4 years now... I try so hard to stop seeing him but its really hard to do... Any women out there in my shoes? Would be nice to talk to someone in the same situation.
Heather1 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Oh, I am!! Off & on for 4 yrs, now off. Addictive isn't it?? Confusing & a friggin roller coaster....did I mention the killer sex? Do you want to maintain or need help getting out?? Hopefully I can help w/ the getting out part. Just to let you know though, I wasn't in a situation where we were the love of each others lives & soulmates. That might be a lot harder to break?
cuddlekeeper Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Hi I am in the same situation and some days it kills me and some days I cant get the smile off my face :-) We have been seeing each other for over 5 years now. I didn't know he was married at first, it took me 18 months to work it out :-( If you would like to chat I would love to talk with you. I dont know how the chat thing works on here but u can find me where the mail is hot. Hope to hear from you Cuddlekeeper
Author WildWildWest Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 with someone who is in a similar situation.. Everyone is so judgemental and the first thing out there mouth is "its wrong, get out" Dont you think I kno its wrong? and its alot easier said than done.. they arent in my shoes... thats why I'm looking for someone who is going thru the same thing.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I tried to send u a private message but it says u dont receive private messages.. if u want u can message me and we can chat.
Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I think you have to have a # of posts to PM? There's a lot of variables & what you expect as a future, whatever that looks like for you.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 its not something I really want to talk about on here for everybody to read.. just looking to talk to someone in the same shoes privatley.. I dont need all the negative remarks from other ppl about how Im doing wrong.
Owl Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Then you're probably posting in the wrong place. This is a public forum. If you're looking for people that you can chat privately with, a public forum probably isn't the spot. There is another spinoff forum created by some pool of members/former members here that might be more along the lines of what you're looking for...perhaps one of those members will contact you and assist you if they feel it's a good solution to your needs.
Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 That goes in waves, but it is frustrating because most of us have told no one & it would be nice to be a safe place for people in similar situations to either stay in or get out. I kind of ignore the bashing.....because it's kind of pathetic really. The majority understand what you're going through though. You can read their posts & stories if you click on their names & it will show you threads started. See who's story you relate to. A ONS is different from a LTA, one person single is different from both M, etc.. If your looking for the magic trick to have your AP leave their spouse, that hasn't been solved yet . Neither has the 50/50 d rate. It's all a crap shoot. If he makes you feel good, yeah! If he doesn't, A or M or whatever, not worth your time.
Owl Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 That goes in waves, but it is frustrating because most of us have told no one & it would be nice to be a safe place for people in similar situations to either stay in or get out. I kind of ignore the bashing.....because it's kind of pathetic really. The majority understand what you're going through though. Check out GloryB or TOW. LS is an "open forum", which means you're going to get posters replying from all kinds of various viewpoints. OW, BS's, folks who have never been impacted by infidielity. Some of it might be bashing...those are the ones you report to the mods. They're against the TOS. Some folks may not say something you agree with or like...but...as long as it's done respectfully, it's not bashing nor against the TOS. Support doesn't mean agreeing with you. If you want agreemant...LS doesn't promise that, and is probably not the best forum to be seeking it at. Again, GloryB or TOW might be your way to go. You can read their posts & stories if you click on their names & it will show you threads started. See who's story you relate to. A ONS is different from a LTA, one person single is different from both M, etc.. If your looking for the magic trick to have your AP leave their spouse, that hasn't been solved yet . Neither has the 50/50 d rate. It's all a crap shoot. If he makes you feel good, yeah! If he doesn't, A or M or whatever, not worth your time. Agreed. Everyone's view (and advice) will be based on their experiences, and you'll see experiences of all types here. Support you can find here, in plenty. One on one conversations...kinda frowned upon by the establishment.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 But we have been thru ALOT together and I do love him and he claims to love me (whether or not its true is a different story). He makes me feel great, he is ALWAYS there for me when I need him. He is the perfect boyfriend, does eveything a boyfriend should and even over does it sometimes.. only problem.. he's married.. Honestly I dont even know what I want for the furture, I enjoy being with him but not sure if I would want him full time.. I enjoy my freedom and as selfish as it seems, I get all I need with this relationship and get to keep the freedom as well.. I kno what Im doing is wrong and it wasnt supposed to happen like this.. It was supposed to be a fling and here we are almost 4 years later.. its a very complicated story with alot more details.. just looking for someone in a similar situation.
Heather1 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Sounds like you're single....keep posting & it'll give you PM after awhile, I can't remember the #. The privilege sites might not let you in right away unless they see it's a sincere story.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 When all this first started I was not.. we were both married.. my marriage was on the rocks and absoultley horrible.. which is probably the reason I even started this so many years ago.. after the first year my husband found out, we still tried to make it work but after 6 months we seperated. He died a year later. He however is still married and "stuck" as he likes to put it.. cant afford to leave.. bla bla bla.. Part of me wishes we would have just had a one time fling and the other part cant imagine what my life would be like without him.. he is a VERY big part of it.. The end of 2010 we had NC for 3 months, I was doing pretty good.. somehow we started back to talking and havent been apart since.. I cant figure out what it is about him that im so hooked on.
OWandinlove Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Hi, I too am in your possition, I have been reading a lot out here, but have not posted often. Your post is the first that has hit me as me, I have been with my MM for 4yrs now and its true its not an easy situation. I would love to also have contact with someone in my situation.
cuddlekeeper Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Hi Owandinlove Can u please adjust your preferences so that I can Private Message you? If u dont know how to do this go to top left My Profile/CP then drop down the box to messages and then go to edit options and find the one that says allow PM's and make sure they all say everyone. regards Cuddlekeeper
AtotheN Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Over 5 years for me, I've added my own post with my complicated story, but we were caught by his wife, in my bed. We have continued the relationship, and I guess I can say I've transitioned from Mistress to Girlfriend. All relationships are complicated, ours is no different. I'm under no dilution that they sleep together. I'm also under no dilution that she uses that sex to try to distract him from me, which obviously hasn't worked. What I do know is that our relationship has become stronger now that we are honest with her and other people. We don't over publicize the relationship, but we don't hide it anymore either. I can tell you that living in secret is no fun at all, I cried myself to sleep many nights, especially the ones that he left me in my bed alone, or I saw them out together. Always telling people that I had no one in my life I cared about was painful. I have always been proud of him and who he is, and to deny that to people seemed incredibly hurtful. I feel so light now, a mountain of burden got lifted, and once the initial aftermath of the affair being found out passed, we found ourselves closer. As much as its not a perfect life, I do consider him my best friend. Don't go through life hiding who you are and who you love. It took a drastic turn of events for us to be where we are, but the fact that we're on the other side of it now at least makes me feel that it was not all one sided. In the end, does he care for you enough that you both can go through something horrible, and he will be there for you? That's what's important.
Ms. Red Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Hi Owandinlove Can u please adjust your preferences so that I can Private Message you? If u dont know how to do this go to top left My Profile/CP then drop down the box to messages and then go to edit options and find the one that says allow PM's and make sure they all say everyone. regards Cuddlekeeper One doesn't get PM's until they've posted 30 days and 50 posts. They can of course become a supporting member and pay to get PM's sooner.
Capris Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 AtotheN, how hard was it during the phase inbetween mistress to gf? Was he distant? Your story just hit me, specially the "telling to everyone i dont care for someone". I too am single. Today im feeling so depressed. Ive cried myself to sleep too many nights, specially when he left me alone in it... WildWildWest, im in your shoes. Its the hardest thing.
OWandinlove Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Wild west, I will sign up for PM so we can chat for sure, and I can't believe the words that AtoanN types is so close to my story as well, its very hard to sneak away from everyone, we are even taking trips now and i find when we are apart I miss him more then ever. Crying yourself to sleep seems to be a given.
MissBee Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Wild west, I will sign up for PM so we can chat for sure, and I can't believe the words that AtoanN types is so close to my story as well, its very hard to sneak away from everyone, we are even taking trips now and i find when we are apart I miss him more then ever. Crying yourself to sleep seems to be a given. This is horrible. It should not be a given...there is no point being in a so-called relationship, if it makes you cry yourself to sleep. None. Is your MM planning to leave his marriage for you? Have you guys discussed this?
frozensprouts Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 This is horrible. It should not be a given...there is no point being in a so-called relationship, if it makes you cry yourself to sleep. None. Is your MM planning to leave his marriage for you? Have you guys discussed this? that is very sad...the idea that you are hurting that much isn't right...does he know you hurt this much? If not, maybe he should.
jaloka Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 6 years and counting. first 3 were just physical, on and off. the last 3 have been wonderful, loving, passionate, etc. i know MM will never leave, he made it clear from day 1. i'm mostly happy OW but at times i do wish he wasn't married.
Author WildWildWest Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 And Im pretty sure I am ok with that but yet there are times I wish he wasnt married.. I just cant believe its been almost 4 years for us.. I honestly thought it was going to be a fling.. for some reason we cannot stay away from each other even tho we both try.. and like I have said before.. I kno its wrong and I wish I could break free but something will not let me let go.
skywriter Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I kno its wrong and I wish I could break free but something will not let me let go. "Something" will not let you go? Now that's something you should really search your heart and mind about, WWW. I believe there is something that could push right over into, "Im over this". I'm not sure what exactly but, I hope you'll discover what that is.
jennyjoseph713 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Ever had a conversation with someone who just blows you away? I had that experience chatting with Lindsay Avner, Founder and Executive Director of Bright Pink. Avner is a vibrant woman with a remarkably inspiring story. She has an extremely strong family history of both breast and ovarian cancer. At the age of 23, Avner made the controversial decision to undergo a preventative mastectomy, making her the youngest woman in the country to have the procedure.
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