ChessPieceFace Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Not everyone is you. Not everyone is a player and some guys actually care about things - it's who we are, not an article of clothing.
KungFuJoe Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 TheWholigan has a very good point and one I've brought up myself. Too many guys here all caught up in whether not a girl likes them romantically. This causes them to overthink, overreact, and plain get all nutso. Take it easy...don't worry whether or not they like you. This applies for women, too. When you meet someone of the same sex in a social situation, do you stress over whether or not they think you're attractive or if they like the words coming out of your mouth? Not so much, right? Then try to feel the same way with the OPPOSITE sex. After all, it's just PEOPLE. 1
KungFuJoe Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Her last 3 boyfriends were around 5'7, If you're going to lie, at least don't be so obvious. It's a well known LS fact that no man under 5'10" has ever gotten a date with a real life women. Ever.
KungFuJoe Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Haha of course. How silly of me. According to LS, any guy under 5'10 should just jump off a bridge and end their misery right now. That's better. 1
Mr_Flay Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I like the advice from the original post. I've been practising small, fun conversations with strangers. I guess you can call that "cold approaching", though I never intend to ask them out. Just make somebody laugh/blush/feel good, then leave. It does work on older ladies (50+), I tell you. I'll compliment their clothes, broach, or contagious smile. No romantic encounters here, but I once I inadvertently did that to the head of a big department where I work, and she said I should contact her this summer, when they'll need two more employees, in case I wanted to try working in a different department. So making small conversation definitely pays off. The reason it works on older ladies is that they're much more relaxed, though. I've tried it with girls my age, and it only works in a small minority of cases. Younger girls have their guard up to ward off unwanted cold approaches, so they'll rarely respond to me. Which is a shame, as I don't even intend to ask them out or anything. I wish people in general were more open to strangers. Isn't it difficult to have to rely only on your social circle, where people are marked as "safe" in your mind? Good things can come from striking a conversation with strangers every once in a while.
Mr_Flay Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Social circle is by far the easiest way to get girls. I can see why that works. However, I'm new in town and don't have a social circle to speak of. Yet. But there are also "bizarre" social circle situations, like a group of 2 girls and 5 guys, and both girls have at some point been with each of the 5 guys. It's like inbreeding, only in a social circle.
Revolver Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 It's more fun when you're winning. This. But that applies to everything in life
Mr_Flay Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'm also in a new town. So I have to rely on mostly cold approaches. I feel your pain, brother! I get the impression from another thread that you seem to know what you're doing in the bar scene. I myself don't have much of a "game", so I take the route of meeting new people through various activities and meet-ups without pressure, hoping that something spontaneous will develop eventually. I wish I had a mentor-wingman for the bar scene, as I'm completely clueless as to what I should actually *do*. I mean, I can come over to a woman, introduce myself and generally talk to her like I talk to my friends, but something tells me picking up requires a specific set of skills, which is why I've never been successful in this kind of thing before.
Revolver Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 It also depends on how you define winning. Losing and learning a lesson may be more valuable than a generic win. Well If I'm a man and I can get dates/sex/relationships anytime I want it's easy for me to say "don't take it too seriously" or "just have fun". It's hard for someone who mostly fails to have that attitude 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 Well If I'm a man and I can get dates/sex/relationships anytime I want it's easy for me to say "don't take it too seriously" or "just have fun". It's hard for someone who mostly fails to have that attitude Who says I get those things "any time I want"? I get more than I did before - in fact when I made the original post I was still a virgin . 1
Emilia Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Well If I'm a man and I can get dates/sex/relationships anytime I want it's easy for me to say "don't take it too seriously" or "just have fun". It's hard for someone who mostly fails to have that attitude I think it's the other way round. Those that see it as fun and enjoy socialising/human interaction in general get dates and sex easier 2
Revolver Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Who says I get those things "any time I want"? I get more than I did before - in fact when I made the original post I was still a virgin . I'm not saying you I'm saying certain people in general. Some people who are very successful at something have a tendency to say those things to people who are not successful and its easy to say that when its easy or fun for you It's not just dating its all aspects of life.
Revolver Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I think it's the other way round. Those that see it as fun and enjoy socialising/human interaction in general get dates and sex easier And they see it as fun because they're successful. Have them go on a cold steak for a while and see how fun and happy they are then
Emilia Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 And they see it as fun because they're successful. Have them go on a cold steak for a while and see how fun and happy they are then I think people's mood and attitude fluctuates in life, it's not constant but I'd say those with a positive demeanour are generally more successful. 1
StanMusial Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I think it's the other way round. Those that see it as fun and enjoy socialising/human interaction in general get dates and sex easier This is generally true. Being a "lone wolf" seems like a hard slog to me. Most of the highly attractive women I have met require quite a bit of entertainment. If that responsibility falls on one person, good luck holding on to her for more than a month. 1
Revolver Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I think people's mood and attitude fluctuates in life, it's not constant but I'd say those with a positive demeanour are generally more successful. Ehh were probably going in circles but I disagree. People are successful because of their talent/what they bring to the table, not their "positive demeanor". If I suck at something how happy I am is irrelevant. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Yes, the happy go lucky attitude will magically make everything better. Yeah. Right. Face it, no one wants to play a game that they keep losing at. Eventually you get resentful and angry... 2
grkBoy Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Quick thread before I go studio..... Was talking to my brother and one of his (many) female friends yesterday (very good looking). It struck me that his demeanor has always been one of fun and outright cheekiness. My brother is naturally very cocky at times, but at the heart of it, lies someone who literally doesn't put much stock in his encounters with women. I am learning to do the same, and I have noticed I'm having much more fun talking to women, and it's serving me well so far, and will get better. So guys, lets make a more concerted effort to have more fun and relax instead of building up all this madness in our heads leading up to "asking her out", making it a straight yes or no thing. Let's just make it fun! I agree. When I came out of my MGTOW period, I stopped holding hopes and expectations when I went out on dates. I simply went out with my fiance with only the thought of spending time with a pretty lady. I didn't work or push or hope something more would happen. I actually carried it in me that she will probably be a "typical female" and flake on me or go psycho and run. Bear in mind this is how I looked at females in that state of mind. It made me more relaxed, and she even told me years later that she thought I wasn't into her initially. It made her suddenly work to get me...rather than me always working to get the girl. I think many men need to stop going on initial dates hoping this girl will like him enough to be his girlfriend, and just go out with the thought of a nice evening with a lady. If you're a guy who then thinks you're spending money and not getting anything in return, then it's obvious you're equating dating with prostitution, and you're better served then hiring an escort over trying to date. 3
clia Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 That was posted on 18th January 2012, 6:15 AM Almost a year and a half later and my mindset hasn't changed at all. About a month before that post I had a major fallout with my crush and was feeling absolutely horrible. I still miss that girl. (God I'm such a loser) Your mindset hasn't changed because YOU haven't changed. Since January 2012, you've posted over 50 threads, many covering the exact same topics, and have been given loads of great advice. The Wholigan, in particular, has gone out of his way to try to help you. So have a lot of other people. But, you've continued to do exactly what you are doing. You poo poo any advice you don't agree with. You blame your height. You blame your race. You don't want to online date. You don't want to try Meetup. You don't want to try to date women your own age. You get mad when women aren't interested in you. If you want better results -- and to be on the winning side -- maybe it is time for you to face the reality that what you are currently doing is not working. Maybe it's time for you to open yourself up to trying something new. From where I'm sitting, you have nothing to lose. You are already depressed and don't have a girlfriend -- what could it possibly hurt to try something different? What could it possibly hurt to join a 30s Meetup group in your area, to go to a few events, interact with some new people, and see what happens? Worst case scenario you have a terrible time for a couple of hours. Best case scenario you meet some new friends, or even a potential new girlfriend. Mid case scenario you get out of the house and have a nice time for an afternoon or evening.
Mr_Flay Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I didn't work or push or hope something more would happen. I actually carried it in me that she will probably be a "typical female" and flake on me or go psycho and run. Bear in mind this is how I looked at females in that state of mind. It made me more relaxed, and she even told me years later that she thought I wasn't into her initially. It made her suddenly work to get me...rather than me always working to get the girl. I wish it worked for me too. When I did OLD, I never went on a date/meet-up with any expectations. Rather, the girls I went on a meet-up had high expectations. Then they would find some flaw on me and ignore me later. Sometimes it just doesn't work despite all the relaxation on your part. Before I landed this job, I went through many job interviews, and was completely relaxed on each one of them. So I'm not nervous on dates either. Curiously enough, it doesn't make them want to "work" to get me.
Jethro Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'll tell you a little story that may seem like it has nothing to do with the subject... I've been a motorcycle rider for a long time, but in 2006 I bought my first real sport bike. One of the good buddies I ride with frequently thought it would be fun to do some drag racing. When he was young, he did a lot of drag racing and we both thought it would be a hoot. So we pick a time, and while I have 20 years of motorcycling under my belt, I have never been on a dragstrip, so we agree I can get a few trips down the track on my own. I register, go through tech and wait for my turn at the tree (the countdown light that tells you when to go). I decide for my first run I simply want to get a feel for the track, so I will imagine I am just at a stoplight on the street and casually will go through the gears. I ended up with a 1/4 mile run of 11.21 and a trap speed of 128 mph. But here is what is interesting... I had 11 more runs that night- a good night for bikes- and never had a run that quick. As I tried harder and made more effort I got significantly worse. I would jump the light, bounce off the rev limiter, miss shifts or lift the front end. Every mistake you make can amount to at least a half second which is an eternity in drag racing. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit and over the next two years probably made 150 passes at the track. And the most interesting thing? It was almost two years before I finally beat my very first time. It's obvious what I am driving at, but it is totally true. You try too hard and you are going to fail. 1
StanMusial Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'll tell you a little story that may seem like it has nothing to do with the subject... I've been a motorcycle rider for a long time, but in 2006 I bought my first real sport bike. One of the good buddies I ride with frequently thought it would be fun to do some drag racing. When he was young, he did a lot of drag racing and we both thought it would be a hoot. So we pick a time, and while I have 20 years of motorcycling under my belt, I have never been on a dragstrip, so we agree I can get a few trips down the track on my own. I register, go through tech and wait for my turn at the tree (the countdown light that tells you when to go). I decide for my first run I simply want to get a feel for the track, so I will imagine I am just at a stoplight on the street and casually will go through the gears. I ended up with a 1/4 mile run of 11.21 and a trap speed of 128 mph. But here is what is interesting... I had 11 more runs that night- a good night for bikes- and never had a run that quick. As I tried harder and made more effort I got significantly worse. I would jump the light, bounce off the rev limiter, miss shifts or lift the front end. Every mistake you make can amount to at least a half second which is an eternity in drag racing. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit and over the next two years probably made 150 passes at the track. And the most interesting thing? It was almost two years before I finally beat my very first time. It's obvious what I am driving at, but it is totally true. You try too hard and you are going to fail. Yeah its like telling someone to "try and relax." Or "hurry up and wait". Golf is the same way. Taking a huge swing with straining muscles and a huge effort does not yield the result you think. Whereas a relaxed yet controlled swing with proper technique and mechanics results in a 300 yard drive. Its counter intuitive. Experience is the best teacher. 1
grkBoy Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I wish it worked for me too. When I did OLD, I never went on a date/meet-up with any expectations. Rather, the girls I went on a meet-up had high expectations. Then they would find some flaw on me and ignore me later. Sometimes it just doesn't work despite all the relaxation on your part. Before I landed this job, I went through many job interviews, and was completely relaxed on each one of them. So I'm not nervous on dates either. Curiously enough, it doesn't make them want to "work" to get me. I would tell you though not to see it as "I wasn't good enough for those women" and instead look at it as "they set the bar way too high and thus keep themselves single". It's impossible for any man or woman to be the "perfection" many dream up. No woman out there is going to have a perfect cover-girl face/body combined with a brain/education/career AND dress well AND has a heart of gold AND goes from lady to pornstar the moment she enters the bedroom AND won't have a high list of qualities her ideal man must have. No man out there is going to look like Bradley Cooper, make big money, be fun, down-to-Earth, kind, sensitive, manly AND will want marriage/kids AND isn't holding out for some young trophy. The point is some hold the bar too high, and one shouldn't feel down because they couldn't be deemed "worthy". They instead should see those folks as too picky and obviously not worth their time. 1
ltjg45 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 If I ever feel like dating is actually worth it, I will let you all know how that goes. I'm sure, regardless of my intentions, it is not going to be a ton of fun in the end. 1
somedude81 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Your mindset hasn't changed because YOU haven't changed. Since January 2012, you've posted over 50 threads, many covering the exact same topics, and have been given loads of great advice. The Wholigan, in particular, has gone out of his way to try to help you. So have a lot of other people. But, you've continued to do exactly what you are doing. You poo poo any advice you don't agree with. You blame your height. You blame your race. You don't want to online date. You don't want to try Meetup. You don't want to try to date women your own age. You get mad when women aren't interested in you. If you want better results -- and to be on the winning side -- maybe it is time for you to face the reality that what you are currently doing is not working. Maybe it's time for you to open yourself up to trying something new. From where I'm sitting, you have nothing to lose. You are already depressed and don't have a girlfriend -- what could it possibly hurt to try something different? What could it possibly hurt to join a 30s Meetup group in your area, to go to a few events, interact with some new people, and see what happens? Worst case scenario you have a terrible time for a couple of hours. Best case scenario you meet some new friends, or even a potential new girlfriend. Mid case scenario you get out of the house and have a nice time for an afternoon or evening. Joining groups and interacting with people is not enough. I know this from years of experience.
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