Buttercup84 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 So I'm checking my email when I'm at dinner tonight . Email from my ex . My first thought - spam . 2nd thought - issue about our house , he wants money .. But I almost vomited my food up when I saw it . He said he miss me so much , never stopped loving me and he regrets it . That he handled it all very badly and treated me very badly too . And he said if he had the chance he would make it up to me for the rest of his life , but he understands if I hate him . And he would do anything to have me back . He's moved to another state because he couldn't stand living in our house . Ugh . Confused . It's funny , I was just getting happier and looking forward to my future again . He said he never loved anyone as much as he loves me and no one has made such an impact on him .
Philosoraptor Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Sounds like he had a big change (moving) and wants to grasp onto something familiar. From what I recall you know this guy isn't good for you and was very emotionally abusive. You are the only one who can decide on what to do here... but I'd ignore it completely until I saw something concrete. You've made too much progress and went through too much in the past to get sucked back into this.
immitable Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 well, that's good news Buttercup , I am glad for you.
mike588 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 So I'm checking my email when I'm at dinner tonight . Email from my ex . My first thought - spam . 2nd thought - issue about our house , he wants money .. But I almost vomited my food up when I saw it . He said he miss me so much , never stopped loving me and he regrets it . That he handled it all very badly and treated me very badly too . And he said if he had the chance he would make it up to me for the rest of his life , but he understands if I hate him . And he would do anything to have me back . He's moved to another state because he couldn't stand living in our house . Ugh . Confused . It's funny , I was just getting happier and looking forward to my future again . He said he never loved anyone as much as he loves me and no one has made such an impact on him . Hey Butter, OMG now you got it too (contact) It's funny how when you start to get over that person....bury the past they reach out to you. It can hurt but it can feel great too! Do what you feels best for you but I'd ignore it and continue to move on and heal. Keep me/us posted. As always my best to you!!
Exit Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I'm happy for you. Not that anything necessarily has to come from it, and I know it probably partially feels crappy and confusing, but there's gotta be some small aspect of it that at least feels satisfying. Enjoy the moment and realize that you can take your sweet time deciding if you're going to say anything at all or keep on movin' on. I'm sure it's tempting to want to believe everything he said, but it takes 2 minutes to type out and email and unfortunately we never really know if these ex's have any true remorse in their heart or if they just want what is best for them.
spicolli Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I am going to play devils advocate here, which I actually hate doing, so please don't hate me for it. There are a lot of positives from this email. The first is, he is making his intention very clear ( I am not implying they are genuine, I don't know the man so it is not for me to jjudge.) He has emailed you and straight up told you what he wants so now (un)fortunately the ball is in your court. This isn't a missed call, a fb request, a restricted number with no one on the other end, etc. That so many of us have gotten. The second is I truly believe that the way you remained strong and played the cards as they were dealt to you, has brought it to this point. I remember reading your story and he wasn't very good to you at the end of the relationship. Something about being on a dating site before you ended if I was correct. So at this point, it is you who know him better than I, so I think taking some serious time and thinking about what your next step is going to be is ideal. The biggest benefit to all of this is your reaction, think about the way you handleded receiving this email, from what I have been reading, I don't know if you would have handled it with the grace, patience and strength, that you have now, a few short months ago. It shows me that you are truly ready toyou make a rational decision, and one that is best for YOU! I wish you nothing but the best.
CaliBabe Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Wow, thats amazing. Definitely not small breadcrumbs. What do you think your going to do? What's in the water for all these exes to come out with this contact?
geegirl Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I'm sorry to say this but it's just an email. An email. Words are never a guarantee. I believe this guy was emotionally abusive to you and behaviors of that nature don't just turn around. Now that he has moved away, there is probably a sense of calm within him knowing that he can/may have you back but within the safe confines of comfortable distance. Actions, actions, actions. An email is just an email.
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Thanks for thinking of me, and thanks for the apology; it meant a lot. If you were to never treat another human being the way you treated me, I believe you will be closer to finding your own peace and happiness, and you'll also be fulfilling your wish to make it up to me. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
fucpcg Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I don't believe that any relationship goes perfect, in fact I know they don't. Divorce rate is 50%, and many still married shouldn't be. I don't know your story, but I am a person who goes against the grain in here by saying a breakup isn't proof that you should cut ties forever. If you hit a rough patch, but you oncd had something amazing together, it's worth a fight to save it. I gave my ex a second chance when we first started our relationship, and it led to the best year of my life. Ironically she left me in a tough patch, and won't talk to me, and if she was in here telling her one side of the story, I bet everyone in here would tell her dump him no second chances. Would I agree that I am not a good match for her? Not at all, we were perfectly matched, but I hit a time when I struggled, just like she. The response are two different ones, hers and mine, but if she considered a second shot at us, we most likely would rekindle one amazing relationship. Having said that, you know this guy, none of the people in here do, YOU need to make that call.
flitzanu Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Thanks for thinking of me, and thanks for the apology; it meant a lot. If you were to never treat another human being the way you treated me, I believe you will be closer to finding your own peace and happiness, and you'll also be fulfilling your wish to make it up to me. I hope everything works out for you. Take care. if i ever get an email from an ex, i'm having you write my response. this is pure gold up there ^^^ in relation to someone that ACTUALLY treated you like garbage.
carhill Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 (edited) Thanks for thinking of me, and thanks for the apology; it meant a lot. If you were to never treat another human being the way you treated me, I believe you will be closer to finding your own peace and happiness, and you'll also be fulfilling your wish to make it up to me. I hope everything works out for you. Take care. You are golden sir When I read the OP, I had this sudden impulse to take the words from that e-mail, put on my most sincere puppy dog face and make a youtube video out of it. Edited January 18, 2012 by carhill I don't think 'impulsion' is a word LOL
Dark Phoenix Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Buttercup, since you are 4 months out, may I ask how he emotionally abused you?
MidnightinMadrid Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I am going to play devils advocate here, which I actually hate doing, so please don't hate me for it. There are a lot of positives from this email. The first is, he is making his intention very clear ( I am not implying they are genuine, I don't know the man so it is not for me to jjudge.) He has emailed you and straight up told you what he wants so now (un)fortunately the ball is in your court. This isn't a missed call, a fb request, a restricted number with no one on the other end, etc. That so many of us have gotten. The second is I truly believe that the way you remained strong and played the cards as they were dealt to you, has brought it to this point. I remember reading your story and he wasn't very good to you at the end of the relationship. Something about being on a dating site before you ended if I was correct. So at this point, it is you who know him better than I, so I think taking some serious time and thinking about what your next step is going to be is ideal. The biggest benefit to all of this is your reaction, think about the way you handleded receiving this email, from what I have been reading, I don't know if you would have handled it with the grace, patience and strength, that you have now, a few short months ago. It shows me that you are truly ready toyou make a rational decision, and one that is best for YOU! I wish you nothing but the best. Great answer,you are right on target with this reply,as with others. I wish you can help me with my dilemna too. Anyway to the OP,it is a very positive thing. You got the 'I made a mistake' and an e-mail to which is more than any of us can wish for. So take your time,very important,trust your gut,and take your time. Hope it all works out for you!
spicolli Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 If I can help, or just offer advice through my experiences, I will definitely try!
Author Buttercup84 Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Thanks for all your replies . Well we have been talking and he said he can still imagine us having kids , that he was selfish for the way he was , that he never loved anyone as much as me . We talk today and he said he is not in love with me ( "I don't know " is what he said ) and he felt so guilty and depressed , and missed me that is why he emailed me again . He said its hard because he is across the country now . After saying he would do anything to be with me and make me happy for the rest of his life . I have been crying a bit and I am incredibly hurt , feeling incredibly stupid that I let him do that to me . Thinking he had changed . I am going to try and be strong , not break down like I did before . Going to my thearapist tomorrow anyway thank God . I can get through this , right ?
betterdeal Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Buttercup84, he's bored and lonely, and that's not good enough reason to waste your tears on him.
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