Emilia Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Hmm... well it seems like I have some things going for me. And I'm not super ugly... Yet I still don't get a ton of interest. Sometimes I wonder if I come across as too active. Is that ever intimidating? I'm a runner, I've climbed a few mountains (but don't make a habit out of it) - lots of my pictures reflect these types of activities, although I have several that are not of these kinds of things too. A friend was once trying to set me up with someone and he thought I was too "hardcore" just from how much I ran. You will get a lot of nerdy, geeky guys in online dating who sit in front of their PCs all day.
Author lilyblue Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 You will get a lot of nerdy, geeky guys in online dating who sit in front of their PCs all day. It's true. In this area there are a huge amount of outdoorsy guys online as well though.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I've never done "on-line dating". I can only limit my attraction to forum life where mostly you don't see a picture in the avatar box. (BTW I wish guys would not post pix of women as their avatars. It's really inconsiderate.) What attracts me to a female forum personality can start with her choice of screen name. I don't think it gets any better than "Forever Learning" but there are some classy names that are very appealing. After that it's the sensibilities that are reflected an the balance of give and take. Humor helps. Contentiousness kills. Willingness to praise or validate others is a very appealing trait, and I don't know of anyone better or more liberal at it than the previously named poster. Magnetic.
veggirl Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Your profile sounds fine, except that I think it might scare away non-atheletic guys, but for you that might be okay! Most people are just looking at pics. Unless you have something like "I kick puppies", I doubt you'll TRULY scare away most guys, as long as your pics are good.
turt Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Your profile looks fine to me except for the ice climber part. It shows that you are active in life and might be an interesting person. If someone finds that your lifestyle is too athletic for them, there is no point starting something with them! They're probably pretty boring! As for pictures, you should show your whole body if you don't already. If you have an athletic body, it makes you much more attractive than the majority women (at least for me anyway).
Imajerk17 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 (edited) Anyone who says that the primary profile picture isn't what initially attracts someone to look at a profile (aside from seeing someone in your "Viewed You" list) is full of crap. Various types of pictures are important, and I personally hate the bathroom mirror pics of women as much as women claim to hate the bathroom mirror pics of guys...I mean, seriously...? Humor in a profile is key. Sarcasm is incredibly important for me, and there are only a couple of profiles that I've ever read that actually made me laugh out loud to myself. Tell a story rather than make direct statements about yourself. Make me think. Anything sort of stated physical requirement is an instant turnoff (probably because I don't fit that requirement... ). Also, I personally view any sort of "disclaimer" saying that she isn't here for hookups or FWB situations as a pretty clear reflection of her level of intelligence...I mean seriously, you aren't smart enough to figure that out on your own when you talk to or meet these guys...? I mostly agree with USMCHokie. Pictures are really 75% of the profile. I like: --A headshot or two --A tastefully revealing full-body shot. A picture of you in a sundress or a bathing suit is perfect. --A picture of you with your friends. Yes I'd like to know you have friends! I don't like --Pictures of you getting to palsy-walsy with another guy. I'm wondering who this guy is and if you would be too much drama. --Too many headshots, and none showing what you look like below the waist. I don't need to see what you look like with the red blouse, the orange blouse, the yellow blouse, AND the green blouse. Really, to a guy they're all the same picture that you're annoyingly showing us several times. --Pictures of you in the bathroom holding your cell-phone camera, especially if you're scantily clad. First of all, don't you have friends to take your picture? And second, showing that much skin just to get out attention, it looks like you're trying a little too hard. I can put up with a picture (or two) that doesn't have you in it (your dog, the Grand Canyon, ect). Think about why you are including it though. (See my last paragraph below.) I would be very careful being too negative in your text. If you say how you keep falling for losers say, I will assume that you love drama and have a bad people picker. I would NOT state salary requirements either. We get you want someone gainfully employed and it is OK to express that, but any more and you might very well come across as a gold-digger. When you are writing your profile, plant in some "hooks" so that the guy who wants to write you will have a reasonable chance to come up with some intelligent question to ask you. Write too little and all you are going to get are guys who are into you for your looks--what else do they have to go by really. Write too much and it will be hard to come up with anything more to ask you. Edited January 19, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author lilyblue Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Your profile looks fine to me except for the ice climber part. It shows that you are active in life and might be an interesting person. If someone finds that your lifestyle is too athletic for them, there is no point starting something with them! They're probably pretty boring! As for pictures, you should show your whole body if you don't already. If you have an athletic body, it makes you much more attractive than the majority women (at least for me anyway). Thanks for your feedback Veggirl and Turt. You're both right - I probably don't want someone who isn't active. Maybe there just aren't that many guys who see themselves as compatible? I don't know. I do have some full body shots - in a dress/tank top etc. I think I have a decent body, athletic but definitely look like a woman. Still, nothing!!
Author lilyblue Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 I mostly agree with USMCHokie. Pictures are really 75% of the profile. I like: --A headshot or two --A tastefully revealing full-body shot. A picture of you in a sundress or a bathing suit is perfect. --A picture of you with your friends. Yes I'd like to know you have friends! I don't like --Pictures of you getting to palsy-walsy with another guy. I'm wondering who this guy is and if you would be too much drama. --Too many headshots, and none showing what you look like below the waist. I don't need to see what you look like with the red blouse, the orange blouse, the yellow blouse, AND the green blouse. Really, to a guy they're all the same picture that you're annoyingly showing us several times. --Pictures of you in the bathroom holding your cell-phone camera, especially if you're scantily clad. First of all, don't you have friends to take your picture? And second, showing that much skin just to get out attention, it looks like you're trying a little too hard. I can put up with a picture (or two) that doesn't have you in it (your dog, the Grand Canyon, ect). Think about why you are including it though. (See my last paragraph below.) I would be very careful being too negative in your text. If you say how you keep falling for losers say, I will assume that you love drama and have a bad people picker. I would NOT state salary requirements either. We get you want someone gainfully employed and it is OK to express that, but any more and you might very well come across as a gold-digger. When you are writing your profile, plant in some "hooks" so that the guy who wants to write you will have a reasonable chance to come up with some intelligent question to ask you. Write too little and all you are going to get are guys who are into you for your looks--what else do they have to go by really. Write too much and it will be hard to come up with anything more to ask you. Thanks so much for a guy's perspective. I agree that it's probably 75% about the pictures. I've got a good variety - and none of the don't likes (bathroom shots, ha - never!). I guess either guys aren't attracted to my pictures or... I don't know. I'm not negative, definitely not a gold-digger and (I think) I mention some interesting stuff. hmm.
Imajerk17 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) Thanks so much for a guy's perspective. I agree that it's probably 75% about the pictures. I've got a good variety - and none of the don't likes (bathroom shots, ha - never!). I guess either guys aren't attracted to my pictures or... I don't know. I'm not negative, definitely not a gold-digger and (I think) I mention some interesting stuff. hmm. Well, if you'd like, I can critique your profile. PM me or post a link and I will give you my feedback... Edited January 20, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author lilyblue Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Well, if you'd like, I can critique your profile. PM me or post a link and I will give you my feedback... I can't figure out how to post a link - I don't think it'll let you see it unless you're subscribed, but this is what I have currently for my profile. Oh the profile... let's see, I am a happy, confident, athletic, affectionate woman looking to meet an exceptional man. I'm not sure exactly what that man looks like, is it you? I love to be outdoors (although if you're a hardcore ice climber, you might scare me, just a little). I run a lot, and someone who enjoys running would be great. I'm looking to get more into trail running and love going out and exploring the trails, either hiking or running. I definitely also love coming home and warming up. I coach high school gymnastics and it is the highlight of my day, every day. It's one of the most rewarding and fun things I've ever done. I'm very attracted to people who can make me laugh, are confident, optimistic and sarcastic. What's your story?
Emilia Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Thanks for your feedback Veggirl and Turt. You're both right - I probably don't want someone who isn't active. Maybe there just aren't that many guys who see themselves as compatible? I don't know. I do have some full body shots - in a dress/tank top etc. I think I have a decent body, athletic but definitely look like a woman. Still, nothing!! I'm not convinced that body shots make a difference when it comes to attracting quality men. When I put one up I get more emails from guys after casual sex or just comments like 'you have the best puppies on this site' and other nonsense. I have a shoulder shot showing that they are reasonably athletic looking, I'm happy to post full body shots on request but only to those I have had initial contact with. It seems to work. I use OKC, I live in London (pretty big city) and I'd say judging by the photos (not the profile text) about 10-20% of the men are fit/athletic (I'm very active and looking to join the police later in the year) most are bookworms/geeks/skinny 'artistic' types. It sounds to me that your biggest issue is life-style incompatibility. You need to find like minded people outside online dating, it probably isn't the right medium for you.
veggirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 OP, I really like the "whats your story" at the end of your profile. I think that's cute! I may have missed this somewhere, but do you send msgs to the guys? I can't imagine that if you do that, you wouldn't get responses.
Imajerk17 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I can't figure out how to post a link - I don't think it'll let you see it unless you're subscribed, but this is what I have currently for my profile. Oh the profile... let's see, I am a happy, confident, athletic, affectionate woman looking to meet an exceptional man. I'm not sure exactly what that man looks like, is it you? I love to be outdoors (although if you're a hardcore ice climber, you might scare me, just a little). I run a lot, and someone who enjoys running would be great. I'm looking to get more into trail running and love going out and exploring the trails, either hiking or running. I definitely also love coming home and warming up. I coach high school gymnastics and it is the highlight of my day, every day. It's one of the most rewarding and fun things I've ever done. I'm very attracted to people who can make me laugh, are confident, optimistic and sarcastic. What's your story? Well, to be honest, it's a little flat. You kind of come across in your text here as a Female Nice Guy. As in, just as many Nice Guys don't come across as masculine enough, in your text you don't come across as feminine enough. Are you really looking for a boyfriend, or a running buddy? It's easy enough to fix though. Put in a couple of exclamation points and smileys in your text for starters. What if you were also to say "I want someone to push me on the trails, and then to give me an awesome massage in the shower after. (Don't worry, I give great massages back )" There is also no "hook" as in, nothing for me to really comment on. You could say "I have been upping my mileage to train for my big race coming up, and it would be great to have someone to push me". Also, everyone online "loves their job". You would come across as more believable if you were to say "I teach high school gymnastics...some days the kids are a handful, but I really love... {say what you really love}"
Imajerk17 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I'm not convinced that body shots make a difference when it comes to attracting quality men. When I put one up I get more emails from guys after casual sex or just comments like 'you have the best puppies on this site' and other nonsense. I have a shoulder shot showing that they are reasonably athletic looking, I'm happy to post full body shots on request but only to those I have had initial contact with. It seems to work. Thing is though, that for all OP has going for her, from her question she presumably isn't attracting online enough of the men she wants to meet. So she has to come across as more alluring/feminine in her online profile. No doubt if she does that, she is going to get contacted by more creeps and losers as well. But that's just the way it goes. It can be very hard to get a great guy to be interested online unless you present yourself well online, and if you present yourself well online, undesirables will be attracted too. My online dating profile is decent enough to get me results. I get unsolicited emails from some pretty scary women though--separated 3 kids way overweight.... ewww. But I didn't write my profile for them--I wrote it for the girls I do want to meet.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 You need to find like minded people outside online dating, it probably isn't the right medium for you. Online dating is the wrong medium for the vast majority of people. Nevertheless, online dating is still a highly profitable bizness.
veggirl Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Oh my. Do not mention massages in the shower. :laugh:
Author lilyblue Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 OP, I really like the "whats your story" at the end of your profile. I think that's cute! I may have missed this somewhere, but do you send msgs to the guys? I can't imagine that if you do that, you wouldn't get responses. Thanks I do message guys sometimes, until I get so few (or no) responses that I get discouraged!
Author lilyblue Posted January 20, 2012 Author Posted January 20, 2012 Well, to be honest, it's a little flat. You kind of come across in your text here as a Female Nice Guy. As in, just as many Nice Guys don't come across as masculine enough, in your text you don't come across as feminine enough. Are you really looking for a boyfriend, or a running buddy? It's easy enough to fix though. Put in a couple of exclamation points and smileys in your text for starters. What if you were also to say "I want someone to push me on the trails, and then to give me an awesome massage in the shower after. (Don't worry, I give great massages back )" There is also no "hook" as in, nothing for me to really comment on. You could say "I have been upping my mileage to train for my big race coming up, and it would be great to have someone to push me". Also, everyone online "loves their job". You would come across as more believable if you were to say "I teach high school gymnastics...some days the kids are a handful, but I really love... {say what you really love}" Thanks for your feedback. Maybe I'll try to make it sound a little more feminine, I think I'll stay away from mentioning the shower though - would that really make you be attracted to a girl?? Seems to be selling sex to me! I'll try to incorporate a few of the other tips though, good to have a new set eyes and know it sounds a little flat. The running thing was something I really enjoyed a lot in my last relationship, so I'm sure I'm a little overly focused on that right now. I tried to stay away from the negatives of that relationship, like "I don't want a liar, someone who will run back to his ex-wife, someone calculating and dishonest".
FitChick Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 I live in London (pretty big city) and I'd say judging by the photos (not the profile text) about 10-20% of the men are fit/athletic (I'm very active and looking to join the police later in the year) most are bookworms/geeks/skinny 'artistic' types. I find that slim and fit British guys are apologetic, i.e. "I go to the gym but am not obsessive" or "I like to run but am not a fanatic" as if that is such a danger.
tigressA Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I agree with Imajerk's tips about revamping the profile text. It does read very flatly. You need to do more 'showing' and less 'telling'. Almost everyone says they 'love' or 'like' this that and the other, or that they 'are' this that and the other. I wish I still had my profile text from when I was on OKCupid that I could post here as an example. I got at least one compliment on my written profile every day. Made a lot of guys laugh. I didn't just say 'I'm funny' or 'Everyone says I'm funny' or some variation on that. I was actually funny--I wrote things I thought were amusing, and people laughed. I did have good pictures, but what really reeled in most of the (quality) guys after my pics was my profile text.
Author lilyblue Posted January 21, 2012 Author Posted January 21, 2012 Online dating is the wrong medium for the vast majority of people. Nevertheless, online dating is still a highly profitable bizness. I know, I don't love it. But seems like I'm not getting anywhere with out it either.
phineas Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I agree with Imajerk's tips about revamping the profile text. It does read very flatly. You need to do more 'showing' and less 'telling'. Almost everyone says they 'love' or 'like' this that and the other, or that they 'are' this that and the other. I wish I still had my profile text from when I was on OKCupid that I could post here as an example. I got at least one compliment on my written profile every day. Made a lot of guys laugh. I didn't just say 'I'm funny' or 'Everyone says I'm funny' or some variation on that. I was actually funny--I wrote things I thought were amusing, and people laughed. I did have good pictures, but what really reeled in most of the (quality) guys after my pics was my profile text. This. 90% of the profiles on match.com basically all say the same thing with just varying lengths of text. Followed by body type,height, & salary requirements. LOL!
turt Posted January 21, 2012 Posted January 21, 2012 I'm not convinced that body shots make a difference when it comes to attracting quality men. When I put one up I get more emails from guys after casual sex or just comments like 'you have the best puppies on this site' and other nonsense. I have a shoulder shot showing that they are reasonably athletic looking, I'm happy to post full body shots on request but only to those I have had initial contact with. It seems to work. You'll get more messages because a nice body is what many men seek. In real life, we can see your body so why not show it? You're not weeding out just undesirable men, you're weeding out quality men as well. I would also not feel right requesting a woman's body shot.
Author lilyblue Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 This. 90% of the profiles on match.com basically all say the same thing with just varying lengths of text. Yep it's true. That's why I always think it must come down to looks.
phineas Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Yep it's true. That's why I always think it must come down to looks. Not totally. I actually do read a woman's profile & I do look for common interests. Plus, i'm a homebody that goes out once in a while so i do look for similar women. A good looking one is preferable but if a woman is showing a keen interest in me & she seems cool i'll at least meet her out & see how it goes even if she isn't my ideal date.
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