Grrrr! The NERVE of MM!!!!!!!!!!

January 18, 2012

Hi all. Here is my rant for the evening. I was going to write this in Lost's thread but I really didnt want to thread jack. I can totally identify with how she is feeling!!

I saw xMM tonight. We have a class together. Do you know he had the NERVE to act like the last 7 months didnt happen? He acted all innocent like he wasent aware that Ive been in NC and that we were NOT friends anymore. He even said to me, it was nice seeing you and that I will always be his "friend" and I could always talk to him!! Does he think Im dumb? I actually wanted to ask someone if I had "Stupid" written across my face!

I cannot believe that I cried tears over this person. I cant believe that I ever thought the world of him. He is a SOB and I really feel sorry for his W.

Geezzz...Im so pissed and at myself! I am so tired of this man hurting me. *insert scream here* lol

Edited January 18, 2012 by TurningTables

January 18, 2012

Um... What I can tell you is at least you know where he "stands." He has stated that he still considers you a friend. Take that for all the possibilities that it's worth and prepare yourself for what might come. That means you prepare yourself for what the semester brings and if it's over between you guys have your brush offs in hand and ready.

"Hey do you have the notes" - Be ready with a response.

"Hey how about a study group" - Be ready with a response.

"Hey do you want to go for come coffee" - Be ready with a response.

Or you can choose the route that will allow you the ultimate repellant. The next time approaches you can tell him to f*ck off and don’t ever speak to you again. It's all up you.

Just know he's eating steak while you’re chewing on a chicken bone. Let it go. Breathe girl and let it go.

January 18, 2012

I hate that patronizing crap...saying "you'll always be a friend"

I will never be my xMM's friend. Everything he said to me was a lie and he coldy disposed of me and then wants to turn the tables and make it seem like my fault.

I do realize that even though he did some stuff to me, I did it to myself as well as I chose to put up with the bs he was giving me.

January 18, 2012

Um... What I can tell you is at least you know where he "stands." He has stated that he still considers you a friend. Take that for all the possibilities that it's worth and prepare yourself for what might come. That means you prepare yourself for what the semester brings and if it's over between you guys have your brush offs in hand and ready.

"Hey do you have the notes" - Be ready with a response.

"Hey how about a study group" - Be ready with a response.

"Hey do you want to go for come coffee" - Be ready with a response.

Or you can choose the route that will allow you the ultimate repellant. The next time approaches you can tell him to f*ck off and don’t ever speak to you again. It's all up you.

Just know he's eating steak while you’re chewing on a chicken bone. Let it go. Breathe girl and let it go.

Emme...I am so pissed at myself. I just stood there and no words would form. I couldnt believe the s*** that I was hearing. Then, I cried on the way home thinking I cannot believe I let him do this to me AGAIN!

January 18, 2012

I hate that patronizing crap...saying "you'll always be a friend"

I will never be my xMM's friend. Everything he said to me was a lie and he coldy disposed of me and then wants to turn the tables and make it seem like my fault.

I do realize that even though he did some stuff to me, I did it to myself as well as I chose to put up with the bs he was giving me.

I still have the tire marks on my back I got thrown under the bus so quickly. I am mad at myself that I let him do this and I am not a mild meak little mouse who goes quietly.

January 18, 2012

Emme...I am so pissed at myself. I just stood there and no words would form. I couldnt believe the s*** that I was hearing. Then, I cried on the way home thinking I cannot believe I let him do this to me AGAIN!

One thing you must do is try your best to be civil. That's all I can say. You might want to punch his lights out but you can't. You have to take control and stop giving him control. You have to focus on the semester so I would advise you to make sure another approach doesn't happen. Be as blunt as you can and focus. End all contact. That is what you wish then you must see it through. At all costs ignore him and focus on the course. Things will get better. Don't hold on to so much to the hate. When hate consumes you all it does is destroy you in the process. Just try your hardest to let it go.

January 18, 2012

Hi all. Here is my rant for the evening. I was going to write this in Lost's thread but I really didnt want to thread jack. I can totally identify with how she is feeling!!

I saw xMM tonight. We have a class together. Do you know he had the NERVE to act like the last 7 months didnt happen? He acted all innocent like he wasent aware that Ive been in NC and that we were NOT friends anymore. He even said to me, it was nice seeing you and that I will always be his "friend" and I could always talk to him!! Does he think Im dumb?

Well if you knew he was married before and he was able to get you, of course he thinks he can try to talk to you on some so-called "friend" basis. He thinks if you were that twitterpated before to hook up with him, a married man, that he has what it takes to charm you into some friend zone.

So to answer your question, yes, thats exactly what he thinks.

Edited January 18, 2012 by nofool4u

January 19, 2012

Well if you knew he was married before and he was able to get you, of course he thinks he can try to talk to you on some so-called "friend" basis. He thinks if you were that twitterpated before to hook up with him, a married man, that he has what it takes to charm you into some friend zone.

So to answer your question, yes, thats exactly what he thinks.

Hi nofool4 you. I really appreciate your comments, however, I didnt make myself available to him. I have to take this class to graduate this spring. I didnt find out he was in my class until two weeks ago(via see my thread huge problem) and everything else was filled up.

And I never hooked up with him. He was my best friend for years and the last year was a EA. Ive been in NC for months now. I was the one to end things.

January 19, 2012

Hi nofool4 you. I really appreciate your comments, however, I didnt make myself available to him. I have to take this class to graduate this spring. I didnt find out he was in my class until two weeks ago(via see my thread huge problem) and everything else was filled up.

Point is, he knows that you knew he was married and was able to woo you still. So he thinks he's got that.

And I never hooked up with him. He was my best friend for years and the last year was a EA.

Either way, as a married man he knew he was able to get your affections, EA, PA or whatever, before. So I'm sure he thinks he can do it again.

January 20, 2012

Point is, he knows that you knew he was married and was able to woo you still. So he thinks he's got that.

Either way, as a married man he knew he was able to get your affections, EA, PA or whatever, before. So I'm sure he thinks he can do it again.

LOL> I understand your point. However, Ive said once and Ill say it again: He has another thing coming if he thinks he will ever do that to me again. Enough was enough.

January 20, 2012

Emme...I am so pissed at myself. I just stood there and no words would form. I couldnt believe the s*** that I was hearing. Then, I cried on the way home thinking I cannot believe I let him do this to me AGAIN!

You may feel more balanced if you speak your truth to him when he says something like this to you.

Maybe think about responding with"I don't intend to be your friend - I don't want to be your anything - respect my boundary and stay away from me".

That should send a clear message.

January 20, 2012

I cannot believe that I cried tears over this person. I cant believe that I ever thought the world of him. He is a SOB and I really feel sorry for his W.

This is the first step toward healing: understanding that your ex is not worth your tears, nerves, time, and most importantly, your love. So, you're on a good path.

Geezzz...Im so pissed and at myself!

Why? Can you articulate it? I was pissed at myself because I gave him more love than he gave me, because I chased him and humiliated myself, because I felt like a fool cherishing false hopes and believing in his intentionally mixed signals. In other words, I felt like I contributed to my pain, I hurt myself. After my first marriage broke, I felt the same, but I forgave myself when I realized I was better off without my ex in my life. It turned out, I was completely right. I achieved so much in my life thanks to my first divorce. And now I will achieve even more thanks to my second divorce. I will finally meet the love of my life. And you will, too.

Do you realize that someday you're going to look back and think of this guy as just some unimportant guy you used to date long time ago?

I am so tired of this man hurting me.

This is also a good step. But do you mean it? I said I was tired a million times and kept going back for more. Not a MM, but my second ex-H. I lost all hopes finally when he hooked up with another woman. It was hard at the beginning, even harder later, but in any case I know now for the first time that there is no hope because I could not take him back after he's been with her for so long - so, I don't have to wait for him to decide. If YOU can decide you don't want him anymore, no matter what, that's a huge step. He is with another woman and he wants to be friends with you. Next him and don't look back! He doesn't deserve you. Nobody that's not 100% dedicated to you from day one deserves you.

Too bad some people here only care to pass judgment, but don't underestimate the support of those who have been in your shoes. I treat your situation as any other painful break - it doesn't matter to me whether your guy left you because you were not good enough or you were too good, because he fell in love with someone else, went back to his wife or realized he's gay. All breakups are painful when we love.

*insert scream here* lol

Come here for moral support if you feel down, but don't let him drag you down. Life is better without those jackasses - do you agree?

Edited January 20, 2012 by RecordProducer

January 21, 2012

You may feel more balanced if you speak your truth to him when he says something like this to you.

Maybe think about responding with"I don't intend to be your friend - I don't want to be your anything - respect my boundary and stay away from me".

That should send a clear message.

Hiya 2sunny. I had planned on saying something along those lines. I thought I had made it through the class without having to, then all the sudden: I had a pat on my shoulder. I froze. I didnt say a word. Dumb I know.

January 21, 2012

This is the first step toward healing: understanding that your ex is not worth your tears, nerves, time, and most importantly, your love. So, you're on a good path.

Why? Can you articulate it? I was pissed at myself because I gave him more love than he gave me, because I chased him and humiliated myself, because I felt like a fool cherishing false hopes and believing in his intentionally mixed signals. In other words, I felt like I contributed to my pain, I hurt myself. After my first marriage broke, I felt the same, but I forgave myself when I realized I was better off without my ex in my life. It turned out, I was completely right. I achieved so much in my life thanks to my first divorce. And now I will achieve even more thanks to my second divorce. I will finally meet the love of my life. And you will, too. Do you realize that someday you're going to look back and think of this guy as just some unimportant guy you used to date long time ago?
This is also a good step. But do you mean it? I said I was tired a million times and kept going back for more. Not a MM, but my second ex-H. I lost all hopes finally when he hooked up with another woman. It was hard at the beginning, even harder later, but in any case I know now for the first time that there is no hope because I could not take him back after he's been with her for so long - so, I don't have to wait for him to decide. If YOU can decide you don't want him anymore, no matter what, that's a huge step. He is with another woman and he wants to be friends with you. Next him and don't look back! He doesn't deserve you. Nobody that's not 100% dedicated to you from day one deserves you.

Too bad some people here only care to pass judgment, but don't underestimate the support of those who have been in your shoes. I treat your situation as any other painful break - it doesn't matter to me whether your guy left you because you were not good enough or you were too good, because he fell in love with someone else, went back to his wife or realized he's gay. All breakups are painful when we love.
Come here for moral support if you feel down, but don't let him drag you down. Life is better without those jackasses - do you agree?

Hi Rp. Thank you for your kind words and sharing your story with me. I have received so much support and advice from everyone on here since I joined last May, I am very grateful. Sometimes it takes someone else who is on the outside looking in to make things real.

As for you question, I am mad at myself because I had something all prepared. If he said anything to me, I was going to tell him, we are not friends, I do not want anything to do with you, leave me alone or Im going straight to his W. I just stood there like a stupid fool not saying anything. I was more embrassed because there was people around and it was the end of the class.

The more I have thought about the whole thing, it sickens me that I let him do this to me. I didnt realize it until it was too late. I thought that I had lost one of my best friends, but lately, I see things differently. He never handled conflict well. He would distance himself and not talk to me when we had a problem. I realized this probably was a huge problem in his M. He also would play this FB and text message game with me (towards the end) we would be talking about what we were going to do, and he would just stop talking to me, then message me weeks later and act like nothing was wrong and couldnt understand why I was mad/upset. He has some serious problems.

I realize that 1/2 of this is my fault for letting it go as far as it did. I am trying to pull together what's left of my dignity in this situation and move on. I thought I had done so well up until last week. I have seen on here that alot of FOW have been in my shoes, so Im not alone. I know its going to get better.

January 21, 2012

As for you question, I am mad at myself because I had something all prepared. If he said anything to me, I was going to tell him, we are not friends, I do not want anything to do with you, leave me alone or Im going straight to his W. I just stood there like a stupid fool not saying anything. I was more embrassed because there was people around and it was the end of the class.

Saying nothing is ALWAYS the best reaction; he has no idea what you think or feel. Had you said what you'd prepared, you would've let him see you're hurt and he got you. Especially in front of other people, your silnce was graceful, even if you looked sad or cried.

The more I have thought about the whole thing, it sickens me that I let him do this to me.

I know that feeling, it sucks. But you have to forgive yourself.

I didnt realize it until it was too late.

Not true! You knew you were allowing all this to happen. C'mon, we know we should say NO, but we don't know how? It's easy.

I thought that I had lost one of my best friends, but lately, I see things differently.

Yes, we idealize them- but as you're getting through the healing process, you will shed the laywers of admiration, respect and idealization of him. At the end, you will see him as a person you wouldn't look at.

we would be talking about what we were going to do, and he would just stop talking to me, then message me weeks later and act like nothing was wrong and couldnt understand why I was mad/upset. He has some serious problems.

Commitment issues? Maybe he would just enter a good phase with his wife and forget about you - but then return toyou when the bad marriage phase begins?

Good luck. I know it's hard to hurt, but it does go away.

January 21, 2012

Suggest practically ignoring him when he speaks to you again.. one word, short abrupt answers, like "NO" with a somewhat blank look on your face... no eye contact, just brush by the SOB, without even looking at him.

He is not important enough for you to even look at him!!!

Oh, and many of us have been there. Scream all you want, understand... it gets better... you are so much better off without that lowlife.

January 23, 2012

Not true! You knew you were allowing all this to happen. C'mon, we know we should say NO, but we don't know how? It's easy.

Yes, we idealize them- but as you're getting through the healing process, you will shed the laywers of admiration, respect and idealization of him. At the end, you will see him as a person you wouldn't look at.

Commitment issues? Maybe he would just enter a good phase with his wife and forget about you - but then return toyou when the bad marriage phase begins?

As far as commitment issues, I dont know. I know for sure he had conflict issues. He even played those games with me while we were just friends stage.

I have started to remember things that I didnt like about him now. For instance, towards the end, he would brag about women hitting on him at the bar, how he could have taken them home, etc. He also would tell me about him dancing with them..etc. Things of that nature. Not sure if it was to make me jealous or what. Who knows.

I do feel sorry for his W. He told me after dday( with my family finding out) that not to worry about it, but told his W all about me. Still to this day, he or his W has not blocked me on FB and he still wants to be friends? I seriously doubt he told her the entire truth. Sometimes I want to tell her, but I just dont know.

Im just trying to move on at this point. I am thinking about dropping the class and taking it in the summertime. Nothing is worth my happiness and peace. I guess we will see.

January 24, 2012

Speak your truth and have a voice. Tell her - I'm sure she doesn't know!

Stop handing him all the power. Do not quit the class. Tell him to stay away. And block him on FB! Block her too!

Get busy doing something instead of being his victim and covering up his lies...

January 24, 2012

I hate that patronizing crap...saying "you'll always be a friend"

Sunset...right on! I got the "I'll always love you" bit. That's nice but good intentions without actions mean diddly.

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Grrrr! The NERVE of MM!!!!!!!!!!

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