Boyfriend wants some space

[sarcrb]

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and I of less than a year we were having some problems. During one of our arguments, I suggested we hang out less since we're always together, to which he agreed. He ended up withdrawing for a couple of days, and then I asked if he still wanted to hang out less, he said yes because he thought that way we could appreciate eachother more if we didnt see eachother everyday. We then spent the first night apart in months. We didn't talk or text eachother at all that night and I was the first to text with a good morning the next day. He replied asking if I wanted to hang out and stay over again, to which I agreed. He even wanted to hang out again for the next couple of nights after that.

 

Since we started hanging out again, things have actually been great and he's been much sweeter and putting more effort in than he did before we had problems. The problem, however, is that when I asked if we were hanging out again on the third night, he said ok but then seemed a little annoyed about it. We hung out anyway and he was fine and sweet again when we hung out. We ended up hanging out all weekend too because we had already made plans with friends beforehand, and when I asked him again this morning if we were hanging out again, he said ok, but this time didn't seem as annoyed.

 

I'm bothered because although things seem great with us right now, if I ever suggested me staying at my place for a night before, he used to reply with "I want you here" and not just ok. That and I want to go back to where we were hanging out every night without me having to ask but it doesn't seem to be heading back to that anytime soon. It makes me feel uneasy because i feel like we're almost going backwards since we'll be spending less time together. He's also going to be out of town all next week and I wanted to spend as much time with him before he left, but I have a feeling that if I didn't ask him to hang out, he wouldn't have a problem with spending one night apart before his trip.

 

We never actually used the word space, but instead said hang out less, which I'm not sure is the same thing or not. Any insight on what is going on here?

Edited January 17, 2012 by sarcrb

[Philosoraptor]

If you don't feel like the relationship is ending I'd suggest just taking it for how it is. Seems like the honeymoon has wore off and a bit of freedom is wanted. As long as you have no worries about the health of the relationship then I wouldn't be concerned. A little time apart does help not only with appreciating one another but with having new things to talk about when together.

[Orianne]

When you're in a relationship, time apart is just as healthy as time together. The time we spend to ourselves, pursuing our own interests, is what makes us interesting to our partners.

 

If he's telling you he wants time to himself, don't take it personal. Just take it as your cue to do your own thing too.

[creighton0123]

Listen to Orianne. You read as though you're both suffocating one another. Unless you live together full time, you should not see one another every night. Hell, even when you live together full-time, there are still some evenings that you shouldn't spend together until you crawl into bed together, whether at the same time or at different times.

 

Examples:

 

1. Many healthy couples have a multiple-bedroom apartment or house. It is not uncommon for them to sleep apart. This occurs if one is a light sleeper and the other arrives late at night, when one is sick with the cold or flu and doesn't want to get the other sick as well, or when one has to wake up absurdly early and the other does not.

 

2. External friends should not be ignored. It is alright for evenings to be spent apart. You do not have to do everything together.

 

3. It is okay to see one another for only a few minutes during a day. Example: You meet up for a quick breakfast and don't see one another until the next day. It is also okay to meet up for dinner and then return to your own places. Simply because you see one another at night does not mean you have to fall asleep in the same bed together.

 

Sometimes, "hanging out" together can be too much of the same. Variety is important. Even when together, you don't have to be doing the same thing.

 

A healthy relationship is where you're both great lovers and best friends: two individuals sharing their lives with one another, not two individuals living one life.