crayolachalk Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Hey guys, I've been on a dating website for about 9 months now. I've had some success to an extent... I'm on there for friends and/or a relationship. I've made a few friends but I'd like to be in a relationship again so I decided that maybe I should try making less small talk when I send someone a message because it usually just leads to a lot of messages back and forth that just run dry. So anyway, I messaged this girl a couple of days ago. Her profile just said something along the lines of "I am awesome, that's it!" so I messaged her saying "What makes you so awesome exactly?" She responded yesterday saying "It can't be handled in an online message. It needs to be taken in in small doses" so I saw that as an opportunity to cut to the chase and reply "Maybe we should meet up for a quick cup of coffee sometime" Today she replied saying "We can def meet but I need some time to get over some jetlag and get settled back into the USA... but maybe in a week or so?" And I did toss some small talk in the messages just to try and make a bit of a connection haha. But yea, that's just the jist of it. Now, my question is: Whats the next step?? Maybe it's extremely simple and I'm just not seeing it because I'm all like "WOO!!!" right now but my thoughts are: A) Message her back. Say next week would be great! Ask her to exchange #'s. Call or text her next week and suggest a time and place to meet up and see if it'd work for her. (Probably the best choice?) B) Message her back. Say next week would be great! Ask her to add me on Facebook. (Could be good because I could keep in touch with her a bit over the next week and we could both see a bit into eachothers lives before we actually meet up.) C) Message her back. Say next week would be great! Tell her to just let me know when would work for her. (Sounds like a terrible idea to me) D) Ignore her and run in the opposite direction. Decide that asking her out and her saying yes was way too easy and it must be too good to be true so she must be a psychopath because she's really, really pretty and possibly out of my league. (Not a legitimate option... I just tossed that in for comical value to make you smile since you've taken the time to read this far. She is pretty stunning but I think I'm an okay looking guy too! ) Any tips or anything are appreciated! This is only the second time that I've met up with anyone from an online dating site without establishing a friendship first. The first time was before I met any friends through there and I was only like 2 months after ending my 7.5 year long relationship. I didn't think the date went well... it was awkward for me. Apparently the girl thought otherwise because she asked when we'd be meeting up again but it never happened because I wasn't feeling it. I'd like to avoid the awkwardness hahaha Thanks!!!
USMCHokie Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 E. Give her your number and tell her to call you when she's free in a week. Don't contact her again after that. The jetlag nonsense is laughable...though I personally wouldn't have jumped to ask to meet so quickly with what little rapport you've built...but I tend to err on the passive side and prefer to let things build organically instead of forcing her hand...to each their own...
Author crayolachalk Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Thanks for the advice! eek... I dunno haha. It was definitely faster than what I'd usually do. I just kind of figured, ah, why not give it a shot when I saw her reply to the question "How do you feel about meeting someone from OkCupid in person?" was "yeah! Isn't that what we're here for?" I guess I'll probably reply that way tomorrow and see what happens. Before I do that though, anyone else have more input?
FitChick Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 The jetlag nonsense is laughable.... Speak for yourself. Until I discovered this jetlag book, it took me about five days to get my head screwed on straight after an overseas flight. I highly recommend it!
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 A). Adding her to Facebook is a bad idea--you have to expect online encounters to end after a first meet, so don't Facebook anyone until you're sure it's going to go beyond a few dates. Don't put the ball in her court as you suggest in C), pursue her yourself. Try to talk to her between now and next week in some kind of real-time format--could be a phone call, could be online instant messaging. Real-time communication builds more of a connection. Do that before a date regardless of how far out it is, it makes the first date more comfortable for both of you because you've built some rapport with the chatting.
phillyfan Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Dude play it a littl cool, hit her bck with, nice, sounds good, hit me back with a msg next week wen u r feelin a bit more rested.. Thts it. Thn wait 4 her, girls love it wen u r a littl cool. Has 2 come from her. Any keener from u n u mite ruin it.
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Dude play it a littl cool, hit her bck with, nice, sounds good, hit me back with a msg next week wen u r feelin a bit more rested.. Thts it. Thn wait 4 her, girls love it wen u r a littl cool. Has 2 come from her. Any keener from u n u mite ruin it. He's nowhere close to overkeen yet. Your advice works well when you meet people in person, but online, women hold all the cards. If she's desirable and he leaves it up to her to contact him back, she's getting lots of contact daily and is likely to forget about him. Men outnumber women and desirable women get lots of contact. If some other guy is contacting her more and you just back off like you would in offline dating, one of the other dozen or so guys sending her emails might win out. You definitely don't want to look desperate, but you should go for some real-time communication as soon as she's up for it.
Author crayolachalk Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Thanks for the input! I'll let ya know what happens
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