We both ultimately want the same thing, but can not have it. How can we solve this?

January 17, 2012

Me and my girlfriend have fallen for each other, big time. We're seniors in High School, she's going to a college in Texas, and I'm going to a college in Arizona. We've been arguing lately about a few different perspectives:

She's saying that she's going to fall more and more in love with me, and then when the day comes that we go to our different colleges, we're going to be completely heartbroken.

I'm saying that we should celebrate the last 6 months of our adolescence together and experience it with each other, and then visit each other during college breaks and the summer. We could see other people, but we could still remain in each other's lives. This way, we wouldn't be losing each other and we wouldn't be nearly as heartbroken as we would be if a. We broke up now, or b. we severed our ties completely once we graduate from high school.

She told me that no matter where we end up, she wants to be close. I told her straight up, if we break up now, then we can't be friends or even acquaintances. I'm truly just too much in love with her and I couldn't live with knowing her and not being able to express my love for her.

So I gave her two choices: End our relationship completely and move on from each other forever, or continue to see each other, enjoy the rest of our high school experience, and AT LEAST TRY to keep somewhat of a connection until we realize that it's simply not worth the effort. I told her, "Who knows, maybe we'll stay close all throughout college and then in to our adulthood. The sky is the limit, and we could be close for a very very long time."

She told me she doesn't want either of those choices - She wants to remain in my life, but she can't keep falling in love with me. We're both so confused, and we truly don't know what to do. I don't want to say goodbye to her forever, but I can't be JUST FRIENDS with her right now in my life. How can we solve this, what should we do?

January 17, 2012

Me and my girlfriend have fallen for each other, big time. We're seniors in High School, she's going to a college in Texas, and I'm going to a college in Arizona. We've been arguing lately about a few different perspectives:

She's saying that she's going to fall more and more in love with me, and then when the day comes that we go to our different colleges, we're going to be completely heartbroken.

I'm saying that we should celebrate the last 6 months of our adolescence together and experience it with each other, and then visit each other during college breaks and the summer. We could see other people, but we could still remain in each other's lives. This way, we wouldn't be losing each other and we wouldn't be nearly as heartbroken as we would be if a. We broke up now, or b. we severed our ties completely once we graduate from high school.

She told me that no matter where we end up, she wants to be close. I told her straight up, if we break up now, then we can't be friends or even acquaintances. I'm truly just too much in love with her and I couldn't live with knowing her and not being able to express my love for her.

So I gave her two choices: End our relationship completely and move on from each other forever, or continue to see each other, enjoy the rest of our high school experience, and AT LEAST TRY to keep somewhat of a connection until we realize that it's simply not worth the effort. I told her, "Who knows, maybe we'll stay close all throughout college and then in to our adulthood. The sky is the limit, and we could be close for a very very long time."

She told me she doesn't want either of those choices - She wants to remain in my life, but she can't keep falling in love with me. We're both so confused, and we truly don't know what to do. I don't want to say goodbye to her forever, but I can't be JUST FRIENDS with her right now in my life. How can we solve this, what should we do?

NOBODY I knew kept their high school BF/GF past second semester of college. I lived in the dorms so I witnessed first hand. When you are on your own, your high school sweetie just can't compete. If he/she were there or close, it'd be a different story, but...

They did all try to keep them though. But like I said, none lasted the year. Most didn't last through first semester.

January 17, 2012

You're just scared. You'd actualy be more likely to keep her in your life if you just keep dating her and try to make it work. You're plan of being friends so it doesn't hurt when you both start seeing other people will only push her out of your life.

So in escence what I'm telling you is if your end goal is to keep her in your life whether it be friend or other you shouldn't break up with her in hopes that it will avoid resentment when things don't work out.

Oh and on a completly unrelated not please be careful on taking on a lot of debt for a major like... well like most of them including engineering. Just be careful schools become 50% more expensive in just the past 5 years. Realize the debt part is a scam... so is buying a house!

Ok back on topic. Don't break up with your gf just because your scared of seeing other people. If you start likeing other people or she dumps you because she has then so be it... but don't artificialy end things... that will push her out of your life for good. Enjoy these last months togather they can be great memories for a life time. Stop letting fear of the future ruin it.

January 17, 2012

NOBODY I knew kept their high school BF/GF past second semester of college. I lived in the dorms so I witnessed first hand. When you are on your own, your high school sweetie just can't compete. If he/she were there or close, it'd be a different story, but...

They did all try to keep them though. But like I said, none lasted the year. Most didn't last through first semester.

I understand that it's very unrealistic to keep a BF/GF relationship going, but I'm talking more of a friendship through college. I mean, wouldn't this be the least amount of hurt? We'd be leaving our hometown knowing that we're not losing each other, and then every time a break comes around we can see each other. I understand that we'd be going from a serious relationship to a close friendship, but what situation is better?

A. Ending our relationship completely and severing our ties forever

OR

B. Experiencing the last 6 months of high school together as boyfriend/girlfriend and then transferring to a close friendship once we get to college

January 17, 2012

I understand that it's very unrealistic to keep a BF/GF relationship going, but I'm talking more of a friendship through college. I mean, wouldn't this be the least amount of hurt? We'd be leaving our hometown knowing that we're not losing each other, and then every time a break comes around we can see each other. I understand that we'd be going from a serious relationship to a close friendship, but what situation is better?

A. Ending our relationship completely and severing our ties forever

OR

B. Experiencing the last 6 months of high school together as boyfriend/girlfriend and then transferring to a close friendship once we get to college

Option A and B will both end up hurting you more. Read post above this one young sir.

January 17, 2012

You're just scared. You'd actualy be more likely to keep her in your life if you just keep dating her and try to make it work. You're plan of being friends so it doesn't hurt when you both start seeing other people will only push her out of your life.

So in escence what I'm telling you is if your end goal is to keep her in your life whether it be friend or other you shouldn't break up with her in hopes that it will avoid resentment when things don't work out.

Oh and on a completly unrelated not please be careful on taking on a lot of debt for a major like... well like most of them including engineering. Just be careful schools become 50% more expensive in just the past 5 years. Realize the debt part is a scam... so is buying a house!

Ok back on topic. Don't break up with your gf just because your scared of seeing other people. If you start likeing other people or she dumps you because she has then so be it... but don't artificialy end things... that will push her out of your life for good. Enjoy these last months togather they can be great memories for a life time. Stop letting fear of the future ruin it.

You have it mixed up: I want to continue dating her and experience the rest of high school, SHE'S the one who wants to protect herself from getting hurt when we leave to our different colleges. So I completely agree with you, the pain would be much less if we kept trying to make it work.

January 17, 2012

You have it mixed up: I want to continue dating her and experience the rest of high school, SHE'S the one who wants to protect herself from getting hurt when we leave to our different colleges. So I completely agree with you, the pain would be much less if we kept trying to make it work.

I'm saying that we should celebrate the last 6 months of our adolescence together and experience it with each other, and then visit each other during college breaks and the summer. We could see other people, but we could still remain in each other's lives. This way, we wouldn't be losing each other and we wouldn't be nearly as heartbroken as we would be if a. We broke up now, or b. we severed our ties completely once we graduate from high school.

She told me that no matter where we end up, she wants to be close. I told her straight up, if we break up now, then we can't be friends or even acquaintances. I'm truly just too much in love with her and I couldn't live with knowing her and not being able to express my love for her.

So I gave her two choices: End our relationship completely and move on from each other forever, or continue to see each other, enjoy the rest of our high school experience, and AT LEAST TRY to keep somewhat of a connection until we realize that it's simply not worth the effort. I told her, "Who knows, maybe we'll stay close all throughout college and then in to our adulthood. The sky is the limit, and we could be close for a very very long time."

She told me she doesn't want either of those choices - She wants to remain in my life, but she can't keep falling in love with me. We're both so confused, and we truly don't know what to do. I don't want to say goodbye to her forever, but I can't be JUST FRIENDS with her right now in my life. How can we solve this, what should we do?

Ok so you're confused and confused me. So you want to keep dating her as if everything is going to work out and she wants to end it now?

Look the best option is you just keep dating as if everything is fine and act like things will work out. It's really jaded to think things won't work out even though the odds are against you. I'm all for living each day one at a time.

Sorry from the way you wrote this I thought it as you pushing out options. So if I understand correctly she wants to dump you now because you arn't going to be going to the same school? Just keep saying you two should keep dating and try to make it work. Don't let her upset you so much and what happens will happen.

January 17, 2012

I understand that it's very unrealistic to keep a BF/GF relationship going, but I'm talking more of a friendship through college. I mean, wouldn't this be the least amount of hurt? We'd be leaving our hometown knowing that we're not losing each other, and then every time a break comes around we can see each other. I understand that we'd be going from a serious relationship to a close friendship, but what situation is better?

A. Ending our relationship completely and severing our ties forever

OR

B. Experiencing the last 6 months of high school together as boyfriend/girlfriend and then transferring to a close friendship once we get to college

Keep her.

B...

January 17, 2012

I agree! I mean, let's be real here. Which situation would hurt less:

A. Breaking up now, staying in eachother's lives as friends in to college

B. Stay together, try to date in college until it fails

January 17, 2012

She just said she's not looking for a relationship that goes through college. She'd love to be my friend through college, but she knows we will just be friends and we will get hurt anyway..How should I respond to this?

January 17, 2012

I understand that it's very unrealistic to keep a BF/GF relationship going, but I'm talking more of a friendship through college. I mean, wouldn't this be the least amount of hurt? We'd be leaving our hometown knowing that we're not losing each other, and then every time a break comes around we can see each other. I understand that we'd be going from a serious relationship to a close friendship, but what situation is better?

A. Ending our relationship completely and severing our ties forever

OR

B. Experiencing the last 6 months of high school together as boyfriend/girlfriend and then transferring to a close friendship once we get to college

Translation: continue boning me for the last 6 months of our high school careers & I'll consider allowing you to remain a friend I bang occasionally once we get to college. If you don't agree you can't be my friend anymore.

This young woman clearly understands your relationship won't withstand the test of college & wants to end it now. I suggest honoring her wish.

January 17, 2012

She doesn't want to experience the last 6 months of high school as bf/gf because she knows that you'll break up at the end of those 6 months, and she'll get more attached to you in the meantime. Do you understand? Her choices are either break up with you now or break up with you in 6 months. Breaking up with you now would be less painful for her.

You're being selfish. You want her to choose the more painful option just because you don't want to be single for the next 6 months. Let her go, man. You're going to ruin the end of high school for her if you keep clinging to her like this.

January 17, 2012

She doesn't want to experience the last 6 months of high school as bf/gf because she knows that you'll break up at the end of those 6 months, and she'll get more attached to you in the meantime. Do you understand? Her choices are either break up with you now or break up with you in 6 months. Breaking up with you now would be less painful for her.

You're being selfish. You want her to choose the more painful option just because you don't want to be single for the next 6 months. Let her go, man. You're going to ruin the end of high school for her if you keep clinging to her like this.

He needs to do whats right for him. If this girl wants to dump him because HS is ending thats her business. We can't tell him what option will be less painful. Do whats best for you OP and stop worrying about every one else.

January 17, 2012

He needs to do whats right for him. If this girl wants to dump him because HS is ending thats her business. We can't tell him what option will be less painful. Do whats best for you OP and stop worrying about every one else.

Yes, far be it that he consider the other persons feelings.

You know.. the girl he's SOOOO in love with.

Hey buddy, here's a tip. Love, *real love* isn't about you at all. It's about considering the other persons feelings and problems as if they were your own.

You're going to hurt this girl eventually. Get some stones and do the right thing by her. Waiting for it to all implode is only going to ruin your chances of rekindling something down the road.

January 17, 2012

Yes, far be it that he consider the other persons feelings.

You know.. the girl he's SOOOO in love with.

Hey buddy, here's a tip. Love, *real love* isn't about you at all. It's about considering the other persons feelings and problems as if they were your own.

You're going to hurt this girl eventually. Get some stones and do the right thing by her. Waiting for it to all implode is only going to ruin your chances of rekindling something down the road.

Really poor advice.

Here's a tip for you buddy. *real love* isn't about just breaking up because it will hurt to much if things don't work out.

Why is he going to hurt this girl eventually, whys it all on him? What about her hurting him?

His chances will be best if he doesn't just dump her at her first fears the relaionship might end. In a way she's testing him. He fails if he's just like "yeah we'll probably break up when we go away to college so lets just break up now and see where we are in 4 years."

I mean who would a girl rather start dating again... a guy who agreed to dump her because they were scared of what might happen. Or a guy who tried to make things work with her against the odds...

January 17, 2012

She doesn't want to experience the last 6 months of high school as bf/gf because she knows that you'll break up at the end of those 6 months, and she'll get more attached to you in the meantime. Do you understand? Her choices are either break up with you now or break up with you in 6 months. Breaking up with you now would be less painful for her.

You're being selfish. You want her to choose the more painful option just because you don't want to be single for the next 6 months. Let her go, man. You're going to ruin the end of high school for her if you keep clinging to her like this.

Here's the deal: She wants to still be together, but in a less intimate way. I told her that I can't be friends with her and not express my love for her, so it's either we stay together or we remove eachother from our lives completely. Isn't that a fair way to put it?

January 18, 2012

i think your demands are reasonable.

you don't owe her any more than she owes you.

January 18, 2012

I mean who would a girl rather start dating again... a guy who agreed to dump her because they were scared of what might happen. Or a guy who tried to make things work with her against the odds...

But he's not trying to make things work with her. He knows they'll break up before college, either now or at the end of the summer. He's just trying to hold onto her for the next 6 months, that's it. He's not asking if they should break up or stay together. He's asking if they should break up now or in 6 months. The girl has already told him that it would be less painful FOR HER if they broke up now.

Here's the deal: She wants to still be together, but in a less intimate way. I told her that I can't be friends with her and not express my love for her, so it's either we stay together or we remove eachother from our lives completely. Isn't that a fair way to put it?

I understood you the first time. No, it's not a fair way to put it because you're not considering her feelings at all. You're not OK with just being friends now, but you will be OK with just being friends when you go to college? Why is that?

I think it's because you'll have the opportunity to date other girls when you go to college. Until then, you want to hold onto the girl you currently have, not because you love her so much, but because you don't want to be single for the next 6 months.

She wants to break up now and just be friends because the breakup will be more painful for her if you wait 6 months. You're basically saying you don't care if it's more painful for her. You've given her an ultimatum: either she gives you what you want (staying together for another 6 months) or you won't be her friend. No matter what she does, she can't get what she wants. The way you've set it up, either you get what you want or nobody gets what they want. "My way or the highway." Does that sound selfish to you? It sounds selfish to me.

January 18, 2012

i don't get why you assume she is the only one to be considered. what's it gonna be like for him to have to see her at school every day, possibly with some other guy?

January 18, 2012

I gave in. She begged me to stay in her life, and sold me the idea, so now we're friends. I hope she knows things won't change - She won't stop falling in love with me more and more, I'm still going to kiss her and love her, and we'll still miss each other dearly when we leave. I told her that, and she says she just needs to be friends to see how it works because she's so miserable thinking about it all, and it's confusing the hell out of her. Lets see if this works..

January 19, 2012

i don't get why you assume she is the only one to be considered. what's it gonna be like for him to have to see her at school every day, possibly with some other guy?

Doesn't matter. When one person wants to break up, you break up. You can't bully someone into staying with you. Besides, I don't think she's going to start dating someone else, since she doesn't want to get attached to a guy before she leaves for college.

I hope she knows things won't change - She won't stop falling in love with me more and more, I'm still going to kiss her and love her

Why can't you respect the fact that she wants to just be friends? That means no kissing, no sexual activity, no romantic gestures of any kind. Things have changed, whether you like it or not. Stop trying to be her boyfriend. You're doing it on purpose now, trying to prevent her from moving on. What are you going to do when you lean in to kiss her and she shoves you away?

January 19, 2012

Doesn't matter. When one person wants to break up, you break up. You can't bully someone into staying with you. Besides, I don't think she's going to start dating someone else, since she doesn't want to get attached to a guy before she leaves for college.

Why can't you respect the fact that she wants to just be friends? That means no kissing, no sexual activity, no romantic gestures of any kind. Things have changed, whether you like it or not. Stop trying to be her boyfriend. You're doing it on purpose now, trying to prevent her from moving on. What are you going to do when you lean in to kiss her and she shoves you away?

Cypress25 just cause you're a woman doesn't mean you understand them. Get that through your head. She easily could start datining some one else. He can't stop her from breaking up with him true... but why should he act like he likes it. He owes her nothing but respect... respect doesn't me he's her puppet

January 19, 2012

High school senior. Crikey, she'll be dating next week. Things haven't changed that much since I was in high school. Hello! Ya think she's going to take a girlfriend to senior prom?

Of course, she and the OP could go as platonic friends and prove me wrong.

January 19, 2012

Cypress25 just cause you're a woman doesn't mean you understand them. Get that through your head. She easily could start datining some one else. He can't stop her from breaking up with him true... but why should he act like he likes it. He owes her nothing but respect... respect doesn't me he's her puppet

Yes, she could start dating someone else. What I said was, she probably won't. Of course the possibility is there; anyone could do anything. It might pain you to hear a woman saying something you don't agree with, but that doesn't mean she doesn't understand women. Get that through your head.

And who said anything about the OP acting like he likes it? He doesn't have to like it, or even pretend to like it. But he does have to let it happen. He's trying to control her and the relationship, and it's not working.

High school senior. Crikey, she'll be dating next week. Things haven't changed that much since I was in high school. Hello! Ya think she's going to take a girlfriend to senior prom?

When I was a senior in high school, most of us went to prom in big groups of friends. Sure, there were some couples within those groups, but plenty of kids were single. You don't need a date to go to prom anymore.

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We both ultimately want the same thing, but can not have it. How can we solve this?

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